Bathing the Cats

How to Bathe a Cat:

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe her while you carry her toward the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).

CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as her paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ‘power wash and rinse’ which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where she will dry herself.


Obviously, this is not how I gave my cats a bath, but the cats’ reactions were about the same. I wouldn’t normally try to bathe a cat, but we seem to have a flea problem. The medicine you put on their back didn’t work. The flea spray didn’t work. So we tried a bath, mainly because the flea spray made Edith a little sick. I hope the baths work.

However, Edith has not been herself lately. Edith is usually rambunctious and loving, but all night last night and all day today, she has found various places to hide away. Very unusual behavior for her, but she’s been acting strange lately anyway. She will not use her litter box. This has been going on for two weeks, but prior to that, I’ve had not problems from her. Even though the litter boxes are cleaned out daily and there is a litter box for each cat, she pooped in a chair (three different times) and now she has begun peeing on furniture as well. I am about at my wits end. I’ve looked up everything I can on the Internet, but nothing I’ve tried seems to work. There is one part of the house where there is no soft furniture (it’s also where the litter boxes are), and I’ve had to keep her in there unless I’m watching her every move. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I know some of you are cat lovers like I am, and something has to be done. I can’t let her defecate wherever she feels like. I’m going to call the vet today and see if he can give me any advice. Lucy is doing just fine; she’s prancing around like she’s an angel, which for the most part both of them are. I’ve never had cats as stubborn as these are. HRH could be stubborn, but at least she minded me. I love my girls, but oh how I miss HRH.Ok, I’ll get maudlin if I keep talking about HRH. Here are some funny cat quotes:

To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction, and a cat. The last ingredient is usually the hardest to come by. — Stephen Baker

I gave my cat a bath the other day. They love it. He just sat there and enjoyed it. It was fun for me. The fur kept sticking to my tongue, but other than that… — Steve Martin

One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it’s affection, the taste, or a trial run for the jugular. — Helen Thomson

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat. — Lillian Johnson

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.

P.S. The job search continues. I’m doing my best to get out several applications a day. I signed up yesterday to volunteer at a local museum to gain some museum experience. One of the things that they will do is to train me in preservation of artifacts. Volunteering is a lot cheaper than a master’s in museum studies, and I really think it will be fun. I’ve also had a high school in Utah that seems pretty interested in my résumé. It will have to be a pretty good salary and benefits for me to move to a small town where the closest city is two hours away.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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