7 Things I Learned From Being Bold This Summer

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Since the end of last school year, I have tried to get back into the dating game. It hasn’t been very successful but I have gone on a few dates and had some pretty good sex. But hey, I didn’t just randomly hook up with anyone. Each was a person I had feelings for and want to potentially date, but somehow it didn’t work out, for whatever reason.

On the bright side, being single means I can do whatever I want, which includes writing this list without worrying about my boyfriend getting mad at me.

1. It’s harder to cum when you’re with someone than when you’re jacking off.

This is true for both people. Either they get pressured or you’re not really enjoying it, and so a quickie turns into a two-hour game of “Who Can Cum First?” I’m not saying it’s a bad thing or anything. At least, it means I can last longer. But some guys get so stressed about it that their penis usually loses interest in the moment. It stresses me out too, but I try to take it in stride.

2. It gets boring after the first few minutes.

Perhaps it’s because I haven’t found the right person yet, but it gets kind of boring after making out for a few minutes. I try to only hook up with people that I have feelings for, but sometimes there weren’t any fireworks when we kissed; I just lose interest and see the whole experience as another task I have to complete for the day, and I begin to think how much longer must I do this, which usually brings me back to #1, when I’m ready to cum and move on. (It’s sad, I know.)

3. Blowjobs are overrated.

If there’s one idea that needs to be wiped from people’s minds, it’s that blowjobs are amazing—they are sometimes but not most of the time. From personal experience, most guys prefer the up-and-down hand movement with a little bit of spit or lube. Blowjobs aren’t bad; they’re just not that great. I’ve always found them boring to watch in porn and have often found that contrary to popular belief, not all gay men are great at it.

4. Rimjobs are always great to be on the receiving end of.

No matter what the rest of sex is like, a rimjob, even from someone who doesn’t know what they are doing is pretty fantastic. A good rimjob can make a bad sexual experience so much better. Just make sure you are clean and ready to receive. It never fails to make my eyes roll into the back of my head. Giving rimjobs depend on the other person, see #7.

5. Proper lube and protection is important.

You must use lube for any form of sex. Spit is good, lotion is good, but proper lube is so much better. Lube makes everything smoother and easier. (Don’t use too much, though, or else it’ll most likely slip out.) Try it—you’ll definitely notice the difference unless you’re into friction burns and lots of pain. Also, I’ve always preferred silicon lube. I find water-based lubes leave me feeling itchy. As for protection, make sure you have the proper size. Too small and it breaks, too large and it slips off of him. You know what size you need, and if it’s your first time with a guy, let him bring his own or you be the top.

6. Even though they don’t say it, most guys like it rough.

Two out of ten guys will say they like it rough and give you orders; the other eight will just do it and pretend it’s normal. Sometimes I want gentle and loving and caring (yes, just like in romantic movies). But when it’s a hook-up (even regular friends with benefits), somehow everyone just wants to be dominant and in charge. “I want you to suck my d*ck then I’m gonna bury it deep in you” is not something typical couples say to each other. I guess porn does have its cons. More so than that, I hate it when I a guy wants to have a dozen different positions. It just gets annoying, and some can be quite painful if you’re not a yoga master.

7. The scent of a man is important.

Not all men have a pleasant scent, and when they don’t, that’s when it’s time to tell them that it’s not working. Smell is so important to me. I need to know that he takes care of his body. I’m not talking about diet and exercise here, I’m talking about cleanliness. If he’s unhygienic then I don’t trust that he’s hygienic in other ways. However, when a man smells good, it’s a real turn-on.

I’m still looking for the right man. Maybe one day, I will find him. Until then, I’m going to try to find more time to be bold and get put there more. Teaching school, however, can kill a social life. Thank goodness it has other rewards. 

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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