No Matter What

No Matter What
Songwriters: Tobias Martin Gad / Calum Scott

When I was a young boy I was scared of growing up
I didn’t understand it but I was terrified of love
Felt like I had to choose but it was outta my control
I needed to be saved, I was going crazy on my own

It took me years to tell my mother, I expected the worst
I gathered all the courage in the world

She said, “I love you no matter what
I just want you to be happy and always be who you are”
She wrapped her arms around me
Said, “Don’t try to be what you’re not
‘Cause I love you no matter what”
She loves me no matter what

I got a little older wishing all my time away
Riding on the pavement, every sunny day was grey
I trusted in my friends then all my world came crashing down
I wish I never said a thing, ’cause to them I’m a stranger now

When I ran home I saw my mother, it was written on my face
Felt like I had a heart of glass about to break

She said, “I love you no matter what
I just want you to be happy and always be who you are”
She wrapped her arms around me
Said, “Don’t try to be what you’re not
‘Cause I love you no matter what”

Now I’m a man and I’m so much wiser
I walk the earth with my head held higher
I got the love that I need
But I was still missing one special piece
My father looked at me

He said, “I love you no matter what
I just want you to be happy and always be who you are”
He wrapped his arms around me
Said, “Don’t try to be what you’re not
‘Cause I love you no matter what”
He loves me no matter what
And they love me no matter what

I mentioned to my friend Dylan that I was trying to figure out a song to finish up my “Musical March” posts. Songs, or at least the good one, always make great poetry. Dylan suggested this one. He also suggested “Come to My Window” by Melissa Etheridge or “Montero” by Little Nas X, which are both songs I like, but when I listened to Calum Scott’s “No Matter What,” I had tears in my eyes. The song was very emotional for me. When I came out to my mother, I found out that her love was conditional. She would not love me “no matter what.” My father on the other hand told her that, I was their son, and they’d love me no matter what. While my mother always does what my father says (sometimes much to my dismay), I’m glad she listened this time. Yet, I’ll always know, and she often reminds me, that if it was up to her, she’d have disowned me.

Calum Scott describes “No Matter What” as his “most personal song” and the song he is “most proud of.” The song tells the story of Scott telling his parents he was gay and their reactions of loving him “no matter what.” Scott said “It was a song that I always had to write, and a song I never thought I’d be able to share. This song has so much bones behind it and has such a wider discussion, not only about sexuality but about acceptance.” Adding “This hopefully will be a movement. I want to help people, I want to inspire people, I want to make people more compassionate.”

I wish all parents loved their children “no matter what” especially when they come out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, questioning/queer, etc. I’ve known too many parents who put conditions on their love for their children. I don’t want children. At one time, I thought I did because that’s what was expected of me, but I knew I’d never make a good father, not because I wouldn’t love my child unconditionally, but I know I have a temper like my father, and I’d never put a child through that. However, if I did have a child, I would have loved them no matter what. I would be accepting and loving. I don’t understand how anyone can put conditions on the love they give their children.

I wish all parents would be loving and accepting, and I said as much to Dylan who told me, “We have a Heavenly Father who does. Those are His feelings toward us. And you have friends who love you very much too.” I agree with him and said, “I just need to be reminded of that sometimes.” He wisely replied, “Yes, we all do!” We are all part of God’s family, and many in the LGBTQ+ community make our own families. I know I have people that I love and cherish, as much, and sometimes more so, than my own biological family (I’m referring to you here, Susan). Cherish the people in your life who love you “no matter what.”

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

2 responses to “No Matter What

  • Beau

    One of the most important lessons that I have learned is that conditional love is not love. This applies to God as well as people. If God’s love is conditional, then it is not love. This is a lesson that the vast number of theological perspectives have not embraced.

    Like you, I used to think that I would make a poor father because I might be angry and battering like my father was. I can only tell you that it does not necessarily work that way and that my parenting is very different from his example. Life circumstances might not be right for you, but love can overcome poor parenting history.

  • Steve

    I will be sharing this story and message on PRIDE SUNDAY in my congregation in PA. I’m so grateful for a family who loved me and gave me all I needed when I came out at 45. Thank you for this beautiful reminder. It’s a statement we share every week in our services… We Worship, We Love, We Serve ~ No Matter What!

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