Author Archives: Joe

About Joe

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I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces.

Pic of the Day


Khajuraho Temples

The temples of Khajuraho, a UNESCO World Heritage site located in Madhya Pradesh, India, are renowned for their intricate sculptures that celebrate the full spectrum of human life—spiritual, sensual, and mundane. Constructed between the 10th and 12th centuries CE under the rule of the Chandela dynasty, these temples have drawn global attention for their uninhibited erotic carvings. While most focus has traditionally been directed toward heterosexual imagery, the presence of male same-sex activity in the sculptural program offers a rare and illuminating glimpse into a pre-modern Indian worldview that acknowledged, depicted, and integrated diverse expressions of desire, including male-male eroticism, without censure.

Among the 85 temples originally built at Khajuraho, 22 remain today. Temples like the Kandariya Mahadeva, Lakshmana, and Vishvanatha house the majority of the erotic sculptures. These carvings are typically located on the outer walls and are interspersed among depictions of deities, mythical creatures, daily life, and celestial beings. In this context, the erotic is not marginal or profane—it is part of a holistic worldview that includes kama (desire) as one of the four essential goals of life, alongside dharma (duty), artha (prosperity), and moksha (liberation).

Within this framework, scenes of male same-sex activity appear—never as the dominant theme, but as a recognized and unashamed element of human and divine experience. One well-documented relief on the Kandariya Mahadeva Temple portrays three male figures: two engaged in what appears to be anal intercourse while the third supports or observes. The composition, carved with anatomical clarity and sensual expressiveness, is neither hidden nor diminutive. Instead, it is seamlessly integrated with other sexual depictions, suggesting that such interactions were not viewed as abnormal or unworthy of representation.

The Khajuraho sculptures are informed by Tantric philosophy, which celebrates the union of opposites—male and female, mortal and divine, physical and spiritual. Tantra does not moralize sexual behavior but instead sees it as a path to transcendence when practiced with awareness and ritual purpose. In such a framework, the body is not a source of shame but a vehicle for experiencing and accessing the sacred. This philosophical backdrop helps explain the inclusion of non-normative sexualities in the temple art.

Moreover, the historical Indian worldview, as evidenced in ancient texts like the Kama Sutra and the Natyashastra, acknowledged and codified categories for male-male desire. The Kama Sutra describes the behavior of the kliba—a term that included a variety of gender-nonconforming or homosexual individuals—and elaborates on oral sex between men without moral condemnation. The presence of male same-sex depictions at Khajuraho may be seen as a visual extension of these texts, reflecting their acceptance within elite court and religious circles.

The British colonial period marked a turning point in the interpretation of Indian art and sexuality. Victorian sensibilities, combined with Christian morality, led to a widespread suppression of India’s diverse sexual past. Erotic art was dismissed as “obscene” or “degenerate,” and the Khajuraho sculptures were either censored or misinterpreted. The presence of male same-sex acts, in particular, was downplayed or ignored in early archaeological reports, a silence that endured into much of the 20th century.

Only in recent decades have Indian and international scholars begun to reassess Khajuraho through lenses unclouded by colonial morality. Researchers such as Devdutt Pattanaik and Ruth Vanita have foregrounded these representations as evidence of a more fluid and inclusive premodern Indian culture. In doing so, they challenge modern narratives that frame homosexuality as a “Western import” or a postcolonial phenomenon.

The male same-sex depictions at the Khajuraho Temples serve as powerful reminders of a historical moment when erotic plurality was not stigmatized but sculpted in stone for the divine and the earthly to witness. These carvings do not merely reflect acts of physical pleasure—they symbolize a cultural acceptance of the full range of human desire. As India and the world continue to grapple with questions of sexual identity and historical memory, the Khajuraho temples stand as enduring monuments to a time when the sacred and the sensual, including love between men, coexisted without shame.In recognizing and reclaiming these images, we honor a forgotten legacy—one that whispers across time from temple walls that have seen centuries, reminding us that queerness is not an aberration in Indian history, but a thread woven into its very cultural fabric.


Pic of the Day


If I Could Tell You

If I Could Tell You
By W H Auden

Time will say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.

If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time will say nothing but I told you so.

There are no fortunes to be told, although,
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you I would let you know.

The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time will say nothing but I told you so.

Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you I would let you know.

Suppose all the lions get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away;
Will Time say nothing but I told you so?
If I could tell you I would let you know.

About this Poem

W. H. Auden’s “If I Could Tell You” is one of the most elegant and haunting examples of the villanelle* form in 20th-century poetry. Written in 1940, during a time of global uncertainty and personal introspection, the poem reflects Auden’s preoccupations with fate, time, and the limits of human understanding. Through the disciplined repetition inherent to the villanelle structure, Auden explores the futility of attempting to predict or control the future, as well as the painful inability to articulate certain emotional truths. The poem is widely celebrated not only for its formal mastery but also for the quiet emotional resonance it achieves within the constraints of a tightly ordered verse.

The speaker begins with the striking line, “Time will say nothing but I told you so,” immediately positioning time as a silent but omniscient force. This refrain recurs throughout the poem, becoming a kind of mantra that expresses the speaker’s sense of resignation. Time, in Auden’s conception, offers no guidance or foresight; it speaks only after events have unfolded and merely to affirm what could not be known beforehand. The second refrain—“If I could tell you, I would let you know”—is equally suggestive. It conveys a deep desire to communicate something essential, perhaps a truth about love, destiny, or mortality, yet the speaker admits that such knowledge lies beyond the reach of speech. This interplay between knowing and unknowing, between expression and silence, gives the poem its emotional power.

Throughout the poem’s six stanzas, Auden employs the villanelle form to echo the very limitations he describes. The repetition of the refrains mirrors the cyclical nature of thought, especially when grappling with uncertainties about the future or love. Each repetition slightly alters in context, accumulating new emotional weight as the poem progresses. This structural device reinforces the central themes: human beings return again and again to the same questions about time, fate, and communication, but definitive answers remain elusive. The fixed form, with its repeated lines and rhyme scheme, becomes a metaphor for the limits of human perspective—we can frame questions and revisit them, but we may never escape their orbit.

Despite its philosophical tone, the poem also carries a deeply personal undercurrent. There is an implicit intimacy in the speaker’s voice, a sense that this is a private confession addressed to someone the speaker longs to reach. Lines such as “Suppose the lions all get up and go, / And all the brooks and soldiers run away” evoke surreal imagery that suggests a world in flux, where nothing can be counted on to stay or behave as expected. The poem ultimately resists clarity or conclusion; instead, it invites readers to dwell in uncertainty. This refusal to offer easy resolution is part of what makes the poem so enduring—it captures a universal human condition with spare, deliberate language.

“If I Could Tell You” is also a classic example of the villanelle because of how skillfully Auden uses the form to enhance, rather than restrict, meaning. The villanelle’s strict pattern of nineteen lines—five tercets and a final quatrain, with two alternating refrains—often leads poets toward predictability or formal stiffness. Auden, however, embraces these limitations to serve the poem’s meditation on fate. The refrains are not static repetitions but dynamic reframings, deepening with each recurrence. The rhyme scheme (ABA throughout, with the final stanza ABAA) provides musicality without drawing undue attention to itself. This seamless integration of structure and sentiment is what makes Auden’s villanelle exemplary.

In conclusion, “If I Could Tell You” is a masterwork of poetic form and philosophical inquiry. It demonstrates how the villanelle, often associated with obsessive or lyrical themes, can also express complex reflections on time, knowledge, and emotional truth. Auden’s use of the form allows for a careful layering of meaning, where each return to the refrain evokes not repetition, but revelation. The poem lingers in the reader’s mind long after the final lines, not because it offers answers, but because it gives voice to the yearning for them. Through its elegant structure and aching restraint, “If I Could Tell You” stands as one of the most affecting and enduring villanelles in English literature.

Villanelles and sonnets are my two favorite poetic forms. The rigidity of the rules of these forms takes a truly dedicated person to write. I love the repetition in a villanelle, and sonnets always have that little twist at the end. In case you are not familiar with the rigid structure of these poems:

villanelle is a 19-line poem composed of five tercets followed by a quatrain, with two repeating refrains and a strict ABA rhyme scheme. The first and third lines of the opening stanza alternate as the final lines of the subsequent stanzas and both reappear in the concluding quatrain. This repetitive structure creates a lyrical, cyclical effect often used to express obsession, longing, or inevitability. 

sonnet is a 14-line poem written in iambic pentameter with a specific rhyme scheme and structure. The two most common types are the Petrarchan (Italian) sonnet, which divides into an octave and a sestet (usually ABBAABBA CDECDE), and the Shakespearean (English) sonnet, which has three quatrains and a final couplet (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG). Sonnets traditionally explore themes like love, time, beauty, and mortality.

About the Poet

W. H. Auden (Wystan Hugh Auden) was born on February 21, 1907, in York, England, and raised in an intellectually vibrant household in Birmingham. He studied English literature at Christ Church, Oxford, where he emerged as a brilliant and unconventional young poet. In the 1930s, Auden became a central figure in British literary and political life, known for his formal innovation, sharp intellect, and engagement with social and psychological themes. His early poetry often reflected a concern with war, oppression, and spiritual crisis, influenced by his travels in Germany and Spain during periods of political upheaval.

Auden was gay, and while he never publicly identified as such in a modern political sense—given the cultural and legal constraints of his time—his sexuality was a formative aspect of his identity and creative life. Though often discreet in public, he was relatively open within his artistic circles and close relationships. His lifelong partnership with the American poet Chester Kallman, beginning in 1939, deeply shaped both his personal life and literary output, even as their romantic relationship eventually evolved into a complicated, platonic companionship. Many of Auden’s poems, particularly his love lyrics, carry a tone of longing, vulnerability, and emotional depth that reflect his experiences as a gay man seeking intimacy in a world that often denied him open recognition.

Auden emigrated to the United States in 1939 and became a U.S. citizen in 1946. This move marked a shift in both geography and poetic style: his later work became more philosophical, often concerned with theology, morality, and the inner life. Still, the emotional resonance of his early relationships and romantic disappointments lingered in his poetry. Works like “Lullaby,” “Funeral Blues,” and “The Sea and the Mirror” delicately explore themes of homoerotic desire, loss, and spiritual reconciliation, even when not explicitly naming the gender of the beloved. Auden’s ability to navigate such personal material through layered language and formal control allowed him to speak of love and pain in ways that transcended the boundaries of his era.

He spent his final years between New York and Austria, continuing to write, lecture, and influence generations of poets. W. H. Auden died on September 29, 1973, in Vienna. Today, he is remembered not only as one of the most technically gifted and intellectually adventurous poets of the 20th century but also as a pioneering voice in the canon of LGBTQ+ literature. His work stands as a testament to the quiet, resilient dignity with which he lived his life and articulated a deeply personal vision of love, loneliness, and human connection.


Pic of the Day


Not Hating This Monday Morning

Monday mornings usually have a reputation, and let’s be honest—they’ve earned it. The alarm goes off too early, my morning cup of tea never seems strong enough, and I’m just not feeling any motivation. But this Monday? This Monday, I’m not hating at all.

For once, I don’t have to go into work today. I had to switch my off day from Wednesday to Monday this week because I’ve got an event at the museum in the middle of the week. So today, while most of the world is fighting off the Monday blues and rushing off to jobs, meetings, and traffic jams, I’m enjoying the rare pleasure of a quiet morning, guilt-free.

I slept in a bit—not too late, just enough to feel indulgent, but late enough to piss off Isabella. The weather outside is behaving, it’s supposed to be a beautiful sunny day with a high of 71 degrees. My tea tastes like it actually wants to be helpful, and I’ve got absolutely nothing on my to-do list until my appointment with my trainer at 3 pm. That’s right, I’ll be spending my afternoon getting stronger, one rep at a time (with a little side motivation—Neo is easy on the eyes).

There’s something surprisingly luxurious about having a day off when the rest of the world doesn’t. It feels like I’ve been let in on a secret, or like I’m skipping school with permission. It’s not a vacation exactly—but it is a breath. And maybe that’s what I needed more than anything today: a pause, a stretch, a reset.So, for now, I’m going to enjoy this Monday for the anomaly it is—quiet, slow, and entirely mine. I hope wherever you are, you can find a little space for that too.


Held in Love

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

—Isaiah 66:13

Mother’s Day can be complicated.

For many LGBTQ+ Christians, this day stirs a mixture of gratitude, grief, and longing. Some of us have mothers who love us fiercely, who fought for us when others turned away. Others have strained relationships marked by silence, theological disagreements, or painful rejection. Some have lost their mothers altogether, or never had one who nurtured them in the way they needed. And still others have found “mothering” in chosen family—those who stepped into the role when our biological mothers could not.

I grew up with a mother who, in many ways, was my safe place. She sang to me—silly songs, made-up lullabies, and always “You Are My Sunshine.” That song still lingers in my memory like a benediction. Even now, when I feel anxious or overwhelmed, I can hear her voice in my mind and feel something loosen inside. She wasn’t perfect (who is?), and our relationship changed after I came out. Her love didn’t vanish, but it retreated into more cautious, guarded corners. I learned to read between the lines—to hear love in what wasn’t said as much as in what was.

There are days I wish she could fully see me, not just the parts she’s comfortable with. But I know this: most of the time, she tries, and in her way, she still sings over me. Her growing dementia has mellowed her about my sexuality, and possibly her views on the LGBTQ+ community, at least she no longer mentions me being gay even on the periphery anymore when we talk on the phone or when I go home for the holidays.

And in the spaces where that love feels fragile or incomplete, I lean on the divine promise of God’s motherhood. Isaiah 66:13 tells us, “As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” God doesn’t just replace what we lack in human relationships—God transcends it. God’s love is not hindered by shame or ignorance, nor is it conditional on who we love or how we live. God’s comfort is whole, unwavering, and tender. It wraps around us like a lullaby that never fades.

For those who feel unmothered today—rejected, estranged, or just alone—please know: you are not forgotten. You are not forsaken. You are loved, by a God who mothers us all. In Scripture, we are told:

“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” —Psalm 27:10

And for those whose mothers still try—who show up imperfectly but continue to offer what love they can—I honor your resilience, your patience, your hope. 

Today, let us give thanks for all who have mothered us: the women who raised us, the aunts and teachers who guided us, the queer elders who nurtured us, the friends who held us through heartbreak, and the God who never stops whispering, “You are my beloved.” In Luke 13:34, Jesus says, “How often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing.”

Let us also remember that motherhood isn’t limited to biology. In God’s eyes, to nurture, to protect, to comfort—these are sacred acts. Many of us embody them, regardless of gender, title, or role. LGBTQ+ people have always created families and offered fierce, maternal love to one another. That, too, is holy. Let us always remember what 1 John 4:7 says, “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”

On this Mother’s Day, whether you are rejoicing, mourning, navigating silence, or embracing chosen family, know this:

You are held in love.

You are never alone.

And somewhere, still, the song continues: You are my sunshine.


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Moment of Zen: Cowboys


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