Category Archives: Uncategorized

A New Man in My Life

I have finally found a boyfriend.  He’s muscular and handsome, and he really seems to love me.  He’s a sharp dresser with a propensity for wearing black.  He love to be around me, and wants to be wherever I am. He begs to share my bed and he loves to cuddle.  He’s also a nice mixture of brains and braun. What more could I ask for?  A lot actually, because there are a few problems with this new man in my life.  He’s a got mischievous.  He’s scared of bad weather.  He has a jealousy streak a mile wide, and he belongs to someone else.

Not to mention, he’s not the ruggedly handsome man in the picture above; he’s a cat.  He’s not the cat in the picture, but he looks a lot like him, and loves to cuddle like the fellow above does.  Also, HRH, my longtime part Siamese gray tabby, hates him with a passion.  Her jealousy is even stronger.  She hisses and attacks anytime he tries to be near me.  Also, he’s my roommate’s cat, but he’s abandoned her for me.  He does everything he can to get in my good graces, but he can be destructive if I ignore him.  At first, I didn’t particular like him, and I seemed to challenge his male dominance.  He also liked to aggravate HRH.  However, HRH gets the best of him, and he constantly has to pussyfoot around her.
I call him the Black Prince, BP for short.  He’s only a prince because the true queen of the house is HRH. As long as I pay BP attention when HRH is not around, things go well.  He likes to cuddle with me when I take a nap during the day, and when HRH is elsewhere in the house.  When he’s not cuddling with me, he right outside my door waiting for the chance to be near me.  He’s grown quite attached to me, and would be with me 24/7 if HRH would allow it.
So that’s the new man in my life.  Yes, this has been a silly post, but I’m a cat person.  One of my friends calls me the “cat whisperer” because cats seem to be drawn to me and I have a way with them.  Silly as it may be, I just wanted to share with you guys the new man in my life.
Mark Twain once said, “When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.”  I think Mr. Twain has something there.



Moment of Zen: Love Wins


Stonewall Uprising

Stonewall Uprising . American Experience . WGBH | PBS
Something unremarkable happened on June 27, 1969 in New York’s Greenwich Village, an event which had occurred a thousand times before across the U.S. over the decades. The police raided a gay bar. The events that followed marked the beginnings of the Gay Rights Movement.

The Stonewall riots were a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations against a police raid that took place in the early morning hours of June 28, 1969, at the Stonewall Inn, in the Greenwich Village neighborhood of New York City. They are frequently cited as the first instance in American history when people in the homosexual community fought back against a government-sponsored system that persecuted sexual minorities, and they have become the defining event that marked the start of the gay rights movement in the United States and around the world.

In this 90-minute film, AMERICAN EXPERIENCE draws upon eyewitness accounts and rare archival material to bring this pivotal event to life. Based on David Carter’s critically acclaimed book, Stonewall: The Riots That Sparked the Gay Revolution, American Experience: Stonewall Uprising was produced by Kate Davis and David Heilbroner.

Today marks the 44th anniversary of the historic Stonewall Inn Riots in the heart of Greenwich Village in New York City.

The birthplace of the gay rights movement, The Stonewall has been the preferred location for celebration (or commiseration) anytime something significant happens regarding LGBT rights and this once again proved to be true this past week as thousands packed the street in front of the legendary bar to celebrate marriage equality.

Here’s to the queers, misfits, trans people, drag queens, homeless LGBT youth and everyone else present who led the fight starting in the early morning hours on June 28, 1969. They are the reason we have Pride in the first place and our community and our country couldn’t have made its historic leaps without you.

For more information about the beginnings of the Gay Rights Movement in the United States and the Stonewall Riots, please check out my series of post on Stonewall.


DOMA and Religion

Yesterday was a momentous day for LGBT equality.  The Supreme Court’s first rulings on same-sex marriage produced historic gains for gay rights Wednesday: full federal recognition of legally married gay couples and an opening for such unions to resume in the nation’s largest state.  The divided court stopped short of a more sweeping ruling that the fundamental right to marry must be extended to gay couples no matter where they live.  With the addition of California, more than a third of Americans will live in a jurisdiction — 13 states and District of Columbia — where same-sex marriage is sanctioned. Whereas, neither of these decisions will do anything for Alabama, it is still a victory for America.  However, religious institutions are already stirring up hatred and despair.  One church pastor stated on the news last night that for each Supreme Court ruling in favor of homosexuality, the less favor God will show the United States.  These kinds of statements are what drive so many LGBT adults from religion.
The Pew Research Center recently released a study that examined the lives of LGBT Americans. One portion of the study, which has garnered significant media attention is the relationship between LGBT people and religion. The study found that LGBT people tended to be less religiously affiliated than the general population, and views all major religions as unfriendly toward LGBT people.
According to the study by Pew:  “Lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgender adults are, on the whole, less religious than the general public. About half (48%) say they have no religious affiliation, compared with 20% in the general public; this pattern holds among all age groups. LGBT adults who do have a religious affiliation generally attend worship services less frequently and attach less importance to religion in their lives than do religiously affiliated adults in the general public.”
My Christianity is a very importent part of me.  Just as I know that I am gay, I also know that God exists and that He, as Jesus Christ, died for my sons on the cross.  I also know that God is love, and no matter what other Christians may believe, God created me as I am for a purpose and with his love, I can conquer all.
Also according to Pew, “A third (33%) of religiously affiliated LGBT adults say there is a conflict between their religious beliefs and their sexual orientation or gender identity.  That sentiment is even more prevalent among the general public. About three-quarters of white evangelical Protestants (74%) and a majority of all U.S. adults with a religious affiliation (55%) say homosexuality conflicts with their religious beliefs. Among all adults in the general public, there is a strong correlation between the frequency of church attendance and the belief that homosexuality should be discouraged.”
Some anti-gay activists will look at this figure and say, “Aha! See? Those LGBT people are anti-Christian. Look, half of them even eschew religion of any kind!”
This figure is largely of their own making. There was a time when religion (all of them) were solidly anti-gay. Human sexuality wasn’t discussed, except in hushed tones and fraught with shame. If someone came out, they had to leave everything behind. Often, their job, their family, and their faith community. While those bad old days don’t exist in the same way they once did, the stigma lingers.
This is an example of where educating the public can do so much good.  What did Jesus say about homosexuality?  The answer is very simple: nothing.  What does the New Testament writers say about homosexuality?  Again, the answer is nothing.  Yes, Paul of Tarsus wrote about some homosexual acts, such as ritual sex and pedophilia, but he does not write about homosexuality in the way we understand it today.  If you believe that God is omniscient and omnipresent, as I do, then why did he not specifically place the love between people of the same gender in his list of prohibitions?  Simply because He knew what the future held.  Christianity would expand exponentially; Judaism would not.  Judaism needed a prohibition on homosexuality in Leviticus because it needed population growth to survive.  Christianity, on the other had, converted many and spread throughout the Roman Empire and beyond.  Much of this, however, is misconstrued by religious leaders who fear what they cannot understand, which is why so many LGBT adults turn their backs on religion.
Nonetheless, about half of LGBT adults (51%) have a religious affiliation, including a sizable minority of all LGBT respondents (17%) who have a religious affiliation and also say religion is very important in their lives. Most of those with a religious affiliation are Christian (53% Protestant, 26% Catholic and 1% some other Christian faith). Among LGBT Catholics, two-thirds consider the Catholic Church unfriendly toward the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender population, while 26% say it is neutral and just 6% see it as friendly. By contrast, among LGBT adults who are white mainline Protestants, most say that non-evangelical Protestant Churches are either friendly (20%) or neutral (54%) toward them, while 24% see these churches as unfriendly.
The stigma of LGBT feeling unwelcome by religion is still propagated. Even when LGBT people have reconciled their faith and their sexual orientation or gender identity, there are those within religion actively trying to reestablish that inner conflict.
The dominant impression is that religion is inherently anti-LGBT, and the amount of work that the Religion, Faith & Values program of GLAAD, the LGBT religious organizations like the Gay Christian Network, Muslims for Progressive Values, or Keshet, alongside of so many denominational LGBT advocacy groups, has not yet changed that perception.  It also means that, for those denominations who are LGBT-inclusive, or who have made strides to become more LGBT inclusive, that there is still more work to do.
I say this last part as a Christian and as a gay man. LGBT and allied people of faith need to speak up. Not only for the good of the LGBT community, have who continued to face conflict in religious communities. We also need to speak up for the good of our own faith. I write posts about my faith because I care about the reputation of my church and Christianity in the world. If you truly love your faith, you must make that known. It is only by speaking out that we change the negative perception surrounding our faith communities.

Gay Camping?

I’m not for sure I would actually go through with this, but I would love any advice you guys could give me.  I have been considering taking a weekend vacation by myself, just to get away for a few days.  With little money to spend, I was considering going camping.  I can borrow some camping equipment (a tent and air mattress) from my sister, so it seems doable.  As I was looking at campgrounds, I found that there were four gay campgrounds here in Alabama.  Each is clothing optional and secluded.  Here are the four campgrounds and a description of each:


Private, membership only GLBT campground. 18+. Clothing optional, secluded, heavily wooded 40 acres. Mostly men, women welcome. Offering seasonal sites, tent sites, RV sites (some are pull through) with full hook-ups (30/50 amp electric, water & sewer) and cabins. Dump station, laundry, showers, swimming pool, hot tub, campfires. Clubhouse & Cabana Bar and Grill. Weekend DJ. TV Lounge. Day passes available.


Male only, 21+. Gated and secure clothing optional members only retreat on 44 acres in the Appalachian mountains. Open all year, membership is $15.00 for an entire year. Mix of singles & couples. Located atop Chandler Mountain, accommodations range from tent sites & bunkhouse, to basic cabins and deluxe cabins, pull thru RV & camper sites, with or without hook ups. Sites are available daily, weekly, monthly, seasonally & yearly. Day passes are also available. Club house, swimming pool, shower house plus outside showers. Fifty minutes from Birmingham.


A private retreat for adult men in a serene, stress-free environment. Lodge & camp located on 33 secluded, wooded acres two hours by car from Atlanta or Birmingham. Camp features trails and primitive tent camping sites, one RV hookup 30 amp electric & water, no septic dump (suitable for small RV or pop-up – this is not an RV camp.) RV campers and tent campers have access to kitchen, bathrooms, hot tub and swimming pool. Open weekends for day visitors. Overnight guests are welcome during the week by prior arrangement.  Drop-in visitors are discouraged – please call in advance.


Alabama’s newest private membership, clothing optional LGBT campground on 11.5 secluded acres on the Georgia border in Southeast Alabama. Lizard Landing is situated on the Omussee Creek, which feeds directly into the magnificent Chattahoochee River System. Amenities include 25 RV sites (all with city water), full septic hook-ups, and 30 or 50 AMP service. Other amenities include an in-ground pool, a clubhouse and gathering porch, plus 1850 feet of creek frontage. Guests can canoe and kayak from their docks to the Chattahoochee River (about 1/2 mile from the property). Lizard Landing is less than 2 miles from Columbia, AL, which is convenient for quick shopping trips, and only 18 miles from Dothan, Alabama. The campground is open 7 days a week, 12 months of the year.


So those are my options in Alabama.  Black Bear Camp Men’s Retreat is the closest to me, but all of them are within a 2-4 hours drive.  I’m not for sure though about the clothing optional part.  There is a large part of me who is very intrigued with the idea of returning to nature au natural, but another part of me is scared to death.  I’m not in the best shape, so will I be the only fat one there?  I know I’ve always heard that at most nudist areas, the men are not the most fit.  From what I can tell, Black Bear Camp Men’s Retreat is mostly a retreat for bears (the big hairy gay men, not the animal).  So would my out of shape body fit in, even though I’m not very hairy?  Do most people go fully nude at these places, or are their varying degrees of the amount of skin shown since it is clothing “optional”?  (Lizard Landing is the only one where nudity is restricted to the pool area only.) Also, if you go to the bar or cafe for dinner, are you expected to get dressed for dinner or go nude or nude to whatever degree?   It sounds like these places would have quite a sexually charged atmosphere, but any type of sexual activity is to be done in private, according to the rules posted on their websites.  Most have a “tool shed” or otherwise named playroom, and most have hiking trails which they each implies is for cruising.  Sexually charged or not, what do you do if you get a whopping erection?  Do you ignore it or use it to your advantage?  What is the etiquette here?  I’m very naive about these things.

I have so many questions.  I’ve researched online and read as much as I could about gay camping and the websites and reviews for each of the campgrounds above, but none of them answer my questions.  I’ve never gone to a nudist gathering, so I don’t know what to expect.  The only thing I really know about them (other than what I have read online) is from an episode of Golden Girls when they go to a resort and find out it is a nudist resort.  The ladies finally get the courage to leave their rooms without their clothes on, and they show up for dinner where everyone else is dressed.

Do any of you have any experiences with gay camping, especially in Alabama? Do you know of any other gay campgrounds in Alabama not listed on this site? Do any of you have any advice to share?  Let me know – leave a comment below.


Because I could not stop for Death

Because I could not stop for Death (712)
Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death – 
He kindly stopped for me – 
The Carriage held but just Ourselves – 
And Immortality.
We slowly drove – He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility – 
We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess – in the Ring – 
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – 
We passed the Setting Sun – 
Or rather – He passed us – 
The Dews drew quivering and chill – 
For only Gossamer, my Gown – 
My Tippet – only Tulle – 
We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground – 
The Roof was scarcely visible – 
The Cornice – in the Ground – 
Since then – ’tis Centuries – and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses’ Heads
Were toward Eternity – 

About “Because I could not stop for Death (712)”

In a letter to Abiah Root, Dickinson once asked, “Does not Eternity appear dreadful to you…I often get thinking of it and it seems so dark to me that I almost wish there was no Eternity. To think that we must forever live and never cease to be. It seems as if Death which all so dread because it launches us upon an unknown world would be a relief to so endless a state of existense.” 

I remember memorizing this poem in high school, and then when I was college, I learned that all of Emily Dickinson’s poems could be sang to the tune of the Gilligan’s Island theme song, “The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” or “The Yellow Rose of Texas.”  In fact, any tune written to a 4/4 beat can be used because Dickinson wrote her poetry using a 4/4 meter.  That aside, I chose this for my poem today for a few reasons.  Yesterday would have been my late Grandmama’s 90th birthday.  I went to check on her grave and make sure that everything was as it should be.  Also, I helped a neighbor of mine take care of a different graveyard.  We have several small graveyards around here that are either with a church or are small family graveyards.  My neighbor takes care of this graveyard which is her families old graveyard.  We pulled weeds, weedeated, and cleaned up around the graves.  We will go back another day this week and finish up by putting out new flowers.


I know that some people find cemeteries to be creepy; others see them as a solemn place of eternal rest.  I find them not only as a solemn place, but also as a fascinating place.  Gravestones  and the cemeteries that hold them can tell so many stories.  As an historian, cemeteries interest me to know end.  I love them for the history and stories they contain.

Monday, Monday

The beach (Pensacola, Florida, if you were wondering) this weekend was wonderful.  The eye candy was fantastic, so many hot guys.  It was hot and sunny, but not too overbearing. Also, the water was the perfect temperature, and my tan is coming along nicely.  For the most part, it was a nice weekend.  However, I am worn out.  I had planned on writing a longer post, but I just can’t seem to stay awake long enough.  Thankfully, it’s summer, and I don’t have to go to work today.

Also, I want to thank everyone for their comments on my post “Love/Hate Relationships,” and for those who emailed me, I will get back to you as soon as I can.  Your comments and emails truly lifted my spirits.


Moment of Zen: The Beach

Or
Either is fine with me!

Going to the Beach

I’m heading the the beach this weekend.  It’s a family trip, so it’s not really my ideal of a vacation, but I’m going to do my best to have a great time.  The beaches of the Florida Gulf Coast don’t exactly look like these: the sand is whiter and there are no mountains.    However, hopefully I will see some sights like the ones in this picture.

The longest day of 2013 is finally here — but this year, it comes with a twist.
While the solstice in the northern hemisphere traditionally falls on June 21 — and this year it will occur on that date at 1:04 a.m. EDT — it will begin on Thursday, June 20, for parts of the western U.S., according to the website of the Clark Planetarium. The time of the solstice depends upon your position on Earth and, as a consequence, where you are in relation to the sun.
The summer solstice occurs when Earth’s axis is the most tilted toward the sun — the angle is known as “maximum axial tilt.” As a consequence of this specific orientation, the sun rises at its most northeasterly point along the horizon and also sets at its most northwesterly point in the northern hemisphere.
The solstice isn’t the only big celestial event this week. Skywatchers are gearing up for the arrival of the 2013 supermoon, which is set to peak June 22-23 and deliver the biggest, brightest moon of the year.


Love/Hate Relationships

Sometime, men just suck, and not in the way I’d like them to suck either.  I’ve always had a bit of a love/hate relationship with men.  As a gay man, I am obviously attracted to men and the love the idea of finding a man that I love and who loves me and settling down for life with that man.  Then again, it seems like all of the men I know or have met are a bunch of lying assholes.  When I was younger, I will admit that I was all about the sex, but dammit, I’ve matured (at least that how I think of it) to the point that I know I want something more than a one night stand or a f*ck buddy.  Though, since it has been a while, sex would be nice.
I also have a love/hate relationship with the South.  I love the beauty of the South, the manners of the people, being near family, the food, but the South has its drawbacks.  It’s not a good place to be a gay man.  There are no gay bars around where I live, not that I have ever found bars to be a good place to meet someone.  There seems to be no places for primarily gay men to socialize or even for gay men to meet each other.  Then there is the Internet, which is always a disappointment.  If you look on Manhunt, Adam4Adam, or Grindr, there isn’t a man in a twenty mile radiance. I rarely log onto online hook-up sites, and when I do, it’s generally because I have gotten a notification of a message in my inbox and I check it out just so I can stop getting those annoying notifications.  It’s also fun to see who’s out there on occasion.  Nothing is ever there (well it’s always the same people on there), but I still look.  I also think it is a terrible place to look for a relationship.
On a few occasions, I have had someone message me while I was on there.  We begin chatting, have a good rapport, and begin exchanging texts back and forth. All seems to go well, then you decide you want to meet and just like that, they are gone.  He will seem so excited to meet up, then when you try to establish a time, he just quits answering you. I don’t know if the men around here are just scared, married, or what, but it just never seems to work out.
Quite honestly, I am sick of it.  Why can’t men be honest?  Why do they just want to play games?  If you like someone, why not meet for coffee or dinner.  If you get together and there is something physically unappealing about the person, does it mean that you can’t be friends?  I would love to have some gay companionship.  It doesn’t have to be all about the sex.
I am an intelligent human being.  Most people think I have a great personality and sense of humor, and I’ve been told that I am, and I quote, “damn cute.”  Yes, the older I get, the thinner and grayer my hair is, the more receding my hairline is, and the more expanding my waist is.  The first two, I can do nothing about, it’s genetic, but the third, I try to work on, but I have always struggled with my weight.  I’m not obese, but I am overweight and it’s something that is difficult for me to change.   I am a loving, caring, and compassionate person.  I am also a fabulous cook, part of the reason for that expanding waistline.  Why do looks matter so much to so many gay men?  Then again, maybe it’s not looks, maybe it is something else: personality, distance, or maybe I’m just boring.
I know I am ranting and bitching about men, and though many men I have known fall into the shallow category, not all are that way.  I was a bit shallow in my twenties, but I dont feel that way anymore.  i dont care about looks.  its the person that counts.  Some might say that I am not shallow any longer just because I have less hair and more fat.  I don’t think that is the reason.  I have worked hard to mature as a person and to not be judgmental.  I am who I am, and I want a man to be himself, not someone’s idealized version of a man should be.
I believe a lot of you guys who are reading this are probably exceptions to the description I have given of men above, but you all live so damn far away.  I know of one particular man, who has become a great friend of mine.  He is selfless and gives and gives, expecting nothing but friendship in return.  He is a wonderful human being, and I would be his friend regardless of anything else.  I am truly blessed to know him.  The truth is, I love him very deeply.  He’s older than me, but that doesn’t matter a hill of beans to me. I like a man who is mature, and the age different is really not that much.  The fact is, if he didn’t live so far away and if he would even have me, I’d marry him in a heartbeat.  By the away, gay marriage is not legal in his state, but civil unions are.
There’s a saying that “the good ones are always gay,” but for me it’s more that “the good ones are too far away.”  I guess the grass is greener on the other side.  Someday, I hope to find that someone out there, but until then, thank goodness I have my straight friends for companionship and my right hand for well…I think you can guess what I like to use it for.