The Closet Professor

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance; and let endurance have its full effect, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.

— James 1:2–4

There have been times in my life when I have questioned my faith. Not because I wanted to walk away from God, but because I struggled to understand Him. I looked at the suffering in the world, the loss of loved ones, and the pain endured by good people, and I wondered how it all fit within the promises of a loving and sovereign God.

For a while, those questions weighed heavily on me. I wanted answers that never seemed to come. Looking back now, I realize that God was less interested in giving me immediate answers than He was in drawing me closer to Him through the questions themselves.

When I read Scripture, I see that I am far from alone.

Job lost nearly everything. He questioned God, lamented his suffering, and demanded an explanation. Yet through it all, he never stopped seeking the One he could not understand. (Job 3:11–26; 13:23–24)

David filled the Psalms with cries of confusion and grief. Again and again he asked, “How long, O Lord?” He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, afraid, and overwhelmed. Yet time after time his lament turned back toward trust. (Psalm 13:1–2; 22:1–2)

Jeremiah faithfully proclaimed God’s message only to face rejection, loneliness, and persecution. There were moments when he poured out his disappointment before God with remarkable honesty, yet he continued to follow the calling God had given him. (Jeremiah 20:7–18)

Even Jesus, in His humanity, cried out from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Those words remind us that bringing our deepest anguish before God is not a failure of faith. It is an expression of faith. (Matthew 27:46; Mark 15:34)

One thing these men shared was that none of them allowed their questions to become the end of their relationship with God. They wrestled with Him, they cried out to Him, and they trusted Him even when they could not see the path ahead.

I have come to believe that faith is not the absence of doubt. Faith is choosing to keep walking with God when the road grows dark. It is trusting that His wisdom extends beyond my understanding and that His purposes are greater than anything I can see in the present moment.

God never promised us a life free from hardship. He did promise His presence. Sometimes the path He lays before us leads through valleys we would never choose for ourselves. Yet it is often in those valleys that our faith is refined, our dependence on Him grows stronger, and our hope becomes anchored not in our circumstances but in Christ Himself.

I still do not have answers to every question. Perhaps I never will this side of heaven. But I have learned that God is no less faithful because I cannot see the whole picture. If anything, the seasons that tested my faith most severely have also become the seasons that taught me to trust Him most deeply.

One of the greatest examples of this is Joseph. Betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely accused, and imprisoned, he endured years of suffering before he could see what God was doing. Only after looking back over the course of his life could he tell his brothers, “You intended evil against me, but God intended it for good.” Joseph’s story reminds us that God’s purposes often become clear only in hindsight. We may never fully understand every hardship we face, but we can trust that God is at work even when we cannot yet see His hand. (Genesis 50:20)

Following Christ does not mean we will never ask, “Why?” It means that even when we do, we continue to place our hand in His and follow wherever He leads, trusting that one day we, too, may look back and see how God was working through every step of the journey.