I’m not in the mood to say much today. Thankfully, I am working from home. Yesterday was rough. Work was awful; I had a migraine; and I received some heartbreaking news. I’d like to just be in the fetal position all day, but I actually do have to work when I’m home, not to mention I have some work that needs to be done today.
Work has become somewhat intolerable, which became all the more evident yesterday. I like my job but hate going to work for a variety of reasons that I can’t seem to fix. I’m actually looking at jobs elsewhere. I like where I live in Vermont, and I have grown to really like Vermont as a whole. But, it may be time to move on to bigger and better things.
There are at least two that I think I’d be an excellent candidate for: one in Boston and another in New York State. I’d take the one in New York if the salary is good, but the salary was not listed in the job description, which is so aggravating . The one in Boston pays about twice what I’m currently making, and I’d take it in a heartbeat if offered. I think I’d really like living in Boston. The one in New York is not too far from New York City, so that would be nice too.
Thursday seems to be the day of the week that I struggle with the most to come up with a something to write about. Maybe it’s because it’s almost, but not quite, the end of the week. It’s on Thursdays that we need the motivation to make it until the weekend. In the Lorrie Morgan song “Except for Monday,” she talks about what each day of the week feels like for her:
Except for Monday, which was never good anyway Tuesday, I get a little sideways Wednesday, I feel better, just for spite Thursday and Friday take too long Before I know it, Saturday’s gone But it’s Sunday now and you can bet that I’m alright
“Thursday and Friday take too long” sums up a Thursday just about right. So, to help inspire us to get through Thursdays, I’m going to start posting an inspirational quote. Today’s quote will be from A.A. Milne:
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
I went for a hike yesterday. There are hiking trails in a nearby town forest that I enjoy going to. Rarely is anyone around, and it’s nice to just be alone in nature. I hiked up to a small waterfall and just sat on a rock and listened to the water running over the rocks and the birds singing around me. It was peaceful, and I needed peaceful, if only for a little while.
I’m back at work today. I’m not really looking forward to it. I have a school group coming, and I hope they’ll enjoy what I have planned for them. I haven’t been at work much lately taking some much needed vacation time, so I may not be as prepared as I usually would be. However, this isn’t the type of thing that takes a lot of preparation.
If you could know the empty ache of loneliness, Masked well behind the calm indifferent face Of us who pass you by in studied hurriedness, Intent upon our way, lest in the little space Of one forgetful moment hungry eyes implore You to be kind, to open up your heart a little more, I’m sure you’d smile a little kindlier, sometimes, To those of us you’ve never seen before.
If you could know the eagerness we’d grasp The hand you’d give to us in friendliness; What vast, potential friendship in that clasp We’d press, and love you for your gentleness; If you could know the wide, wide reach Of love that simple friendliness could teach, I’m sure you’d say “Hello, my friend,” sometimes, And now and then extend a hand in friendliness to each.
About the Poem
I wasn’t going to write about this poem, but I changed my mind. The poet is talking about being invisible. She speaks of the invisibility of her people. In this case, her people are Native Americans, but she could be talking about any minority who feels invisible. Minorities are often ignored by others who don’t see them as people who have feelings and desires. Bronson believes that if these other people would just stop and show a little kindness, they might realize the meaning of universal love and see them as fellow humans in need of some humanity.
“If You Knew” can speak to us in many ways. For me, it has two meanings. The first is that we hurry along in our life when we should slow down and look at the people around us. We should show kindness, extend a hand, or even just give someone a friendly smile. If we don’t slow down, we may never see what is truly going on with a person. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in ourselves. Too often, we never see the other person’s pain or loneliness until it’s too late. What we need to do is show love and acceptance.
The second meaning it has for me is that the poet is calling out to be seen. It’s a poem about loneliness and how a little kindness can grow into a friendship. We all need a little help sometimes. Sometimes, the only thing we really need is for someone to notice us, to tell us that we are loved, and to show what a friend can be. No one wants to feel lonely, but we also have to trust in others, especially our friends and family, that we are loved because that’s what true friendship is all about: love, caring, and being there for one another.
About the Poet
Ruth Muskrat Bronson, also known as Ruth Margaret Muskrat, was born on October 3, 1897, in the Delaware Nation Reservation. Remembered for her work as a leader in Native American education and as an activist for Native American rights, she is the author of Indians Are People Too (Friendship Press, 1944). She died on June 12, 1982, in Tucson, Arizona.
I have realized that I need to get away. I have not taken a vacation just for me in nearly four years, i.e., before the pandemic. I have had so much on my mind recently, and it has not been good for me. I am thinking of going to a gay men’s retreat for a weekend in June. Have any of you ever visited Easton Mountain Retreat in Greenwich, NY? If you have, let me know what you think. It is described as:
Easton Mountain is a community, retreat center, and sanctuary created by gay men as a gift to the world. Through workshops, programs, and events, we provide opportunities to celebrate, heal, transform, and integrate body, mind, and spirit. We offer our land, rich in beauty and wisdom, as a home to a community that extends beyond the land. We are a worldwide fellowship of people enriched by our connection to Easton Mountain. This fellowship is a force for positive change in the world. Read More
Their Summer Splash Weekend is billed as a weekend to “get out of your mind.” Here is an excerpt from the description: “This weekend, we invite you to come to Easton Mountain to get out of your mind, to stop using your brain’s logic, forget about social standards and stop using words to try to understand the beauty of being a human and explore the primal self.” Honestly, this sounds like something I desperately need right now.
Although I know myself well enough to realize I will be nervous going to something like this and knowing no one else there, maybe, that is exactly what I need. The whole thing sounds fun and liberating. I need to get out of my head. One of the workshops is “The Liberating Power of Pride,” a reflective discussion focusing on what pride means, what it means to liberate ourselves from heteronormativity, and discover who we are as gay men in the world today. As someone who took a long time to be comfortable in my own skin as a gay man, and something I still struggle with, maybe this will be a bit therapeutic.
I need to learn to be more confident as a gay man. I worry too much about what others think of me or if I am going to accidentally offend or annoy someone. I do not expect a weekend gay men’s retreat is going to give me the self-esteem I need or to make me comfortable in my own body and show the world my true self. All of that takes much longer than three days. I have been working on it all my life, and I don’t think we ever fully reach it since we will always be our own worst enemies.
Furthermore, where else am I going to get an all-inclusive weekend away for just a few hundred bucks. I’d love to go up to Montreal, but that gets expensive, as is any number of other possibilities around here. What I know, though, is that I need to do something for myself. I spend too much time worrying about things that are beyond my control, feeling guilty for things that I either did not do or couldn’t do anything about.
So, if anyone has ever been to one of the weekend retreats at Easton Mountain, please let me know what you thought.
Joe
The Closet Professor 