As a friend of mine says about Isabella, “She’s so sassy!”
Category Archives: Funny
I tried and tried to come up with something to write today, but I think I had put it all into yesterday’s post. So, I thought I’d share a few memes that I find funny.
I had to add in a few sci-fi memes. Not everyone will get these, but they made me laugh.
This last one is from one of my favorite scenes from Deep Space Nine. The original dialogue went like this:
Bashir: Of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren’t?”
Garak: My dear Doctor, they’re all true.
Bashir: Even the lies?
Garak: Especially the lies.
The Cat and Creation
On the first day of creation, God created the cat.
On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.
On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labour for the good of the cat.
On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox.
* * * * *
If the guy above looks familiar to you, then you might be a fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race (RPDR). Bryce Eilenberg is a member of the Pit Crew, a group of male models who appear in various segments of RPDR. Bryce is a sexy redhead who loves cats, and he’s straight ally (not gay as I originally posted). What’s not to like?
Sometimes you see things and you just have to say, “What the fuck?” That was my response when I saw an email for Fleshjack, which included a picture of their new product the FleshSack. I think most of us get those emails for “toys,” especially if you’ve ever bought a toy online. I actually don’t mind those emails, but sometimes I do just delete them. Other times, I’m just shocked at what they’ve come up with new. That’s how it was with this new FleshSack.
A Fleshjack is the gay version of the Fleshlight. If you don’t know, it is a masturbation toy (sleeve) that acts as an artificial orifice “lined with stimulating textures to grip, massage, and tantalize your penis.” Fleshjack has teamed up with various porn stars, the so-called Fleshjack Boys, to create molds of their penises for dildos and special textures inside the sleeves depending on which Fleshjack Boy you choose. You can experience adult film stars such as Brent Corrigan, Johnny Rapid, Jake Bass, Levi Carter, Pierre Fitch, Boomer Banks, and others. There are about two dozen choices.
Their new product the FleshSack is a masturbation sleeve with balls attached. They describe their products as:
Slide into this back door option and you’ll find that it has something extra to offer. Hanging proudly are a pair of soft, yet firm testicles to feed your fantasies. Made from the same material Fleshlight is famous for, these balls will rock in motion as you thrust in and out with every stroke. Like any anal adventure, make sure you use plenty of lube to help you glide through FleshSack’s gripping inner texture.
Realistic dildoes have long had testicles attached to them. A company called Fort Troff even offers dildoes with hair, which also looks odd. It’s amazing some of the sex toys they have out there. Some look pretty innocuous. I remember my dad had one of those hard-plastic vibrators in his underwear drawer. If you’re my age or older, you probably saw advertisements in magazines for these “body vibrators.”
These days, sex toys are getting more and more inventive and some just look strange. Fleshjack has even made “vampire” versions. I even saw Game of Throne themed dildoes once. Who wants to fuck themselves with a White Walker dick? What about a zombie dick? What people come up with is amazing. Toys range from simulating you wildest fantasy to attempts at being as realistic as possible. I am not judging, to each his own. I guess as long as you’re safe, who cares how you get off. I say have fun, but I did have to laugh at the FleshSack. It just looks so odd and amusing to me.
Last night I watched Fortune Feimster’s Netflix comedy special Salty and Sweet. I laughed so hard; I was nearly crying. Have any of you seen it? Fortune is a lesbian comedian from North Carolina. She came out surprisingly a little later than I did. She was 25; I was 23. However, like me, she did not realize she was gay for most of her formative years. Living in the South, we didn’t have positive LGBTQA role models. However, unlike my situation, her family has been very accepting, and she is currently engaged to a kindergarten teacher.
“Well shit…what are y’all doin’?”
Leslie Jordan has risen to Instagram fame with that phrase. He has gone viral on Instagram during the quarantine doing little videos of stories from his life. I have always been a fan of Leslie, and nearly every night before bed, I check out what videos he posted that day. He’s just a really talented and funny man.
Last night I watched My Trip Down the Pink Carpet. It was just what I expected. It was funny, sweet, and emotional. Some of the stories from his one man show he has repeated during his Instagram posts, but they are still funny. I realize that he might not be everyone’s taste in humor, but he just makes me laugh.
While I am no Hollywood star and I’m nowhere near as funny, there’s a lot that I identify with in Leslie. He grew up in East Tennessee, and I grew up in South Alabama. He was raised Southern Baptist; I was raised in the Church of Christ. We’ve both had our share of struggles accepting ourselves for who we are. This could describe thousands of gay men and women across the South, especially of my generation and the generation before. Even today, kids are scared to death to come out because our parents barber always accepting. Leslie has said that while his mother accepts him, she’s never understood him.
Leslie hasn’t lived a perfect life. He struggled for over thirty years with drugs and alcohol, but he’s been sober since 1997. However, I admire him so much. During the height of the AIDS crisis he volunteered for Project Angel Food. These days he works with The Trevor Project to help prevent LGBTQ suicides.
I hope you’ll check him out. He really does make me laugh.
Laughter in an Age of Pandemics
This is an article by Michael A. Genovese, a Director for the Institute for Leadership Studies in the Loyola Marymount University (Los Angeles, CA) that I wanted to share with you.
In the 1941 movie classic Sullivan’s Travels, successful movie director John L. Sullivan, played by Joel McCrea, laments the fact that in the midst of the misery caused by the Depression and War, he is making frivolous films such as Ants In Your Pants, 1939. Sullivan rebels. He decides to pose as an average citizen and go out among the people to see what they are like, what they want, and how he can be of service to humanity. After a series of troubles along the way, Sullivan happens upon the sound of laughter. He searches for the source and finds a group of down and out men hysterically laughing at a silly cartoon. Eureka! Sullivan realizes the error of his ways. The people don’t want serious, ponderous social criticism, they want to laugh, escape, lose themselves for just a few moments, forget about the troubles they face and have a good time. The movie’s point is driven home by Sullivan in the final lines of the film: “There’s a lot to be said for making people laugh. Did you know that’s all some people have? It isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing in this cockeyed caravan.”
During World War II, the commissioner of baseball, Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, sent President Franklin D. Roosevelt a letter offering to cancel the baseball season if the President so wished. Roosevelt, in a January 15, 1942 letter, told the commissioner that baseball must go on. The people needed it in the midst of the troubles of the war. Baseball brought joy to millions of anxious Americans. The game had to go on.
When things go from bad to worse, we have essentially two choices: let it defeat us or rage against the madness and laugh. Laughter is good medicine for virtually anything that ails us. And in this age of pandemics, where social distancing removes the tactile from our daily lives, and forces us to hibernate in isolation, we social animals hunger for the embrace of others. Stripped of the direct contact with others, we search to fill the void. Laughter helps. True, things aren’t very funny just now, but life remains ironic, silly, discombobulated, and downright hysterical – if you wish to see things that way. And if you do, it will help see you through this insanity. In a world where the Trump Covfefe Panic Index has exploded off the charts, we all need distractions from the misery that surrounds us. And speaking of distractions, I find myself suffering from Kardashian Withdrawal Syndrome. My social grounding has been torn out from under me.
As our politicians inadvertently spread fear and anxiety, we search for security and hope. There was a time when FDR could remind us that the only thing, we had to fear was fear itself. But today, watching Donald Trump bumble and fumble his way through a press briefing on the coronavirus, we are left dumbfounded and with a feeling of “Oh Dear Lord, all is lost if this guy is in charge.” Yes, we get the occasional chuckle, as when Dr. Fauci stands behind as the daily press briefing while the President is speaking, shakes his head, looks down at this feet and invites us to imagine the thought bubble over his head that reads “What the [bleep] is wrong with this moron?” But that is little consolation. Trump, who is wrapped tighter than an airport sandwich, actually inspires fear and anxiety every time he opens his mouth. His credibility has disappeared faster than cupcakes at a pot party, and as each member of Team Trump – crammed together in a very non-socially distanced way – goes up to the microphone, bows and makes the ritual “You are doing a wonderful job, Dear Leader” before delivering the bad news about a pandemic out of control, we cringe and think, “Life under Trump is like running through hell wearing a gasoline bathing suit.” Trump’s disappointing response to the coronavirus has been as welcome as an ingrown toenail. Our president who used to say “I alone can fix it” has been revealed as a fraud. He does however have the Midas Touch… everything he touches turns to mufflers.
This president may be a joke, but it is no laughing matter. In this, Marx was right. Of course, I refer to Groucho Marx, who said that the problem with political jokes is that they keep getting elected. Can President Trump lead us out of this crisis? That’s about as likely as Mike Pence marrying Cardi B. And while the President says that he is doing a tremendous job (and that is why I do not let my students grade their own exams), and that he would give himself an “A” grade for his handling of the crisis, in reality the case for Trump handling this crisis well has fallen apart faster than a third-grade science project.
If President Trump cannot provide decisive leadership in this crisis, at least we can laugh, and at this time, laughing at and not with President Trump is a tiny bit comforting. Our hope is that governors and mayors can lead us through the crisis. President Trump is AWOL on this, and perhaps we are all the better for that (OK, we aren’t better off for that, but if he can’t lead the least he can do is get out of the way).
We are all struggling, and we all need the distractions that only absurdity can provide. If we take President Trump seriously, we are lost. And so our only option is to turn away from our president and turn to each other for comfort, solace, and hope. Social distancing makes that a bit harder, but we are a strong, resilient people. We have been through worse than this. So, laugh now and then; see the silly, the absurd and the comic in life. And remember, always remember, we are all in this together and we can get through this together. Reach out to your friends, your neighbors (at a safe distance, of course) and spread hope. It is better than despair.
I’ve become totally addicted to watching a comedian on YouTube. Her name is Jeanne Robertson. She was born September 21, 1943 and is an American humorist, motivational speaker and a former Miss North Carolina and physical education teacher. I have stayed up past my bedtime two nights in a row just listening to her various stories which often involve her husband who she calls Left Brain. His real name is Jerry, but if you’ll watch you’ll see why she calls him Left Brain. It’s just good old clean southern humor at its best. I can’t get enough of it.
May the Fourth…
Be with you.