Moment of Zen: Colton Haynes Comes Out

kfldadadasads.jpgBack in January, Colton Haynes sort of came out when someone mentioned on Tumblr his secret gay past and he replied “Was it a secret?” Then he went silent. Hollywood has a way of keeping young gay men in the closet and it is one of the most disturbing things about Hollywood because so many actors could come out and be role models. Colton though was not silent because he was being coy, he was silent because of anxiety issues. He said in Entertainment Weekly that “I’ve had terminal anxiety my entire life. Physically ill, fainting. I’m 27 years old, and I have an ulcer. I had to step back.” That is exactly what he did. He checked himself into a clinic for anxiety. Anxiety and depression are a strong thing and can leave you feeling shamed, but Colton came out not only of the closet but also about his mental illness. It’s hard for people who don’t suffer from depression and/or anxiety to understand the condition.

Colton alluded to his struggle in an earlier tweet from December:

For those of you who are suffering with intense anxiety… you are not alone. It’s been a constant struggle for me since 5th grade. It’s a battle. Anxiety had put me in the hospital a countless amount of times. Whether it be fainting, hyperventilating, or seizures… I’ve been through it…

I’ve quit jobs because of anxiety, flaked on social events, family gatherings, birthdays, important movie/work tests. Its a serious problem. Be there for those who struggle with anxiety and realize it’s a serious disorder. It’s not a case of ’being dramatic.’ It’s a lifelong struggle. Love those suffering.

Anxiety has caused me to be extremely agoraphobic and live in constant fear of leaving my house at times. You are not alone.

Colton is one of my favorite actors and as EW said, he’s a “farm boy turned New York model turned aspiring Los Angeles actor, a paragon of the digital age of the Instagrammable hunk, a slab of innocent Kansas marble sculpted by MTV and polished by The CW.” He’s a beautiful man inside and out and I understand why he has not come out sooner.  I hope that John Barrowman, another hero of mine, helped him see that he could be out and successful.

Colton Haynes coming out is a true Moment of Zen for me. I’ve waited for it for years, though I knew the truth (or at least I felt like I did). In the past five months, I haven’t had a whole lot to be happy about, but Colton Haynes coming out made me giddy. I have just a “tiny bit” of a crush on Colton, even if I would never stand a chance.

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About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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