Interesting Times…

This weekend has been both interesting and frustrating. Saturday, was just frustrating. I drove down to Middlebury, Vermont, because I wanted to take a drive and had the time to do so. I also wanted to check out a store that’s down there, and I’d found a restaurant while looking online that I wanted to try. First of all, Middlebury is not an easy place to get to from where I live. I won’t bore you with the details about the routes to get there. I took the safer and longer way to get there, and it was not an unpleasant drive, even though it was a dreary weekend. When I got to the store, it was nothing like I’d expected, and it was a bit disappointing, but I thought I’d be able to salvage the day by having a good lunch. I got to the restaurant only to find a note on the door saying they were closed that day due to a positive COVID case. My other lunch options were limited because in Middlebury most places don’t open for lunch on Saturday. The few places I did find had very long waits for a table. Finally, I gave up and headed back home thinking I’d find a place on the way back. No such luck. I was halfway home when I finally found a place, and by then, I was very hungry. At least that meal was very good. I got home and watched football for the rest of the day. One loss, two wins. Not too bad.

Yesterday, I was chatting with a guy on Grindr, and it turns out that he’s a fellow southerner. It was a chilly and dreary day, so we decided to get together and just cuddle. Of course, it tuned into more than just cuddling, and I did something I’d never done before. I’ll be honest, there isn’t much I haven’t tried before. I’m not going to go into detail because it’s personal, but I will say this, it was surprisingly enjoyable. He seemed to find it very enjoyable too, though it was something he’d done before, I just hadn’t. Anyway, let’s just say, it was very interesting and something I’d definitely do again. I also very much enjoyed the cuddling and holding him in my arms. Sadly, he couldn’t stay too long, but he stayed a good little while. Here’s the frustrating thing: he has a partner and is in an open relationship. Apparently, they are ok with each other hooking up with other people, but they don’t seem to see a person more than once, at least that was the impression I got. It’s frustrating because we seemed to connect and have a great time, and I’d have loved to just have him as a friend, but I guess that’s not how these things go.

Grindr can be a very frustrating thing. You meet people and have a great time chatting with them, and then nothing ever materializes. The guys on there seem to fall into a few categories, at least in my opinion. One, they are closeted and they can discuss their fantasies, but when it comes to meeting up, they just don’t have the courage to do so. Two, they are married and want to cheat on their spouse, whether they are married to a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter, I am not going to fool around with a married man behind his spouse’s back. Three, they are in an open relationship, and they aren’t looking to establish any other type of relationship. Four, they are one of the catfishes (usually African or Eastern European), and they are the worst of the lot. It seems impossible to find a single, unattached guy who wants to see how things go. They exist because I’m one of them, and I can’t be the only unicorn* in the bunch. I don’t mind hookups, in fact, more often than not, I find them quite enjoyable, but I am receptive to something more if it comes along.

Just to make clear, I am fully aware that Grindr and all of the other “dating” apps are really just hookup apps. I know when I log on that mostly it’s just guys who want to get their rocks off and move on to the next guy. I told one guy the other day when he asked me, “Have alot of luck with this app?” and I said, “Mostly flakes to be honest. Guys beg to get together and when we set something up, then they all of a sudden can’t get together.” Honestly, it’s amazing how often that happens. He also asked the inevitable question, “What are you looking for?” I replied, “I would really like to just find a friend who I can fuck around with….I wouldn’t mind something more than a fuck buddy, but I’m being realistic. That’s so hard to find.” It really s hard to find. I am a shy person so it’s hard to meet someone outside of one of the apps, but sometimes it does feel like I’m the only single gay guy around.

*Urban Dictionary defines a unicorn as being “the rare creature who is able to give you the thing you always wanted but thought you could never have.”

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

2 responses to “Interesting Times…

  • Steve

    Now you’ve peaked our curiosity with the tease of pleasurable new activity. I wonder if the picture gives a clue. I notice some rope around the ankle, so…. Restraints? Sounds like a fun weekend even if the details were not as planned. I’m glad you had some good fun. The social media apps bring out all kinds. It’s a shame people cannot just be upfront with what they want and who they are. Happy hunting!

    • Joe

      No, it didn’t have anything to do with restraints. I’ve done that before, LOL. It was something I think most gay men would not be interested in trying, but I found the guy very attractive and nice. I wanted to give him as much pleasure as he gave me, and surprisingly, it seems that I did and on my first try no less.

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