Monthly Archives: August 2014

In a Funk

20140810-110806-40086598.jpg

As I was sitting in church yesterday, I was trying to follow my own advice and really listen to the lesson in the sermon. My preacher preached on the four levels of love, from lowest to highest: worldly love, selfish love, love of our fellow man, and the highest level of love, the love we have for God. It was a very good message, and I want to share part of it with you over the next several Sundays as I look at the Epistles of John. As I was listening to the sermon though I was thinking how much I love God and how I try to love all of my fellow mankind, but I was also thinking about how often I fail at loving mankind. There are just some people that I have a hard time showing the type of love God wants us to show. My preacher said that we should show kindness to everyone and to put behind us those things that make us not want to love that person. I still find that there are certain people who just make me angry to look at them. I’m gonna try and be better.

The two lowest levels of love, worldly and selfish, are two that I’m not having a hard time resisting right now. I’m kinda mad with the world and not much liking myself at the moment I’m in quite a funk, and this hit me hard during the middle of church, which is why I began by talking about the sermon.

School starts back today, at least for teachers. Students return on Wednesday. Every year, when it’s time for school to start back, whether it was as a student or teacher, I get depressed. When I was in middle and high school as a student, I went through this every Sunday. It wasn’t that I hated school, I loved learning, but I hated the people I had to learn beside. And now, I don’t much like the students I have to teach to, nor some of the people I work with. It’s really not as bad as I make it sound, but at the beginning of the summer, I had such high hopes that I would be moving on to better things. I had put in numerous job applications, only to receive one rejection after the other. For many of those jobs, the funding fell through, and no one was hired. So it was not really a rejection of me, but a major let down. At least I do have a job, I know far too many people who don’t have a job and are looking for one.

The thing is, this sadness and loss of hope that I have been feeling for weeks, just came crashing down on me right in the middle of church. I was thinking, I love God, why can’t I just go and be with him. I’m not afraid to die, and it could just make things simpler. I’m not fond of the world I live in, and I don’t much like myself, so let me be with my greatest love: God. Please don’t think I was contemplating suicide. I won’t allow myself to think that way again, but I was thinking, that maybe it would be best if God just ended this one life, my life.

Truthfully though, it was the sermon I heard today that made me reconsider those thoughts. Those thoughts were selfish, very selfish. The end of my love would only cause an end to my own misery, but what would it do to others. I have a friend that I talk to several times a day through text messages, and I thought he would wonder what happened to me if the messages just suddenly ended and he received no response. He doesn’t need that and I wouldn’t want him to go through that. How would he even know what happened to me? I felt the same way about another friend of mine. We email each other every week, sometimes several times a week. What if the emails just stopped. How would he know what happened? Then there are all those out there who read my blog. Would they wonder why I quit posting? The Closet Professor would have just stopped with no explanation. Then there is my family who would grieve for my loss.

Is it selfish to believe that my death would cause others sorrow? I’m pretty sure it would. I not so sure how great an impact it would have. People would go on with their lives. The thing is I would cause sorrow in at least some people, and I’d hate to know I did that.

This funk will end soon. I’m just feeling anxious and sorry for myself right now. If it doesn’t, and since it has been going on for a week or so now, I’m planning on seeing my doctor and asking him about my antidepressant. Maybe he will either increase the dosage or give me something that might work better. Hopefully, my new exercise and diet plan will also help lift my mood. I’m sure getting back into a regular routine will help.


True Blessedness

20140809-234246-85366412.jpg

As he said these things, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, “Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts at which you nursed!” But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”
Luke 11:27-28

Have you ever heard a sermon that made you want to shout with inspiration? Or how about one that made you weep with conviction?

No doubt many of the people felt this way after hearing Jesus speak on the hillsides. He had a way of bringing in the crowds, and his words were sure to cause a reaction. Some things he said delighted them; other things he said made them scratch their heads in confusion; and still other things he said made them cringe with nervousness or boil with rage. Regardless of the response, it’s unlikely that many people walked away from one of Jesus’ sermons without being greatly impacted.

So it is with some preachers in modern churches. There are some who attract the crowds with passionate performances of tales of doom and devastation. Some soothe the crowds with soft-spoken cadence flowing from a heart full of love and mercy. Others use logic, analysis, charts and diagrams to reason with skeptical crowds. Regardless of the style, there is a reason that people flock to the churches they do. One way or another, people are moved and they keep coming back for more.

In one gathering on a hillside, one member of the congregation was so inspired that she could not contain herself. She stood on the spot and blessed Jesus and the mother that brought him into the world. Maybe if this happened in a modern church, the preacher being blessed would blush with humble thanks. But when Jesus was presented with such praise, he was careful to deflect the credit off himself and turn the compliment around, making it into a challenge — no doubt a challenge that the woman did not expect!

Jesus’ job was to get the message past the ears and into the heart. Its easy to tell the pastor how nice his sermon was or how funny her jokes were; it’s another thing altogether to go home and put into practice what was taught. Most people can’t remember what the sermon was about the week before, much less can they say that they did anything as a result of it. I have to admit, many times I hear a sermon and though I enjoyed listening to it, I can’t tell you what it was about, but I always leave with the message at the heart of the sermon, which to me is the most important part.

Jesus understood that if no one were to take heed to his teachings and obey his words, all his sermons would mean nothing. Regardless of the style with which a sermon is delivered, words are only words until someone decides to take action. That is why Jesus puts less importance on even his own sermon than on the actions of a single person who takes it seriously!

Next time a sermon moves you, remember the point Jesus is making here. Don’t just hear Jesus’ words. Live them! Know that God loves all of us, regardless of our sins and transgressions. God only asks that we love and obey him and to spread His word. I try to do that daily through my actions toward others, and I hope you will as well.


Moment of Zen: Cute Butts

IMG_0599.JPG

There are few things in this world that can be a true moment of zen like seeing a guy with a cute butt walking in front of you. It doesn’t matter what his face looks like at that point, but when you see that perfect roundness in front of you. As he walks, you see the left cheek then the right bouncing up and down with eat step. I can’t help but me mesmerized at times like that. If you have your phone or camera you might be tempted to take a snapshot, but we all know that pictures rarely do an ass the justice it deserves. I hope you are able to take in a few of these moments of zen in this week.


Zero-to-5K Plan

20140807-234341-85421024.jpg

So a younger cousin of mine has asked me to start a running program with him. God knows, I need to be in better shape. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting on the couch and not enough time being active. I feel a little lumpy. Other than walking all over Six Flags and around Dallas last week, the most exercise I’ve had is walking from the sofa to the fridge and clicking through television channels. I see hot guys at the top of their game on the sports and on gay websites, and it has inspired me to get in shape once again. I’ve let myself go too long. But let’s face it, I’m not in any shape to lace up my shoes and go for a run. If I did, I’d have pains in my side, wouldn’t be able to catch my breath and would barely be able to make it around the block.
I could quit and go back to life as a couch potato, but I don’t want to do that. I’ve also never been motivated enough to work out regularly on my own, so when my cousin suggested we follow the Zero-to-5K Running Plan, I thought it would be a good idea. The nine-week program is designed to enable me to transform my sedentary lifestyle into an active one where I can run for 30 minutes or 5 kilometers (3.1 miles). The plan’s structure is supposed to prevent new runners from giving up and at the same time challenges them to continue moving forward.

We are planning to start on Monday. I may not be able to lose a lot of the weight I want to, but I want to be in better shape. I want to be healthier, and if I get the physical part going then I know I can get the nutritional part of my life under control too.

Have any of my readers put there ever tried one of the Zero-(sometimes called Couch)-to-5K running plans? If you have, I’d love to know your experience. Is there anyone else trying to venture into a healthier lifestyle?

20140807-234411-85451335.jpg

Hopefully, I will be off to the races before I know it.


Some Days…

20140807-010213-3733358.jpg

Some days, I’m just left scratching my head wondering what to write. Today is one of those days. And considering when I sat down to write this post last night, I realized just how late it was. I had a few ideas, such as the running program I am about to start or that I missed the 100th anniversary of the First World War which I had meant to commemorate. I’d have loved to write either of those posts but I simply dint have enough time to do so. Also, I had to go ahead and get some sleep, since I will be running errands with my granny this morning. So, I will try again tomorrow for a better post. Have a great day everyone.


Men in Glasses

20140805-224300-81780536.jpg

I have to admit, I find men in glasses very attractive. I personally though hate wearing mine. I wear contacts most of the time. My own eyesight is pretty bad, which in turn means my glasses are very thick, and I don’t particularly look good in them. However, many men do, even when they think it makes them look dorky. I love dorky loveable guys, so glasses just make a guy more attractive. Take he guy above. He looks very sweet, and his eyes and half-smile give him a certain knowing look that speaks intelligence to me.

Dorothy Parker was extremely witty, but sometimes she was just wrong. She once said “Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses,” and she also said, “I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” First of all, I think there are a lot of straight men who would make passes at girls who wear glasses, and I definitely think there are many gay men who will make passes at guys who wear glasses. Furthermore, glasses do tend to be a sign of intelligence. Those who read a lot, tend to need glasses. If I were to give my three requirements for a man, it would be handsome, kind, and intelligent. One out of three for Ms. Parker isn’t too bad, but I don’t want a man who is ruthless or stupid. Grant it, Dorothy Parker was rarely serious in her quips, so I won’t hold it against her.

So let me ask you guys two questions: Do you wear glasses? Do you find men who wear glasses attractive?


When Summer’s End Is Nighing

20140804-214411-78251845.jpg

XXXIX (from Last Poems)
By AE Housman

When summer’s end is nighing
  And skies at evening cloud,
I muse on change and fortune
  And all the feats I vowed
  When I was young and proud.

The weathercock at sunset
  Would lose the slanted ray,
And I would climb the beacon
  That looked to Wales away
  And saw the last of day.

From hill and cloud and heaven
  The hues of evening died;
Night welled through lane and hollow
  And hushed the countryside,
  But I had youth and pride.

And I with earth and nightfall
  In converse high would stand,
Late, till the west was ashen
  And darkness hard at hand,
  And the eye lost the land.

The year might age, and cloudy
  The lessening day might close,
But air of other summers
  Breathed from beyond the snows,
  And I had hope of those.

They came and were and are not
  And come no more anew;
And all the years and seasons
  That ever can ensue
  Must now be worse and few.

So here’s an end of roaming
  On eves when autumn nighs:
The ear too fondly listens
  For summer’s parting sighs,
  And then the heart replies.

I chose this week’s poem because this is the last week of my summer before school starts back. The poem beginning “When summer’s end is nighing” is numbered but untitled, like all the others in the 1922 collection, Last Poems, Housman compiled and published this collection specifically so it could be read by Moses Jackson, one of Houseman’s college roommates and the object of his life-long, probably unrequited love, who, by this time, lay terminally ill in Canada. Jackson was heterosexual and did not reciprocate Housman’s feelings. Housman obtained a first in classical Moderations in 1879, but his dedication to textual analysis, particularly with Propertius, led him to neglect ancient history and philosophy, which formed part of the Greats curriculum. Accordingly, he failed to obtain a degree. Some scholars attribute Housman’s unexpected failure in his final exams directly to his rejection by Jackson. Most biographers suggest that there are more obvious reasons. Housman was indifferent to philosophy, overconfident in his preternatural gifts, felt contempt for inexact learning, and enjoyed idling away his time with Jackson. He may also have been distracted by news of his father’s desperate illness. The failure left him with a deep sense of humiliation, and a determination to vindicate his genius.

Housman is a poet who often seems to be on the verge of saying the conventional poetic thing, and then, in a flash, turns it in a new direction. It may simply be the matter of an unexpected phrase or even a single word. A less original poet would have chosen “nearing” rather than “nighing” for the first-line end-verb. This is not a choice decided by the need for a rhyme, because the “a” line in the poem never rhymes. “Nighing” is a curious archaism: it’s not even a particularly melodious word, but perhaps the fact that it rhymes with another present participle that the poem resists, “sighing”, underlies its haunting effect. Finally, the verb reappears in a different tense. This time, “nighs” meets with its natural word-mate, “sighs”. It’s one small example of an enormous technical skill in the shaping and integration of individual units and whole poem. But this skill is un-showy. It serves something that, for Housman, was all-important to a poem: its emotion.

While concerned with the melancholy closure of ageing, the poem conveys in parenthesis the limitlessness of adolescent aspiration. The narrative slows luxuriantly in stanza five, and pauses on the easy confidence of “the air of other summers”. But then, all at once, it accelerates. Those awaited summers have arrived, and evaporated, remaining somehow unlived: “They came, and went, and are not …” At this point it’s absolutely clear that Housman is not writing in the comfortable afterglow of nostalgia. He is writing about a dark absence of fulfilment, now irredeemably faced in the light of “the only end of age” – to quote a poet who learned much from him, and seems to have been temperamentally similar, Philip Larkin.

Housman was a great classical scholar, and his intimacy with Latin, in particular, dictates the shape of his poetry. He makes our cumbersome language seem graceful, flexible and swift. His enduring popular reputation over the years is partly because of his ability to express emotions of a certain universally appealing kind (The Shropshire Lad has been in print continuously since 1896) but also testifies to a remarkable style, both epigrammatic and musical, which produces lyric poems that are simple to remember – and simply memorable.


Sleeping In

20140804-005718-3438827.jpg

It was a long drive back from Dallas yesterday. We got home just after midnight. HRH was very happy to see me. We hadn’t seem each other for a week. My neighbor who checked on the house while I was gone said she stayed right in front of my bedroom door waiting for me to return. Today will be a day of rest. I need it.


Favorites

20140803-000313-193591.jpg

Occasionally at church and especially when we have a large crowd, our song leader sings his favorite songs, though they are supposed to be all our favorites. Anytime I have to lead the singing, we always do favorites, because those are the songs I know well enough to lead. It’s been a long tiring weekend, and I thought I might do something similar, which is post my three favorite bible verses.

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:12

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Matthew 7:1-3

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13

If you know me or regularly read my posts about religion, then it should come as no surprise to you that these verses mean the most to me. They make up my key philosophy in life.

What is you favorite scripture? Why?


Moment of Zen: Cowboys

20140801-224002-81602820.jpg

While in Dallas, there is only one thing that can be my moment of zen and that of course has to be sexy cowboys.

I do hope he doesn’t drive like most of these crazy people in the Dallas/Fort Worth area drive. Yesterday, we saw Southfork Ranch, and as a fan of the tv show Dallas, it was awesome. We also toured AT&T Stadium where the Dallas Cowboys play. We got to go in the Cowboys locker room, which was very cool, but I’d have loved for there to be some naked players in there. Alas, there wasn’t. We also went to Fort Worth and toured the area around the Stockyards and went into Billy Bob’s Texas, the world’s largest honky tonk. It was a fun but very exhausting day.