Moment of Zen: Friends


Honestly, I almost didn’t do a Moment of Zen this week. For me, moments of zen are things that make me happy, things that having a calming effect. There has not been much joy or calm this week. Since Monday morning when I couldn’t find HRH, then that afternoon, when it found her outside and had to rush her to the vet, I have done little but worry about her. Then Thursday, I lost her. It’s been a very difficult and emotionally draining week. A week that will take a long time to get over.

Then I thought about all the comments and emails that I received from readers. I thought of all the phone calls and texts from people who had found out that HRH passed. I thought about the way my students and fellow faculty reacted with sorrow and hugs. Yes, they may have often picked at me a bit about my cat, but they knew how much I cared for her. Many of them have lost a pet as well. It didn’t make me any less sad, but the love and concern others showed made it a little easier to deal with yesterday.

I wanted to make another mention of a bright spot of the week. I had written a review of Amy Lane’s books, and sent her an email asking a question. She responded so kindly and generously. I also heard from quite a number of her fans Thursday, which was a bright spot in an otherwise dark day. I have to admit though, Amy’s books might not be the best to read when you’re sad. Yes, there is usually the happy ending to them, but there is a lot of angst along the way.

Amy Lane knows how to pull at your heart strings. She pulled at a particularly recent heart string yesterday as I was reading. One of the characters in Making Promises, Shane Perkins who is an animal lover, said, “I’m sorry I was late. I had to put down one of my cats.” I burst into tears. I’d held myself together all day, but I couldn’t contain it anymore. I couldn’t read anymore either, especially since I was actually listening to the audiobook while driving. It’s not safe to have tears distort your vision while driving.Then I decided to listen to a little more before bed. If I was going to cry more, then I could do so alone. I didn’t though. Shane described his older regal cat and how sick she had become. Yes, it reminded me of HRH, but the tenderness of the story helped. Like I said Thursday, Amy has a way of writing real characters with whom you can identify.

Thank you all for the love and support, the emails and comments, you helped make a difficult situtation better.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

3 responses to “Moment of Zen: Friends

  • The Howling Fantogs

    I’m so sorry about your news. I know how much it hurts. I’m glad you have a good support group around you.

  • jacki214

    I’ve just discovered your blog and am reading through your moments of zen. Love them. I cried when I read about HRH, despite only knowing of you for a few days (from Amy on FB). I suppose it is empathy born of shared experiences. There are some Amy Lane books that are less angsty. One that comes to mind is Super Sock Man and maybe Clear Water. (I did an Amy-Lane-athon blog entry. 🙂 Anyway, hope that 6 weeks down the road you are doing better – though sorry if this brings it into sharper focus by commenting here… 😦

    • closetprofessor

      HRH will always hold a special place in my heart, and I will always miss her. I am doing better, and I have two new kittens that help with the healing process. I’m glad you found my blog and are enjoying it. I will have to check out Super Sock Man.

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