They used to say that the show “Seinfeld” was a show about nothing, and I think this post is too. I racked my brain to come up with a topic. I tried and tried and tried, and nothing came to me. So I decided to just write a post of randomness and nothingness. I know there is something that I could write about, but it just don’t know what it is. Sometimes you just have writers block. Often the best thing for that is a stream of consciousness, where you just write whatever comes in your head.

The other night I was thinking about how for gay men like me, who are 35 years old or older, seem so old to so many. And I will be 36 a month from today. I got to thinking about this as I was reading tweets of people I follow on Twitter. I had set up a Twitter account (@closetprofessor) a few months ago. In the past week or so, I’ve gotten some direct messages (DMs) from several younger guys. All of them were between 20 and 23. Each of them were nice and very flirty, then the question comes, “How old are you?” I answer honestly. I really detest lying, and I hate that I often have to do so to keep in the closet. I just don’t see the use in lying to someone who is a Twitter follower. So I tell them I’m 35. I had one tell me that age didn’t matter, and for the most part I believe him, and we continue to chat off and on. Another one said, “I like older guys, but 35 is at the top of my range.”

For me this is one of the problems with many guys in the gay community. Now, I wasn’t expecting or really even hoping for a romantic relationship with any of these guys. However, it never hurts to flirt a little. A lot of young gay guys are wrapped up in pop culture and it’s hard to relate, but find a gay guy who likes to talk football or even have an intellectual conversation with is not something you find everyday. Then you find someone like hat, and I honestly don’t care about their age. Age is just a number to me. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, especially when I enjoy talking to you.

If you get passed an age difference, then you have to contend with those guys who want the perfect looking and acting gay guy. There’s a whole subset of southern gay guys who are looking for the “bromo” type. Urban Dictionary defines a bromo as:

Dudes that happen to be gay, but aren’t flamboyant at all. Prefer to go drink beer at a buddy’s place, rather than go to the gay bar and pay for overpriced cocktails and listen to bouncy, campy club songs. A bromo is not conceited in his looks, but is still put together decently, groomed but not over plucked.

Basically, the bromo type is the bow tie wearing southern gay frat dude, at least that’s what you get if you look at “bromos” on Twitter. Bromos might not be conceited about their looks, but they have “their” standards.

So, you get past the age and looks, then it goes to race. As a southerner, interracial dating is something I’ve always been told was taboo. Honestly though, does it matter the color of a person’s skin? Not to me it doesn’t. The diversity of the gay community is represented in the rainbow flag. We are a diverse group, and we should embrace that diversity. We often claim that if two people love each other, then the sex of the people should not matter. How can we justify that logic when we say that a persons age, looks, or race makes the difference?

The main thing for me is not the age, race, or looks, but what kind of person he is. Is he kind, thoughtful, and loving? Can he carry on a conversation? Is he intimidated by intelligence (I prefer they not be)? Does he enjoy the same things I enjoy? Does he like to cuddle? Is he a good kisser? There are so many things to consider that age, race, and looks take a backseat.

All of this however is a hypothetical stream of consciousness. I’ve never found a boyfriend, nor is there anyone in my sights. It’s quite possible, that I will never find someone. Then again, I might meet someone tomorrow. We never know.

I thought about deleting the first paragraph about nothingness, but then again you may read this and still think it is about nothing. If that be the case, so be it. I just sat down and started writing and this is the post that came out. And sense I have no answers to my thoughts o. These issues, then maybe it is a post about nothing.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

3 responses to “Nothing…

  • kassy

    You seem to suggest that, for you, age doesn’t matter. However, if that’s really true, then why are you trying to flirt with guys 15 years younger than you?

    Had you said that you were flirting with someone 15+ years OLDER than you, then you would seem more credible.

  • Mark

    Well done you !! Thank you for the amazing post . Hope you find someone and they treat you with love and kindness you deserve .
    Best wishes .


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