Pic of the Day


Weekend Retreat

I have realized that I need to get away. I have not taken a vacation just for me in nearly four years, i.e., before the pandemic. I have had so much on my mind recently, and it has not been good for me. I am thinking of going to a gay men’s retreat for a weekend in June. Have any of you ever visited Easton Mountain Retreat in Greenwich, NY? If you have, let me know what you think. It is described as:

Easton Mountain is a community, retreat center, and sanctuary created by gay men as a gift to the world. Through workshops, programs, and events, we provide opportunities to celebrate, heal, transform, and integrate body, mind, and spirit. We offer our land, rich in beauty and wisdom, as a home to a community that extends beyond the land. We are a worldwide fellowship of people enriched by our connection to Easton Mountain. This fellowship is a force for positive change in the world. Read More

Their Summer Splash Weekend is billed as a weekend to “get out of your mind.” Here is an excerpt from the description: “This weekend, we invite you to come to Easton Mountain to get out of your mind, to stop using your brain’s logic, forget about social standards and stop using words to try to understand the beauty of being a human and explore the primal self.” Honestly, this sounds like something I desperately need right now.

Although I know myself well enough to realize I will be nervous going to something like this and knowing no one else there, maybe, that is exactly what I need. The whole thing sounds fun and liberating. I need to get out of my head. One of the workshops is “The Liberating Power of Pride,” a reflective discussion focusing on what pride means, what it means to liberate ourselves from heteronormativity, and discover who we are as gay men in the world today. As someone who took a long time to be comfortable in my own skin as a gay man, and something I still struggle with, maybe this will be a bit therapeutic.

I need to learn to be more confident as a gay man. I worry too much about what others think of me or if I am going to accidentally offend or annoy someone. I do not expect a weekend gay men’s retreat is going to give me the self-esteem I need or to make me comfortable in my own body and show the world my true self. All of that takes much longer than three days. I have been working on it all my life, and I don’t think we ever fully reach it since we will always be our own worst enemies.

Furthermore, where else am I going to get an all-inclusive weekend away for just a few hundred bucks. I’d love to go up to Montreal, but that gets expensive, as is any number of other possibilities around here. What I know, though, is that I need to do something for myself. I spend too much time worrying about things that are beyond my control, feeling guilty for things that I either did not do or couldn’t do anything about.

So, if anyone has ever been to one of the weekend retreats at Easton Mountain, please let me know what you thought.


Pic of the Day


Mothers

Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.” 

—Isaiah 49:15

What the Bible is saying in this passage is: that while a mother can forget the love she has for her child, God never will. The design of this passage is apparent. It is to show that the love which God has for his people is stronger than that which is produced by the most tender ties created by any natural relation. The love of a mother for her infant child is one of the strongest attachments in nature. The question here implies that it was unusual for a mother to be unmindful of that tie and to forsake the child that she should nourish and love. With that being said, in the passage above, Isaiah was asking a theoretical question when he said, “Can a woman forget her nursing child?” This passage praises mothers as symbols of amazing compassion, never forgetting their beloved children.

Mothers are not perfect. Mine sure isn’t. Every mother is flawed, just as we are all flawed. However, no matter how flawed we may be, God’s love for us is unchanging and unchangeable. He gives us generous grace and great compassion for all time and throughout eternity. While my mother and I may have our disagreements, we have a strong bond, though not nearly as strong as it once was. While it is not as strong as it was before I came out, it is still there. She is my comfort, even when she is not comforting. That may sound odd, but when I was young, my mother often sang to us. Sometimes it was silly little songs like “Fishy in a Bowl,” “Do Lord,” or “Yes Sir, That’s My Baby,” though she had her own versions of each one. However, the one I remember most is “You Are My Sunshine.” Even today, when I am sad and lonely or having anxiety or even a full-on panic attack, I can remember my mother singing ‘You Are My Sunshine,” and I am comforted. Part of it has to do with the rhythm of the song helping to slow my rapidly beating heart, but it’s also because I remember the good times when my mother would sing this to me. 

As she has gotten older, she tends to focus more on herself, and her doctor believes she is either in the early stages of Alzheimer’s or dementia. Because I don’t have daily contact with her like the rest of my family, I think I am able to recognize the signs easier than they can. Sometimes, she can be a caring woman; she just shows it a little differently these days. It’s hard to find a Mother’s Day card for my mother. They all say things like: 

  • You’ve always been there for me.
  • Mothers like you are what makes families special.
  • World’s Greatest Mom!
  • The world is a better place because of you. (Well, that one may be true because she brought me into this world, and I hope I make it a slightly better place.)

Anyway, my point is that I don’t want to send a card that is completely insincere and disingenuous, so I search for the most generic one I can find that says, “Happy Mother’s Day.”

I want to leave you with a different verse because while we may see things very differently, my mother does still love me. I firmly believe that she always will. She can’t help but love me. (Who couldn’t? I’m quite loveable. LOL)

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

—1 Corinthians 13:4-7


Pic of the Day


Moment of Zen: Sleep

I haven’t been sleeping well lately, and a good night’s sleep would be heavenly right now.


Pic of the Day


TGIF

It’s been quite a roller coaster week. I’m just glad Friday is here and I have the day off. Tonight I’m going out to dinner with a friend and possibly a drag show. I didn’t sleep well Wednesday night, and I’m going to take today to recover and tonight to try and get my mind off things that have been weighing on me.


Pic of the Day


Nothing

I was sitting in bed last night trying to think of something to write about for today. I came up with nothing. I’ve had other things on my mind this week (both personal and professional), and they are not anything I want to discuss. Let’s just say these issues are occupying and monopolizing my thoughts. I was awake at 3 am and couldn’t get back to sleep because my mind refused to settle down. I’ll probably crash this afternoon while at work, but there’s not much I can do about it. Other than that, I just don’t have anything more to write about today.