Forgotten

Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting at my desk, and I thought of a great topic to write about today. Then I got distracted, and for the life of me, I can no longer remember what I had wanted to write about. I guess it must not have been such a “great” topic after all. I was the only person at work yesterday afternoon, so I had plenty of time to think considering that I nothing much else to do. I should have written it down as soon as I thought about it so I’d have a reminder, it for whatever reason, I didn’t do that. I often write things down or email a note to myself as a way to remind me of my thoughts. I hate thinking of something and then forgetting it because I didn’t make a note of it.

Back when I was writing my dissertation, I’d lay down to go to sleep and think of the research and reading I’d done that day and some of what I had written, and sometimes in that process, I’d have a brainstorm or I’d think of a particular sentence I’d like to add. The first few times that happened, I’d think to myself that I’ll remember that in the morning. Then, when the morning came, I’d have forgotten all about my thoughts the previous night. From then on, I’d keep my laptop or a notebook beside my bed, so when inspiration struck, I’d immediately write it down. When I’d get up the next morning, there it would be waiting to remind me of what I wanted to incorporate into my dissertation.

Another good reason that I took notes late at night or even when I send emails to myself with my notes is that sometimes I realize the next day that it really wasn’t that great of an idea. Once I’d sleep on a topic or a note, I often rethink what I’d thought the night before. Sometimes those ideas just got discarded, but other times I’d be able to improve upon my earlier brainstorm. Just because you have a “great” idea one minute doesn’t mean that it is actually a great idea a few minutes or hours later. Whatever I decided to do with whatever notations I’d made, was a great experience for editing my work, even before I’d written it.


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Birthday Reflections

For my birthday, a friend took me to lunch at a place in Burlington that usually has excellent lobster bisque. I have to admit, yesterday’s bisque was not the best I’ve had, but it was tasty enough. For my entrée, I got their shrimp scampi, or at least that’s what they called it in the menu. Scampi should be a sauce of garlic, olive oil, butter, white wine, a touch of lemon, and parsley often served over linguine. This shrimp scampi was not any of that by any stretch of the imagination, except the overcooked linguine. Their “scampi” sauce was more of a lemon cream sauce with baby spinach and diced tomatoes. I don’t mind a lemon sauce. In fact, I love piccata, chicken or veal, but if you’ve ever made piccata you know that if you use too much lemon and cook it too long, it becomes bitter and overpowering. This “scampi” was bitter and overpowering. At least the shrimp tasted okay. After eating the “shrimp scampi” I turned down dessert. Besides, they didn’t have any kind of cake.

The best thing about the restaurant (besides being there with my friend) was the bartender/host who seated us. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants that left little to the imagination. He definitely had the kind of cake I wanted for my birthday, LOL. It was fun following him to our table. I definitely had some naughty thoughts about that man. He also had short but stylish light brown hair and the most beautiful blue eyes. He kept smiling at me, but I think he was just being friendly, or he could have overheard me tell my friend, “Now, I’d like to have him for my birthday.” I said it after he seated us and walked away but you never know. I’d have been mortified if he had heard me.

I tried to do a little shopping but the stores were so crowded, I just couldn’t handle it. I have never really enjoyed crowds, the only exception is when it’s a crowd of gay men, but even that makes me nervous, especially if I’m by myself. After entering two stores that were so crowded you could barely get around, I gave up and went to Starbucks for my free birthday beverage. This time of year, they always have the caramel brûlée latte, which is my favorite, though I get extra shots of espresso because otherwise it’s too sweet.

I’d considered going out for a birthday dinner, someplace with good cake for dessert. However, the lunch didn’t set well with me, so I had something light at home and had a glass of ginger ale. I have to go back to work today, and honestly I wish I had the rest of the week off, but I have to return at some point.


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A Birthday

A Birthday
By Christina Rossetti – 1830-1894

My heart is like a singing bird
  Whose nest is in a water’d shoot;
My heart is like an apple-tree
  Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
  That paddles in a halcyon sea;
My heart is gladder than all these,
  Because my love is come to me.

Raise me a daïs of silk and down;
  Hang it with vair and purple dyes;
Carve it in doves and pomegranates,
  And peacocks with a hundred eyes;
Work it in gold and silver grapes,
  In leaves and silver fleurs-de-lys;
Because the birthday of my life
  Is come, my love is come to me.

Today is my 44th birthday. I took today off work, so I doubt I’ll be spending it with anyone. I am going to Burlington to have lunch with a friend of mine, and I might even take myself to dinner tonight and enjoy a lovely meal. Other than that, it’s really just another day. My mother will probably call, and my sister and her two kids will call to wish me happy birthday. That’s about it. Today’s poem is dedicated to it being my birthday.

About the Poem

Love poetry is a common theme in English literature, but there are a few truly great poems about being in love (and being happy). “A Birthday” is an example of a poem which celebrates being in love using colorful and majestic imagery. It is written by one of the Victorian era’s greatest poets. The poet is not celebrating her own birthday but celebrating the birthday of her lover.


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Remembering

Today is a very difficult day for me, and it has been for the past five years. It’s not because tomorrow is my birthday, and I’ll be one year older. No, I’m happy to be alive, and I count each year as a blessing. It’s a day filled with sadness for me because it’s the anniversary of the death of one of my closest friends. He doesn’t have the blessing of having another year. Six years ago, he’d spent Thanksgiving with his boyfriend and was on his way home when he was in a car accident that killed him. We had been texting about an hour or so before his death, and I’d told him to text me when he got home and the last thing I wrote while he was alive was, “I love you.” Later that night, I became suddenly nauseous and threw up. I texted him to say, “Text me when you get home. I’m going to bed because I’m not feeling well.

I never received the text that he was home safely. At first I thought he’d gotten home and fallen asleep forgetting to text me. I was becoming frantic the next day, my birthday, when I had not heard from him. I knew he’d never let my birthday go by without acknowledging it. I knew something had to be wrong. Later that night, I received an email from a friend of his telling me he’d died in a car wreck. I began to cry uncontrollably and basically did so for the next year or more. Grief nearly consumed me. If it had not been for Susan’s friendship, I don’t know how I would have survived.

Thinking back on that night six years ago when he died, I’m convinced he died at the moment I became sick that night. Some of you might think that is crazy, but we had a connection like none other I’d ever had. He was more than just a friend. He was like the younger brother I never had. One that I could tell anything to. He was the first gay friend I’d ever had. In him, I had someone I could talk to about being gay without any fear of judgement. He encouraged me to pursue my own happiness and was my greatest advocate when I got my job in Vermont. He knew it was a very gay friendly state and believed I’d flourish there. I guess he was right, but it took coming to terms with my grief over his death before I could begin to flourish in Vermont.

I had been in the closet for so long. Yes, I came out twenty years ago, but when I moved back to Alabama, I was kept pretty firmly behind that closet door. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have met the boyfriend I had when I moved to Vermont. Sadly, said boyfriend is still in Alabama, and I’m up here, so it didn’t work out, but we had some great times together. I’d almost chickened out on meeting my soon to be boyfriend for the first time, but my friend encouraged me to go anyway, and I’m glad I did. It was a wonderful experience in my life.

I talked to my friend multiple times a day. We would text back and forth for hours. Though he lived in another state, we would even sit and watch TV shows “together.” We always watched Teen Wolf and How to Get Away with Murder together. I haven’t been able to watch either show since. He was there one day and yanked out of my life the next. I still find it hard to talk about him without getting very emotional. That’s why today is such a sad day for me. I always remember what a wonderful person he was, and what a great person the world missed out on getting to experience. I try to be more positive on my birthday, but I’ll be honest, it hasn’t been the same since he died.


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Teach One Another, Be Kind, and Smile

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

—Matthew 28:19-20

Have you ever been a part of teaching someone about Jesus? I have been teaching in one form or another for the past twenty-two years whether at a university, private academy, or a museum. If you are or have ever been a teacher, then you undoubtedly know the joy when a student has an epiphany from something you’ve taught them, that moment when it finally clicks for that student or even a class as a whole. While I don’t believe in edutainment, I do enjoy departing knowledge in a way that is fun and relatable. Enthusiasm plays a major part in that. I have always found that when a teacher is enthusiastic, then that enthusiasm become infectious. If you are not enthusiastic about what you teach, students will not be enthusiastic about what they learn.

The same is true when spreading the message of love and acceptance that Jesus brought to this earth from heaven. When you open someone’s eyes to the message of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins, it is a momentous occasion. Just think how this person’s life has the opportunity to be changed. Picture it now, the potential for all they can accomplish and the growth they will encounter through God’s love and acceptance. Impacting a life makes a mark on eternity.

Are you making a difference? Are you spreading love and acceptance or are you spreading hate and fear? Jesus wants us to love one another unconditionally. We may dislike people and their ways, but we cannot allow ourselves to hate because if we do, we are no better than them. We lower ourselves to their level instead of attempting to lift them up to our level. Ever moment of life is a battle of good vs. evil, love vs. hate, courage vs. fear, acceptance vs. discrimination.

Good will win out over evil. Love will conquer hate. Courage will defeat fear. Acceptance will bring us closer to God, where as discrimination only distances people from God. We must stay positive, because it is the only way to defeat the negativity that exists in this world. I hope today that you will smile at a random stranger. You never know when that might make someone’s day and lift their spirits. It never pays to be mean. We need to do acts of kindness every day because we do not know what another person may be going through in their life. Sometimes, a small act of kindness can make a huge difference in someone’s life, even though we are unlikely to ever know how much of a difference we make.

One smile to a stranger can change their life. One compliment can improve someone’s day. Never forget the importance of spreading joy and kindness to the world. The late comedian Robin Williams has given us so many things throughout the years: movies, unforgettable impressions and funny memories. But also some incredibly wise quotes. He’s been credited with saying, “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” Think of it as karma. Good begets good. Evil begets evil. The cartoonist Scott Adams offered this piece of advice, Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” Author Henry James said, “Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind.” We can do so much with just the simplest of gestures. Be kind and teach by example.


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