The Closet Professor

Self-Portrait as Combination Taco Bell / Pizza Hut / KFC
By Aaron Tyler Hand

the unholy trinity of suburban late-night salvation
barring seemingly endless options of worship

bean burrito breadsticks and mashed potatoes
or a soft taco pan pizza and a buttered biscuit

an unimaginable combination of food flavors
for people not ready to go home to their parents

and yet none of the options feel quite right
so maybe I should call it Self-Portrait as idling

in a drive-thru with your friends crammed
across the sunken bench seats avoiding

the glow of the check engine light with black tape
pressed with a precision unseen anywhere else

in their lives as a fractured voice says don’t worry
take your time and order whenever you’re ready

from behind a menu backlit like the window
inside of a confessional booth as the hands

of the driver open up like a collection basket
for the wadded-up bills and loose change

that slowly stack up as the years go by
and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be

in this analogy but I know about masking
warning signs and hearing out of tune

voices scream WE’RE THE KIDS WHO FEEL
LIKE DEAD ENDS so instead I’ll call it Self-

Portrait as From Under the Cork Tree
or maybe even Self-Portrait as whatever

album people listen to when they love
their friends and still want to feel connected

to the grass walls of a teenage wasteland
that they can’t help but run away from

About This Poem

“I love using poetry to capture the malaise of growing up in the suburbs. When you spend your life in a place that feels defined by its monotony, it’s hard to find a sense of personal identity that isn’t mass produced. In order to feel like you have any control over your life, you have to find the small rebellions that lead to a sense of belonging. That aimlessness and escapism is what I tried to capture in this poem.”—Aaron Tyler Hand

This poem was the Academy of American Poets’ Poem-a-Day yesterday. While I found the title intriguing, I found the scene it sets nostalgic. I did not grow up in the suburbs, but in rural Alabama;, however, when I was in undergraduate and graduate school, I remember the late nights of getting Taco Bell, though in graduate school, it was often Krystal’s, which was open 24 hours and a block from my first apartment.

The title itself made me think of probably what all of us thought the first time we saw a combination “Taco Bell / Pizza Hut / KFC”: fast food with a personality disorder. It does seem kind of lost in what it is trying to do. I usually only see Taco Bells and KFCs together these days, but it’s still an odd combination.

About the Poet

Aaron Tyler Hand (@airinhand) is a creative writer with an MFA from Texas State University. He has previously been published in San Antonio Express-News, Houston Chronicle, Faultline Journal, GASHER Journal, HASH Journal, Funicular Magazine, Meniscus, among others. In addition to his own creative writing pursuits, Aaron volunteers his time to the prison teaching non-profit Rough Draft and hosts the poetry podcast The Personhood Project.