Yesterday was a bad day; emotionally, it was a bad day. Maybe it was the time change. Maybe it was the need to be packing but not having the will/motivation to do it. Maybe it was something I just couldn’t put my finger on. I accomplished only one thing yesterday: I shoveled the 7 inches of snow that fell on Saturday from my porches and steps, then I went and cleaned it off my car and scraped off the ice underneath. I had planned to run an errand after ridding myself of the snow, but I couldn’t bring myself to go anywhere but back inside.

I’d planned on watching some TV yesterday. I’d started watching the Netflix series, The Last Kingdom, which stars the incredibly sexy Alexander Dreymon. I first noticed Dreymon when he played Luke Ramsey on American Horror Story: Coven. It was the only season of AHS I could ever stand to watch. Dreymon was only in five episodes, but I immediately fell in lust with him. He’s pretty sexy as a Saxon/Dane in The Last Kingdom. However, even as hot as Dreymon is and how good the show was, I could not motivate myself to watch more than one episode. 

I didn’t even want to watch Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, which is my happy place when I’m not feeling well and need something to watch. Pathetically, I have lost count of the number of times I have watched the entire seven seasons of the series. I can quote you most of the dialogue from nearly all of the 176 episodes made. Some of the episodes always keep my interest because they are so good, but not yesterday. I just couldn’t decide, so I watched nothing.

My sex life did pretty well last week, and two guys seem to have a romantic interest in me and an old friend that I was able to get together with again. I have been messaging back and forth with one of them, but it’s often hours between messages. I tend to answer pretty quickly, but he does not. Usually, that’s a sign of a catfish, but if he is, he’s damn good, as he knows a lot about Vermont. He’s nice-looking, don’t get me wrong, but he also didn’t use the typical catfish pics of an overly handsome guy that you often see. 

I met the other guy who seems more actively romantically interested and appears to be pursuing me. We had a great time on our “date,” i.e., the sex was phenomenal (the best orgasm of my life), but I do not see anything long-term there. I think he could be a great new friend and even a friend with benefits. However, I think he may already want more. We’ll see how it goes. I mention him because several times yesterday, I was on the verge of getting in touch with him to see if he wanted to get together sooner rather than later. I’d have liked to have gone to see him, but he lives a bit south of me, so driving the thirty minutes there is a commitment of time (and money with the current cost of gas). I just could not motivate myself even to do that. I know I do want to see him again. He’s from Texas, and he said he’d make me a fabulous Mexican meal. I can’t turn down good Mexican food because it doesn’t seem to exist in New England unless I cook it. (One of the major drawbacks is that he has a little dog, and y’all should know by now how I feel about dogs.)

Anyway, I hope today is a better day. Quite honestly, it has to be. At least I will get out and go to work and not be cooped up inside all day. I should have a relatively easy work week. I have two meetings on Tuesday, but there is nothing else pressing beyond that. I can catch up on some work that I’ve needed to do. I do have to have a difficult conversation with my boss. This may sound petty and selfish, but the recent exhibit we put up was my design. Our new curator helped decide how to hang the paintings, but everything else was how I had planned it. There is a front case that you see when you walk into the gallery that was entirely my idea. I found all the materials to make it work, and I researched to get it as authentic as possible. It is also something that we have been praised for since the exhibit opened, with one person saying, “It is the neatest and most inventive thing I have ever seen in the museum.”

I took that as a very high compliment, but when my boss mentioned the praise in a meeting, he credited the case to me and the secretary. The problem is, my boss keeps saying that it was mine and our secretary’s vision. She didn’t have (excuse my language) jack shit to do with it. She made some suggestions in the planning stage, and I shot them all down. The suggestions were not part of my vision. None of her ideas made it into the case. So, it pisses me off that I have gotten no credit for the case and no credit for the exhibit at all. I put months into planning and implementing this exhibit, but I have received no recognition. If that sounds childish, then just call me childish. This is about professionalism and giving credit where credit is due.

On a brighter note, I did buy a new mattress. It should be here by the end of the week. It will be delivered to my aforementioned boss’s house since my apartment isn’t ready yet, and FedEx will deliver it (God only knows where they will leave it), and I won’t be able to drag it up my stairs into my apartment. My boss lives in a house that is at street level, so it is the most accessible place to have it delivered. Once I get the moving truck, I will get the mattress first before taking the truck to my current apartment to be loaded by the movers. The move is coming together if I can just get my apartment packed up and ready for the movers.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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