Moment of Zen: Morning Cuddles


Pic of the Day


Pic of the Day


I Don’t Know

Last night was just one of those nights where I had no idea what to write for a post today. Plus, my brain was just tired and feeling uninspired. We’ll see what today brings.


Pic of the Day


Apartment Hunting

Apartment hunting sucks! It always has. It’s worse when you have pets because it makes the choices fewer. I looked at an apartment last Friday, but it was very small and the upstairs bedroom and bathroom was was heated by passive heat, meaning there were no heaters upstairs just vents in the floor for the heat to rise from the first floor.

I was offered the apartment on Saturday, but when I asked to measure the apartment (or get measurements) to make sure my furniture would fit, I was told that an answer was needed by that evening. I had wanted to look at another apartment I’d come across a listing for, but he wouldn’t hold off until Monday or yesterday to give me time to go my and make some measurements. So, I passed on the apartment.

I decided I would concentrate on the other apartment I’d found. It is in a nearby town, but the apartment looks beautiful and has some great amenities. Also, all utilities except electricity, phone, cable and/or internet are included. The rent is also more reasonable than the apartment I was offered. Here’s the problem though, I have called and emailed multiple times, and I can’t get a response. It’s frustrating and infuriating. Why would you advertise an apartment and then not respond to people who inquire about the apartment. I’ll keep trying to get a response. This is Vermont after all. Vermonters work on their own schedule, which is not always what’s convenient for anybody else.

I’ll keep looking. Thankfully, I have time to look, but it makes me so nervous and anxious. It’s really affecting my health at the moment.

In some better news, I went to see an otolaryngologist on Monday for a consultation for the Inspire therapy device for my sleep apnea. She said that I fit all of the criteria and after examining my nasal passages and knowing my history with trigeminal neuralgia, the Inspire device is my best option. Dartmouth will call me in the next week to schedule a sleep induced endoscopy. They need to see what my throat does when I sleep. If it’s closing front to back, then they’ll start the process of scheduling me for the surgery to implant the Inspire device. If my throat closes side to side, then the Inspire won’t work, and we’ll talk then about what other options are available.

The process is going to take some time. I was told that the endoscopy probably can’t be scheduled until late February or early March. If all goes well, it will be a couple more months before they can do the surgery. At best, it will be late April or early May before I can get the surgery. At least it gives me hope for something to look forward to.


Pic of the Day


The Fluffer Talks of Eternity

The Fluffer Talks of Eternity
By D. A. Powell

I can only give you back what you imagine.
I am a soulless man. When I take you
into my mouth, it is not my mouth. It is
an unlit pit, an aperture opened just enough
in the pinhole camera to capture the shade.

I have caused you to rise up to me, and I
have watched as you rose and waned.
Our times together have been innumerable. Still,
like a Capistrano swallow, you come back.
You understand: I understand you. Understand
each jiggle and tug. Your pudgy, mercurial wad.

I am simply a hand inexhaustible as yours
could never be. You’re nevertheless prepared to shoot.
If I could I’d finish you. Be more than just your rag.

About the Poem and the Poet

I featured W. H. Auden’s “The Platonic Blow” a few weeks ago about a blowjob. Though much longer, D. A. Powell’s “The Fluffer Talks to Eternity” deals with the same sexual act, though I am not sure that in this poem it is not metaphorical. I once saw an independent film called The Fluffer about a film buff with a crush on a porn star who is straight, for whom he would end up working as a fluffer in gay porn. Just in case you don’t know, a fluffer is a person employed to keep a porn performer’s penis erect on the set. “The Fluffer Talks to Eternity” was published in Poetry in February 2010 along with his poem “Pupil.”

Born in Albany, Georgia, D. A. Powell earned an MA at Sonoma State University and an MFA at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. His first three collections of poetry, Tea, (1998), Lunch (2000), and Cocktails (2004), are considered by some to be a trilogy on the AIDS epidemic. Lunch was a finalist for the National Poetry Series, and Cocktails was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for poetry. His next two books were Chronic (2009), which won the Kingsley Tufts Poetry Award and was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award;and Useless Landscape, or A Guide for Boys (2012) won the National Book Critics Circle Award for poetry.

Powell is known for his syntactically inventive, longer eight- or ten-beat lines in poems that are often untitled. As a teacher at Sonoma State, he noticed that most of his students’ poems were written to fit the demands of the page. His experiments with his students in writing on unexpected surfaces (such as candlesticks or rolls of toilet paper) led to his own breakthrough in “subverting the page”: he turned a legal pad sideways and wrote the first poem for Tea. Powell explains that “by pulling the line longer, stretching it into a longer breath, I was giving a little bit more life to some people who had very short lives.”

Powell has also taught at Harvard University, Columbia University, and the University of San Francisco. He has been awarded the Lyric Poetry Award from the Poetry Society of America, a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts, and a Paul Engle Fellowship from the James Michener Foundation. His poems have been featured in the Norton anthology American Hybrid (2009) and Best American Poetry (2008). 

D.A. Powell is openly gay, and often explores his sexuality and the body through his poetry. This exploration of the body is noted with some sadness if anyone knows anything about Powell himself. Powell is HIV positive, which is part of the reason why his first three books have been called “The AIDS Trilogy” because of their exploration of the cultural and individual impact of the disease. Too many critics and writers focus just on Powell’s identity as a gay man with AIDS. They spend so much time on that aspect of his life, and they miss the man’s soul seen through his poetry. Powell’s humor is one of the greatest appeals of his work. Despite the moments where Powell is lifting the small details of existence up for reflection, he takes the reader to another place, such as he does in “The Fluffer Talks of Eternity.”

The poem is a monologue of a man who “fluffs” men before a porn shoot. Powell is working in a voice spoken from a sensitivity of life, of its absurdity, or its all tiniest beauties. He is able to conjure sensations and imaginations that real poetry should do. Poetry sometimes should just shock us out of our comfort so that we can then reassess our reality and determine what it actually is. That is often the beauty of poetry.


Pic of the Day


Dinner and Drinks

I went out last night for dinner and drinks with our new curator. I really do like her. She’s very nice, and she’s very easy to talk to. When I first met her in person, I knew I’d get along with her. She’s a very perceptive person and very bright. She just seems to be a genuinely warm and interesting person. I love meeting someone and the conversation just flows. I feel like we’re old friends not like she’s just a new coworker.

She seems to be setting in just fine. Though she’s from the South, she has worked in New England before in her previous job. So, she’s familiar with some of the quirks and charms of New England. She’s also realizing that Vermont weather is not quite like that of other parts of New England. I warned her to make sure to dress warmly Tuesday. Our low temperature is supposed to be -8 degrees Fahrenheit with windchills as low as -35. Our high Tuesday is supposed to be 5 degrees. She’s getting an early taste of how bitterly cold Vermont can be in the winter. I was lucky that my first winter in Vermont was fairly mild.