Author Archives: Joe

About Joe

Unknown's avatar
I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces.

Pamper Party

My best friend, who live in Texas, roped me into a Mary Kay Pamper Party. I love my friend, and we’ve known each other for nearly twenty years, but I think she misjudged me when she signed me up for this. I never actually agreed to it, but she promised it would be fun. Boy was she wrong! The Mary Kay representative sent me the samples to use during the Party, and we signed onto Zoom to meet everyone. Luckily, I wasn’t the only man; my friend’s husband also participated.
I tried the moisturizers, sunscreens, and scrubs. I never could get the color correction cream opened, so I didn’t use it, even though the representative said I needed it for the redness in my face. What she failed to realize is that the redness was from the fucking creams she sent me. All of that was done only on the right side of my face; a charcoal mask went on the left side. The mask was yucky and itchy and really hard to get off of my face.
Once we got to the end (finally!), the Mary Kay representative asked me what products I liked best. Being polite, I didn’t tell her I hated them all, so I made up something about liking one of the moisturizers. At last, I was allowed to leave the “party.” I was hoping that would be the end of it, alas, it was not. The Mary Kay rep sent me a text asking me how I wanted to pay for the moisturizer. The nerve! I hadn’t said I’d buy anything. I decided I just had to be completely honest with her or she’d never leave me alone, so I wrote back, “ I’m not going to need any. To tell you the truth I have chronic migraines and the smell of the products is very strong and triggered one of my headache. Sorry. I just won’t be able to use it.”
I told my friend that I did not want to do the follow-up parties. There are supposed to be three in all, which I did not know beforehand. There was no way I was going to try and convince any of my friends up here into this. First of all, women in Vermont do not wear makeup, only my drag queen friends do. Second, my two friends who do wear makeup, they are from the South, would not be interested in this. I hated the whole experience and did not want to put anyone else through this, plus I found the Mary Kay rep a bit insulting. She told me my face was red and blotchy, I have a very nice tanned complexion. Furthermore, she called out two of the women for being old and needing special products. I’m sure that’s true, but hell, be a little more tactful.
After all was said and done, the smell really was giving me a headache. It was so strong and sweet. I’m gay, I like the smell of a man, not a woman. So I had to take a shower to wash the smell off of me. There was no way I was going to go to bed having to smell Mary Kay. Once I smelled like me again, my headache did abate a bit, and so I went to bed.

Pic of the Day


George Gray

George Gray
By Edgar Lee Masters – 1868-1950

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me–
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one’s life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire—

It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.


Pic of the Day


Wink, Wink

I’m wondering if anybody else reflexively winks when they see someone wink. Nearly all my life, at least in my memory, if I see someone wink at me, I instinctively wink back. When I was younger and had a fair number of straight male friends, they would often wink at me when there was a sort of inside joke, and I always winked back. I’ve never, to my knowledge, been able to control myself. When I see someone wink, even when it’s at a camera on TV or in a movie, I wink back. For me, it’s sort of like the yawn reflex. When I see someone else (or even an animal) yawn, I instinctively yawn. I know most people do. It’s a sneaky way to see if someone is paying attention to you. I have to say though, when a cute guy winks at me, my heart melts, and I go weak in the knees. I’m a sucker when it comes to a guy winking. Does anybody else wink when they are winked at? Or is it just me?


Pic of the Day


Mother’s Day

Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Isaiah 49:15 (ESV)

Mothers are not perfect. Mine sure isn’t. When she found out I was gay, she wanted nothing to do with me. She got very depressed and went to bed and cried. My father went to her and basically told her to get over herself. I was their son, they loved me, and they always would, no matter what. But, she has never accepted that I am gay, and still lives in hope that I will find the right woman someday. I keep telling her it will never happen, but she lives in her own little fantasy world sometimes. Needless to say, my mother and I do not agree when it comes to my sexuality. We also don’t agree when it comes to politics. For some godforsaken reason, she’s a Republican. So, we have a bit of a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. We don’t discuss my sexuality, and we do not discuss politics. We try to keep to that rule, but we both break it too often. She can’t help but making some awful comment about homosexuality, and I can’t help making some comments about how unchristian Republicans are and just how awful they are. (I cannot fathom why she supports Trump when he stands for everything she has always professed to be against. Me being gay, she has a problem with, but him being an unchristian asshole, she can accept???!!!) I firmly believe Jesus would never be a modern-day Republican, no matter what the Christian Right says, but I digress.

Every mother is flawed but just as my father told her that day to love me regardless, God’s love for us is unchanging and unchangeable. His generous grace and great compassion are for all time and throughout eternity. What the Bible is saying in this passage is: while a mother can forget the love she has for her child, God never will. The design of this passage is apparent. It is to show that the love which God has for his people is stronger than that which is produced by the most tender ties created by any natural relation. The love of a mother for her infant child is one of the strongest attachments in nature. The question here implies that it was unusual for a mother to be unmindful of that tie, and to forsake the child that she should nourish and love. With that being said, in the passage above, Isaiah was asking a theoretical question when he said, “Can a woman forget her nursing child?” Children and their mothers have the closest bond, and no one can break it. This passage praises mothers as symbols of amazing compassion, never forgetting their beloved children.

While my mother and I may have our disagreements, we do have a strong bond. It may not be as strong as before I came out, but it is still there. She is my comfort, even when she is not being comforting. That may sound odd, but when I was young, my mother often sang to us. Sometimes it was silly little songs like “Fishy in a Bowl,” “Do Lord,” or “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby,” though she had her own little version of that last one. However, the one I remember most is “You Are My Sunshine.” Even today, when I am sad and lonely, or having anxiety or even a full-on panic attack, I can remember my mother singing ‘You Are My Sunshine,” and I am comforted. Part of it has to do with the rhythm of the song helping to slow my rapidly beating heart, but it’s also because I remember the good times when my mother would sing this to me. For the most part, my mother has always been there when I needed her. As she has gotten older, she tends to focus more on herself, but she was a nurse for most of her life and spent her life taking care of others. Deep down, she is a caring woman; she just shows it a little differently these days.

I want to leave you with a different verse, because while we may see things very differently, my mother does still love me. I firmly believe that she always will. She can’t help but love me.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV)


Pic of the Day

Not Calvin Klein, but a nice honorable mention.

Moment of Zen: Calvin Klein Briefs

I don’t usually write anything for my Moments of Zen, but I just wanted to with this one.

Probably the first time I saw a man in his underwear, he was wearing briefs. There are a lot of underwear companies out there, but for me, none are as iconic as Calvin Klein. Of course, white is the most classic: tighty whitey Calvins, damn! However, gray and black are fine with me also. From Mark Wahlberg to Shawn Mendes (my personal favorite), Calvin Klein has given us some iconic images. Most of the images here are not official models for CK, but they sure know how to accentuate a pair of briefs.

And a couple of boxer briefs because these giys make them look oh so sexy.



Pic of the Day