Two Scenarios
For the past several months, when I have gone to my local pharmacy, I’ve noticed that they hired a new pharmacy tech. Most of the people who work at the pharmacy are women, including the two pharmacists, but they recently hired a male pharmacist and a new male pharmacy tech. The new tech is very cute. I’ve seen him around town a few times, and it always takes me a minute to remember where I know him from. I doubt that will be a problem after yesterday. So, my two scenarios start the same way. I went into the pharmacy to get some prescription refills. The new pharmacy tech got my prescriptions and checked me out at the register. When he got to the register, he said, “I see you every morning at Cumby’s.” (Cumby’s=Cumberland Farms convenience store.) I saw him in there Tuesday morning getting coffee as I was getting an iced coffee before going into the museum. I may have seen him in there once before, but I rarely go to Cumby’s in the morning. It’s the opposite way of the university. Then we had a short conversation about seeing each other out and about and what the weather was like outside. While everyone at the pharmacy is very nice, some are more talkative than others. He has never been particularly chatty to customers and is generally busy filling pill bottles. So, it was not only unusual for him to wait on me, but that he was so talkative. So, which scenario do you think is correct?
Scenario #1
Guys generally don’t flirt with me a lot, but he was more than a little flirty yesterday. You really can’t tell when someone has on a mask, but you can tell a lot about someone’s eyes. He seemed a little excited, so I am wondering was he flirting. Should I go by Cumby’s a few mornings to see if he flirts more there? Maybe I just have an overactive (and hopeful) imagination.
Scenario #2
He was just being nice. He saw me the day before, and now I was in the pharmacy, so he may have just been making conversation. This pharmacy has always been very friendly, so I don’t think they’d have hired someone who was not pleasant with the customers. So, maybe he was just being nice, but he’s never really paid any attention to me before yesterday. He seems to have noticed me at Cumby’s, so who knows?
How would you take it? Would you do anything? Maybe I am just deluding myself into thinking he was being anything more than just nice. It’s a small town. People see each other around town all the time. Besides, he’s probably out of my league and too young. He looks to be in his late twenties.
P.S. This post is all in fun. While this did happen, I don’t really think there is a possibility he was flirting with me. I think he was just being friendly to a customer, but it’s nice to daydream occasionally.
Return of Warmer Weather
As I said on Monday, I hate the heat. Vermont can get hot and humid in the summer. Vermont has warm and humid summers with average high temperatures of 75°F to 82°F in the peak of July. In contrast, Alabama summers have average high temperatures above 90°F and are among the hottest in the United States. Mississippi was just as hot and humid. Vermont usually only has a few days each year when the heat and humidity can be oppressive. Most people here don’t have air conditioners. I tried to live without an air conditioner for the first few years I lived here, but I just couldn’t take it. During those years without an air conditioner, I’d go to the museum, which is air conditioned and climate controlled, on the most oppressive of days. However, for the most part, I like the weather in Vermont. Yes, the winters can be brutal. Vermont winters are extremely cold and snowy, with average low temperatures during January from 2°F to 12°F range across the different regions in the state.
However, once the temperature rises above 60 degrees, the shorts come out and the shirts are put away, at least for men anyway. Technically, Vermont has no public nudity laws. We have public indecency laws, but no prohibition on public nudity. What this means is that anyone can be naked in public as long as they leave their house naked. If they undress once they leave their house, then it is considered public indecency. Vermont is an interesting state at times. In the last few weeks, we have had a warming of temperatures, and today, we are actually expected to be in the low 80s. This means we are likely to see a lot of skin. With the students mostly gone at my university, we won’t see a lot of shirtless guys here, but you will in Burlington.
The other day, I was in Burlington doing some shopping up there, when I saw a guy outside the grocery store unchaining his bike. He must have taken his shirt off as soon as he walked out of the store. He was a cute young blond guy. I didn’t get a good look at him at first, but once he got on his bike you could tell just how fit he was: nice chest, flat stomach, and broad shoulders. I had noticed the nice butt on him earlier. While I don’t often see shirtless guys on bikes in Vermont, I do often see shirtless guys out running. It’s always a welcomed sight. However, I read an article in GQ Fitness recently where the author said, “I’ve come to believe that, in most cases, running shirtless does look ridiculous. It’s an exercise in vanity, a sin against the unwitting bystanders who emphatically don’t need to see that.” My thought was, “Speak for yourself.” As long as the guy is in moderately good shape and doesn’t have a body like mine, I have no problem seeing him shirtless. In fact, it’s a very welcomed sight.
The article went on to give some guidelines for when to go shirtless and when not:
- Do wear a shirt if you’re running in a major American city with sidewalks where other, normal people are apt to brush against your slippery naked torso.
- Don’t wear a shirt if you’re in a place with population density ranging from “suburban bedroom community” to “more corn stalks than people.”
- Do wear a shirt if you’re at the gym, please. In fact, your gym should not even allow shirtless exercise. If everyone in a sweaty room is walking around topless, that room stretches the definition of “gym.”
- Don’t wear a shirt if you’re training for a Tough Mudder in the backwoods. You are clearly already insane and disinterested in hygiene. For you, wearing a shirt is just putting on airs. Don’t bother.
- Do wear a shirt if you commute to work by running. Obviously. And even then, we have to ask: Who exactly commutes to work by running? Do you people have showers in your offices? Isn’t that weird?
- Don’t wear a shirt if you’re at your local track. Anyone else committed enough to running to actually be at a track won’t mind if you’re shirtless. They’re probably shirtless, too.
- Do wear a shirt if you have a chest tattoo. We know you see this as your big opportunity to show it off to the world, but it’s cooler to be like Kevin Durant and keep the goods hidden most of the time.
- Don’t wear a shirt if you are—or physically resemble—Matthew McConaughey.
I wholeheartedly agree with the last statement. I’ve always found Matthew McConaughey to be very hot. While most people might name Magic Mike as a prime example, I have to say that McConaughey in A Time to Kill has been a particular fantasy of mine for the past twenty-five years.
There are a few drawbacks to the return of warmer weather. I will soon have to reinstall my air conditioner. That’s always a chore. It’s a window unit, so it’s quite heavy. Also, with the return of warmer days, we always have a large number of motorcyclists riding up and down the road. I have nothing against all motorcyclists, but I hate hearing the really loud engines that drown out the sound of my television even though I’m inside. I also have a problem with them blasting their radios. Not everyone wants to hear their (usually) crappy music. They make helmets with Bluetooth earphones, so it really bothers me that we either don’t have noise ordinances or no one enforces them.
Even with the drawbacks, I love this time of year in Vermont. There is something so incredibly sexy about seeing a hot guy shirtless, and I enjoy hearing the birds singing their songs and seeing the flowers and trees in bloom. Most people only consider the beauty of fall foliage in Vermont, but springtime, however short, can be just as beautiful.
The Mountain
The Mountain
By Laura Ding-Edwards
If the mountain seems too big today
then climb a hill instead
if the morning brings you sadness
it’s okay to stay in bed
If the day ahead weighs heavy
and your plans, feel like a curse
there’s no shame in rearranging
don’t make yourself feel worse
If a shower stings like needles
and a bath feels like you’ll drown
if you haven’t washed your hair for days
don’t throw away your crown
A day is not a lifetime
a rest is not defeat
don’t think of it as failure
just a quiet kind retreat
It’s okay to take a moment
from an anxious, fractured mind
the world will not stop turning
while you get realigned
The mountain will still be there
when you want to try again
you climb it in your own time
just love yourself til then
About the Author
Laura Ding-Edwards is an artist and writer from Herefordshire, UK. She started her business, Rainbird Roots, in 2016 and quickly went from painting as a hobby to full-time artist, commissioning pet portraits, unique wildlife artwork & typography pieces. The Rainbird Roots brand name comes from her mother’s beautiful maiden name of “Rainbird”. You can see Laura’s artwork by visiting RainbirdRoots.com. Her first poem, “The Mountain,” was written in a car back in January 2019 and details her experiences of living with anxiety. It rapidly gained momentum on social media, having had millions of views and shares across the world. From this, more poems were written and eventually The Mountain book was born.
Ding-Edwards’ book The Mountain tackles mental health, relationships, bullying, body image, hate, love, and everything in between. In her first collection of poetry and prose, she focusses on the importance of being human, in its rawest, purest forms. The book doesn’t have the answers to our most intricate complexities, but it does reassure you that you are only human, after all.
The LGBTQ+ South
“In states where legal climates are less supportive of LGBT people, social stigma toward them is also higher. Social and legal climates are generally intertwined such that supportive laws and social acceptance run hand in hand.”–Andrew R. Flores, Williams Institute, a public policy research institute based at the UCLA School of Law focused on sexual orientation and gender identities issues.
When I interviewed for this job in Vermont, they asked me, “You know it’s cold up here?” I responded, just like I’d responded during every interview in the North, “I hate the heat of the South.” When someone asks where my accent is from, and I say, “Alabama,” I always get the response, “That must have been a big change.” I tell them, “I hated the heat and I enjoy the cooler climate of New England. I hated stepping outside and being drenched in sweat within seconds of leaving the air conditioning and stepping into the oppressive heat and humidity.”
The heat of the South is not the only thing oppressive down there. The Republican Party and the Christian right are also oppressive if you are not white or heterosexual. If you are Black, Hispanic, Asian, or LGBTQ+ of any race, especially those who are transgender, the South can be a particularly unwelcoming place. Yet, even with that said, 35 percent of the United States’ LGBTQ+ population lives in the South, more than any other region in the country. They also make up some of the poorest in the LGBTQ+ population.
The South largely lacks employment protections. Like most states in the U.S., the South is largely at-will employment states; At-will employment is an employer’s ability to dismiss an employee for any reason and without warning, as long as the reason is not illegal (e.g., firing because of the employee’s race, religion or sexuality). No southern states have laws for LGBTQ+ non-discrimination protections. While Bostock v. Clayton County held that Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 protects employees against discrimination because they are gay or transgender, it is unlikely that these protections will be enforced until courts explicitly expand protections to other statutes. Each application of sex in the law to protect LGBTQ people will require litigation. And the Bostock decision itself includes a worrying deference to religious organizations. As soon as he took office, President Biden issued an Executive Order directing agencies to enforce federal laws that prohibit sex discrimination to include discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, consistent with the Bostock decision. Time will tell how this will affect LGBTQ+ employees in states without explicit non-discrimination protections.
Employment protections are closely tied to economic security and well-being. LGBTQ+ people in the states without protections are more likely to report household incomes below $24,000 than those living in the states where workers are protected. Lower income also means that LGBTQ+ people face more issues with opportunities for better education, jobs, and healthcare. Any LGBTQ+ person in the South has been asked more than once, “If it’s so bad, why don’t you just leave?” The answer is: lack of opportunity. Lower income means decreased ability to move. In other words, it’s easier said than done. This does not mean that all LGBTQ+ people in the South struggle with income or education opportunities. Researchers have hypothesized that LGBTQ+ people may intentionally pursue higher education as a way to buffer themselves against discrimination in the workplace.
Some LGBTQ+ individuals have nice lives in the South. It’s not bad for everyone. However, fear lurks around every turn. If you are in the closet, then you have the fear of being outed. Even with some legal protections like those in Bostock, you still fear losing not only your job, but your family, religious life, friends, etc. when or if you choose to come out. Some LGBTQ+ people live in metropolitan areas and have more freedom and acceptance, but many do not. For those who do not, the South can be like sinking in quicksand. The more you try to help yourself, the more backlash from politicians and religious conservatives. I have been told it has gotten better in recent years, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for transgender individuals. They face increasing discrimination and hardships in the form of new laws targeting their rights, freedoms, and healthcare access.
I am glad I got out when I did. For the first few years I lived in Vermont, I dreamed of getting a job closer to home and moving back to the South or at least closer to the South. I no longer feel that way. I realized that as long as I lived in the South, I was living in quicksand. Each day I was sinking and suffocating more because of the oppression of the South. Vermont has the highest percentage of any states for LGBTQ+ identification at 5.3 percent. In contrast, Alabama ranks in the bottom 16 percent of states with only 3 percent, tying with Alaska, Arkansas, Montana, and South Carolina who also have 3 percent. Idaho, North Dakota, and South Dakota rank lower. Though not a state, Washington, D.C. has the highest percentage with 8.6 percent of its population identifying as LGBTQ+.
Behave Like a Christian: Be Humble
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
—Romans 12:9-21
This is the third part of my continuing series about the message contained within Romans 12:9–21, often labeled “Behave Like a Christian.” Last week, we looked at brotherly love and unconditional love. This week we will look at how we must love even in adversity and how we should remain humble and show humility.
Many of us have been ostracized or suffered discrimination because we are LGBTQ+, especially by people who claim to be Christian. For many of us, family members have been mean, cruel, nasty, or just plain unpleasant to us because of our sexuality. For those of us who are LGBTQ+ and Christian, other Christians and even some in our own community, especially non-religious LGBTQ+, have ridiculed us because we believe in God and/or believe that homosexuality is not a sin. With the increase in religious bullies in America, we are facing increased persecution and challenging times. Even as things seem to be slowly getting better as courts and laws affirm our equality, there comes a backlash caused by ignorance, fear, hatred, and greed by those who believe that they are losing something when we are recognized as equal. It is the same with all civil rights movements for equality. The only way to deal with this backlash is to counter it with an all-loving and accepting Christianity, living by Christ’s example, and responding to persecution in a way that pleases God.
Romans 12:14-16 (the underlined verses above) is not about us. If we believe in Jesus, these verses are for us, but they are not about us. They are about others and how we should think about and act toward those who persecute us. Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what isthat good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Paul begins the above passage by telling us, “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” While some biblical scholars claim that “those who persecute you” refers to people who don’t believe in Jesus, in my mind, it also refers to those who believe but do not follow the teachings of Jesus because they use perversions of Christ’s teachings to persecute and oppress those who do not believe in their narrow and hate-filled interpretation of the Bible. These Christian bullies lack the ability to love unconditionally which is central to Paul’s teaching to the Romans about how to behave like a Christian.
How should we respond to people who use their hypocrisy and hate to persecute those who do not follow their narrow interpretations of the teachings of Jesus? For some, they leave religion behind, and for others, it is to respond with love and acceptance, which is what Paul is telling us to do when he says, “Bless and do not curse.” Back when I lived in Mississippi, the people of Westboro Baptist Church, with their hateful signs and harassing nature, came to my university’s campus to stage a protest. I always felt that instead of antagonizing them and ridiculing them for their beliefs (which is pure hate and has no resemblance to Christianity), I thought it would have been better to hold a public prayer for them and ask God to show them the error of their ways. With people like that, you cannot show them the same hate and anger, but you must show them compassion and the love of God.
Years ago, I was in Memphis on Beale Street with a friend of mine. A street preacher was harassing people and trying to “call them to God.” He began yelling at us and trying to get our attention as we passed. She asked if they had heard of the Church of Christ. (She was raised Southern Baptist, but she knew I was well versed in the Church of Christ.) He then began to tell us what was wrong with the beliefs of the Church of Christ. I disputed everything he said and eventually asked to see his Bible, and I proceeded to prove my points verse by verse. The man kept arguing. Finally, I told him, “What you need to do is go forth and repent for your sins and be baptized for the remission of your sins.” I wanted him to preach love instead of condemnation. This was not one of my humblest moments, and I admit that I had been drinking quite a bit when this happened. However, I still had a clear mind with just a bit more courage. We continued to our destination, the Hard Rock Café, had a drink there in honor of a friend and then left for the next bar. When we left the Hard Rock Café, there was no sign that the street preacher had ever been there. He had packed up and left. I know that I was more rigid in my faith and more zealous when this happened than I am now. Hubris led me to debate him in the middle of a busy street (it is a pedestrian area). It is not one of my finer moments, but I believe that if we remain calm and do not stoop to our persecutors’ level, we can show God’s love and compassion more effectively, and I did remain calm that night. We must have a gracious disposition that will lead us to ask God to do good to those who refuse to do good toward us.
Paul continues in Romans 12:15 to tell us to “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” How are we supposed to respond to others when they find themselves in either of these categories? We are called to go there with them. Romans 12:5 tell us, “So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.” We should feel what others feel. For instance, consider our physical bodies. When our ears hear a beautiful and meaningful piece of music, our minds perceive its goodness, our hearts may fill up, our eyes may tear up, our throats may choke up, and often our legs stand up, and our hands come together in applause. One part of the physical body is affected by what is happening to the other parts. In much the same way, one member of the body of Christ cries with another member over a tragedy. And one member rejoices with another member, even when we don’t always feel like celebrating. We must show empathy for all around us.Next, Paul calls us to move away from hierarchy to humility. Romans 12:16 says, “Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.” How are believers called to think toward one another? We are called not to be “proud” or “set your mind on high things.” Many people are prone to think they are better than others, but Philippians 2:8 says, “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.” Those who have accepted Jesus have nothing to prove. We have no ladder to climb. We can lay hierarchy and vanity aside. We are all equal in the eyes of God. Paul tells us to “not be wise in your own opinion.” Our beliefs are no better than anyone else, just as we are no better than anyone else. God is among all of us, but I believe He takes many forms. In all of them, He is love. Every religion believes in the ethic of reciprocity, which is commonly called the Golden Rule. Luke 6:31 tells us to, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise,” which is what Romans 12:14-16 says at its heart.
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The Closet Professor 