Fears and Confidence

Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.

—Hebrews 10:35

I have always lacked confidence in myself. Even when I knew I had the correct answer in class or a meeting, I’ve never been able to convince myself to have the confidence that I would give the correct answer. Most of my friends know that I can be a walking trivial pursuit; however, I often don’t have a lot of confidence in myself. I fear that if I let my head full of trivial trivia fly with all the minutia of facts swimming around in my head, people will think that I am boring, which I think most people I know probably secretly think I am. I don’t worry as much about this on my blog (that’s not to say that I don’t, because I do), but I know that my readers will either read it or just look at the pretty pics of hot guys.

A friend of mine described someone as “boring and sensitive,” which I said was how I think most guys would describe me, and I think they lose interest. I can have a conversation with a guy or go on a date with him, and once I get comfortable, I end up talking way too much and am seen as a bore. My friend said that I was not “boring and sensitive.” Yes, some people do find me interesting or at least intelligent, but it seems like most guys really aren’t looking for intelligence. They are looking for more brawn than brains.

My friend told me that I need to be more self-confident. It’s something with which I have always struggled to be. In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul wrote to Timothy saying, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Paul tells Timothy that he should not have fear but be confident in himself. In Joshua 1:9, God reveals to Joshua his purpose, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Hebrews 13:5-6 says, “Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’” We are who we are, and while not everyone will like us for who we are, we still have to be true to ourselves and stop fearing what others will think of us.

If you are like me and often fear how others perceive you and lack confidence in yourself, we need to remember that God is there for us. If we allow Him to guide us, we will have all the confidence we need. Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” God is there for us to make our lives better and easier to deal with love and attraction, among many other things in life. We should remember that He wants what is right for us. When it comes to love, the song from Snow White voices our hope that “Someday my prince will come,” and I hope that one day he will. Proverbs 29:25 says, “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”

God is there to guide us; we only have to let Him. We have to trust in Him to know what is best for us, but we also must ask God for that guidance toward confidence. John writes in 1 John 5:14-15, “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him.” Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I hope to one day find love. It has mostly eluded me so far in life, but I still hold out hope. In 1 John 4:18, John wrote, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” I have always gotten nervous talking to men. I’ve almost always been easily able to talk to women, but because I am not attracted to them in the same way I am in men, it doesn’t make me nervous like it does when I try to talk to men. It’s all about the fear and lack of confidence I have. There have been some men in my life that I could easily talk to. Some of those men I realized I never had a chance with, and thus the nervousness disappeared, but if I hope that I will have a chance of getting to know them better and that maybe it will become more, I shut down. I just can’t get comfortable. I think that fear has kept me from finding a lasting relationship. Deuteronomy 31:6 tells us, “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

5 responses to “Fears and Confidence

  • britt69isme

    Thanks for sharing today as I really needed to read what you wrote. Please know that you have infinite worth and be encouraged to open yourself you other guys. Please don’t worry if he’s the “right one” right now, just enjoy the moment 😊
    Take care,

    • Joe

      Thanks, John. That means a lot to me.

      • Wes

        I agree with John, live for today and don’t analyze the men you meet as potential partners. That may remove some of the pressure that makes you less confident in meeting a man. I suggest that you treat meeting a man as though you are just having a coffee with them, nothing else is at stake. Just share a bit about yourself and they will share a bit about themselves. If you meet again, you both will share a bit more. An analogy is like peeling an onion. You will know when you have had several opportunities to learn about each other whether you want to keep sharing…that’s where real relationships begin. Just a few thoughts. God be with you.

      • Joe

        Thanks, Wes. That’s great advice that I’ll keep in mind.

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