Category Archives: Poetry

Coming Out: The Urges

Once I admitted to myself that I was gay, I decided that I had to come to terms with it more than just admitting it. I was lonely and wanted to find a boyfriend. This search still continues. Here is the last of the poems I wrote during this period.

The Urges

My heart aches,
My stomach churns,
My loins burn,
My head spins.
What are these symptoms of?
I have an itch
That cannot be scratched
If I only knew what was wrong
It happens when I see the beauty.
I either go mute or return to a stutter.
I tremble and quake and my nerves are shot to hell.

The agony of it.

I guess when I look back on retrospect, I was just horny as hell.

I apologize to all my readers for the lack of posts this week. I have been incredibly busy with my new job. That will probably continue for the next few weeks, but I will try to at least post once a day. I still have a few more in the coming out series that I will attempt to post in the next few days. Then we will be back to history, culture, art, and politics. Please stay tuned.


Coming Out: Acceptance

As I struggled with my sexuality, I did the only thing I could think to do. I did what I had been taught to do in times of trouble and decision (not that it really was a decision). I prayed and meditated. For months on end (and even years), I had sleepless nights as I prayed and meditated for guidance. Finally, the answer came. From that answer came this poem, the third in the series.

Acceptance

I am who I am, that cannot change.
I do what I do, only I can decide.
I ask for guidance, God guides me.
I pray for a path, that is what I follow.
I hate no one, but I do not love all.
The path tells me who I am;
The path shows me what to do;
The path guides me in the shadows.
The wide path is hatred;
The narrow leads to love.
I pray and the path is cleared.

As I was unpacking after my move to my new house, I found a sort of diary that I wrote several years ago. Inside were three poems that I wrote about my feelings concerning coming out. A commenter on Cocks, Asses, and More the other day said that he would like to hear more about me and my coming out. I responded that I planned on doing that on this blog. When I began writing these blog posts, I was originally going to give an introduction to one of those poems, but it grew more into a personal history of my struggle with my sexuality. Also, I decided to let the words speak for themselves. So these four or five coming out posts will not contain any pictures or images (at least that is the plan at this point).


Coming Out: “Feelings of Betrayal”

This is the second poem in this series. This poem was written near the point in my journey when I was finally beginning to come out to myself but was still struggling, trying not to admit that I was gay.

Feelings of Betrayal

Betrayal,
The mind so often does
It thinks the sinful thoughts
It wanders to the forbidden world
The world I cannot have
It fails me at times
The times I need it most
The thoughts ache
But can bring such pleasure
Betrayal, Betrayal.

Betrayal,
My hear has betrayed so many
It has been betrayed by many
The prayers for the betrayals to end
The mind is the most sinful of the organs
Mind and manhood,
Heart and appendage
Betrayal, Betrayal.

Betrayal,
The organ of pleasure
I had not yet failed
One day to agony it may
Youth and vigor keep it alive
Heart and soul,
Mind and man,
Betrayal, Betrayal.

Betrayal,
Eruptions of enjoyment
A sin in itself
Spilling the seed to prevent a sin
The agony of not acting on readiness
To stop one
Begin an unfair sin
Betrayal, Betrayal.

Betrayal, Betrayal.
Ultimate Betrayal
Forgiven Betrayal
Uncontrollable Betrayal
Aching Betrayal
Pleasurable Betrayal
Unfair Betrayal Betrayal one in all
Betrayal all in one
Life’s many betrayals
Betray, betray
The Betrayal of Life.

As I was unpacking after my move to my new house, I found a sort of diary that I wrote several years ago. Inside were three poems that I wrote about my feelings concerning coming out. A commenter on Cocks, Asses, and More the other day said that he would like to hear more about me and my coming out. I responded that I planned on doing that on this blog. When I began writing these blog posts, I was originally going to give an introduction to one of those poems, but it grew more into a personal history of my struggle with my sexuality. Also, I decided to let the words speak for themselves. So these four or five coming out posts will not contain any pictures or images (at least that is the plan at this point).


Coming Out: “Am I, or Am I Not?”

This is the first of the poems I wrote as a way to figure out my sexuality. A warning, I am not a great poet, but it does represent my feelings at the time before I came out even to myself.

Am I, or Am I Not?

I love to look,
I love to watch
But it is forbidden.
I have never acted.
Acting would mean banishment
A loss of all that I know and love
I would feel so safe, but
Yet I would feel such danger.
The eminent danger of a slow agonizing death.

What should I do?
I leave that to God.
Yet he forbids it most according to St. Paul.
I have acted in the opposite,
But that too is sin.

What can I do?
No one can answer.
I live a lie, but both must not be an option.
The curves, the beauty, the caress.

Am I acting or another?
Which can it be?
Who can I trust?
Only intoxication allows trust.
The agony of decision.
To forever e damned by what
I love for who I love.

Oh, how I ache.
Praying for an answer
I already know
Praying for forgiveness of urges
Prayers to move toward the light.

What shall I do?
I love all
I fear all
This cannot be
Though it is
Purification, meditation, prayer,
Purity, harmony, peace,
Hypocrisy, prudence, piety.

The church is the one true love
That beckons without remorse.
Can I follow that path and not be a heretic?
I doubt it,
I don’t know.
Where are the answers?
Where is the happiness?
God, please, guide me.
Show me the righteous way.

As I was unpacking after my move to my new house, I found a sort of diary that I wrote several years ago. Inside were three poems that I wrote about my feelings concerning coming out. A commenter on Cocks, Asses, and More the other day said that he would like to hear more about me and my coming out. I responded that I planned on doing that on this blog. When I began writing these blog posts, I was originally going to give an introduction to one of those poems, but it grew more into a personal history of my struggle with my sexuality. Also, I decided to let the words speak for themselves. So these four or five coming out posts will not contain any pictures or images (at least that is the plan at this point).


A Midsummer Night’s Dream

image
Puck’s soliloquy from the last lines of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, a comedy by William Shakespeare, is one of my favorite lines from any of Shakespeare’s plays.

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
imageThat you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

image In his essay “Preposterous Pleasures, Queer Theories and A Midsummer Night’s Dream“, Douglas E. Green explores possible interpretations of alternative sexuality that he finds within the text of the play, in juxtaposition to the proscribed social mores of the culture at the time the play was written. He writes that his essay “does not (seek to) rewrite A Midsummer Night’s Dream as a gay play but rather explores some of its ‘homoerotic significations’ … moments of ‘queer’ disruption and eruption in this Shakespearean comedy”. Green states that he does not consider Shakspeare to have been a “sexual radical”, but that the play represented a “topsy-turvy world” or “temporary holiday”image that mediates or negotiates the “discontents of civilization”, which while resolved neatly in the story’s conclusion, do not resolve so neatly in real life. Green writes that the “sodomitical elements”, “homoeroticism”, “lesbianism”, and even “compulsory heterosexuality” in the story must be considered in the context of the “culture of early modern England” as a commentary on the “aesthetic rigidities of comic form and political ideologies of the prevailing order”. Aspects of ambiguous sexuality and gender conflict in the story are also addressed in essays by Shirley Garner and William W.E. Slights (see citations below).

Garner, Shirley Nelson. “Jack Shall Have Jill;/ Nought Shall Go Ill“. A Midsummer Night’s Dream Critical Essays. Ed. Dorothea Kehler. New York: Garland Publishing Inc., 1998. 127–144
Slights, William W. E. “The Changeling in A Dream”. Studies in English Literature, 1500–1900. Rice University Press, 1998. 259–272.

If you love a good gay movie, musicals, cute guys, and/or Shakespeare, here is a suggestion for you. Indie movies are definitely not for everyone. In other words, specific movies tend to appeal to specific groups. Were the World Mine will obviously appeal to a gay audience, but also to people who are into Shakespeare, as it is fun and often ridiculous – just like the Bard’s play.

What Is It About?

image Were the World Mine was based on a short film entitled Fairies. The movie’s protagonist is Timothy (played by Tanner Cohen), a gay outcast at a prep school in a small town somewhere in America. He loves to daydream, and his daydreams always feature musical sequences and beautiful scenery. The object of his daydreams is Jonathan (played by Nathaniel David Becker), the star jock of the school. It is not long before Timothy gets involved into a school drama project, starts exploring Shakespeare and finds a recipe for the magical love potion in A Midsummer Night’s Dream – which allows him to turn the entire town gay.
Read more at Suite101: Were the World Mine Movie Review: An Indie Retelling of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.
Cupid’s Love Spell from A Midsummer Night’s Dream
OBERON

That very time I saw, but thou couldst not,
Flying between the cold moon and the earth,
Cupid all arm’d: a certain aim he took
At a fair vestal throned by the west,
And loosed his love-shaft smartly from his bow,
image As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts;
But I might see young Cupid’s fiery shaft
Quench’d in the chaste beams of the watery moon,
And the imperial votaress passed on,
In maiden meditation, fancy-free.
Yet mark’d I where the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little western flower,
Before milk-white, now purple with love’s wound,
And maidens call it love-in-idleness.
Fetch me that flower; the herb I shew’d thee once:
The juice of it on sleeping eye-lids laid
Will make or man or woman madly dote
Upon the next live creature that it sees.
Fetch me this herb; and be thou here again
Ere the leviathan can swim a league.

PUCK

I’ll put a girdle round about the earth
In forty minutes.

OBERON

Having once this juice,
I’ll watch Titania when she is asleep,
image And drop the liquor of it in her eyes.
The next thing then she waking looks upon,
Be it on lion, bear, or wolf, or bull,
On meddling monkey, or on busy ape,
She shall pursue it with the soul of love:
And ere I take this charm from off her sight,
As I can take it with another herb,
I’ll make her render up her page to me.
But who comes here? I am invisible;
And I will overhear their conference.

If you could have potion that could turn someone you have a crush on or are in love with gay, would you use it? Seriously, now. I am not talking about just on a whim. You would be changing this person’s life. Would you do it to satisfy your own happiness, even though it might not satisfy their own?


Stefan George

Stefan George

Stefan George (1868-1933)

The German poet Stefan George was born in 1868 in the village of Büdesheim near Bingen, a small but ancient town on the Rhine. In 1873 his family moved to Bingen, where his father, who had first been an inn-keeper, became a successful wine-merchant. From 1882 to 1888 George attended the grammar school in Darmstadt. During the following two years, his first journeys abroad led him to London, Italy and most notably to Paris, were he met the poets of the French symbolism, above all Stéphane Mallarmé, who became the model for the beginning of George’s literary career. The literary situation in Germany at the time was dominated on the one hand by a shallow classicism, on the other hand by a gross naturalism, both of which were equally repelling to George. Mallarmé’s programme of pure poetry’ without any social relevance, his conviction that the Orphic interpretation of the earth is the only task of the poet’ and that everything that is sacred and wants to stay sacred veils itself into mysteries’, was like a revelation and quite appealing to the young George. From 1889 on he was registered for three terms at the University of Berlin, but attended only a few lectures. By the time of the publication of his first volume of poems in 1890 he had already assumed the life style that he was to keep up until his end. Never living in a home of his own – not because he could not have afforded it, as he had inherited a sufficient fortune from his parents, but because of the way he saw himself – he would stay as a guest of his friends and admirers in Berlin, Munich, Heidelberg, Basel, or else traveled abroad, mostly in Italy and in Paris. He avoided all publicity, and his books were only privately published. Moreover, he underlined the esoteric character of his writings by certain orthographic peculiarities and a special ornamental typography.

George’s subsequently famous Kreis (Circle) of like-minded friends was beginning to rally about the same time. Still it consisted mostly of fellows of about his own age treated as equals, as distinguished from the later situation, when George was the august master venerated by much younger disciples.

Hugo von HofmannsthalThough, to all appearances, George was of an almost exclusively homoerotic inclination, there is no indication that he ever went beyond the Platonic concept of spiritual guidance and aesthetic contemplation – to which he adhered doubtless partly out of mere social convention, but also for artistic discipline. Nevertheless, sometimes the strong emotions George displayed in his relationships to young men could be disturbing to them, as it is documented in the case of Hugo von Hofmannsthal. George was himself only 23 when he met the still younger but precocious Austrian poet, who was 17 then. It is not really clear what happened, but evidently their relations were troubled, though they kept up a correspondence for some years. Also another friendship of George that had been initially more successful ended in dissonance, when the Friedrich GundolfGermanist Friedrich Gundolf whom George had mentored as a teenager, and who had become his most ardent apostle, as a man in his late thirties insisted on marrying despite George’s disapproval.
What proved to be George’s most passionate, most ill-fated and poetically most fruitful love affair began in 1902, when he approached a boy in a street of Munich: Max Kronberger, a 14-year-old grammar-school student, felt flattered when a man he had noted before asked his permission to sketch his ‘interesting’ head. On the next day George succeeded in taking a photograph of the boy, but it seems that thereupon George’s courage failed him, as he did not try to meet the boy again for almost a year. At the time of their next accidental meeting in the street, Kronberger found out that George was a poet and, since his respectable parents agreed, they saw each other regularly from then on, in a relationship not always free from tension. However, Kronberger died of an acute disease on the day after his sixteenth birthday. What followed was a poetical glorification which was sometimes compared to the literary monument erected by Dante for Beatrice, but resembles rather the deification bestowed by Hadrian on Antinous, in a somewhat different way owing to the difference of times and circumstances, of course.

Your eyes were dim with distant dreams, you tended
No more with care the holy fief and knew
in every space the breath of living ended –
Now lift your head for joy has come to you.

The cold and dragging year that was your share,
A vernal tide of dawning wonders bore,
With blooming hand, with shimmers in his hair
A god appeared and stepped within your door.

Unite in gladness, now no longer darkened
and blushing for an age whose gold is flown:
The calling of a god you too have hearkened,
It was a god whose mouth has kissed your own.

You also were elect – no longer mourn
For all your days in unfulfilment sheathed…
Praise to your city where a god was born!
Praise to your age in which a god has breathed!

This forced gesture and overdone interpretation twisted everything George wrote looking back on his love for Maximin. His spontaneous feelings for an adolescent are better expressed in the verses that he, again in love, in 1905 addressed to the 14-year-old Hugo Zernik:

My child came home
The sea-wind tangled in his hair,
His gait still rocks
With conquered fears and young desires for quest.

The salty spray
Still tans and burns the bloom upon his cheek:
Fruit swiftly ripe
In savage scent and flame of alien suns.

His eyes are grave
With secrets now, that I shall never learn,
And faintly veiled,Since from a spring he came into our frost.

So wide the bud
That almost shyly I withdrew my gaze,
And I abstained
From lips that had already chosen lips.

My arm enclasps
One who unmoved by me, grew up and bloomed
To other worlds –
My own and yet, how very far from me!

George not only turned Maximin into a myth, but also used him as figurehead for his new aims, as expressed in his most ambitious poetry, contained in the volume Der Siebente Ring, (The Seventh Ring) of 1907. Now George’s programme was no longer art for art’s sake, but a political vision formed in opposition to a time and society he considered vile and decayed, a spiritually void world of mean commercial utilitarianism and brutal power-politics garnished with decorative phrases.

George, who had been opposed to the reality of the Prussian-dominated German Empire, as contrasted with his idea of Germany, was not carried away by the storm of enthusiasm at the outbreak of the First World War in 1914, and felt rather confirmed by the defeat of 1918. In the turmoil of the post-war years, George became the lodestar of the most idealistic part of the young generation, as represented by Klaus MannKlaus Mann (born in 1906), who remembered later that “my admiration for him was boundless. I saw him as the leader and prophet, the Caesarean priestly figure as he presented himself. Amidst a rotten and barbarous civilization, he embodied human and artistic dignity, uniting discipline and passion, grace and majesty. Each of his gestures was of an exemplary, programmatic character. He stylized his own biography like a myth: his romance, the boy Maximin, was the core of a philosophy that was a revelation to the circle of disciples. — The reunification of morals and beauty seemed to have been realized in the mystery of Maximin. Here I found the reconciliation of Hellenic and Christian ethos. Stefan George’s ordering mind had – or so did I believe – solved the fundamental conflict that Heinrich Heine analyses with intuition and perspicacity, that reigns as tragic leitmotiv over the works of Friedrich Nietzsche. — My youth venerated in Stefan George the Templar whose mission and deed is described in his poem. When the black wave of nihilism was threatening to devour our culture, he arrived, the militant seer and inspired knight.”
At the surface, there were doubtless some similarities between George’s Maximinprogram of a hierarchic reformation based upon a new aristocracy of mind and spirit, and the ideologies of the fascist movements as they were beginning to flourish in several European countries during the nineteen-twenties. Though to him, for his attitude and sentiments, it was impossible to identify his cause with the Nazism that was to take over Germany, the ambiguity became clear in 1933, when some of his followers embraced the upheaval wholeheartedly, while others, like his oldest companion, the Jewish poet Karl Wolfskehl, were forced to emigrate. George himself, who was already fatally ill, declined all honors by which the new rulers tried to gain his support, and, silent but demonstrative, left Germany to end his life elsewhere. He died on the 4th of December 1933, in Locarno, Ticino, Switzerland.

Editorial Board, World History of Male Love, “Famous Homosexuals”, Stefan George, 2000 <http://www.gay-art-history.org/gay-history/gay-literature/famous-homosexuals/stefan-george-gay/stefan-george-gay.html>


Walt Whitman

image Walt Whitman was a 19th century writer whose life’s work, Leaves of Grass, made him one of the first American poets to gain international attention. Whitman spent most of his young life in Brooklyn, where he worked as a printer and newspaper journalist through the 1850s. The first edition of Leaves of Grass was privately printed in 1855 and consisted of 12 untitled poems, one of which was to later become famous as “Song of Myself.” His literary style was experimental, a free-verse avalanche in celebration of nature and self that has since been described as the first expression of a distinctly American voice. Although Leaves of Grass did not sell well at first, it became popular in literary circles in Europe and, later, the United States, and Whitman published a total of eight editions during his lifetime. During the Civil War Whitman moved to Washington, D.C., where he served as a civil servant and volunteer nurse. There he published the poetry collections Drum Taps and Sequel to Drum Taps (1865-66), the latter containing his famous elegies for Abraham Lincoln, “Where Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom’d” and “O Captain! My Captain!” In 1873 he was paralyzed after a stroke and moved to Camden, New Jersey. By the time of his death he was an international literary celebrity, and he is considered one of the most influential poets in American literature.

When I heard at the Close of the Day
(No. 11, from ‘Calamus’)
par50 When I heard at the close of the day how I had
been praised in the Capitol, still it was not
a happy night for me that followed,
And else when I caroused nor when my favorite plans were
accomplished was I really happy,
But the day when I arose at dawn from the perfect
health, electric, inhaling sweet breath
When I saw the full moon in the west grow pale andTBoBA_140
disappear in the morning light,
When I wandered alone over the beach, and undressing, bathed,
laughing with the waters, and saw the sun rise,
And when I thought how my friend, my lover, was on
his way coming, then O I was happy,
Each breath tasted sweeter and all that day my food
nourished me more and the beautiful day passed well,
And the next came with equal joy and with the next,TBoBA_144
at evening, came my friend,
And that night while all was still I heard the waters roll
slowly continually up the shores,
I heard the hissing rustle of the liquid and sands, as directed
to me, whispering to congratulate me,
For the friend I love lay sleeping by my side,
In the stillness his face was inclined toward me, while the
moon’s clear beams shone
And his arm lay lightly over my breast and that night I was happy.

image Whitman’s sexuality is sometimes disputed, although often assumed to be bisexual based on his poetry. The concept of heterosexual and homosexual personalities was invented in 1868, and it was not widely promoted until Whitman was an old man. Whitman’s poetry depicts love and sexuality in a more earthy, individualistic way common in American culture before the ‘medicalisation’ of sexuality in the late 1800s. Though Leaves of Grass was often labeled pornographic or obscene, only one critic remarked on its author’s presumed sexual activity: in a November 1855 review, Rufus Wilmot Griswold suggested Whitman was guilty of ‘that horrible sin not to be mentioned among Christians’. Whitman had intense friendships with many men throughout his life.
Some biographers have claimed that he may not have actually engaged in sexual relationships with men, while others cite letters, journal entries and other sources which they claim as proof of the sexual nature of some of his relationships.
image Biographer David S. Reynolds described a man named Peter Doyle as being the most likely candidate for the love of Whitman’s life. Doyle was a bus conductor whom he met around 1866. They were inseparable for several years. Interviewed in 1895, Doyle said: ‘We were familiar at once — I put my hand on his knee — we understood. He did not get out at the end of the trip — in fact went all the way back with me.’
image A more direct second-hand account comes from Oscar Wilde. Wilde met Whitman in America in 1882, and wrote to the homosexual rights activist George Cecil Ives that there was ‘no doubt’ about the great American poet’s sexual orientation — ‘I have the kiss of Walt Whitman still on my lips,’ he boasted. The only explicit description of Whitman’s sexual activities is second hand. In 1924 Edward Carpenter, then an old man, described an erotic encounter he had had in his youth with Whitman to Gavin Arthur, who recorded it in detail in his journal. Late in his life, when Whitman was asked outright if his series of Calamus poems were homosexual, he chose not to respond.
image There is also some evidence that Whitman may have had sexual relationships with women. He had a romantic friendship with a New York actress named Ellen Grey in the spring of 1862, but it is not known whether or not it was also sexual. He still had a photo of her decades later when he moved to Camden and referred to her as ‘an old sweetheart of mine’. In a letter dated August 21, 1890 he claimed, ‘I have had six children – two are dead’. This claim has never been corroborated. Toward the end of his life, he often told stories of previous girlfriends and sweethearts and denied an allegation from the New York Herald that he had ‘never had a love affair’.
In any case, Whitman is one of the first truly working-class poets and an iconic figure in gay literature.


Hadrian

hadrian_40207t Publius Aelius Hadrianus, commonly known as Hadrian, followed his uncle Trajan as emperor of Rome, ruling from 117-38 A.D. As emperor he was known for touring and consolidating the empire’s far-flung frontiers. In Britain he ordered the construction of what is now known as Hadrian’s Wall, near the modern border of England and Scotland. The wall, 73 miles long, five meters high and three meters wide, marked the northern edge of the Roman empire. He is considered one of the five good emperors, and probably the one who most openly homosexual (or possibly bisexual).
Hadrian’s homosexual relationship with the Greek youth Antinous is well known through history and remains one of the defining parts of his reign.It is said that ,while the two were on a tour of Egypt, Antinous fell off of a barge in the Nile and died.The loss of his young lover made Hadrian go insane and he immediately deified the youth and had cults developed to worship him.Hadrian also named some cities throughout the empire after him.
When it comes to Hadrian’s apparent homosexuality, then the accounts remain vague and unclear. Most of the attention centers on the young Antinous, whom Hadrian grew very fond of. Statues of Antinous have survived, showing that imperial patronage of this youth extended to having sculptures made of him. In AD 130 Antinous accompanied Hadrian to Egypt. It was on a trip on the Nile when Antinous met with an early and somewhat mysterious death. Officially, he fell from the boat and drowned. But a persistent rumor spoke of Antinous having been a sacrifice in some bizarre eastern ritual.
The reasons for the young man’s death might not be clear, but was is known is that Hadrian grieved deeply for Antinous. He even founded a city along the banks of the Nile where Antinous had drowned, Antinoopolis. Touching as this might have seemed to some, it was an act deemed unbefitting an emperor and drew much ridicule.

300px-Antinous_Pio-Clementino_Inv256_n3321px-Antinous_Braschi_Louvre_Ma22432335683705_16b0ce621fantinous17

R-RU005 The year of Antinous’s death, 130, appears to mark the beginning of Hadrian’s decline. The young Greek had accompanied him during his most active, energetic and successful time, from their meeting in Bithynia in 124 on, when the latter was 13 or 14, through the heyday of their second stay in Athens in 128, up to his mysterious end in the Nile. Whether this was an accident, murder or suicide remains an unresolved question. The superstitious youth might have wanted to offer his life for Hadrian’s health, but also this is only a possible guess. At the place of the fatal event, Hadrian founded a town of Greek settlers, Antinoopolis. Its impressive ruins were still seen by European travelers in the early 19th century, but have completely disappeared since. It is not clear whether the remains of Antinous were buried there or near Rome, at a still existent obelisk which might have been only a cenotaph. The Antinous cult was not generally accepted in the Latin, western parts of the Empire, but in Egypt he was identified with Osiris; temples were built and games held in memory of him in several Greek towns too.
HADRIAN - GREEK - SMALLDespite his increasing illness, Hadrian managed to rule efficiently also in his last years. In Rome he founded a kind of university, the Athenaeum. Nevertheless he was but a shadow of his former self, and had to think of a successor. Apparently his brother-in-law, Servianus, who was 90 years old but tenacious of life, hoped that he might be the Emperor’s heir. He was accused of conspiracy and executed together with his grandson. Afterwards Hadrian adopted Ceionus Commodus, whom he called Aelius Verus, and who was an easy-going and to all appearances not very promising man. Some loose tongues suggested that he owed his distinction to the favors he had once granted Hadrian, which could have hardly explained this preference, though. Instead it seems not completely unlikely that Verus was Hadrian’s son, but this also only surmise. However, Verus died of tuberculosis on New Year of 138, which was another blow to Hadrian. But his next choice turned out a better one, as he adopted Antoninus, then 51-year-old, a perfectly honest man, benign and even-tempered. He lacked Hadrian’s intellectual brilliancy and versatility, but also his restlessness and inconsistency. Antoninus Pius was to be Emperor for 23 years, during which he never left Italy. Hadrian had looked even farther forward and made Antoninus adopt his 16-year-old nephew, Marcus Annius Verus, who was to be the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, and also a Stoic philosopher famous for his ‘Meditations’. The ‘Antonine Age’ became a synonym for a time of peace and prosperity.
For the time being, it seemed that the curse called down by Servianus on his brother-in-law, that Hadrian should wish to die but not be able to, came true. He commanded a slave to kill him with a sword, who flew upset, and entreated a doctor to poison him, who committed suicide. Finally Hadrian tried to stab himself to death, but was overwhelmed by his guards. Then he lamented that he should have the power to kill others but not himself. The alarmed Antoninus admonished him to resign to his fate, because he, Antoninus, would not be better than a parricide if he should agree to the killing of Hadrian.
Meanwhile, the summer had begun and an oppressive heat made the stay in Tibur intolerable. Hadrian went to Baiae, a sea resort at the Gulf of Naples. Here he died on the 10th of July, 138, a few days after he had written these lines in Latin:

Animula vagula blandula
hospes comesque corporis
quae nunc abibis in loca
pallidula rigida nudula
nec ut soles dabis iocos

(Vagrant soul, you tender one,
guest and fellow of the body,
Now you have to descend into places
pallid and rigid and nude,
Nor will you be playful as you used to be.)

And for a final note of irony, the mausoleum built for Hadrian has been used by the Popes as a fortress for centuries to guard Vatican City. How is it that the grave of one of Rome’s most famous homosexuals, became the guardian of Catholicism? It didn’t help that when the Bubonic Plague hit Rome and the pope prayed for relief, an angel appeared atop the mausoleum and ended the plague.
800px-Roma_Hadrian_mausoleum
The Mausoleum of Hadrian, usually known as the Castel Sant’Angelo, is a towering cylindrical building in Rome, initially commissioned by the Roman Emperor Hadrian as a mausoleum for himself and his family. The building was later used as a fortress and castle, and is now a museum. The tomb of the Roman emperor Hadrian, also called Hadrian’s mole, was erected on the right bank of the Tiber, between 135 AD and 139 AD. Originally the mausoleum was a decorated cylinder, with a garden top and golden quadriga. Hadrian’s ashes were placed here a year after his death in Baiae in 138 AD, together with those of his wife Sabina, and his first adopted son, Lucius Aelius, who also died in 138 AD. Following this, the remains of succeeding emperors were also placed here, the last recorded deposition being Caracalla in 217 AD. The urns containing these ashes were probably placed in what is now known as the Treasury room deep within the building.


Did He Sculpt the Perfect Man?

michelangelo Adam color Several years ago, a friend of mine took a trip to Italy.  This was before I first went to Italy myself.  When she came back she brought me a souvenir.  It was a small statue of Michelangelo’s David.  She said that she wanted to bring me back the perfect man.  She thought there was no better gift for me, and I have to agree.  David is perfection in beauty. AV001628

So for today’s post I wanted to feature two of my favorite Renaissance artists.  Both of whom are believed to have been gay.  The first is Michelangelo (the other is Michelangelo also, but a different one).

michel Michelangelo was born March 6, 1475,  in Caprese, Republic of Florence and died Feb. 18, 1564, in Rome, Papal States. He was an Italian sculptor, painter, architect, and poet. He served a brief apprenticeship with Domenico Ghirlandaio in Florence before beginning the first of several sculptures for Lorenzo de’Medici. After Lorenzo’s death in 1492, he left for Bologna and then for Rome. There his Bacchus (1496 – 97) established his fame and led to a commission for the Pietà (now in St. Peter’s Basilica), the masterpiece of his early years, in which he demonstrated his unique ability to extract two distinct figures from one marble block. His David (1501 – 04), commissioned for the cathedral of Florence, is still considered the prime example of the Renaissance ideal of perfect humanity. On the side, he produced several Madonnas for private patrons and his only universally accepted easel painting, The Holy Family (known as abc_michelangelo37 the Doni Tondo). Attracted to ambitious sculptural projects, which he did not always complete, he reluctantly agreed to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel (1508 – 12). The first scenes, depicting the story of Noah, are relatively stable and on a small scale, but his confidence grew as he proceeded, and the later scenes evince boldness and complexity. His figures for the tombs in Florence’s Medici Chapel (1519 – 33), which he designed, are among his most accomplished creations. He devoted his last 30 years largely to the Last Judgment fresco in the Sistine Chapel, to writing poetry (he left more than 300 sonnets and madrigals), and to architecture. He was commissioned to complete St. Peter’s Basilica, begun in 1506 and little advanced since 1514. Though it was not quite finished at Michelangelo’s death, its exterior owes more to him than to any other architect. He is regarded today as among the most exalted of artists.

14086-creation-of-adam-michelangelo-buonarroti Fundamental to Michelangelo’s art is his love of male beauty, which attracted him both aesthetically and emotionally. In part, this was an expression of the Renaissance idealization of masculinity. But in Michelangelo’s art there is clearly a sensual response to this aesthetic.

The sculptor’s expressions of love have been characterized as 312both Neoplatonic and openly homoerotic; recent scholarship  seeks an interpretation which respects both readings, yet is wary of drawing absolute conclusions. One example of the conundrum is Cecchino dei Bracci, whose death, only a year after their meeting in 1543, inspired the writing of forty eight funeral epigrams, which by some accounts allude to a relationship that was not only romantic but physical as well:

La carne terra, e qui l’ossa mia, prive
de’ lor begli occhi, e del leggiadro aspetto
fan fede a quel ch’i’ fu grazia nel letto,
che abbracciava, e’ n che l’anima vive.

The flesh now earth, and here my bones,
Bereft of handsome eyes, and jaunty air,
Still loyal are to him I joyed in bed,
Whom I embraced, in whom my soul now lives.

240px-Dying_slave_Louvre_MR_1590 The greatest written expression of his love was given to Tommaso dei Cavalieri (c. 1509–1587), who was 23 years old when Michelangelo met him in 1532, at the age of 57. Cavalieri was open to the older man’s affection: I swear to return your love. Never have I loved a man more than I love you, never have I wished for a friendship more than I wish for yours. Cavalieri remained devoted to Michelangelo until his death.

The sonnets are the first large sequence of poems in any modern tongue addressed by one man to another, predating Shakespeare’s sonnets to his young friend by fifty years.

I feel as lit by fire a cold countenance

That burns me from afar and keeps itself ice-chill;

A strength I feel two shapely arms to fill

Which without motion moves every balance.

(Michael Sullivan, translation)

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