
Monthly Archives: June 2022
New Blinds

Finally, the new blinds for my apartment have come in. It’s been six weeks since I ordered them (I had been told 6-8 weeks), but they were delivered to the installers and are being installed this afternoon. I’m pretty excited. I’ve felt like I’ve been on display to all my neighbors without any window treatments. I put up some temporary coverings on the windows, but I’ve left some without anything so Isabella can see outside. I think what I’m most excited for is that I will no longer worry about anyone seeing me if I walk around my apartment naked or lounge on my couch in just my underwear. It’s really all about a little freedom in my apartment. The best part , though, is that these blinds are room-darkening blinds which I was told will block out most of the sunlight when I need darkness. This was an important feature because when I have migraines, I usually get very photosensitive and can’t stand much light around me.
I’m really looking forward to having these blinds installed. I took today off so that I can move the furniture out of the way to make it easier for them to install. Besides, there isn’t much going on at the museum, so I can easily take the time off. Most museums are busiest during the summer months, but because we are a university museum and there are no students on campus in the summer, no one really comes in. However, we are one of the few air conditioned buildings on campus, so once the temperatures get too hot, some people will bring their laptops and work in the museum instead of in their hot, stuffy offices.
And Now Upon My Head the Crown

And Now Upon My Head the Crown
By Phillip B. Williams
1.
In the first place—I wanted him and said so
when I had only meant to say. His eyes
opened beyond open as if such force would unlock me
to the other side where daylight gave reason
for him to redress.
When he put on his shirt,
after I asked him to keep it off, to keep putting off
the night’s usual end, his face changed beneath
the shirt: surprise to grin, to how even the body
of another’s desire can be a cloak behind which
to change one’s power, to find it.
2.
In the first place
he slept, he opened the tight heat of me that had been
the only haven he thought to give a name:
Is-it-mine? Why-you-running? Don’t-run-from-it—as though
through questions doubt would find its way away from me,
as though telling me what to do told me who I was.
About This Poem
“This poem is part of a few ‘failed sonnets’ I’d written and revised out of their intended form. In this revision, I wanted the phrase ‘in the first place’ to move through two possibilities: the first instance and the first location. That there may be other readings is great. As for the title, I guess I was thinking less about success and more about regretting when one gets exactly what one has asked for.”
—Phillip B. Williams
About The Poet
Phillip B. Williams is the author of Mutiny (Penguin, 2021), a 2022 PEN/Voelcker Award for Poetry finalist, and Thief in the Interior (Alice James Books, 2016), winner of the 2017 Kate Tufts Discovery Award and a Lambda Literary Award. He has received a Whiting Award and Ruth Lilly Fellowship from the Poetry Foundation. He currently lives in Philadelphia.
D-Day—June 6, 1944

Today is the anniversary of D-Day when British, Canadian and US soldiers – 160,000 of them – landed on the beaches of Normandy in treacherous weather, initiating the Western Allied effort to liberate mainland Europe from Nazi Germany. While D-Day is not a specific LGBT-related event, there were undoubtedly many hundreds of young gay soldiers killed on those beaches. 160,000 landed, 9,000 killed or wounded. Today we remember them with gratitude.
June is Pride Month and festivals and parades are happening across the world in celebration of LGBTQ+ Pride. But Pride didn’t start as a parade, it started as a protest with the Stonewall Riots in 1969 and many historians believe that the roots of these LGBT activists can be found in the World War II experiences of gays men and lesbians in the American military.
Despite the threat of persecution, gay and lesbian service members thrived during World War II. As with most young soldiers, many had never left their homes before and the war provided them an opportunity to find community, camaraderie, and, in some cases, first loves. These new friendships gave gay and lesbian GIs refuge from the hostility that surrounded them and allowed for a distinct sub-culture to develop within the military. Service members on every warfront enjoyed drag show entertainment; an entire gay lexicon was developed from the writings of Dorothy Parker; and eventually an underground queer newspaper emerged. The “Myrtle Beach Bitch” or “Myrtle Beach Belle” covertly shared news and stories between bases and units.

Gay male culture flourished in many ways in the military during the Second World War. Homosocial environments and the intimacy caused by life in combat made many in the military practice “don’t ask don’t tell” before it was even the official military stance. Drag shows were quite popular during the war, like “G.I. Carmen,” an all-GI musical stage show produced by the 253rdInfantry Regiment, 63rdDivision of the U.S. Army as a morale booster for Allied troops. There were also queer social networks of gay men.
Thousands of gay, lesbian, and bisexual men and women served in the armed forces during World War II. The massive manpower needed during the war created an ambiguous place for gay men and lesbians in military service. And gay men and women, like most groups of Americans, wanted to serve their country. You can read more about LGBTQ+ service members in Allan Bérubé’s book Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War II.
If anyone is interested, the International Spy Museum is hosting a virtual talk by Samuel Clowes Huneke, author of States of Liberation: Gay Men between Dictatorship and Democracy in Cold War Germany. He will focus on how both Eastern and Western intelligence agencies sought to recruit gay men because they believed that they were naturally more conspiratorial and would thus make better agents. Huneke explores previously untapped German archives to capture this surprising story of espionage and emancipation with its colorful cast of Cold War characters.
You can register for the talk by going to the following link: Berlin Stories: Gay Espionage in Cold War Germany.
Monday, June 6, 2022
12:00 PM – 1:00 PM ET
Samuel Clowes Huneke is a historian of modern Europe, with a focus on the social and political history of twentieth-century Germany. He is broadly interested in how everyday life intersects with and shapes the relationships between citizens and states. His research foci include the history of gender and sexuality, legal history, and the history of dictatorship and democracy. Dr. Huneke received a B.A. summa cum laude in German and Mathematics from Amherst College, an M.Sc. with Distinction in Applicable Mathematics from the London School of Economics, and a Ph.D. in History from Stanford University.
I will be attending, and it looks/sounds very interesting. (It doesn’t hurt that he’s rather handsome.)
Life’s Journey

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
— Isaiah 40:28-31
Here’s a question to ponder for today: What would it look like if we held ourselves to a higher standard while also having respect, compassion, and understanding for where we are right now? In her book See Before You Die: Costa Rica, author J.E. Leigh writes:
“We—all of us—want to feel special. We want to feel the glory that shines on us when we reach beyond our boundaries to grab at something greater, to live a heroic life, if only for a day or a week or a moment. This simple yearning is in us all, hardly recognizable, often only the merest hint that there is something more to us. This is why we seek out new places…we want to remember a somewhere that gave us the space to expand ourselves, to become a little more of who we truly are.”
Before we can achieve our true potential, we must recognize where we are now. We have to accept ourselves as we are before we can move forward. We might not like who we are or what we are going through, but we must accept ourselves before we can make the changes to improve ourselves and achieve the standard that we hold ourselves to. If we have fallen short of that standard, then we must realize why and what we can do about it. God can help us with that. God will provide the strength to persevere.
As we wait on God to give us strength, we should remember the words of the prophet Isaiah in Isaiah 40:31, “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” God strengthens us during times of waiting. Sometimes that strength comes from the trials we face in life. Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to a high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle soars above it. The eagle does not escape the storm; it simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.
When the storms of life hit us, we can rise above them by setting our minds and our belief toward God. The storms do not have to overcome us; God will strengthen us during our time of waiting. His power will lift us up above the dark clouds so we can ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure, and disappointment into our lives. It is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them. Things don’t always go the way we expect them to, but God is there to help us through those times.
The American author Joseph Campbell wrote, “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Campbell is known for the 1988 PBS documentary Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth, which was originally broadcast as six one-hour conversations between Campbell and journalist Bill Moyers. Campbell’s The Power of Myth is a book based on the documentary. In that book, Campbell quotes from the 1922 Sinclair Lewis novel Babbitt:
Campbell: Have you ever read Sinclair Lewis’ Babbitt?
Moyers: Not in a long time.
Campbell: Remember the last line? “I’ve never done a thing I wanted to do in all my life.” That’s the man who never followed his bliss.
We need to learn to follow our bliss. Hopefully, that bliss includes trusting in God, because trusting in God can put our minds at ease. We can’t let fear of the unknown paralyze us. In her famous diary, the Holocaust victim Anne Frank wrote, “The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.” (A friend of mine recently sent me that quote, and I think it is a wonderful piece of inspiration.)
We must rid ourselves of fear and loneliness because God is always with us. If we are unhappy, we need to do something about that unhappiness. Twice in the last few weeks, someone has commented on this blog that all I do is complain. This blog is very therapeutic for me because it helps me get things off my mind that are bothering me. Maybe that is complaining, but I also hope that if someone else is going through the same issues, then they know that they are not alone. I encourage anyone who is facing tough times and need someone to tell about it, to tell a friend or loved one. If you do not have someone to tell, email me (jec1918@gmail.com). If I can help, I will. A sympathetic ear is sometimes all we need. When my mind is racing over a problem, it often helps to write about it or (something I am terrible at) talk about it. Once I get it on “paper” or tell someone, it doesn’t seem as daunting. I think that is why many people write diaries. Instead of keeping a diary, I write a blog. I am grateful for all those who follow me on this journey called life. I am also grateful to God for giving me the perseverance to continue going day after day, especially during those times when the weight on my shoulders seems too heavy, and I just want to withdraw from everything. Therefore, I am working on respecting, having compassion, and understanding for where I am in this life so that I can move forward to achieve standards that I have set for myself.














