Blue Mood


Yesterday was one of those blue mood days. It usually happens when I get a rejection letter. One of the community college jobs cancelled their job search because of funding. From my experience, that’s not unusual with colleges. While that was in no part my fault, it still depressed me. That isn’t the only thing that got me down though, but the other thing should have made me happy. The job that I went on an interview for last week called, and they want me to come in for a second interview. Which that is great, but it’s for the lesser paying of the two jobs they interviewed me for. This position actually pays less than my previous teaching position. On the plus side, it would have benefits unlike my previous position.

To make my mood worse, my old school starts back today. I hate that I am unemployed, but also I’m glad I’m not going back to that school. It still depressing that I’m not there, but I got severely burned out on teaching because of that place. The apathy of the students and parents was just soul draining. It did teach me a very valuable lesson: I do not want to teach middle school or high school again. I will go back to working in schools if I get this job that I have an interview for, but I won’t stop looking for something that will make me happy.

Of the dozen or so jobs that I have had in my lifetime, only three have made me very happy. I loved working at a bookstore when I was in college, sadly though brick and mortar book stores are becoming something of the past. I also loved teaching college. A lot of that may have been where I was teaching but I loved my students and they loved me, sadly that was only part time, and I was a casualty of budget cuts. The other job that I have loved is my current job as a volunteer. I love telling people about the museum and meeting so many wonderful people. Which is why, even if I have to settle for a job I might not particularly want, I am still going to pursue the museum studies certificate this fall (It runs from September 21-November 30, which will make a nice birthday present for me when I finish), and I will continue pursuing a job at a museum or historical site.

While it was a blue day yesterday, it did start out well with a nice conversation about poetry with a friend of mine, though I think she’s decided I’m a bit loquacious at times, and I had another good conversation with a friend of mine in the early afternoon. Then last night I had four different conversation with my boyfriend and three other friends of mine: two on the phone, two online (Kik and Twitter). So I’ve had the love and support of some wonderful friends, but anyone who has battled depression knows that no matter how good things can be, sometimes you have those days where it is very hard to see it. Yesterday was one of those days.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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