If you have or know someone who suffers from depression, you probably know that no matter how much their antidepressants work, there will still be blue days, or just a case of the blahs. If you have plans to do something, you can’t muster the energy to actually follow through. You don’t want to talk to anyone, and you probably don’t want to get off the couch all day, that is if you got out of bed at all.
Yesterday was one of those days for me. The most I could get myself to do was to lay on the couch and binge watch Only Murders in the Building. I made some soup for lunch, but that’s as energetic as it gets. I received some lovely comments on yesterday’s post that I wanted to respond to, but it was not a good day to try to communicate. (Don’t worry, I’ll respond later today.) When I’m like this, I find it hard to communicate with anyone, no matter the mode of communication.
I’m feeling better. Days like yesterday usually don’t last more than about 24 hours or so. I’m not tip top this morning, but I’m at least more functional.
Do you ever have an unsettling dream, not necessarily a bad dream, but not a good one either, and you wake up and can’t fall back to sleep because you can’t get the dream out of your head? I woke up sometime between 2:00 am and 2:30 am, and for once it wasn’t because of Isabella. This time is was one of those unsettling dreams. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t shut my brain back off and return to sleep. I was awake for over an hour before I felt like I might be able to fall asleep again. Luckily, I did fall back to sleep, but waking up with my alarm (and Isabella) at 5:00 am was pretty difficult and I still feel really groggy. It looks like it might be a long day at work. I’d actually call in sick and go back to bed if it wasn’t that for much of today, I’ll be the only person at the museum.
So, you might be wondering what this dream was. I dreamed that I was sitting in church when the minister began to quote the Bible verses that are used to condemn gay people and then rant about the evils of homosexuality. In the dream, I stood up and began to explain how wrong he was, why he was ignorant of the Bible’s history and interpretation of translations, and that he was preaching hate and unchristian beliefs. The minister then turns to the congregation and says in a sarcastic manner, “Here we go people” in the manner of someone who is already mocking the person talking in an effort to discredit them before they begin presenting their case. That’s when I woke up, and all I could think about was all the things I’d like to say to this hateful preacher and show why he was a hypocrite who was preaching the opposite of what Christ taught.
The thoughts running through my head used to keep me up at night on a regular basis. I just wouldn’t be able to shut off my mind and fall asleep. However, I rarely wake up remembering my dreams, let alone allow an unsettling dream like last night keep me awake. I’ve had other dreams that woke me up, but they were usually more of an erotic nature. I usually have to try to take care of a very different type of “hard issues” before I can fall back to sleep.
We are expecting rain from today until Wednesday, which is most likely the reason why I’ve had a migraine all weekend. My migraine actually woke me up twice in the night last night. I was hoping I would wake up this morning and it would be better. And maybe it is a little, but it definitely has not gone away. I’d like to call in sick today but unless it get worse before it’s time to leave, I’ll probably go in and at least try to work this morning.
I hate my migraines, and I really hate that they are so affected by atmospheric changes. Vermont had gotten a lot of rain this summer which has proved to be a real problem. I wish we could have at least a week of nice sunny weather. Vermont needs a break from the rain so we can finally dry out after the floods a few weeks ago. The standing water causes more issues than just saturating the ground and not allowing any place for more rain to go. It also means an infestation of mosquitoes. I feel like I can’t leave my apartment without spraying myself down with insect repellent. I hate mosquitoes!
It started raining yesterday afternoon and is expected to continue until tomorrow morning. Usually, the rain is not very heavy here, and we rarely get more than an inch of rain at any one time. However, we are expected to get 3”-5” before this rain event is over. We are under flood warnings , but thankfully, I live on high ground well above the nearby river. We’ve also had a fair amount of thunder and lightning.
I say all this because rain and weather/air pressure changes always affects my migraines. I had a somewhat minor one yesterday, but woke today with a pretty bad one. I took my medicine, and I’ll see if it begins to improve. If it doesn’t, I will likely be taking a sick day and going back to bed.
Well, yesterday did not go as planned. In the last few weeks, I’ve been suffering from increasingly worse nausea. When I got in my car to leave for work, the nausea had gotten so bad, and I was suffering from so much motion sickness that I knew I could not drive. I called in sick, went back inside, and tried to remain as still as possible. I took my anti-nausea medicine and eventually I started feeling better. The nausea never fully went away, and I developed a migraine. I contacted my doctor, and it appears that all of this was caused by an increase in two of my medications. I’ve gone back to the decreased dosage, and hopefully, things will be better today. I’m not sure how long it will take to reverse the side effects, because it took weeks for things to build up to this point. Time will tell.
Thankfully, today is a holiday for me. The university decided to give us a four day weekend. It’s a good thing too. I need a day of recovery. Our weather has been crappy. It rained all day yesterday, not to mention that our air quality has been particularly bad because of the Canadian wildfires. These two things in combination created a perfect storm for a major migraine. The nausea was especially bad with this one. I ended up having to not only take my full arsenal of migraine medication but also my anti-nausea medicine. These medicines in combination make it difficult to stay awake and can usually take a day to recover. They helped to end the migraine and nausea, but I’m really glad I have the day off to recover.
I’m not sure I have ever spoken about this before, but I have a condition known as vitiligo, a chronic autoimmune disorder that causes patches of skin to lose pigment or color. It is most notable in darker-skinned people. Some fair-skinned people have it, but it is not noticeable unless they get a tan. I have a light olive complexion, so it is noticeable on me. Most people notice it on my hands. I have very little pigment on my fingers. There are other places where it is, but we will not discuss that.
Recently, there have been some models who have been seen with vitiligo. I think a Gap commercial, or a similar store used a model with vitiligo in one of their ads. It’s even showing up in gay porn, which I find shocking. The picture above is the Cocky Boys model Theo Brady. Looking closely, you can see that it affects his legs and around his waist. If you watch one of his videos, you will see it more prominently in other areas of his body. This was the only picture I could safely show on my blog.
So, why am I telling you about this? Throughout my life (this started around puberty), I have always been told there is no effective treatment or cure. Recently a new drug has been discovered called Opzelura. The medicine is a cream for the treatment of chronic treatment of mild to moderate eczema and a type of vitiligo called nonsegmental, which is what I have. A thin layer of the cream has to be allied twice a day to the affected areas. Also, the treatment can take up to a year to see any repigmentation.
My vitiligo has been a source of embarrassment for me since it began. The depigmentation has accelerated in recent years, though it is still only in certain places on my body. Many people have asked me what happened to my hands, and I tell them it’s vitiligo. If they are of my generation or before, then I can tell them it’s what Michael Jackson had before he had his skin bleached. Skin bleaching used to be the only “cure” for vitiligo, but it was only used in extreme cases.
Once I heard about the medication (thank you, Susan), I talked to my doctor about getting a prescription. He referred me to a dermatologist. Initially, my appointment was scheduled for September 27, but I was told to check for cancellations. On Monday, I found a cancellation for Tuesday and made the appointment. I saw the dermatologist, who told me that it had been proven effective in some people and was worth trying.
It has some possible side effects like all medications have. One of them is that it causes acne where it is applied. She said we’d treat the acne if that were the case. The dermatologist told me to try it in a small, affected spot for two weeks and see how I reacted to it. If there are no problems, then we will continue the treatment. So then, I had to get it approved by my insurance. Amazingly, my insurance company, which denies everything, quickly approved the medicine, and I am waiting for my pharmacy to get it in stock today.
It can take up to twelve weeks to a year to see any improvement, but I have my fingers crossed that it will work. I am excited because there has never been the slimmest chance of hope before, and a treatment has finally proved effective.
I had a migraine all day Monday, but it was tolerable most of the day. However, by the time I went to bed it had begun to intensify. This migraine woke me up several times during the night. When it woke me around 3 am, I wasn’t able to fully fall back to sleep. I eventually got up at 4 am. I ended up calling in sick to work. The slightest amount of light was causing more pain. I kept my blinds closed, but light was still coming in. Eventually, I put on a sleep mask, which seemed to help. I slept most of yesterday. Each time I woke up my migraine seemed better, but that didn’t last long. It was a miserable day. Thankfully, I am feeling better this morning.
I slept like the dead last night. Not even Isabella could wake me until 5 am. I still don’t feel completely rested and wish I could just go back to bed. Alas, I cannot go back to sleep. I have to go to work today. I seem to be the only one who will be there today. It should be a quiet day. Most days during the summer are; however, you never know. Anyway, I am far too sleepy to write much today. I hope all of you had a wonderful day and a wonderful week ahead. Until next time…
I’ve had a migraine since the weekend. It started while I was away, but it wasn’t too bad. However, it has steadily gotten worse. Yesterday was really bad. It doesn’t help that I am under a great amount of stress at work. The weather changes haven’t helped either. We had a thunderstorm last night, which is pretty rare in the part of Vermont. Hopefully, today will be a better day.
Joe
The Closet Professor 