“Death warmed over” is a phrase my mother used to use. It basically means you feel like crap. I had been advised to get a second booster for the COVID vaccine, so, I made an appointment and on Tuesday, I went to the local CVS and got my shot. The shot itself was a bit deceiving as I never even felt it. I only knew she’d given it to me because she put a bandaid on my arm. By the time. Got to my car, my arm was hurting, but that was all the side effects I had for the rest of the evening. Then, I woke up yesterday morning. I had read that reactions to the second booster would likely be similar to the first booster. Back when I had the first one in October, I had a fever, chills, body aches, and a severe headache. It was made worse by the fact that it can get cold in October in Vermont, and my former landlords had not yet turned on the heat. I felt like I was going to freeze to death. This time, I went through the fever, chills, body aches, and a severe headache during one of the hottest day I have seen in Vermont since I moved up here nearly seven years ago. Mostly, I had to keep the air conditioner and my fans off because I had chills with the fever. I did have to turn on the air conditioner a few times because I felt like the inside of my body was freezing and the outside was just radiating heat. I basically just slept off an on all day. With the headache, I could barely concentrate enough to watch television. Usually these reactions only last for twenty-four hours, so I’m praying to God that I feel better when I wake up this morning.
I try to write something every day. On Sundays, it’s my devotional. On Mondays, it’s whatever comes to mind, if anything. Tuesdays are almost always a poem that I want to share. Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays are again, whatever comes to mind, if anything. On Saturdays, I usually take a break from writing and post my “Moment of Zen,” which is occasionally accompanied by a short explanation, though most are self-explanatory. Each night, I post a Pic of the Day, which is always whatever picture strikes my fancy for that day. I have kept to this schedule for most of the twelve years I’ve posted to this blog. There are days, though, when I just don’t know what to write. Today is one of those days. It’s days like today that I just ramble about different stuff.
I’m just glad that the week is half over. It’s been a hot week, and that’s not likely to change. Vermont has been lucky so far this summer. Most of our days have been in the 60s or 70s F (or about 15-25 C). It’s been pleasant, but like what seems like the rest of the world, our temperature is up this week. We are expecting near 90 degree high temperatures for the five days. I’m ready for it to be back in the mid-70s.
Yesterday, the U.S. House of Representatives voted in favor of the ‘Respect for Marriage Act,’ a major step toward protecting the rights of married couples who could face future threats from discriminatory forces eager to overturn U.S. Supreme Court precedent on the freedom to marry for same-sex couples and interracial couples. Only 47 of the 211 Republican Representatives votes with the Democrats to pass the legislation. It now goes to the Senate, where its prospects are uncertain, as it requires at least 10 Republican votes to defeat a filibuster. So far the same-sex marriage protections have only one GOP backer: Sen. Susan Collins of Maine. The puts GOP senators in a bind, caught between their minority culturally conservative base, which opposes same-sex marriage, and a large majority of the country that wants it to remain legal.
I feel the breath of the summer night, Aromatic fire: The trees, the vines, the flowers are astir With tender desire.
The white moths flutter about the lamp, Enamoured with light; And a thousand creates softly sing A song to the night!
But I am alone, and how can I sing Praises to thee? Come, Night! unveil the beautiful soul That waiteth for me.
About the Poet Elizabeth Drew Stoddard was born in Mattapoisett, Massachusetts, in 1823. She published both prose and poetry during her lifetime, including Poems (Houghton, Mifflin and Company, 1895). She died in 1902.
For most of last week, I did not have a major headache. I still had some head pain, but that comes along with having trigeminal neuralgia and chronic migraines. I have an app on my phone called Migraine Buddy that helps me keep up with my migraines. It lets me track the intensity, the location of the pain, any medication I take, and a host of other factors. I did not have a headache significant enough to log in my Migraine Buddy app. This was quite wonderful as it had been about three months since I went a day without a migraine.
I knew Saturday morning that my luck was running out. I saw an aura early Saturday morning. Luckily, no major migraine materialized, though it was like I could feel it knocking and wanting in. Sort of like when Isabella wants me to wake up, so she just barely touches me with one claw out to wake me. She knows it drives me crazy. When I went to bed Saturday night, I thought I’d dodged a bullet and no headache was coming. How wrong I was!
I woke up yesterday morning with an intense migraine covering the whole left side of my head and continued down my neck and shoulder. I also had trigeminal neuralgia pain on the front right side of my face. I got up anyway and fed Isabella and made my own breakfast. I watched some TV, but eventually got up and took a nice long shower hoping that it would help. It didn’t. I decided to go back to bed. The sun was very bright and even with my blinds closed, it was too much light, so I put on my sleep mask. I woke up an hour or so later, and I felt marginally better.
I did some laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, and eventually made lunch. After lunch, I went back to bed for a while. At times throughout the day, I had a break in the storm that was this head pain, but each time it came back, it was stronger than ever. If you think of it like a hurricane, most of the day, I was getting the purer bands. As the storm rotated around, there were intense periods of pain followed my relative calm, though there was still an ominous feeling surrounding my head. By last night, Hurricane Migraine had stalled with my head firmly underneath the northeast quadrant of the hurricane. If you know much about hurricanes, you know that the right front quadrant (northeast corner) is usually the worst and most destructive part of the storm.
I had to take a sick day today. While my migraine might be slightly better, it’s gotten worse since I’ve been awake, and the photosensitivity is worse today. It’s going to be a dark day today. Thankfully, we are expecting rain, and the cloudiness will help control the amount of light I have to deal with.
And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.
—John 1:5
American author, professor, and philosopher Sam Keen wrote, “Burnout is what happens when you try to avoid being human for too long.” Sometimes, we want to do it all. We’ve probably all heard, “If you want something done, do it yourself.” This quote is sometimes attributed to emperor Napoléon Bonaparte or dramatist Charles-Guillaume Étienne, a contemporary of Napoléon. I’ve said it myself more than once, especially after delegating a task to someone who did it subpar. But doing everything yourself is not practical. So the next best alternative is learning to trust others better and empower people. We will burn ourselves out if we try to do everything in pursuit of perfection.
We also have to allow others to shine; it is better to help them shine than to be the only beacon of light. There are times when it is necessary for us to take the credit for a job well done or even demand the recognition we deserve and let our own light shine, but there are also times when it can be much more rewarding to see others succeed because you helped them. The 13th-century Persian poet Rumi wrote, “A candle never loses any of its light while lighting up another candle.” I like this quote, but I think it can condition behavior that ironically negates its truth. It can cause us to overextend ourselves, helping others without tending to our own needs, subsequently causing our personal “light” to dim. So, don’t give another person your light; let your light ignite them.
God expects us to be the light that will guide others. He does not expect us to give away our light but to share it. In Matthew 5:15-16, Jesus says, “Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Jesus tells the parable of the lamp on the stand to encourage his followers to stand out, to be an example, and not to hide away. The message in this parable would have been challenging for the first Christians, who were cruelly persecuted. They may have hidden their faith as they did not want to be tortured, imprisoned, or killed because of it. Jesus is saying that for the Christian message to spread and develop, followers must proclaim and show their faith.
As LGBTQ+ Christians, we may often find ourselves playing down our faith because many in the LGBTQ+ community disdain religion. I understand being hurt by religion and turning away from it. I don’t like most evangelical Christians, but that is because they are often hypocrites who want to impose their narrow beliefs on everyone. These same Christians pervert the words of the Bible to suit their selfish ways. They teach many LGBTQ+ Christians to hate themselves and the LGBTQ+ community. We cannot allow self-hatred because of sexuality. Self-hatred is one of our greatest enemies within the LGBTQ+ community. We have to love ourselves before we can show our love for others. We have to accept that we are God’s children, and He loves all of us just the way He created us. After all, He created us in His image.
I have always believed it was better to spread the goodness and love that God gives us instead of trying to impose my beliefs on others. If we live by example and bring to light the instances when religious individuals turn to hate instead of love, we can be that lamp on the lampstand that sheds light on the truth that God loves all of us. As LGBTQ+ Christians (or any LGBTQ+ individual with faith in a higher good), we must shine a light on the hypocrisy prevalent in so many religious individuals today. In Matthew 7:15-20, Jesus tells us:
“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them.”
We have an obligation to point out the bad fruit, those who teach a false Biblical hate. Hypocrites must be exposed for their hypocrisy, and not let them destroy our faith with their false faith.
I cannot accomplish this alone, and neither can you. We need to spread the light that is our faith: our faith in God, our faith in goodness, and our faith in love. We need to help others shine so we can show the way to living the life God wants for us. We must live by example and shine our light around the room so that others can see. And finally, we need to call out the bad fruit for the harm they are doing. Too often, people become stubborn in their beliefs. They see what they are doing is wrong, but they are too hardheaded to change their ways. Others are too arrogant to realize that they are wrong. We need the be the light that can guide the way.
Joe
The Closet Professor 