The Closet Professor

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing.

— 1 Thessalonians 5:11

When I was in high school, I worked at a Subway restaurant with this girl who was a year below me in school. She no longer went to my school, but she had a few years before. There was always talk that she slept around a lot, and they were most likely true. However, we became friends while working together. So that year when it came to our annual homecoming dance, I asked her to be my date. It was not a romantic thing, but just two friends. At one point, she went to talk to some friends who had been in her class when she attended my school. I remember how they asked her, “Why are you with him? He’s a fag!” or something along those lines. She said, “He’s a very nice guy, and he’s been kind to me, which I can’t say about everyone.” (Again, or something similar.) I had always been nice to her, and though I had not been fond of the girls she had been friends with, I never judged her for that.

At that same homecoming dance, my best friend at the time went with her boyfriend, who was one of, if not the, most beautiful man I have ever known. He was older than she was, by a few years. He had been in the military and had even moonlighted as a stripper. The man was gorgeous. (He also had a brother who was a police officer in town who was almost as good looking.) I was not the only person who noticed how strikingly handsome he was, so did my date. He and my best friend didn’t date much longer after that, but eventually he began to date the girl who was my date. He got her pregnant, and her father, who was not a kind man, forced them to get married. As I understand it, it was a literal shotgun wedding. They were not married but a few years, but in those years, she gave birth to two beautiful sons. One was as strikingly handsome as his father, and the younger one looked more like his mother, but was still quite handsome.

After a few years, she got a divorce and raised those boys on her own. Her now ex-husband went to work for his father’s logging company, where he suffered an accident that paralyzed him. He had been so handsome and vibrant, and now, he had very limited mobility and was unable to do much of anything. It was obviously devastating for him, and sometime after that, he ended his own life. Those boys were raised by their single mother who I have no doubt was struggling to make ends meet, and now, they had lost their father completely. I don’t know what all went on in their lives because I did not keep in touch with their mother. Several years ago, she got her realtor’s license, fell in love with a fellow (and wealthy) realtor, and got married for a second time. Even though I was living in Vermont, she added me as a friend on Facebook just in case I was ever in the market for a house. Her life seemed to be going well. She was happy. She had a man she loved and who adored her. She lived very comfortably and eventually made enough money in real estate to buy a house on the beach and move to the Alabama Gulf Coast. She also had two very beautiful boys who she loved dearly.

However, not all was well with her boys. The oldest had apparently became a drug addict. Three years ago, my sister called* to say the kid, who was in his by then in his 20s, had either overdosed or took a drug laced with fentanyl (or both). His mother and brother were absolutely devastated over his death. A few days ago, my sister called to tell me that the younger son had committed suicide. According to his mother’s post on Facebook, it was just days before the three-year anniversary of his brother’s death. She said that he had demons in his head and had never gotten over his brother’s death. Though she did not mention it, I would venture to guess that he was also still grieving the loss of his father. I cannot imagine the pain and grief she must be feeling.

The truth is, we don’t know what demons people are struggling with. I have known several people who lived with nightmares and night terrors because of things that happened in their past. They can be happy people on most days, but their nights are filled with a terror we may not know about. We just don’t know what someone is going through. As Christians, we can offer comfort to those we know are suffering, but what can we do for those who hide their pain? The Bible gives us the best answer for this: Behave Like a Christian. Roman 12:9-21 tells us how to do this.

⁹ Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ¹¹ not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; ¹² rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; ¹³ distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. ¹⁹  Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ Therefore

    “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
    For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

If you are suffering from pain reach out to someone you trust. If you are considering suicide, in the US, you can call Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or the National Hopeline Network, Suicide & Crisis Hotline 1-800-442-HOPE (4673). You are not alone. Others are suffering to but there is help. Please seek that help. If you are from another country, would you please leave the number of your suicide prevention lifeline in the comments below?

If you know of someone who is suffering, be there for them. We cannot always know the struggles that people are dealing with, so if we treat everyone with kindness and Christian love, then maybe we will influence their day in a way that helps them out or just to know that kindness exists. Sometimes, all a person might need is a kind word or a smile to brighten their day.