Category Archives: Resolution Report

7 Things I Learned From Being Bold This Summer

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Since the end of last school year, I have tried to get back into the dating game. It hasn’t been very successful but I have gone on a few dates and had some pretty good sex. But hey, I didn’t just randomly hook up with anyone. Each was a person I had feelings for and want to potentially date, but somehow it didn’t work out, for whatever reason.

On the bright side, being single means I can do whatever I want, which includes writing this list without worrying about my boyfriend getting mad at me.

1. It’s harder to cum when you’re with someone than when you’re jacking off.

This is true for both people. Either they get pressured or you’re not really enjoying it, and so a quickie turns into a two-hour game of “Who Can Cum First?” I’m not saying it’s a bad thing or anything. At least, it means I can last longer. But some guys get so stressed about it that their penis usually loses interest in the moment. It stresses me out too, but I try to take it in stride.

2. It gets boring after the first few minutes.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t found the right person yet, but it gets kind of boring after making out for a few minutes. I try to only hook up with people that I have feelings for, but sometimes there weren’t any fireworks when we kissed; I just lose interest and see the whole experience as another task I have to complete for the day, and I begin to think how much longer must I do this, which usually brings me back to #1, when I’m ready to cum and move on. (It’s sad, I know.)

3. Blowjobs are overrated.

If there’s one idea that needs to be wiped from people’s minds, it’s that blowjobs are amazing—they are sometimes but not most of the time. From personal experience, most guys prefer the up-and-down hand movement with a little bit of spit or lube. Blowjobs aren’t bad; they’re just not that great. I’ve always found them boring to watch in porn and have often found that contrary to popular belief, not all gay men are great at it.

4. Rimjobs are always great to be on the receiving end of.

No matter what the rest of sex is like, a rimjob, even from someone who doesn’t know what they are doing is pretty fantastic. A good rimjob can make a bad sexual experience so much better. Just make sure you are clean and ready to receive. It never fails to make my eyes roll into the back of my head. Giving rimjobs depend on the other person, see #7.

5. Proper lube and protection is important.

You must use lube for any form of sex. Spit is good, lotion is good, but proper lube is so much better. Lube makes everything smoother and easier. (Don’t use too much, though, or else it’ll most likely slip out.) Try it—you’ll definitely notice the difference unless you’re into friction burns and lots of pain. Also, I’ve always preferred silicon lube. I find water-based lubes leave me feeling itchy. As for protection, make sure you have the proper size. Too small and it breaks, too large and it slips off of him. You know what size you need, and if it’s your first time with a guy, let him bring his own or you be the top.

6. Even though they don’t say it, most guys like it rough.

Two out of ten guys will say they like it rough and give you orders; the other eight will just do it and pretend it’s normal. Sometimes I want gentle and loving and caring (yes, just like in romantic movies). But when it’s a hook-up (even regular friends with benefits), somehow everyone just wants to be dominant and in charge. “I want you to suck my d*ck then I’m gonna bury it deep in you” is not something typical couples say to each other. I guess porn does have its cons. More so than that, I hate it when I a guy wants to have a dozen different positions. It just gets annoying, and some can be quite painful if you’re not a yoga master.

7. The scent of a man is important.

Not all men have a pleasant scent, and when they don’t, that’s when it’s time to tell them that it’s not working. Smell is so important to me. I need to know that he takes care of his body. I’m not talking about diet and exercise here, I’m talking about cleanliness. If he’s unhygienic then I don’t trust that he’s hygienic in other ways. However, when a man smells good, it’s a real turn-on.

I’m still looking for the right man. Maybe one day, I will find him. Until then, I’m going to try to find more time to be bold and get put there more. Teaching school, however, can kill a social life. Thank goodness it has other rewards. 


The Boy Next a Door

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When I was growing up, there was a family across the street. They were good people, but I never knew them too well. The son was a different story, I wanted to know him more. I never knew him well and he was five years younger, and he did make my gaydar go off. We just didn’t associate much, even though we literally lived across the road from one another. Though my parents still own our old house, they don’t live their anymore, just spend nights there occasionally to check on things.

Over the weekend, I set up a profile on Grindr. The responses have been pretty good. One of the messages was from a guy who was within 6 miles. Now when you live in the country like I do, that’s pretty damn close. We were chatting a little and I asked where he was, since it was so close. Then he named the road that I grew up on. I looked back at his profile and replied, “OMG, you grew up across the road from me.” His response was basically, “Huh, what are you talking about?” Then I said his full name and told him mine. Then it dawned on him, we really did grow up with our houses basically facing each other.

We began to talk about family and what we were doing now. Then he said he’d always found me attractive and even said that I was “Sexy, very sexy.” I told him I always thought he was very cute too. He was five years younger than me, which was a huge difference growing up, but I’m glad we’ve connected now and maybe will become friends.

I’ve chatted with a few more guys on Grindr, some not worth more than a few words, but others, I’m hoping my turn into more. One in particular will at least be a good friend to hang out with. Another, I think could be more; we connected on a deeper level. Both are very easy to talk to. One is a few years older than I am, and one a few years younger. I met the older one for drinks and we talked for hours. The younger one and I have talked quite a bit on the phone and through texting. We will get together Tuesday. I’m very excited. I am trying to be bolder and take more steps to help myself be happier.


To Boldly Go…

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Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

At the beginning of the year, I did something that I rarely event do, which is make New Years resolutions, they are so easy to break and hard to keep up with and continue. I have made some excuses and many things have happened in the first four months of this year that seemed to get me down and not follow through on my resolutions. Hopefully, this will change and I can get back on track for the remainder of the year. If you do not remember my resolutions, here they are:

First of all, I am going to be more positive and optimistic. I try to do this anyway, at least for those around me, but it resolve to do this for me as well. I will eat healthier and exercise more so that I build up my endorphin levels and feel better (this one might be a hard one, but it will try). My second resolution is to be more proactive in making myself happier. Which means, I am going to live each day to the fullest, and not shy away from opportunities. It also means that I am going to be more outgoing and build my self esteem. My second resolution means that I am going to work on personal growth, and this may be the most difficult of them all. My last resolution is that I am going to read more. This is my easiest resolution.

As I said, the last one was the easiest. I have been reading more and once I got back to making he time to read, I have rediscovered the immense joy it brings me, which brings me to the first resolution. It has been difficult at times to be positive and optimistic these first four months of 2014. My aunt’s death, HRH’s health, other health concerns, my own and others, and the frustration with students, have all a made positive thoughts and optimism difficult. However, I have some truly wonderful friends whom I love and love me that have continued to bring positive thoughts to my mind and helped me to be more optimistic.

The second resolution was to be more proactive with my own happiness. For me, I think that means being bolder and going after what I want. Have I been successful with this? Not as much as I would hope, and that I have allowed myself to blame on the setbacks with my first resolution. But I am taking some bolder steps, especially in the last week or so, and I do feel more confident and alive.

Boldness is our willingness to venture out and do the right thing at the right time, regardless of the barriers or fears we may encounter. This enables us to speak the truth, and perform a task without fear of the consequences or results, because, it is the right thing to do. It is realizing that God is in control. He is there within, and beside us, and He will take care of us. Therefore, we do not need to fear what others can do; rather, we are to concentrate on our character and call, and do it with passion and conviction.

Cowardice, fearfulness, cynicism, negativity, discouragement, and pessimism are all opposites. These negative traits create a negative attitude that is infectious to others. It causes people not to take the chance to go forward with what God is leading them to do. Thus, the person remains ensnared in fear, allowing obstacles to stop him so that the work our Lord has for us remains undone.

God is calling us to be bold. If you have the tendency to not take chances in life because we are afraid of making mistakes, God wants us to know He’s pleased with us when we try. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do everything exactly right. What matters is that we step out in faith, believing God will help us!

Second Timothy 1:7 says “for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”—and He wants us to use it! It doesn’t take courage to do what we already know we can do. True courage is displayed when we are afraid to do something but we go ahead and do it anyway. The truth is, we don’t ever have to fear because we can ask God for His help anytime we need it.

There are so many people who are so afraid of making a mistake that they don’t do anything. Instead, they sit around saying, “What if I’m wrong?” Well, we’re human. We’re going to make mistakes and look silly from time to time. We can be so afraid of being judged or criticized or getting laughed at. But the only thing fear does in our lives is stop our progress.

What matters to God is relationship…not performance. God knows we aren’t perfect, and He’s totally okay with it. Romans 3:23 says “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” The problem is, the devil knows it too, and he does his best to tell us every step of the way! We can be going along, serving God, doing good, stepping out in faith and then all of a sudden, without there being any justification for it, we’ll have a day or week when we have an attack on our mind about fear. That’s when we need to say what God’s Word tells us:

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. — 2 Corinthians 10:4-6

We can care too much about what people think of us to the point where it totally immobilizes us and we are petrified about looking wrong. But do you know what? I think if we are more truthful, we will actually get more respect than we do by trying to hide everything, pretending we’re perfect.

We need to stop living in fear of making mistakes, because we will make mistakes—period. God is not asking us to not make any mistakes. He’s calling us to be bold—fearless in approaching Him, in stepping out in faith, and in trusting Him to lead us. I for one plan to be bolder. Not only in my faith, but also in my personal life. This does not mean that I will come out of the closet. No, I need my job, and though people have suspicions and gossip about my sexuality, they do not need confirmation, because then they can use it as a weapon. However, I can be bolder and not have to fear all the complications that may arise. I just have to be smart about my boldness and pick the battles I want to fight. Nothing helps more than turning to God and receiving encouragement from friends who love and respect you and just as God does, wants to see you happy.

As an addendum, actually an aside, today is Mother’s Day. I never let a Mother’s Day go by without this post, so I’m adding it to today’s:

I hope that we all think of our mothers today. I love my mama, but like all mothers, she drives me crazy sometimes. She has been in a long, five year period of depression since she found out I was gay, but that was relieved somewhat by the birth of my niece, so she now has the grand-baby she always wanted. She is still convinced I am going to hell, but she doesn’t say it as much anymore. As long as it is a “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t discuss” situation, we get along great. In fact, on Memorial Day, we will be going on a cruise together, just she and I for four days. It was a cruise she was supposed to go on with her sister, but when her sister died she decided she wanted me to go with her. Also, my sister is pregnant and can’t go, and my daddy said he’d never go on another cruise. So it will just be us, a mother/son vacation.

So even if your mother drives you crazy, I hope that you still have a good relationship with her and tell her how much you love her today.

I love you, Mama.


The Fraudulent Practices of DirecTV

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When I was a young kid growing up in rural Alabama, there were two ways to get television reception. The most common way was with either rabbit ear antennae or with a large outdoor antennae. With this method, people in my area could receive NBC and later CBS easily (when I was a little kid, CBS switched from UHF to VHF). By moving the antennae just to the right spot, you could pick up ABC and sometimes PBS. Only later did Fox come along. The other option was to get one of those large satellite dishes that moved to capture the reception from different satellites. The problem with the large satellite dishes is that there could be nothing around them to block their reception and often they were struck by lightening. They were also quite expensive to buy.

So in the early 1990s when PrimeStar came along, you could get a small stationary 3 foot satellite and get most of the popular channels that people could get with cable television in urban areas. My parents, who had at one time had one of the large satellites, and my grandparents, who only had an antennae, got a PrimeStar satellite receiver. Finally, we had more than four channels. However, in 1999 PrimeStar was bought out by DirecTV and put out of business. For rural television viewers, we now only had two choices DirecTV and Dish Network. My grandfather bought the equipment to change over to DirecTV and after his death my aunt kept DirecTV, but as DirecTV began to upgrade equipment and offer free DVRs, they refused to upgrade my aunt’s equipment or provide us with local channels. (I had moved into my grandparent’s old house by this time.)

Finally, in November 2012, we cancelled the old contract, planning to go to Dish Network. In the process of doing so, we received an offer from DirecTV that we couldn’t refuse. We were offered two free DVRs, local channels, and their Choice Xtra package for $57.99 a month. I called to get the service set up the new service since they wanted us as customers back. When I called, we were assured that the price would be $57.99 per month. I specifically asked if it would go up in 12 months. I had dealt with these kinds of companies before, and I knew what to ask. I was assured that not only would it not go up after 12 months, but that after 12 months we would receive an additional $10 a month discount and our monthly bill would be $47.99 for the remaining year of our contract. So I agreed, and the next Monday, they came to set up our service.

That should have been it, with taxes and fees, we should have paid $66.94 a month for 12 months, and then paid roughly $56 for the next 12 months of our contract. However, this was not the case. Each month I have received a bill, the amount has been incorrect. I have called and been assured that it the previous monthly rebates we were getting would be reinstated because they had been mistakenly removed. Yesterday, however, parts of our service was cut off with a message to call customer service. So I did, only to find out that we owed $144. The rebates I kept being told that we were being given to keep our bill at the original price (not even including the additional $10 rebate we were originally promised), had not been applied and the charges have been adding up without our knowledge.

After two hours and seven (yes, 7) customer service representatives, I am finally told by one that informed me that every customer service representative that I have talked to over the past year, including the initial one who set up our account, had lied to me. She laughed at me for believing them, and said that there was nothing I could do. How wrong she is, because this is only the beginning. She doesn’t understand that I made a New Year’s resolution to be more assertive and not take things lying down anymore. I will continue to fight the fraudulent practices of DirecTV, and I will spread the word.

When all was said and done, one representative (the fourth I talked to) had admitted to me that this was standard practice with DirecTV and his own grandfather had been complaining to him about it. This nice young man told me to request that the original phone call be pulled and listened to so that they would honor the original agreement. According to the DirecTV representative, they really do record all phone conversations for quality assurance and training purposes. The dispute process takes 2-3 weeks, but the call can be pulled. However, the last representative who was supposed to be able to do this, told me not only would she not pull the phone call, but that she could not. They kept the phone calls and they were used for training purposes but it did not matter what was originally agreed to, DirecTV would never ever honor it.

Basically, if you decide to do business with DirecTV, you can be guaranteed two things. One, they will promise you the world in order to get you to sign a two year contract. Two, they will not honor that original agreement because there isn’t enough competition for them to have to do so. So this is my advice to anyone who lives in rural America: do not conduct business with DirecTV. Dish Network may not be the best service, especially if you like sports, but having dealt with them in the past as well, if you have a problem, Dish Network will do their best to resolve the issue to your satisfaction. On the other hand, DirecTV will give you all sorts of promises, and will not honor their agreements. They will continually commit fraud, false advertising, and their representatives will continually lie to you in order to get you off the phone, so that you will have to call back on another day and speak to someone else.

DO NOT CONDUCT BUSINESS WITH DIRECTV!!!!!

Additional Information from Wikipedia:

Consumer protection lawsuits and violations

Washington State’s Attorney General civil complaint

On December 14, 2009 the Washington Attorney General’s office filed a civil complaint against DirecTV seeking injunctive and other relief. The complaint was filed in the public interest when the Attorney General’s office determined after a one-year investigation by its Consumer Protection Division, that the company allegedly engaged in numerous repeated violations of the state’s Consumer Protection Act.

The complaint alleged unfair or deceptive practices which include, but are not limited to

Unclear disclosures concerning rebate terms and conditions,
Unclear and/or unfair advertising for use of the term “free”;
Automatically extending contracts when customers require equipment repairs, upgrade equipment or move;
Failing to disclose finance terms and conditions that the company’s least expensive package of $29.99 per month is only available to customers who meet certain financing conditions and agree to have the costs automatically charged or debited.
The suit also alleged that some cancellation fees assessed by the company were considered to be unfair, and
That the company unfairly retained consumer deposits made to obtain services. Those who cancel service prior to the end of their contract lose part of the deposit and may also be charged cancellation fees.
The Attorney General’s Office asked the court to compel DirecTV to change its business practices, impose civil penalties and provide restitution for consumers.

The case was settled in December 2010, with Directv agreeing to pay over one million dollars, and to correct many of its business practices. 47 other states joined in a similar suit, the settlement of which required Directv to pay over 13 million dollars.

California class action lawsuit

In September 2008, consumers filed a class action lawsuit with the Los Angeles Superior Court to stop DirecTV’s practice of charging early cancellation penalties to subscribers. The lawsuit claims that DirecTV fails to disclose the penalty to new customers or to existing customers who replace their equipment or add a new receiver, and that these practices are unlawful. In September 2009, a motion for a preliminary injunction was filed to block the company from automatically removing the fees from customers’ bank accounts or charging their credit card accounts without their prior knowledge and written consent until the lawsuit is resolved.

Telemarketing violations

In December 2005 the U.S. Federal Trade Commission imposed a $5.3 million penalty on DirecTV for its violations of federal telemarketing regulations. It was the largest civil penalty the FTC had ever announced in a case enforcing any consumer protection law.


Moment of Zen: Guys in Sweatpants

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One of the things that I love about cooler weather is the number of guys who wear sweatpants. A really sexy pair of sweatpants worn with the right kind of underwear or none at all leaves little to the imagination, which I find all the better. Of course some of the guys above are obviously in warmer weather than most of us are experiencing. Today and tomorrow will be fairly nice here in Alabama, but Monday and Tuesday the lows are expected in the teens. It makes for a good time to snuggle with a guy in sweatpants and let your hand wonder south of the waistband.

First Resolution Report:

I did three things to mKe myself more assertive this week: 1) I called the vet’s office to get HRH better care since she wasn’t getting better, 2) I sent an email to an online merchant about their poor customer service, and 3) I set up an online profile to try and find some local gay friends. These may not sound like huge steps, but they are things I needed to do or wanted to do, and I didn’t allow myself be be talked out of it by my own self. We will see how these things work out.


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