There are a few things I always notice about a man. If I’m behind him, it’s obviously his butt, but if I’m facing him, it’s usually his smile or his eyes before my gaze wanders any lower. I think that’s probably true for most of us, whether we admit it or not. I also pay attention to how a man dresses because I appreciate someone who takes pride in how he presents himself and carries himself. I’m not a fan of someone who looks sloppy or careless. I’ll notice his haircut too because even back when I had plenty of hair myself, I always appreciated a man with a good haircut.

Now, while I may lust after a handsome man for all the reasons above, those things alone are not what determine whether I’d want to pursue anything more—assuming he was even interested. What matters next is what comes out of his mouth. I’m attracted to intelligence, but not arrogance. I like warmth, kindness, and friendliness. I’m a shy person, especially when it comes to meeting men, and that’s probably a large part of why I’m still single. I’ve never been particularly good at making the first move or believing someone might actually be interested in me, so I tend to hold back more than I probably should. In some ways, that has become even more true since I lost weight. Even now, I still think people see the awkward overweight guy I used to be. There have been plenty of times when I’ve replayed an interaction in my head afterward and suddenly realized the guy was probably flirting with me and it went completely over my head at the time.

I’ll also admit that if a guy is attractive and friendly, but maybe not the sharpest tool in the shed, I’m perfectly capable of keeping things physical and nothing more—though I rarely go in that direction anymore. These days, I tend to be a bit more selective when it comes to intimate encounters.

With all that said, there is one thing that will always make me weak in the knees: a wink.

If a guy winks at me, I instinctively wink back, and there’s immediately a spark of attraction. Part of it is the confidence behind a wink. It takes a certain personality to do that—to create an instant connection between two people with nothing more than a look. A wink says, “We’re thinking the same thing,” but it also feels like sharing a secret, no matter how small or insignificant that secret might be.

I’m not entirely sure why a wink affects me so much, but I suspect it has something to do with the kinds of guys I was attracted to back in high school, long before I ever allowed myself to admit I was gay. The boys I tended to like had a certain bravado, but they were also friendly. They didn’t immediately look at me and think, “He’s a fag,” and treat me like someone beneath them or someone to avoid. Instead, they saw a nice guy—someone smart, maybe a little awkward and shy, but always kind.

They also tended to be protective of me.

I was picked on a lot in school, mostly because people perceived me as gay, which is probably another reason it took me so long to admit my sexuality to myself. I didn’t want to be the thing everyone mocked or treated as something shameful. It took me a long time to get past that and allow myself to simply be who I was. Even after I came out to most people, it still took me a long time to feel comfortable enough to fully be myself.

When someone bullied me, these guys would often step in. Sometimes it was subtle; other times, it definitely wasn’t. They might throw an insult right back at the bully or shut them down with a joke. And often, after doing it, they’d give me that wink.

It was their way of saying, “I’ve got your back.”

I think most of us can agree on how a man’s physical appearance can affect us, but I’m curious: what is the one thing that always makes you weak in the knees?

I woke up this morning, fed Isabella, and then realized something wonderful—it’s a holiday, and I can go right back to bed. There are few better feelings than knowing you can pull the covers back up, settle in, and drift off for a little while longer without worrying about work.

So that’s exactly what I plan to do.

I hope everyone has a relaxing and peaceful Memorial Day, whether you’re spending it with family, grilling outside, traveling, or simply enjoying a quiet day at home. And today, we should also remember the men and women who gave their lives in service to this country and the sacrifices they made.

As for me and Isabella, we’ll be celebrating the holiday with more sleep.

I’m working from home this morning and then have the afternoon off. Because of that, when Isabella decided at 4 a.m. that she absolutely needed breakfast, I got up to feed her and then crawled right back into bed. Since that completely disrupted my normal routine, I almost forgot to write a post this morning. Thankfully, I remembered before the coffee had fully kicked in.

Hopefully, today will be easy and go smoothly. I have a few errands to run this afternoon, and then I plan to settle into a relaxing weekend. At least, that’s the hope.

For those of you outside the United States, you may not realize that this is a major holiday weekend here. Monday is Memorial Day, which means this weekend is generally considered the unofficial beginning of summer. Of course, you wouldn’t know that from the weather in Vermont. We’re under a freeze warning this morning. While people in warmer places are probably headed to the beach or the lake, I’m sitting here with coffee wondering if I should turn the heat back on.

I do wish I was headed somewhere exciting, but my only possible plans are to see The Mandalorian & Grogu, which opens in theaters today. I don’t go to the movies very often anymore, but I really enjoyed The Mandalorian, and I’d like to see the movie. Then again, holiday weekends usually mean crowded theaters, so I may wait and see how ambitious I feel.

My other thought—though not a particularly serious one—was going to the Burly Bears gathering tonight in Burlington. It’s one of the few gay men-centered social events in Vermont and takes place at one of the bars there. Every month has a different theme, and tonight’s is “007,” so it’s all James Bond-inspired. If I had a really great suit—or better yet, a tuxedo—I might actually consider going. Unfortunately, I haven’t bought a new suit since losing weight, and I don’t really want to invest in one until I’m certain my weight has stabilized or unless I suddenly need one for a job interview. So, James Bond sophistication may have to wait.

If you’re in the United States, do you have any Memorial Day weekend plans? And for everyone else, what are your plans for the weekend?

Whatever you do—or don’t do—I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

There are days when I wake up knowing exactly what I want to write about, and then there are mornings like this one where my mind is mostly blank except for coffee, work, and the fact that I’m tired.

I’m working a half day today and a half day tomorrow from home before being off until Tuesday. Honestly, there’s not much else going on at the moment. No big plans. No exciting museum events. No deep philosophical thoughts before sunrise. Just another quiet morning in Vermont.

Maybe that’s not a bad thing.

Life has felt so busy lately that perhaps a few uneventful days are exactly what I need. Sometimes peace arrives disguised as routine: feeding Isabella, drinking coffee while the house is still quiet, going to work, and coming home without drama or exhaustion waiting at the door.

We spend so much time thinking life has to be exciting to matter. Social media certainly makes it seem that way. But most of life is lived in ordinary moments, and there is something comforting about that. Quiet days give us room to breathe.

So today may simply be a workday followed by another workday tomorrow. Then a few days to rest, recharge, and maybe do absolutely nothing important at all.

And honestly, that sounds pretty nice.

Some mornings, I sit down to write these posts and the words come easily. Other mornings, like today, I realize I really don’t have much to say at all. Life is just…quiet at the moment. No major excitement, no dramatic stories, no deep thoughts before sunrise. Just another workday ahead.

I’m working a full day today and then only a half day tomorrow before being off work until next Tuesday, which is definitely something to look forward to. Sometimes having a few quiet days with nothing much going on is a good thing, even if it doesn’t make for the most exciting blog post.

Right now, I think I’m mostly just looking forward to a slower pace, a little extra rest, and not having to think too much for a few days. Honestly, that sounds pretty nice to me.

I hope all of you have a wonderful day and an even better weekend ahead.

I really just want to go back to bed. Unfortunately, work has other plans.

I’d call in sick, except I hate calling in sick on Mondays, and besides, I’m not actually sick—just sleepy and tired. I did not sleep well at all last night. It took me forever to fall asleep, and once I finally did, I woke up several times throughout the night. Even ignoring Isabella trying to convince me that breakfast should happen at an unreasonable hour, I still stayed in bed until 5:00 this morning. Honestly, I wish I were still there, warm under the covers and drifting back to sleep.

Instead, I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee, trying to convince myself that being awake is a good idea. Hopefully, the caffeine will eventually do its job and I’ll start feeling human again. Until then, I suppose I’ll just ease into the week the best I can.

Here’s hoping Monday is gentle on all of us.

It’s finally Friday, and thankfully, it’s also a work from home Friday. After a long week, I’m looking forward to a quieter day with a cup of coffee nearby and a chance to work through a few projects without the usual interruptions. Nothing too stressful, just catching up on some things that need to get done and easing into the weekend at a slower pace.

Honestly, these kinds of Fridays are always appreciated. It’s nice to have a day where I can focus, stay comfortable, and not worry about commuting or running from one thing to another. Hopefully, by the end of the day, I’ll have a few projects checked off my list and can fully settle into the weekend.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Friday and an even better weekend!