According to a resolution by the United Nations, today, July 30, 2020 is International Day of Friendship. Since my Thank You post early today surprisingly coincides with this day and this blog is read internationally (see below), I want to again say thank you for being my friends.

From the United Nations:

Our world faces many challenges, crises and forces of division — such as poverty, violence, and human rights abuses — among many others — that undermine peace, security, development and social harmony among the world’s peoples.

To confront those crises and challenges, their root causes must be addressed by promoting and defending a shared spirit of human solidarity that takes many forms — the simplest of which is friendship.

Through friendship — by accumulating bonds of camaraderie and developing strong ties of trust — we can contribute to the fundamental shifts that are urgently needed to achieve lasting stability, weave a safety net that will protect us all, and generate passion for a better world where all are united for the greater good.

The International Day of Friendship was proclaimed in 2011 by the UN General Assembly with the idea that friendship between peoples, countries, cultures and individuals can inspire peace efforts and build bridges between communities.

The resolution places emphasis on involving young people, as future leaders, in community activities that include different cultures and promote international understanding and respect for diversity.

To mark the International Day of Friendship the UN encourages governments, international organizations and civil society groups to hold events, activities and initiatives that contribute to the efforts of the international community towards promoting a dialogue among civilizations, solidarity, mutual understanding and reconciliation.

The International Day of Friendship is an initiative that follows on the proposal made by UNESCO defining the Culture of Peace as a set of values, attitudes and behaviors that reject violence and endeavor to prevent conflicts by addressing their root causes with a view to solving problems. It was then adopted by the UN General Assembly in 1997.

Why does the UN mark International Days?

International days are occasions to educate the public on issues of concern, to mobilize political will and resources to address global problems, and to celebrate and reinforce achievements of humanity. The existence of international days predates the establishment of the United Nations, but the UN has embraced them as a powerful advocacy tool.

I just wanted to start by saying how much I appreciate your kind comments yesterday. For those of you who don’t comment often or have never commented before, I want to let you know how much it means to me when you do comment. And for those who read, but don’t comment, I appreciate you taking time out of your day to read what I have to say. For those who comment on a regular basis, I always love hearing from you. I appreciate all of you from the bottom of my heart.

I have not always had the easiest life. It has been quite a struggle at times. I always wished that I was more outgoing, but it’s just not in my nature. However, this blog allows me to express myself when I am rarely able to do so in person. I can write about my past and my feelings, but it is harder for me to verbalize them. So, writing my blog is therapeutic for me. I occasionally have people who comment on my blog that I complain too much or that I am just a sad and pathetic human being. It always hurts to read that, but truthfully and deep down, I don’t care what they think of me. If they don’t like what they read, there is a simple solution: don’t read my blog. But knowing there are readers out there who generally care about me and read my blog because they care and hopefully find entertainment occasionally means the world to me.

When I started this blog ten years ago, it was originally a way for me to spread knowledge about gay people in history. Since then it has evolved into much more than that. It has become a way for me to write about what I am thinking and feeling, whether the topic is politics, health, relationships, religion, etc. I talk about my health issues, which I know could be worse, and while I write to work through my own issues, I also write so that if there are people going through the same issues, they have a place where they know they are not alone. Maybe reading what I go through can help someone else go through the same thing. Furthermore, I am always here for anyone who wants to reach out to me and needs an understanding ear. I haven’t always had the luxury of an understanding ear, and I used to go through the difficulties of life alone. Now, I have my blog and my readers who help me through difficult situations.

I guess even in the beginning when I was writing historical posts, I was writing to show other gay people that we have always existed in history and some of those people did truly great things. In fact, some of the greatest geniuses in history were gay. Many historians believe that Alexander the Great was one of history’s greatest military tacticians, and he was gay or, at the very least, bisexual. Leonardo da Vinci was a polymath with such a great breadth of knowledge, and he too was gay as were many of the great artists of the Renaissance. I could talk about great men and women who were gay at great length, but my point is that we are all truly exceptional human beings.

So, thank you for continuing to read this blog and for offering comfort and encouragement. Life is not always easy. Sometimes, it’s really fucking difficult, but together we can get through it. Thank you, my friends and virtual hugs to all of you.

Dreams can be strange. I never know what I’m going to get. One night you have wonderful, sexy dreams; the next you have disturbing, eerie dreams. On another night, it’s vivid nightmares. Sometimes you know you’ve been dreaming. You wake up with a certain type of feeling but you can’t remember what you dreamed. When I do remember dreams, it’s right after I wake up. For me, the vivid dreams, whether nightmares or not, are difficult to distinguish from reality. They stay with me a long time. 

I recall a few times when I’ve met a man at a bar or someplace, and while nothing happened between us, I’ve had dreams that they did. Occasionally, I’ve dreamed of upcoming dates with someone, and sometimes, I’ll dream afterward of where those dates might have gone but didn’t. Other times, I’ll have nightmares about the loss of a person, a pet, or friend. I wake up terrified, and it takes me a while to calm down. When I was a kid, I had two recurring nightmares in which I lost my family. The scenarios were so outrageous, they were and are difficult to explain to anyone, but I still remember them.

The other night, I had a very disturbing dream. It was not unpleasant, but it brought up unhappy memories. I couldn’t fall back to sleep afterward so I wrote this post. I dreamed about the boyfriend of a friend of mine who had died. He had died just a month shy of his boyfriend’s plan to propose to him. In the dream, the boyfriend had tried to move on with his life though it was obvious there was a great sadness in him. He had moved to a major city where I had another friend. Without the boyfriend ever knowing, this other friend used her influence among her gay friends to secretly look out for him. She was very secretive about it and didn’t tell me what she was doing until years later when she knew he was doing well and could move on. In the dream, I was happy the boyfriend had been able to move on. In reality, it’s been five years since the death of my friend. It brought back still painful memories.

Several things struck me as odd about the dream scenario. While I did get to know the boyfriend after my friend’s death, I had not known him very well before. The communications between us lasted only a short time as they were too upsetting for both of us. Another striking thing concerns the female friend. In real life, she rarely keeps secrets from me. Obviously, we all have things we don’t discuss, but in general, she and I share a great deal about our lives. She would not have kept her helping the boyfriend a secret. And while she does have gay friends, I don’t think she has the influence over them alluded to in the dream. It was a bizarre dream and quite disconcerting. I wonder why I had it.

There are varying theories why we dream and what they mean; No one knows for sure. Some researchers say dreams have no purpose or meaning. Others say we need dreams for our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Just as there are different opinions why we dream, there are different views on what dreams mean. Some experts claim dreams have no connection to our real emotions or thoughts; they’re just strange stories that don’t relate to normal life. Others say our dreams may very well reflect our thoughts and feelings—our deepest desires, fears, and concerns especially when they are recurring. By interpreting our dreams, we might gain insight into our lives and ourselves. Many people say they’ve come up with their best ideas while dreaming. I am not one of those people.

Does anyone have a vivid or recurring dream they would like to share?

I can’t believe the journey started 10 years ago today when I started my blog, The Closet Professor. During these 10 years, I’ve published 4,437 posts, and had nearly 4 million views and 19,000 comments. 

How my life is different from back then! In July 2010, I had just finished my first-year teaching at a private school in Alabama. I was miserable working in a job that paid little, and with bills that continued to mount. Now, 10 years later, I’m living in Vermont, have a great job as a Museum Curator, hold the academic rank of Assistant Professor, and make a salary more than double what I was making then; plus, I have insurance and retirement. Ten years ago, I couldn’t imagine any of this especially living in Vermont of all places. The only thing I might have thought would happen by 2020 was I would be an Assistant Professor. I had also hoped to have my PhD., but unfortunately, that was not to be. To make a long story short, I had a terrible dissertation advisor, and it went downhill from there.

During these 10 years, I’ve posted almost daily and sometimes with more than one post. The only times I didn’t post were when depression overtook me because of the deaths of loved ones. The best thing about this blog is I’ve made wonderful friends. When times have been the toughest, y’all have been here, and helped me get through so much. If it weren’t for my friends, and I consider all of you who read this a friend, I wouldn’t have kept this blog going all this time. Thank you for these amazing years, and let’s hope for at least another ten!

The other day, I read an article written by two American gay writers. The article’s title was, “Are Americans the stupidest people in the world?” I’ve actually read these writers’ work before: one is an LGBT young adult novelist and the other was an editor of a former gay news and entertainment website. These two men are a longtime gay couple who decided in 2017 to sell their house in Seattle and travel the world as “digital nomads.” They’ve been moving to a new country every few months and supporting themselves by working remotely.

The opinion piece they wrote has some valid points. I agree that the U.S. response to the pandemic has not lived up to what most of the rest of the world is doing, because many Republican leaders in this country have failed to take the crisis seriously. Also, the supporters of those so-called leaders have acted according to what they see as an example. The public’s health and safety have been made into political issues.  

However, what I take exception to is when they try to lump all Americans and all politicians into the same category. At one point, they write, “The brutal truth is that a lot of Americans have grown selfish, lazy, and entitled. We want everything now, and we don’t want to pay the real cost of things. And we don’t seem to give a damn about people who don’t look and act exactly like us.” These two men left the United States when Trump was elected. Fine, great, go…but, not all of us can do that; being a traveling nomad is expensive. And by leaving, they are running away from the problem and doing nothing but complaining from a distance. The U.S. isn’t perfect, and it never has been, but when someone decides to run from a problem then disparage those trying to make things better, you become part of the problem, not part of the solution.

These guys ran away and say everything is so much better elsewhere. They act like other countries don’t have the same problems with police brutality and racism that the United States does. Bullshit! The United States has one unique character that most other countries don’t have: e pluribus unum. Out of many nationalities, we are one nation. Most countries are more monoethnic than the United States. And the countries these two men say they have been to and seen such a difference happen to be the most monoethnic countries in the world. 

I will admit many Americans since colonial times have believed in American exceptionalism. It’s the whole “City upon a Hill” mentality. The British novelist, Frances Trollope, visited the United States in 1830 and wrote, Domestic Manners of the Americans. The book created a sensation on both sides of the Atlantic. Trollope had a caustic view of Americans, and found America strongly lacking in manners and learning. She was appalled by America’s egalitarian middle-class, and by the influence of evangelicalism emerging during the Second Great Awakening. In her book, Trollope said:

A single word indicative of doubt, that anything, or everything, in that country is not the very best in the world, produces an effect which must be seen and felt to be understood. If the citizens of the United States were indeed the devoted patriots they call themselves, they would surely not thus encrust themselves in the hard, dry, stubborn persuasion, that they are the first and best of the human race, that nothing is to be learnt, but what they are able to teach, and that nothing is worth having, which they do not possess.

There is a lot of truth in her writing, but her attitude was influenced by the European view that Americans had no history and were uncouth. There was a prejudice against Americans around the world, and that view went both ways as many Americans felt they were better than the rest of the world.

The trouble with Trollope’s attitude is that this has never been true of all Americans, just as it is not true that all Americans are stupid. It’s only a certain, and very vocal, part of the population who are just plain ignorant. The head ignoramus, sadly, is the President. He has led his followers into nativism, paranoia, anti-intellectualism, conspiracy-mongering, and of course, rank racism. But those same followers already had those issues before Donald Trump. He’s just fueling the fire. These same people are unwilling to sacrifice for the common good, to think of others before themselves, and to endure difficult times.

I don’t like the stay-at-home orders or wearing a facemask when I have to go out. I am not looking forward to going back to work and having to wear a facemask any time I leave my office. However, I know it is for the common good. I am willing to endure the discomfort if it will help slow the pandemic. It’s just something we have to do. So, for people like the two guys who wrote, “Are Americans the stupidest people in the world?” they don’t realize many of us are trying. We are doing our part. We are not selfish, lazy, and entitled.

You know what to do:

Something interesting happened Wednesday night. Someone left a comment on a post I wrote in 2015 about the song “Good Ole Boys Like Me” by Don Williams. The post had been inspired by a comment made by one of my readers the day before that the song reminded him of me. So naturally, I looked at the post from the day before; it was about the firing of English teacher and speech coach, Matt Eledge who had worked at Skutt Catholic High School in Omaha, Nebraska. Eledge was fired because he is gay and was making plans to marry his partner. 

Little did I know then that 18 days later, I too would be fired from my teaching job. The official reason given was there had been “complaints” about me. No one would tell me who my accusers were or what their complaints were. I have always suspected part of the reason I was fired was because the headmaster and some others suspected I am gay. Later, I found out the headmaster had hired a new football coach. The school needed classes for him to “teach,” and they gave him mine. Supposedly he could teach history. 

Karma is a bitch and came back and bit the headmaster in the ass, though. That football coach was neither a coach nor a teacher. He never won a single game. Also, parents did complain to the headmaster and the school’s board, but not about my role as a teacher; instead, because I had been fired. Several board members also complained to the headmaster about his decision. Even parents I had disagreements with over their children’s behavior respected my teaching skills. Many parents of former students lamented I had been replaced with an awful and lazy teacher who only gave out worksheets and never taught their kids anything. Everyone I heard from said with me, their children had actually learned something. Some of those parents, students, and other teachers still tell me today how much they miss me and what an asset I had been to the school. The saddest part was the drama program I had worked so hard to establish. It died when I was fired.

Things turned out for the best though. I got a new job and moved to Vermont, and my salary is more than double what it had been as a teacher not to mention now having retirement, sick leave, vacation time, plus health, dental, and vision insurance. I never had benefits teaching in Alabama. Technically, we did have sick leave and vacation time, but we weren’t really allowed to use it. I am in a far better place today than I was five years ago.

And if you are wondering what happened to Matt Eledge, he was hired at another school and married his partner, Elliot. He made headlines again last year when his husband’s sister donated an egg for a surrogate, and Matt’s 61-year-old mother was the surrogate giving birth to her first granddaughter.

Religious bigots and homophobes may sometimes close doors on us, but new doors open. Often, we are better for it. I have a good career now. Vermont may not be my ideal location—in many ways it is more rural than where I was in Alabama. But, Montreal is just a two-and-a-half-hour drive from where I live; Boston is only two hours away; and I can easily hop on a train and visit my friend Susan in Manhattan. And there are other advantages, too. I can go to LGBTQ+ events and not worry. Winter Is a Drag Ball in February and Vermont Pride in September are wonderful events. I now know drag queens I consider friends. Often, I go to First Friday, a monthly LGBTQ+ event hosted by my friends. I am freer in Vermont than I ever could have been in Alabama. Now, I just need to find a man.

There is so much happening right now. Very little of it is good. Cities are burning as people protest the senseless death of another black man killed by the police. A pandemic is still raging, though in some places it’s getting better while in other places it’s getting worse. And our president, instead of doing anything productive, is feuding with Twitter. Good for Twitter for doing something about his insane and damaging tweets, but they need to do more. It’s been a longtime coming.

The only bright spot seems to be that NASA was able to send American astronauts into space in an American made rocket. That’s been a longtime coming too. NASA hasn’t sent astronauts into space on an American spacecraft since 2011 when they retired the space shuttle program.

That being said, with all the terrible things going on in America, a quote, which is probably not that appropriate to the situation, popped into my head. It’s from the 1960 movie Psycho in which Norman Bates says, “ She just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven’t you?”

I think we’ve all seen pictures and videos in the news of events over the past weekend like the beginning of the summer party at Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, dubbed the”Zero Ducks Given Pool Party” or crowds at beaches all over the South showing willful disregard for social distancing. Here in Vermont people are mostly following guidelines for social distancing and wearing masks when they can’t social distance.

In Vermont, we’ve had some hot weather the past few days with high temperatures in the 90s, so naturally people want to get out and about. We’ve been warned though not to get into the waters of Lake Champlain or the many quarries, lakes, and rivers around Vermont, not just to continue our social distancing, but because the water temperature has not risen above 50 degrees. The National Weather Service issued a special weather statement reminding everyone that the waters were still too cold to enjoy, and that with temperatures below 50 degrees, hyperthermia sets in within a few minutes.

So as much as I too would like to visit one of the gay beaches in Vermont or go canoeing or better yet tubing down one of Vermont’s lazy rivers, I will stay at home. Truthfully, when the weather warms up, I prefer to take a few days and head up to the Gay Village in Montreal, but that too is out of the question because the border remains closed.

I doubt I will ever understand the people who refuse to wear masks and say stupid things like: “If I get sick, I get sick,” “If it’s my time to die, it’s my time to die,” or “God will protect me.” How does the Ancient Greek proverb go? “God helps those who helps themselves.” There’s a fine line between trust and irresponsibility that I admit is sometimes hard to see, but the truth is these people are being selfish. Wearing masks is more about protecting others than it is about protecting yourself. Remember to always follow the Golden Rule: Do to others what you want them to do to you. This is the meaning of the law of Moses and the teaching of the prophet. — Matthew 7:12