Just because you come out, doesn’t mean that everything will be perfect. Maybe you came out because you finally found the right man. Maybe you came out because you were pushed out of the closet. Maybe you came out because you were finally ready to be yourself. Whatever the reason, when you come out the journey is just beginning. One of my readers asked me to discuss my relationships since I came out. If you want to read the explicit sexy stuff, click on hook-ups and it will take you to all (well most, there are a few stories left to tell) of the salacious details of my sex life. The truth (and I am ashamed to admit this) is that I have never been in a gay relationship. The most I have ever dated a guy was two dates (he was into younger guys and I was almost his age, so it just didn’t work out). I also don’t think a fuck buddy counts as a relationship.
Though I have not really ever been in a gay relationship, I do understand the other side of the fence where women are concerned. I did have relationships with women, some of them even involved sex, but most were not really enjoyable experiences. I always had a different girlfriend in high school and a rather long relationship in college, but none of them ever went anywhere beyond making out and sometimes sex. I just never felt the same attraction for women as I did men, and finally after the last relationship with a women (the one in college), I chose not to pursue women anymore until I fully understood my own emotional state. It took several years for me to come to terms with being gay, but finally through much prayer and meditation, I came to terms with it myself.
I have always had a knack for understanding women, I just never found sex with them or being attracted to them as exciting the sex and attraction I have with men. Yet, I find it very hard to understand men. Sometimes, I just don’t get them. For straight men, I am often not “straight-acting enough.” They sometimes find me feminine. I do not have a low voice. I can fake a low voice but it strains my throat so much until I just refuse to do it. I am also not the most macho guy. I love reading, musicals, a great love story, old movies, science fiction, etc, but most action movies do nothing for me unless the actor in it is really hot (take the movies Clash of the Titans, for example, or James Bond). I love to watch sports, especially college sports, and I am gearing up for college football to start soon, but I am not one for all the statistics and stuff. I can get into the teams I root for, and the rest, I could really care less about. Most straight guys think I dress too nicely. I wear dress pants and a dress shirt to work everyday. I refuse to wear short sleeve dress shirts, and I always try to have on a nice pair of shoes. For straight men, I am overdressed and therefore must be gay because they see me as a snazzy dresser.
And as far as gay men go, I am generally not “gay enough.” I don’t soak up the latest celebrity gossip. You know, who’s in rehab now, who had the latest facelift, what is the latest and greatest pop diva song, etc. I do love to watch Project Runway, the Food Network, etc, and give me a good gay movie any day. I do like club music occasionally, but I am much more of an alternative rock kind of guy. Give me Cake, REM, Pearl Jam, Linkin Park, Coldplay, Puddle of Mudd, or Smashing Pumpkins any day as opposed to Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Madonna, or Christina Aguilera (though I did like Genie in a Bottle, because I do like to be rubbed the right way, LOL). I’m not saying that I hate pop music, sometimes I do love to sing along to some of it, especially Maroon 5. In addition to not liking the “right” kind of music, I also don’t spend enough on clothes to be completely fashionable. I don’t soak up every issue of US Weekly or People Magazine. I don’t keep up with the latest fad in fashion, mainly because I think so much of it either looks trashy or is ugly and is a fad that I hope goes away very soon. Give me a nice dress shirt and a pair of slacks that accentuates my ass, or give me a pair of jeans and a polo shirt. And if I am being lazy that day, I will wear a pair of cargo shorts, a t-shirt, a baseball hat, and a pair of flip-flops because I just didn’t feel like washing my damn hair or shaving that day. So sue me.
What the hell. I think I am just normal. I am me. I don’t have a deep masculine voice, I do have a few extra pounds (only a few), I’m intelligent, and I have chest hairs. Why can’t I find someone to accept that? The point of this post is that I have been out for nearly 10 years. I don’t live in an area where there are a lot of gay people, but I had to go where my career took me (more on that in the next post). Surely, there is someone out there who wants a normal guy (with a nice thick cock, btw), who happens to be attracted to men, loves having sex with men, can suck a mean cock, and is 100 percent, no doubt about it, GAY!!!!
Surely, someone out there has an answer to this.