Monthly Archives: June 2016

Isabella


When I first brought Isabella home, she did little besides hide under the bed and whine when I left the room. However, yesterday she became a lot more social. She’s been playing and having a good time with the toys I bought her. She’s learned how to get on the bed without assistance, which is nice. She also has allowed me to start petting her. In one day, she went from being Miss Skittish to Miss Loving. She’s still a little bit skittish, but she’s much more comfortable around me. She’s also a great little antidepressant. She’s just so cute and lovable.


Community 

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. – Hebrews 10:24-25



For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.Romans 12:4-5

As a community, we grieved for those murdered at Pulse in Orlando. Gay bars and nightclubs are a place for us to gather without fear of harassment over our sexuality. They are a sanctuary for our people. They aren’t perfect. If you go into one by yourself, you’re likely to remain by yourself, especially if you are shy or don’t have the perfect body or look. But even if you’re alone, there is still a sense of belonging that no one can take from you.

In the wake of the Pulse massacre, we can’t be afraid to continue to have this vital part of our community. Though I am taking this out of context, Hebrews 10:24-25 says, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” When we do gather, let’s make sure that we “stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together.” 
My plea is that if you see someone alone, speak to them, help them feel like part of the community. This person may be someone who is in a gay bar for the first time, or it may just be someone who is lonely. As a community, we are a rainbow of peoples, like the community of Christ. Romans 12:4-5 says, “For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” The same is true of the LGBT community. We have many members but we are a diverse group, yet we share the community in common.

Let us continue to come together as a community of love and good works.

A big thank you to Another Country blog for the great picture above.


Meet Isabella 


Moment of Zen: Kittens


My plan had been to go adopt a kitten yesterday, but I got stuck at the office by myself all day and couldn’t take the afternoon off. The kitten I’d sort of picked out got adopted, but there are still more at this particular shelter. I’m going this morning to look and see if any want to go home with me. Wish me luck. I really want to bring home a kitten today.


Forgot

I went to bed last night but completely forgot to schedule a blog post. I might have an exciting update later in the day though. I just have to see how the day goes.


Doctor, Doctor


Yesterday, I finally broke down and called a local doctor trying to find a new doctor in my new home. So I called the doctor everyone suggested (he’s kinda cute, too) and asked about getting an appointment as a new patient. I was told that three of the four providers in this office are taking new patients. The woman took down all my information, including the drugs I’m on, what conditions I have, and who my previous doctor was. Then after all of that, she says that she will give this information to the doctor and he will decide if he will take me on as a new patient.

What…the…fuck! He’s accepting new patients but apparently there is an application process. Has anyone else run into this kind of thing? I didn’t think a doctor could refuse you as long as he’s accepting patients. I could understand if he didn’t take my insurance, but they didn’t even ask that. Apparently, this is normal procedure in Vermont.

Getting a new doctor in Alabama was so simple. You called the office and asked if they were taking new patients. If they answer was yes, the doctor’s office asked what insurance you had. If they took your insurance they made you an appointment. I have never had to wait to see if the doctor would actual take me on as a patient.

I was told that the decision should be made by the end of the day, but the office never called back. If I don’t hear by mid morning, I’m calling them. This is my health on the line. I need to know. I also need prescription refills, which is why I am calling now. I have two more refills and then I will be out of medicine.

Why can’t life be simple?

UPDATE: I was approved to be a new patient. I’m glad I don’t have to search for another doctor.


A Day Off


I’m taking the day off from blogging, maybe several days, because I’ve been quite depressed the last few days. Part of it is because of the Orlando massacre, but also because of some issues of my own. I just need a day or so to sort some things out in my own mind. Thank you for your patience.


A Poem for Pulse

A Poem for Pulse
by Jameson Fitzpatrick

Last night, I went to a gay bar

with a man I love a little.

After dinner, we had a drink.

We sat in the far-back of the big backyard

and he asked, What will we do when this place closes?

I don’t think it’s going anywhere any time soon, I said,

though the crowd was slow for a Saturday,

and he said—Yes, but one day. Where will we go?

He walked me the half-block home

and kissed me goodnight on my stoop—

properly: not too quick, close enough

our stomachs pressed together

in a second sort of kiss.

I live next to a bar that’s not a gay bar

—we just call those bars, I guess—

and because it is popular

and because I live on a busy street,

there are always people who aren’t queer people

on the sidewalk on weekend nights.

We just call those people, I guess.

They were there last night.

As I kissed this man I was aware of them watching

and of myself wondering whether or not they were just

people. But I didn’t let myself feel scared, I kissed him

exactly as I wanted to, as I would have without an audience,

because I decided many years ago to refuse this fear—

an act of resistance. I left

the idea of hate out on the stoop and went inside,

to sleep, early and drunk and happy.

While I slept, a man went to a gay club

with two guns and killed fifty people. At least.

Today in an interview, his father said he had been disturbed

by the sight of two men kissing recently.

What a strange power to be cursed with,

for the proof of our desire to move men to violence.

What’s a single kiss? I’ve had kisses

no one has ever known about, so many

kisses without consequence—

but there is a place you can’t outrun,

whoever you are.

There will be a time when.

It might be a bullet, suddenly.

The sound of it. Many.

One man, two guns, fifty dead—

Two men kissing. Last night

is what I can’t get away from, imagining it, them,

the people there to dance and laugh and drink,

who didn’t believe they’d die, who couldn’t have.

How else can you have a good time?

How else can you live?

There must have been two men kissing

for the first time last night, and for the last,

and two women, too, and two people who were neither.

Brown people mostly, which cannot be a coincidence in this country

which is a racist country, which is gun country.

Today I’m thinking of the Bernie Boston photograph

Flower Power, of the Vietnam protestor placing carnations

in the rifles of the National Guard,

and wishing for a gesture as queer and simple.

The protester in the photo was gay, you know,

he went by Hibiscus and died of AIDS,

which I am also thinking about today because

(the government’s response to) AIDS was a hate crime.

Reagan was a terrorist.

Now we have a president who loves Us,

the big and imperfectly lettered Us, and here we are

getting kissed on stoops, getting married some of Us,

some of Us getting killed.

We must love one another whether or not we die.

Love can’t block a bullet

but it can’t be destroyed by one either,

and love is, for the most part, what makes Us Us—

in Orlando and in Brooklyn and in Kabul.

We will be everywhere, always;

there’s nowhere else for Us, or you, to go.

Anywhere you run in this world, love will be there to greet you.

Around any corner, there might be two men. Kissing.


We Will Survive 

I Will Survive

Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to get along
And so you’re back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key
If I’d known for just one second you’d be back to bother me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive, hey, hey1

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
Kept trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
And I spent oh-so many nights just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high and you see me
Somebody new
I’m not that chained-up little person and still in love with you
And so you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free
Well, now I’m saving all my lovin’ for someone who’s loving me
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive

Oh
Go on now, go, walk out the door
Just turn around now
‘Cause you’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who tried to break me with goodbye
Do you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die?

Oh no, not I, I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love, I know I’ll stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
And I’ve got all my love to give and I’ll survive
I will survive
I will survive

We will survive. I feel for those who lost loved ones in the tragedy in Orlando. I know how hard it can be to lose someone you love. But we will survive. We will survive as individuals. We will survive as a community. We will survive as a country. We will survive.

When writing about the song in her book We Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor wrote, “I wanted everybody—including myself—to believe that we could survive.” “I Will Survive” had a particularly large influence within the LGBT community at the time of its release. This was mostly attributed to the lack of acceptance of LGBT individuals at the time. Because of this, the song is often referred to as the Queer Anthem. The LGBT community is said to have identified with “I Will Survive” because the textual message of defiant and enduring presence was already well tailored to queer identification needs, but this message and the song’s titular statement took on even deeper meaning with the dawn of the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s.

Since this is Pride Month, I had chosen to use various gay anthems for the poetry this month. Originally, “I Will Survive” was meant to be the last in the series, but in the wake of the tragedy in Orlando, I decided to use it this week instead because we will survive this tragedy.


Remember Orlando

The largest mass shooting in US history. It happened during pride month. It happened because a maniac saw two men kissing. A maniac that followed Islamic terrorism and pledge his allegiance to them. A maniac that obtained his guns legally. A maniac that the FBI deemed unimportant. When will we stop this kind of violence.

First of all, ISIL must be destroyed. It’s extremists must be driven from US soil. It’s extremism needs to be driven from this earth. The United States is not the only country that ISIL has attacked. We are not the only nation that has seen the terror that their extremism brings.

Second, America needs gun control. No one except the military needs military grade weapons. People are not going out hunting with these weapons, they are merely killing others with them. Those who aren’t killing others are compensating for their small little dicks. They say that they are protecting their families but who among them protected the 50 people killed or 52 people injured in Orlando? Who among them protected the children who died in Newtown, CT?

I hate guns. I hate the feel of them. I hate the recoil when they are shot. I hate the noise that they make. I hate everything about a gun. I was raised to know how to shoot one, and I am good at it, but it doesn’t make me want a gun. It doesn’t make me want to fire a gun. It makes me hate them more.

I agree we need laws to protect Americans, but those laws need to limit the kinds of guns that are sold in America. We need to accept that mental illness is real, and people can be easily led by bigotry. Think of the number of people following Trump, a bigot and a fool. There is much to be done and Trump’s strategy of creating more bigotry is not the answer, neither are guns.