For a few years now, I’ve had commenters who hide behind anonymity and leave nasty comments on my blog. Usually, they are on politically-oriented posts, but not always. On my 10^th anniversary post, someone left a comment that had no place there, and I deleted it.  Often these comments are made to inflame me and my readers, but this one was aimed solely at me. I’m sure it was meant to “put me in my place.” One thing they said was I hide behind anonymity, yet, they left their comment anonymously. The commenter was just another hypocrite. Why do people feel the need to be cruel or unkind? Why are so many ‘Karens’ showing up these days harassing people? What makes the tinfoil hatters come out in droves?  Lately, it seems people are on the attack, and wild conspiracy theories abound. I tend to think it is because the current president has done so much damage to civility. People no longer feel manners are needed. Role models are being disparaged everyday so the weak and mean-spirited can feel better about their own worthless selves.

Social media is a huge part of our lives. It’s used in everything; it’s everywhere. And at some point, nearly all of us will undoubtedly be subjected to some form of negativity there. These negative people earn the titles: troll, flamer, or cyber bully, and as a rule, are just rude and mean. But what exactly are trolls, flamers, and cyber bullies and how do they differ? Trolls are people who post non-relevant, often offensive content on message boards, forums, blogs, or social networking sites—anywhere they will get a reaction. Their goal is to start a flame war which means successful trolling. That brings us to the flamers. Often, these are the people who respond to the trolls’ inflammatory posts. They begin warring with words about the content using name-calling and threats to try to get other flamers to back down. Flamers, like trolls, tend to come off as idiots due to their neglect of standard grammar and spelling. Flaming can be closely related to cyber bullying. Cyber bullies are not limited to the Internet; they sometimes use texting to intimidate their targets. Cyber bullies are unique from flamers and trolls in that they sometimes target people they know in real life rarely bothering to keep their identity a secret. 

Trolls, flamers, and cyber bullies are bountiful on sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you have a blog or just read them, you’ve likely come in contact with them at some point. Facebook gets particularly intense when there are national or international events going on. When you are friends with conservatives and liberals on Facebook, your feed can feel like entering a literal boxing match of words. Arguments are endless, and comments from both sides try to get a rise out of each other. These days, I look at Facebook less and less. There are too many people showing their utter ignorance. People post some of the stupidest unsupported ideas to push their political agendas. It was bad during the Obama Administration with barely concealed racism, but with Trump in office, it has become more intense, and is getting worse with the pandemic and the Black Lives Matter protests. It should be noted that having arguments doesn’t mean trolling is taking place. Sometimes they are just ignorant. Someone who makes a wild, unwarranted, and insulting comment is trolling. Someone who brings something off topic into the conversation to make a person mad is trolling. Flamers feed off a troll’s comments but come off as complete imbeciles, because their grammar and spelling are usually terrible. Quite often, it is so bad, it is barely comprehensible. Cyber bullies may do the same things, but it’s usually personal.

Social media is an excellent way to engage with the world around you, and a great way to make friends. In the 10 years I’ve been blogging, I’ve made some wonderful friends. But while it can be a positive experience, you’ll probably run into trolls, flamers, and cyber bullies on the Internet. The Internet is often brushed off as unimportant by those who spend little time there, but the social implications of its nearly anonymous status are bigger than most people would like to admit. The anonymity is the only reason trolls and flamers can get away with their abusive speech. 

I’ve been criticized for remaining “anonymous” and using a pseudonym, but here’s the kicker, my name really is Joe, and if you pay attention to what I write about my life, it’s not hard to figure out my real identity. Like Superman and Clark Kent, if people had just paid attention, they would have noticed they were the same person not that I am comparing myself to Superman. People who have contacted me by email usually get to know who I am as I learn who they are. I like getting to know my readers, and I work to have a positive place for them. I’m not always positive; sometimes my depression comes through. People have said I complain too much, but is it really complaining if I’m just being honest about my current state of mind or health? Shouldn’t I have the right to say what I want on my own blog? I often wonder why trolls and flamers continue to read what I write if they hate it so much. I discuss my sexuality and mental and physical health so that someone out there can relate and not feel alone. I know how lonely you can feel with an issue you think is singular to you.

A therapist once told me I hide my pain. In the past, people who knew me often didn’t know I was in constant pain from migraines. They didn’t know when I was sad, depressed, and/or anxious; they didn’t know my sexuality. I put on a brave face and hid my pain, and who I really was. Those who really knew and cared about me could always tell when something wasn’t right. They knew when I had a migraine or when I was sad, but most people never saw that part of me. Southerners, like me, were taught not to complain. But in the last 10 years, a few things have changed: I live openly as a gay man in Vermont; and I’m generally more honest about how I’m feeling. So, when I have a bad migraine and don’t feel like writing a post, I explain why I’m not posting that day. I know some of you would wonder why I didn’t post, and I don’t want to cause anyone to worry. 

One of the differences between the North and the South is when someone is asked, “How are you doing?” A Southerner is going to respond with “I’m fine,” no matter how they are feeling. When you ask a Northerner the same question, they are likely to tell you everything that is wrong with them. Maybe it’s living in Vermont, maybe it’s writing this blog, or maybe it’s because I’m more comfortable with who I am, but I hide my pain less now. I try to be more open to who I really am. I think it makes me a more honest person, not a complainer.

And for future trolls, flamers, and cyber bullies who come to this blog, I hope they will read and remember my rules on posting comments:

1. Always be kind and considerate to others. 
2. Do not degrade other people’s way of thinking. 
3. I have the right to refuse or remove any comment I deem inappropriate.
4. If you comment on a post that was published over 14 days ago, it will not post immediately. Those comments are set for moderation. If it doesn’t break the above rules, it will post.

In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, lets have a look at what makes a redheaded man so hot. Ginger guys have a hard time. So much so that there’s been talks of whether ‘gingerism’ is as bad a racism. True story. Photographer Thomas Knights released an entire exhibition in New York’s BOSI Gallery trying to bring down stereotypes of ginger men and promote their eternal hotness..

Not convinced yet? Here’s 21 reasons red-headed guys are actually ginger Gods amongst men.

1. Their Confidence

All those years of playground torture have molded them into the hardy, self-confident MEN they are now. They know who they are and aren’t about to let a few sh*tty put-downs change that.

2. Their Personalities

Because they haven’t always had to rely on their looks (that unforgiving inch of red hair has worked ’round the clock against them), 9 times out of 10 they will have naturally winning personalities.

3. Their Ginger Beards

When they grow a beard it actually MATCHES their face.

4. Their Sense of Humor

Due to the fact everyone has been poking fun at them their entire lives, they know how to take a joke and have a good old laugh at themselves.

5. Their Freckles

Ahhh, those freckles. Sexy AND cute.

6. They’re Fireballs in Bed

Ask anyone who’s been there to confirm – for some unknown reason they are ALL dynamite in the sack.

7. They’re Unique

They’re a rare and exotic breed (approx. 0.5 per cent of the world’s population), so unlike the hoards of blondes and brunettes out there, they will always keep your attention. Which is a big bonus in the apparent modern day “hookup” culture we live in.

8. They’ll Age Well

The sun and red heads will never be friends. So unlike other men who will grow leathery and awful, their skin will be primed for perfection well into old age.

Another plus: if you’re being selfish about it, they will make you look extra bronzed for half the tan-time.

9. Their Straight Forwardness

That fiery temper will always let you know where you stand; there are no mind games. When a ginger guy is pissed at you, you will know about it.

10. Their Sense Of Style

Ginger guys in suits – guaranteed HOT.

11. Their Eyes

That fiery red hair and porcelain skin only accentuates their stunning blue/green/gold eyes.

12. Their Passion

They are passionate and feisty people in all aspects of life, and what’s hotter than that?

13. They OWN it

They always have a slightly mysterious vibe going on.

14. They’re Classy

For some reason we can’t quite pinpoint, they are automatically kinda classy.

15. Their Tan

When they actually manage to get a tan it’s like you’ve got one of the rarest jewels right in the palm of your hands.

16. The Hot Accents

Can you ever imagine a ginger man who doesn’t have a glorious accent? Scottish? Irish? Count us in.

17. They Have No Egos

Usually they don’t realize how unbelievably hot they really are, so there’s no battling with ridiculous egos.

18. They’re Strong Minded

They know what they want and go for it. Damian Lewis, Prince Harry, Tom Hiddleston – they live their dreams.

19. They’ll Protect You

Science says ginger people have higher pain thresholds than the rest of us. What woman doesn’t want a strong man?

20. Their Spawn

If you manage to reproduce with this man you could be in for the most bitchin’ hot family of red head babies ever.

21. THEY ARE JUST SO FLAMING HOT

There’s just something about ginger guys – they’re rare, they’re precious, and they’re IN demand.

Guys, have you ever noticed that when you have an erection that you think differently?  Maybe it’s just me, but if I have a hard-on my mind can have some pretty dirty thoughts.  I find things I wouldn’t normally find attractive/sexy, I find irresistible when I’m already turned on.  Urban Dictionary defines “thinking with your penis” as cognition which is tainted by horniness or when a man makes decisions intended to satisfy the short term goals of his penis and fails to consider the long term consequences.  So do you think with your penis?

To be, or not to be hairy is not the question I was asking yesterday. I was however, trying to make a statement about being happy with the bodies we have and being content with nature. Just because someone, such as JiEL said in the comments, being naturally hairless is “not less manly.” Running my hands over a smooth chest is just as luxurious to me as a hairy one. I remember a particular dancer at a gay bar in Houston that was shaved, but was letting his hair grow to a stubble. I remember being incredibly turned on by that “sandpaper sensation.” The tactile sensation of hairy, hairless, or somewhere in between does not, however, mean that there is not a aesthetic pleasure to seeing a man in all his natural beauty, hairless or not.

Of course, all of this is a matter of personal taste, and when it comes down to it, I completely agree with Damien, who wrote “So I guess I mostly like the person beneath the skin, the skin beneath the hair, the hair beneath the shirt.” I also agree with Bodhisbuddy who said that his tastes have changed. As a preteen through early twenties, I too preferred as little body hair as possible on a man. As I grew older, I began to appreciate well groomed bodies with hair, and now I’m to the point where hairless looks much less appealing. Though my tastes do occasionally change, I rarely look for the very hairy. It just doesn’t appeal to me that much.

I also agree with Damien that Nick Jonas is getting too much attention over these photos. Me personally, I find his ass the most appealing thing about him, then again, I’m an ass man, so that kind of figures I’d find his attractive. It’s a nice round bubble butt.

I also agree that there is a double standard when it comes to male and female celebrities, especially those who were child stars/wholesome Disney personalities. However, and I may be adding to this double standard, but I believe that Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas took two different paths when they decided to break away from their squeaky clean personas. Miley appeared to eschew all the values that she previously seemed to embrace. Nick Jonas may be making racier photos (and not all people, were upset over Miley’s racy behavior) and he may have taken off his purity ring, but he still seems to have kept some core values. “This is a real growth in me and not something [wearing a purity ring] I’m doing anymore. But I’ve got my set of values, things that are important to me now at this point in my life and that’s all that matters,” said Jonas in a recent interview. “I’ve had an incredibly intense journey with faith and religion and my own growth. My belief in God is still very strong and important to me as a person and I think that’s all that should matter,” he continued. “I grew up in a church environment and still have love for the church.”

So i think the photos and the publicity have brought to light a few interesting things about our culture. I do believe that the lack of outcry is a reflection of the sexism still prevalent in our society. As Damien out it “Boys will be boys but girls should be ladies!” Also, the little bit of hair he shows in the mildly revealing photographs has at least raised the question of manscaping or not. I honestly think it makes for some interesting conversations, though not many are talking about it in those terms.

Thank you all for your comments. I don’t often answer comments directly, but know that I read every one of them. Please keep commenting and keep the conversation going.