Monthly Archives: October 2025

Just Let Me Get Through This Week

It’s Monday again, and I’m heading into the week already tired. I have an upcoming event at the museum, and let’s just say the required food contractor has been the bane of my existence lately. I’ve done everything I can to get them to confirm the order, but so far, nothing. They only acknowledged it after I physically went to their office to demand answers. I’m hoping that today my bosses will let me cancel the order and go elsewhere. At this point, I’d gladly take a sandwich tray from just about anyone else—especially since the two places I have in mind would likely produce far better food anyway.

As if that weren’t enough, one of my speakers had to cancel because of the government shutdown. Thankfully, there were supposed to be two speakers, so at least I still have one. Now all I need is the food to feed the audience—no small feat when bureaucracy gets involved.

All of this has been more stressful than it should be. I like to plan things well in advance and make sure everything runs smoothly (knock on wood). Usually it does, but this one has been keeping me up at night. I went to bed early last night, but woke up around midnight worrying about it all, and it was after 2 a.m. before I finally fell back asleep. Isabella decided that 4:30 a.m. was the perfect time for breakfast, so I opened my eyes to find her sitting next to me, staring at me like I’d broken some sacred promise.

I’ve got two meetings at work today, and I’m honestly not sure how long I’ll make it. When I woke up in the middle of the night, I had a migraine, and it’s still lingering this morning. If it doesn’t ease up after my first meeting, I may wave the white flag and head home. I really do need to attend that first meeting—let’s just say there are complicated reasons—but it’s one more thing to juggle on top of everything else.

At this point, I’m reminding myself that the semester will slow down after mid-November. If I can just survive the next six weeks, maybe I can finally catch my breath.

Here’s to hoping the food order gets sorted, the migraine fades, and the day goes better than expected. And if not—well, at least there’s coffee.

Wishing you all a smoother start to your week than mine.


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Sanctuary

“You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word.”

—Psalm 119:114

There are times when the world feels anything but safe for LGBTQ+ Christians. Many of us know what it means to hide — to keep silent about who we are because honesty might cost us family, friendship, or even faith community. And yet, the psalmist reminds us that God Himself is our sanctuary. This is not a hiding born of fear, but of peace — the holy refuge we can return to when there is no other refuge, the quiet assurance that we are known and loved completely. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). When others turn away, God remains steadfast.

When the world’s judgment feels loud, God becomes our shield — not only against the cruelty of others, but against the doubts that creep in from within. His word offers hope, not condemnation. The same God who made us in love still stands guard over our hearts. “Do not fear, for I am with you,” God says in Isaiah 41:10, reminding us that His presence never falters, even when human acceptance does.

I was reminded of this recently when some cousins from Alabama came to visit. They asked where I attended church in Vermont, and I explained that while there are very few Churches of Christ here, I’ve found it difficult to feel at home in any of them. The ones I tried were friendly, but very different from what I knew. So I told them, truthfully, that I do my own devotionals. I didn’t mention that those reflections have reached readers across the world. I simply said that I keep my faith alive in my own way.

Because I believe that God does not require a building or a pulpit to meet us. He asks only that we carry Him in our hearts. For some, a church building is a sanctuary. For others — especially those who have been told they don’t belong — sanctuary is found in quiet prayer, in Scripture, or even in writing words of faith to share with others. Whether we find that stillness in a sanctuary of stone or in the sanctuary of solitude, God is present all the same.

Whether you are in the closet or proudly out, whether you sit in a pew every Sunday or commune with God on a mountaintop, remember this: you have a refuge. You have a shield. You have hope.

God has not forgotten you — He has made Himself your sanctuary.

May we never mistake the world’s rejection for God’s absence. His sanctuary is not limited to four walls or a congregation, but open to all who seek Him with honesty and love. When faith feels lonely, may we rest in the promise that God is both our strength and our shelter — a very present help in every moment of need.


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Moment of Zen: Pooltime


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A Different Kind of Weekend

It’s finally Friday, and I’m glad to see the week winding down. My schedule has been a little unusual these past few days. Normally, I work from home on Fridays, but this week’s oddities had me doing that yesterday instead. I only put in a half day yesterday, and today will be another half day for me since I have an appointment this afternoon up near Burlington. While I’m in the area, I may take the opportunity to do a little shopping—something I don’t often get the chance to do outside of errands.

Of course, the other reason for my adjusted schedule is that I’ll be working tomorrow. The museum is rarely open on Saturdays except for special occasions, but this weekend happens to be one of those times. That means I’ll be in today and tomorrow, but I’ll be the only staff member on duty. I’ll still have visitors coming through, which keeps things lively, but otherwise, the museum will be quiet and mine to manage alone. Honestly, that’s how I prefer it these days—peaceful, focused, and with time to make sure everything runs smoothly without distractions.

So while others may be easing into their weekend, I’ll still be in work mode a little longer. But I’ll also find small ways to enjoy it—a bit of shopping in Burlington, a quiet afternoon to myself, and the satisfaction of guiding the museum solo for a couple of days.

Wherever your weekend takes you—whether it’s filled with plans, completely restful, or somewhere in between—I hope it brings you a little peace and a lot of joy. Have a wonderful weekend, my friends!


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Innocence, Desire, and Discipline in Billy Budd, Sailor

This week we turn from the visual arts to the literary, continuing our discussion of Herman Melville with a closer look at his haunting final work, Billy Budd, Sailor.

Herman Melville’s Billy Budd, Sailor (published posthumously in 1924) is, on the surface, a moral tragedy about innocence destroyed by rigid authority. Yet for many readers—especially in LGBTQ+ literary studies—it has long carried unmistakable queer undertones.

The novella tells the story of Billy Budd, the “Handsome Sailor,” whose beauty and innocence win the admiration of nearly everyone on board the Bellipotent. But his very perfection provokes the envy of John Claggart, the ship’s master-at-arms. Claggart’s obsession with Billy has been widely read as coded desire—an attraction so repressed that it curdles into destructive malice. When Claggart accuses Billy of mutiny, and Billy’s stammer leaves him unable to defend himself, Billy lashes out and strikes him dead. Captain Vere, though he believes in Billy’s essential innocence, insists on enforcing naval law, and Billy is executed.

This framework—an innocent young man destroyed not by his own fault but by the inability of others to reckon with their own desires—fits squarely within a long tradition of queer literature. For centuries, queer-coded characters in fiction have met tragic ends: death, exile, madness, or erasure. From Carmilla to The Well of Loneliness, from coded Hollywood films of the mid-20th century to countless novels well into the late 20th century, queer lives were depicted as doomed. The rare exception—stories offering queer joy and fulfillment—did not become more common until the 21st century. Read in this light, Billy Budd becomes more than a moral allegory; it is part of this larger pattern, a queer tragedy written before the word “queer” had the meaning we give it today.

It is not only the text that invites this reading, but also the life of the author himself. Herman Melville (1819–1891) wrote with unusual intensity about male beauty and intimacy, often setting his stories in all-male environments—ships, armies, or remote islands. His close friendship with Nathaniel Hawthorne produced letters of remarkable passion, describing a “sweet mystery” and “infinite fraternity” that some scholars have read as expressions of romantic love. While we cannot say with certainty what Melville’s own sexuality was, his works consistently return to themes of male closeness, desire, and repression.

That is why Billy Budd continues to resonate. It is a story of desire unnamed, beauty destroyed, and innocence sacrificed to rigid authority. Billy’s calm acceptance of his fate, his blessing of Captain Vere even as he goes to his death, echoes the countless queer characters who, in fiction and in history, have borne the cost of a society unwilling to recognize the fullness of their humanity.

I have not returned to Billy Budd, Sailor since first reading it in college, because it left me with an unsettling feeling and a profound sadness. Billy is pressed unwillingly into service, yet he performs his duty faithfully. He is beloved for both his sweetness and his beauty, but his flaw—his speech impediment—ultimately seals his fate. Having struggled with a speech impediment myself as a child, that aspect of his character resonated deeply. So too did the queer subtext. The tragedy in Billy Budd does not lie in Billy’s own sexuality, but in the repressed same-sex desires of others. I have often wondered whether Billy may have been subjected to unwanted advances, whether he resisted them, or whether it was simply the intensity of others’ unacknowledged longing for him that condemned him. His Christ-like depiction suggests that he does not die for his own sins, but rather as a sacrifice demanded by the sins of those around him.

That is what has always made the story so unsettling for me: Billy’s destruction comes not from his own flaws, but from the world’s inability to deal honestly with desire. In that sense, Melville’s novella anticipates the tragic arc of so much queer literature to follow, where beauty, love, or innocence is sacrificed to repression and fear. And yet, reflecting on Billy Budd today, I take some comfort in knowing how far literature has come. We now have stories that celebrate queer joy and resilience, stories where love does not have to end in silence or the grave. Wrestling with Melville’s tragic vision honors the past, but telling and living new stories of survival and fulfillment blesses the future.


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