Pic of the Day


Sweet Dreams…

One of my first conscious thoughts when I woke up this morning was:

🎶 Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree? 🎶

Yes, this is another recounting of one of my dreams. This is the second morning in a row that I’ve awakened in the middle of a lovely dream. Y’all are probably getting tired of me talking about dreams, but it’s only recently that I’ve started remembering them, and some are just too good not to share.

I won’t really talk about the dream I woke up from yesterday because it was based on a real memory, and honestly, it never got to anything particularly exciting. This morning’s dream, however, was a little more interesting.

It began with someone asking me a question I often get when people find out I’m originally from Alabama: “What do you think of Vermont winters?” It’s always some variation of that question. My answer is usually something along the lines of “I love them” or “I don’t mind them,” followed by “I hate the heat in the South.”

In the dream, someone either asked me about skiing, or I volunteered that I wished I enjoyed skiing but had never learned how. I mentioned that I’d once tried to learn to water ski but had never been successful.

That’s when things got interesting.

The dream began with an actual childhood memory that gradually transformed into something entirely different.

When I was growing up, my family had a camp on the Alabama River. We’d take our camper down there and spend our days fishing, swimming, and generally enjoying ourselves. It was a wonderful place to spend a summer weekend.

When I was a teenager, I tried to learn to water ski. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the upper-body strength to pull myself up out of the water. I remember getting into position behind the boat, holding onto the rope, and waiting for Daddy to take off. When he did, my skis went one way, and I went another. To make matters worse, I had trouble letting go of the rope and ended up being dragged underwater. Daddy stopped the boat, and I finally surfaced.

That’s where the actual memory ends and the dream takes over.

Apparently, in the dream, I was having some difficulty after surfacing, and my older brother’s friend jumped into the water and helped pull me back into the boat. Now, I don’t actually have an older brother, so that’s your first indication that my sleeping mind had decided to rewrite history.

And what a rewrite it was!

My imaginary brother’s friend was gorgeous, especially to a gay teenager who was still trying to come to terms with his feelings for other guys. Needless to say, I developed an immediate case of hero worship. I spent the rest of our time at the river getting to know him and following him around like a lovesick puppy.

When we returned home, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

Then, one day, a letter arrived in the mail. It was from him! He wanted to know how I was doing, how the beginning of the school year was going, and all sorts of other ordinary things that suddenly seemed extraordinary because he was the one asking.

He and my brother were in college, which would have made him about nineteen, although in the dream he seemed only a couple of years older than I was.

I wrote back, and before long, we became pen pals. Remember, when I was a teenager, there was no texting, email, or instant messaging. If you wanted to communicate with someone who lived somewhere else, you wrote a letter, put a stamp on it, and waited for the mailman. There was something wonderful about getting a letter from someone special, even if waiting for the next one could seem like an eternity.

The following summer, we all returned to our camp on the river, and my brother brought his friend along. This time, he seemed to spend more time with me than with my brother. At night, he slept on the top bunk while I slept on the bottom, and my brother slept on the couch that pulled out into a bed.

After that summer, the letters continued, but now he occasionally called me on the telephone, too. I can only imagine how excited my teenage self must have been every time the phone rang and it was him.

Another summer passed, and once again, my brother brought his friend to the river.

One afternoon, while Daddy and my brother were fishing, he asked if I wanted to go for a walk. Of course I did!

We followed one of the animal trails, probably a cow path, that wound through the woods along the river. We walked deeper into the trees, laughing and joking as we went. At some point, we stopped, and I found myself looking into his eyes. By then, I’d grown enough that we were about the same height.

And before I could think better of it, I kissed him.

It was just a quick kiss on the lips, but the moment I realized what I’d done, I jerked away and immediately began apologizing. I was terrified. I’d ruined everything! This wonderful friendship, which had come to mean so much to me, was surely over. I was probably on the verge of tears.

But instead of pulling away, he reached for me, drew me close, and kissed me back.

What had begun as a brief, impulsive kiss became something altogether more wonderful.

And then Isabella woke me up because it was time for her breakfast.

I got out of bed, fed her, and crawled back under the covers. As I lay there thinking about the dream, I drifted back to sleep.

And would you believe it? The dream picked up right where it had left off!

We were still standing in the woods, kissing. His strong, muscular body was pressed against my scrawny, awkward teenage frame, and for the first time, I knew that the feelings I’d been carrying around for so long were returned. We could feel each other’s erections through our shorts. It was the sort of moment a young gay boy could only dream about, especially growing up in Alabama when I did.

Then the dream jumped ahead another year.

It was summer again, and I was eighteen, preparing to begin college in the fall. By this point, our relationship had blossomed into a full-fledged romance. Whenever we managed to get a moment alone, we couldn’t seem to keep our hands off each other.

One afternoon, we took another walk through the woods, following the river farther than we’d ever gone before. Eventually, we reached the end of a narrow strip of land, something like a little peninsula, separating the main river from a quiet lagoon. The water there was deep enough for swimming but sheltered from the stronger current of the river.

He began taking off his clothes.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“We’re going skinny-dipping,” he replied, as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

Well, who was I to disagree?

We undressed and slipped into the water. Unlike the main river, where the water could be surprisingly cool, the water in this little lagoon was wonderfully warm. We swam together for a while, enjoying the privacy of our secluded little paradise.

Then he pulled me close and kissed me.

There we were, naked in the warm waters of the Alabama River, our bodies pressed together, with nothing between us and no one around to interrupt us. The kiss deepened, there was nothing between our erection this time, and it was becoming increasingly obvious that neither of us was particularly interested in swimming anymore.

And just as the dream was getting even better…

My alarm went off.

I opened my eyes, realized it was time to get up and write my blog post, and immediately thought:

🎶 … dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree? 
🎶


Nearly Halfway There

Nearly halfway there. I’ll be glad when I can finally call this workweek finished. There’s nothing particularly bad about this week; it’s just been busy and tiring, and I’m already looking forward to the weekend.

I really did not want to get out of bed this morning, and thankfully, Isabella let me sleep in a little later than usual. Eventually, though, I had to drag myself out of bed and get the day started.

It’s mornings like this when standing in front of the coffee maker feels like an exercise in patience. You’re barely awake, staring at it and wondering how something that normally takes less than a minute can possibly take this long. Surely, coffee should understand that some mornings are emergencies and brew accordingly.

Eventually, though, it finishes, and I have that glorious first cup of coffee in my hand. Suddenly, getting through the rest of the morning seems at least a little more possible.

Now I just need the rest of the workweek to hurry along as quickly as I wish the coffee maker would.


Pic of the Day


Nine Bluegills

Nine Bluegills

By Stuart Dybek

Gutted, scaled, rinsed with the water they swam in,
lie on my uncle’s dock from which they were caught.
Loon Lake is opaque with sunset, but in the dock’s shadow
crawdads on a blue sand bottom gather for a feast.

Tonight, fish in frothing butter will brown in cast iron pans,
but now is the hour of panfish striking a mayfly hatch
as plash by echoing plash, the lake hidden by willows
and pines becomes a reflection from which the moon

rises, “born like us to kiss the water,” my cousin Vera says.
Home from frosh year at Oberlin, summoned by loons
for a night swim, she stands robed in a white towel, her wand,

a Hamm’s, foams in the glow of the kerosene lantern brought
to see my catch and to guide her back to the dock in the dark.
I’m fourteen, on my knees cleaning bluegills.

About the Poem

Every once in a while, I come across a poem that transports me almost instantly to another place and another time. Stuart Dybek’s “Nine Bluegills” did that for me.

It was the bluegills that first caught my attention, but then I reached the line about “panfish striking a mayfly hatch,” and suddenly I was no longer simply reading a poem. I was remembering the Alabama River.

Growing up, I always loved fishing for bream. Bluegill are one kind of what we Southerners generally call bream, and some of my fondest fishing memories are of catching them at our place on the Alabama River. When the mayflies were out, we would catch them and use them for bait, and the bream would bite one after another. There was something exciting about dropping your line into the water and knowing there was a pretty good chance that another fish would soon be tugging at it.

I also loved throwing a cast net for shad. There was a particular satisfaction in getting the net to open just right before it hit the water and then pulling it back in to see what you had caught. We never ate the shad. They were far too small and were generally used for bait.

There was something else about throwing that net that made it special to me. I was not the manliest of sons. I was Daddy’s little sissy son who would often rather have been reading a book than doing many of the things boys were expected to enjoy, and I know there were times when that embarrassed him. But there was one thing I could do that made Daddy proud: I could cast that net.

Throwing a cast net properly takes just the right technique. You have to know how to hold it, how to turn your body, and exactly when to release it so that the net opens into a near-perfect circle before it lands on the water. You also have to learn to watch the river. There was a particular ripple on the surface that told you a school of shad was moving underneath, and you had to recognize it and get the net where it needed to be at just the right moment.

I could do it perfectly.

Daddy couldn’t.

And he loved to show me off doing it.

Looking back, I think that is part of why the memory means so much to me. There were plenty of ways in which I wasn’t the kind of son Daddy might have imagined having, but standing there beside the Alabama River with that cast net in my hands, none of that mattered. This was something I was good at—better at than he was, in fact, and better than anyone else we knew—and he was proud of me. For a boy who knew that some parts of who he was could embarrass his father, those moments of seeing Daddy proud of me mattered more than I probably understood at the time.

Not all of my fishing memories are from the river, though. Sometimes Daddy and Granddaddy would go to a neighbor’s catfish pond. They were there for the catfish. I was usually much happier fishing for bream.

As it turned out, the owner of the pond was perfectly happy for me to do just that. Bream can become a nuisance in a catfish pond because they compete with the catfish for food and reproduce so readily. So while Daddy and Granddaddy concentrated on catching the fish they wanted, I could happily spend my time catching the fish the pond owner wanted taken out. Everybody won—except, I suppose, the bream.

Dybek even managed to bring back another fishing memory with his crawdads gathering beneath the dock. We usually called them crawfish rather than crawdads, and I remember them for a slightly different reason.

Occasionally, we would fish in a creek near our house. One of the most annoying things that could happen was to pull in your line thinking you had caught something only to discover a crawfish on the hook. Getting one of those suckers off could be an adventure because those claws were ready to pinch whatever fingers came close enough.

Worse than a crawfish was a turtle.

A turtle on your hook meant figuring out how to get the hook out without getting bitten, and if it happened to be a snapping turtle, you had to be especially careful. Snapping turtles have extraordinarily powerful jaws, and I grew up hearing the old folklore that if one ever bit you, it wouldn’t let go until it thundered. I’m fairly certain none of us wanted to test the accuracy of that particular bit of country wisdom.

We rarely ate the bream we caught. They have so many little bones that eating them can be more trouble than they are worth. Daddy usually cut them up and used them for bait. Granddaddy was the exception. He loved fried bream. He also liked small catfish fried whole, with their tails and fins still attached. Some of you may find the thought of that a little squeamish, but that was simply part of fishing and fish fries when I was growing up.

In fact, fishing was once important enough to me that when I was in high school and we were assigned an essay on the best lifelong sport, I chose fishing. I argued that unlike many sports, fishing was something a person could enjoy throughout life.

As it turns out, I don’t fish anymore. I haven’t in many years. In one sense, perhaps that makes my high-school argument a little less convincing. In another sense, though, maybe I was more right than I realized. Fishing has remained with me. I may no longer sit on the bank or in a boat waiting for a cork to disappear beneath the water, but those memories have lasted a lifetime.

And when I think about fishing, I inevitably think about fish fries.

Fish fries were family affairs. Daddy or Grandmama usually manned the fryer, and both of them were particular about how things were done. There would be a brown paper bag containing cornmeal. The fish went into the bag, the bag got shaken until the fish were thoroughly coated, and then into the hot oil they went. When they were done, they were put into another paper bag to drain.

Then there were more brown paper bags—one for the French fries and another for the hushpuppies.

Grandmama was especially particular about her hushpuppies. They had to be made just the right way. There was a proper way to mix them, a proper consistency, and a proper way to fry them. I could go into the details, but that is probably a story for another day. Suffice it to say that Grandmama knew exactly how she wanted them, and you didn’t improve upon Grandmama’s cooking by suggesting she do something differently.

I made that mistake once when I made cornbread for her without putting eggs in it. Mama didn’t use eggs in her cornbread, so that was the way I had learned to make it. Grandmama, however, did use eggs, and you did not mess with Grandmama’s way of cooking. I learned my lesson. She taught me nearly all of my basic cooking skills, and if Grandmama said there was a right way to make something, then as far as she was concerned, that was the way you made it.

Mama usually made the coleslaw. Everybody loved her coleslaw because she put tomatoes in it. My sister and I, however, hated tomatoes, so Mama always made a separate batch without tomatoes just for us.

And, of course, there was dessert.

There might be pound cake, caramel cake, or coconut cake. Sometimes there was Grandmama’s chocolate pie, another recipe about which she had very definite ideas. And this was the South, so there was almost always some sort of congealed salad somewhere on the table. Every once in a while, though, we got an extra-special treat: Grandmama would get out the ice cream maker and make homemade ice cream.

You simply cannot buy ice cream quite like homemade ice cream. The closest I have ever found is Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Light. Oddly enough, I think the regular Homemade Vanilla is too sweet, but the light version is just about right. The consistency isn’t the same as what came out of Grandmama’s ice cream maker, but the taste comes remarkably close.

All of those memories came flooding back because of fourteen lines about nine bluegills.

That’s one of the things I love most about poetry. A poem doesn’t have to tell our story to remind us of it. Dybek’s Loon Lake is not my Alabama River. His uncle’s dock isn’t the place where I caught bream with mayflies. His cast-iron pans aren’t Daddy’s or Grandmama’s fryer. His crawdads aren’t the crawfish that irritated me when I found one at the end of my line. Yet something in those details reaches across all those differences.

Dybek ends the poem with himself at fourteen, kneeling on the dock and cleaning his bluegills. It’s such an ordinary moment. There is no grand revelation and no dramatic conclusion. A boy caught some fish, and now he is cleaning them.

But ordinary moments don’t always remain ordinary.

We rarely recognize the moments that will become precious memories while we’re living them. Nobody announces that this particular summer evening, this particular fishing trip, this particular fish fry, this particular time standing beside your father or grandfather or grandmother is something you will remember decades later. At the time, it’s simply life.

Then one day you read a poem about bluegills and mayflies and crawdads, and suddenly it’s all there again: the Alabama River, the neighbor’s catfish pond, the creek near home, the fishing, the cast net opening perfectly over the water, Daddy watching with pride, the paper bags, the cornmeal, the hot grease, the hushpuppies, Mama’s coleslaw, Grandmama’s desserts, homemade ice cream, and the people who made those ordinary days special.

I don’t fish anymore.

But I suppose I still carry fishing with me.

“Nine Bluegills” is a poem built from a remembered moment: a fourteen-year-old speaker cleaning the day’s catch on his uncle’s dock while evening settles over Loon Lake. Around that simple activity, Dybek creates an entire summer world—the crawdads beneath the dock, the mayfly hatch, the moon reflected on the lake, loons calling in the darkness, his cousin Vera preparing for a night swim, and the promise that the freshly caught fish will soon become dinner.

What makes the poem particularly effective is its attention to physical detail. Dybek doesn’t tell us that this is a memory worth preserving. Instead, he preserves it by showing us exactly what was there. The result is something larger than a fishing poem. It becomes a poem about youth, family, place, and those seemingly insignificant moments that memory somehow decides to keep.

That quality is characteristic of Dybek’s writing. Memory and place are recurring elements in both his poetry and fiction. Perhaps that is why “Nine Bluegills” affected me as strongly as it did. Dybek gives us one remembered summer evening, and in doing so, he invites us into memories of our own.

About the Poet

Stuart Dybek was born in Chicago in 1942 and grew up on the city’s South Side. He attended Loyola University Chicago and the Iowa Writers’ Workshop and is both a poet and an acclaimed writer of short fiction. His poetry collections include Brass Knuckles and Streets in Their Own Ink, while his fiction includes Childhood and Other Neighborhoods, The Coast of Chicago, I Sailed with Magellan, Ecstatic Cahoots, and Paper Lantern.

Memory, place, family, and the details of everyday life recur throughout Dybek’s work. Although much of his writing is rooted in the working-class neighborhoods of Chicago where he grew up, his combination of precise observation and memory often allows very specific places and experiences to take on a more universal quality.

Dybek has received numerous honors for his writing, including a MacArthur Fellowship, a Whiting Writers’ Award, a Lannan Literary Award, and the PEN/Malamud Award for Excellence in the Short Story. His work has also appeared in numerous literary journals and anthologies.


Pic of the Day


And So the Marathon Begins

Yesterday, I read a tweet or an Instagram post—I can’t remember which—that said the worst part of a weekend is that it eventually comes to an end. Well, mine has come to an end, and I am definitely not ready for it.

The next two weeks are probably going to feel like a marathon at work. There isn’t a single day when I don’t have at least one or two classes, tours, programs, or some combination of the three. On top of that, my schedule is going to be a little strange. I have nighttime and weekend events coming up, so my usual Monday-through-Friday, 8-to-4 routine will be anything but routine for the next couple of weeks.

I know I’ll get through it all. I always do. Right now, though, looking at everything ahead of me feels a little daunting. I’m trying not to think about the entire two weeks at once and instead just take it one day—and one class, tour, or program—at a time.

But first, I have to get through this morning.

At the moment, I’d much rather still be asleep. The weekend simply wasn’t long enough, and Monday morning arrived far too quickly. Unfortunately, the alarm clock, my calendar, and Isabella don’t seem particularly interested in my opinion on the matter. Of the three, Isabella may be the least willing to negotiate.

So, here we go. Let the marathon begin.


Pic of the Day


Love Without Shame

“Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven.”

— Matthew 5:11-12

For many LGBTQ+ Christians, these words from Jesus can feel painfully familiar. We know what it is like to be judged by people who believe they are speaking for God. We know what it is like to hear that our love is sinful, that our relationships are somehow less worthy, or even that there is no place for us within the Church unless we deny an essential part of ourselves.

Sometimes those words come from strangers. Sometimes they come from churches we once called home. Most painfully, they can come from people we love.

Yet Jesus never tells us that the approval of others is the measure of our faithfulness. In the Sermon on the Mount, He acknowledges that those who seek to follow Him may be reviled, persecuted, and falsely accused. His response is not to tell them to change themselves so that their critics will approve of them. Instead, He reminds them where their true worth lies.

Our relationship with God cannot be measured by someone else’s willingness to accept us.

That does not mean every criticism directed toward us should simply be dismissed. None of us is beyond correction. Following Christ requires continual examination of our lives, our motives, and our actions. But there is an important difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction calls us toward greater love, mercy, humility, honesty, and justice. Condemnation merely tells us that we are unworthy of love.

Paul offers us a way to distinguish between the two:

“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment;
That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.”
— Philippians 1:9-10

Notice what Paul places at the center of discernment: love.

He does not pray merely that the Philippians will acquire more rules. He prays that their love will grow in knowledge and judgment so that they can recognize what is truly excellent.

Christian discernment, therefore, should never be separated from love.

Jesus Himself tells us that the greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-39). He tells us that others will recognize His disciples by their love for one another (John 13:35). Paul tells us that without love, even extraordinary faith amounts to nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2).

That gives us a powerful question to ask when someone claims to speak for God: What fruit does their message produce?

Does it lead toward love, compassion, mercy, justice, faithfulness, and hope? Or does it produce shame, hatred, cruelty, despair, and rejection?

Jesus warned us that we would know false prophets “by their fruits” (Matthew 7:16). A theology that repeatedly produces misery, self-hatred, broken families, abandoned faith, and despair deserves serious examination.

For LGBTQ+ Christians, discernment becomes especially important because we are often confronted with people who quote Scripture while ignoring the larger message of Scripture. A handful of passages are sometimes elevated above everything Jesus taught about love, mercy, humility, justice, and the treatment of those whom society pushes aside.

We should study Scripture carefully. We should pray. We should seek wisdom. We should remain humble enough to examine ourselves.

But we should not confuse someone else’s prejudice with God’s judgment.

And we should never believe that suffering rejection somehow means that God has rejected us.

Jesus repeatedly welcomed those whom respectable religious society pushed aside. He touched people others considered unclean. He ate with people others considered sinners. He defended those whom others were eager to condemn. Again and again, Christ moved toward people whom society pushed away.

That should tell us something about the heart of God.

At the same time, Philippians challenges us not merely to endure rejection but to respond to it as Christians. Hurt can easily become bitterness. After being condemned repeatedly, it is tempting to return condemnation for condemnation.

But Paul prays that our love may abound yet more and more.

That may be one of the hardest parts of Christian discipleship.

We can stand firmly against injustice without becoming cruel. We can reject harmful theology without hating those who believe it. We can defend ourselves without surrendering our compassion. We can refuse to be ashamed while still remembering Christ’s command to love even those who treat us as enemies.

Our love does not have to become smaller because someone else’s love has limits.

Perhaps that is one of the most powerful witnesses LGBTQ+ Christians can offer the Church.

We can live openly and faithfully. We can love generously. We can show kindness. We can seek justice. We can forgive when forgiveness is possible while maintaining necessary boundaries. We can worship God without apologizing for the people God created us to be.

And when others revile us, exclude us, or falsely condemn us in God’s name, we can remember the words of Christ: “Rejoice, and be exceeding glad.”

Not because rejection does not hurt.

Not because injustice should be ignored.

But because those who condemn us do not have the final word about our relationship with God.

God does.

So let our prayer be Paul’s prayer: that our love will continue to grow—not blindly, but “in knowledge and in all judgment.” May we have the wisdom to recognize what is good, the courage to reject what is harmful, and the faith to remain true to Christ even when others tell us we do not belong.

Above all, may we never allow the hatred of others to teach us how to hate.

We belong to a Savior who told the rejected they were blessed, who welcomed those others pushed aside, and who made love the defining mark of His disciples.

Let us live accordingly.


Pic of the Day