Author Archives: Joe

About Joe

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I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces.

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Ghosts

Ghosts
By Ella Wheeler Wilcox

    There are ghosts in the room.
As I sit here alone, from the dark corners there
They come out of the gloom,
And they stand at my side and they lean on my chair

    There’s a ghost of a Hope
That lighted my days with a fanciful glow,
In her hand is the rope
That strangled her life out. Hope was slain long ago.

    But her ghost comes to-night
With its skeleton face and expressionless eyes,
And it stands in the light,
And mocks me, and jeers me with sobs and with sighs.

    There’s the ghost of a Joy,
A frail, fragile thing, and I prized it too much,
And the hands that destroy
Clasped its close, and it died at the withering touch.

    There’s the ghost of a Love,
Born with joy, reared with hope, died in pain and unrest,
But he towers above
All the others—this ghost; yet a ghost at the best,

  I am weary, and fain
Would forget all these dead: but the gibbering host
Make my struggle in vain—
In each shadowy corner there lurketh a ghost.

About this Poem

“Ghosts” appeared in the Poetical Works of Ella Wheeler Wilcox (W. P. Nimmo, Hay, & Mitchell, 1917), in the section titled “Poems of Hope.” In her essay, “Symmetrical Womanhood: Poetry in the Woman’s Building Library,” published by the University of Texas Press, poet and scholar Angela Sorby affirmed, “While Wilcox’s poems—with their ringing rhymes, facile forms, and inflated emotions—are clearly products of the genteel idealist sensibility, they are distinctive in one striking respect: they are rooted, firmly and explicitly, in the female body. Her poems neither veil the self in sentimental modesty nor escape into an ideal disembodied universalism. Instead, they make the author’s desires into a driving force. […] Ella Wheeler Wilcox embodies the contradictions of the period because her poems’ speakers are independent but also limited in their range of motion and emotion. Her poems are middlebrow, self-assured, daring (but not too daring), and committed to expressing specific ambitions that can be realized within a mainstream poetic framework.”

“Ghosts” is a poignant exploration of memory and the emotional remnants of relationships. The poem uses the metaphor of ghosts to illustrate how past experiences and lost loved ones continue to affect the living. The poem suggests that memories can be as powerful and persistent as ghosts. The speaker reflects on how these memories intrude upon daily life, evoking both pain and nostalgia. Wilcox delves into the enduring nature of love, emphasizing that even after a person is gone, their influence remains. The emotional bonds we create do not disappear; they linger in our hearts and minds. The poem captures a sense of solitude, as the speaker confronts these haunting memories alone. This isolation emphasizes the depth of the emotional impact that these “ghosts” have.

Wilcox employs vivid imagery to evoke feelings associated with memories and loss. The ghosts symbolize not just the deceased but also unresolved emotions and past experiences. The tone is reflective and melancholic, inviting readers to empathize with the speaker’s sense of longing and introspection. The “ghosts” symbolize both the past and the emotional weight carried forward into the present, highlighting the inescapable nature of our experiences. Overall, “Ghosts” serves as a meditation on how the past shapes our identity and emotional landscape. Wilcox’s poignant reflections encourage readers to acknowledge their own “ghosts,” recognizing that while they may haunt us, they also contribute to the richness of our human experience.

About the Poet

Ella Wheeler Wilcox was born on November 5, 1850, in Johnstown, Wisconsin. She was the daughter of a farmer and received a basic education in local schools. From an early age, she showed a talent for writing, often composing poems and stories.

Wilcox began publishing her poetry in local newspapers and gained wider recognition in the 1880s. Her first major collection, “Poems of Passion” (1883), was controversial for its candid treatment of love and desire but established her as a significant literary voice. She continued to write prolifically, producing numerous collections and essays throughout her career. Wilcox’s poetry often reflected themes of love, nature, and human emotions, characterized by a straightforward and accessible style. Her optimistic outlook resonated with many readers, making her work popular in her time. One of her most famous poems, “Solitude,” emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and personal growth.

Beyond her literary work, Wilcox was an outspoken advocate for women’s rights and social issues. She was involved in various reform movements and used her platform to address topics such as suffrage, education, and social justice. Wilcox married Robert Wilcox in 1871, and they lived in various locations, including Chicago and New York. The couple had one son, but their marriage faced challenges, including financial difficulties and differing views on social issues.

Wilcox continued to write until her death on October 30, 1919. Her work, though sometimes criticized for its sentimentality, has been appreciated for its emotional depth and ability to capture the complexities of human experience. Today, she is remembered as a prominent figure in American literature, with her poems continuing to resonate with readers.


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Back to Work

I wish I had a few more days to stay home, continue to rest, and, finally, get rid of this cough. However, eventually, I had to go back at some point. Luckily, I only have a few things that need to be done today, and, and hopefully, all of them should be wrapped up fairly quickly. I have a tour to give and a few emails to send. I also think I have one phone call that needs to be made. Next week is expected to be a pretty busy week, and I have a few preliminary things to take care of to make next week go smoothly. I should be able to just hide away in my office most of the day, especially this afternoon.

I am feeling much better. There is still some congestion and the previously mentioned cough. Other than some fatigue, I am actually feeling pretty good. So, it’s back to the grind.


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The Centurion

Now when Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to Him, pleading with Him, saying, “Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, dreadfully tormented.”

And Jesus said to him, “I will come and heal him.”

The centurion answered and said, “Lord, I am not worthy that You should come under my roof. But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed. For I also am a man under authority, having soldiers under me. And I say to this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and to another, ‘Come,’ and he comes; and to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

When Jesus heard it, He marveled, and said to those who followed, “Assuredly, I say to you, I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel! And I say to you that many will come from east and west, and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. But the sons of the kingdom will be cast out into outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go your way; and as you have believed, so let it be done for you.” And his servant was healed that same hour.

—Matthew 8:5-13 

In Matthew 8:5-13 and Luke 7:1-10Matthew and Luke tell the story of a centurion coming to Jesus. These passages can hold powerful significance for LGBTQ+ Christians. In this account, a Roman centurion, a commander, nominally of 100 soldiers and an outsider to the Jewish community, approaches Jesus with great faith, asking for healing for his servant. Jesus commends the centurion’s faith, and the servant is healed. Let’s look at why this story can be meaningful for LGBTQ+ Christians.

First, we can see that Jesus welcomes outsiders with compassion. Jesus did not qualify his help or refuse to see the centurion because he was not Jewish. The centurion was a Roman, a representative of the occupying force, and someone who would have been seen as an outsider by the Jewish community. Despite this, Jesus does not turn him away or judge him, but instead responds with compassion and grace. For LGBTQ+ Christians, this demonstrates that Jesus’ love transcends societal boundaries, prejudices, or religious barriers. No one is too “different” or “outside” to be embraced by Jesus.

Second, Jesus responded to the centurion’s faith, not his status or identity, showing that Jesus was inclusive of all people. The centurion’s position as a Roman and a soldier might have made him an unlikely figure to receive Jesus’ help in the eyes of many. Yet, Jesus does not focus on his social identity or background—he focuses on the centurion’s faith. This is an important reminder for LGBTQ+ Christians that God is concerned with our hearts, our faith, and our sincerity—not with our societal status or labels.

By not judging the centurion for what he was, Jesus is breaking cultural norms to bring healing. The centurion demonstrates a boldness in approaching Jesus, knowing that, by cultural standards, he might be rejected. He crosses lines of race, religion, and status to seek healing for someone he loves. For LGBTQ+ individuals, this can be a source of encouragement. It suggests that approaching Jesus in faith and seeking healing, love, and inclusion should not be hindered by fear of rejection. Jesus breaks through cultural norms to meet people where they are.

Third, we can look at the centurion’s relationship with his servant. While the Gospels do not explicitly detail the nature of the centurion’s relationship with his servant, some have speculated that it may have been a deeply affectionate or even intimate relationship. Regardless of the exact nature, the centurion clearly cared deeply for his servant, enough to seek help from Jesus on his behalf. This has led some LGBTQ+ Christians to see in this story a possible affirmation of loving, committed same-sex relationships, and a demonstration that deep love between individuals, regardless of societal expectations, is worthy of blessing and healing in Jesus’ eyes.

Finally, this story shows that faith that transcends barriers. Jesus marvels at the centurion’s faith, proclaiming in Matthew 8:10, “I have not found such great faith, not even in Israel!” This is a powerful message for LGBTQ+ Christians who may feel marginalized within religious communities. It reminds them that their faith is not lesser or invalid because of our identity. In fact, like the centurion, their faith can be a source of inspiration and affirmation, showing that God welcomes faith from all people, regardless of the barriers society may erect.

The core of the story is about healing—Jesus offers restoration without hesitation. For LGBTQ+ Christians who have been hurt by rejection or exclusion, this story should bring hope. It affirms that Jesus is always ready to bring healing to those who come to him, regardless of what others might think. For LGBTQ+ Christians, the story of the centurion going to Jesus is a profound example of how faith, love, and a deep trust in God transcend societal boundaries and norms. It demonstrates that God’s love and healing are available to all, including those who may be viewed as outsiders. The story invites LGBTQ+ believers to approach Jesus with confidence, knowing that their faith matters, their love is seen, and they are fully embraced by the Savior who heals and restores.


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Moment of Zen: Hiking


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Cat Nap Memories

I came across this picture the other day, and it brought back wonderful memories from my time teaching in Alabama. Back then, I’d be so tired when I got home that I’d lay down for a nap. It had been a stressful and exhausting job. The cat I had before Isabella, Victoria, was always my cuddle companion for these naps. When I would lay down, she’d lay down with the upper half of her body on my chest, and we would take a nap together. 

There are two main differences from the picture above: Victoria was a gray tabby and I’d have been wearing a shirt because Victoria hated naked skin. I don’t know what her issue with naked skin was, but she would not cuddle if I wasn’t wearing a shirt. Otherwise, this picture is the exact way we’d have our after work routine.

Victoria would sit in an upstairs window watching for me to get home. She’d meet me at the top of the stairs where she could see through the window above the front door. She would either rush down the stairs as soon as I got inside or meow and beckon me upstairs. If I did not lay down for a nap fairly soon, she’d get very agitated. Like Isabella, she had her routines, and you’d better follow that routine.

I loved Victoria so much. I love Isabella just as much, but Isabella and I have a different relationship than I had with Victoria. Victoria was a cuddle buddy. Isabella usually just wants to be in the same room I’m in. Isabella will lay on my hip and on occasion stretch out from my abdomen to my chest facing towards me so I can pet her.