October 9, 2015

Knoxville 

By Joe

  
So, my insurance company got me a rental car, and it looks like my car will hopefully be fixed tomorrow. With a badass SUV that they gave me to drive, I decided to go see what fun could be had in Knoxville. By fun, I’m not talking about sights, but I thought I’d check out the local gay scene.

Apparently, there are three gay bars in Knoxville. One looked really promising as they were having a free Texas Hold ‘Em tournament last night. Winner got $100. I used to play poker every Friday night with a group of friends when I was in graduate school, so I decided I’d check it out. I got to the bar and ordered a drink to wait for the tournament to start. The crowd was mostly older men. I have nothing against older guys, but it’s nice when they are friendly. While I tried to engage a few, it was obvious that I was an outsider and not that welcomed. The guys and gals there to play poker were obviously very serious about it. I was hoping for some fun and socializing. I figured out pretty quickly that this was not going to be the case. So I gave up on the place and left. With it being a Thursday night, I doubted that the other two gay bars would be much fun either. If this was New Orleans, something is usually happening every night, but this is Knoxville not New Orleans, so I decided to head back to the hotel to watch How to Get Away with Murder.

I have a confession here, I saw a sign for an adult store on my way back to my hotel and decided to check it out and see if they had anything fun. I did find a nice new toy (as luck would have it they were having a sale and the cashier gave a 20% off coupon to use), and my new toy is the perfect size for some play. So while I didn’t have fun playing poker because it looked a bit lame, I had a lot of fun with my new toy. So I amused myself and then went on to bed.

I expect that my car will not be ready until tomorrow afternoon, so I will go into downtown Knoxville and see some of the sights. Hopefully I can get back on the road tomorrow and maybe make it to Virginia.

Leave a comment | posted in Travel

October 8, 2015

Shit Happens 

By Joe

  

First things first, I’m ok, sadly my car is not. On I-40 just outside of Knoxville, TN, I hit some large piece of metal (well about the size of my head) in the road. It punctured my gas tank. I had no choice as I was flanked by semi trucks. Luckily, no sparks were present, and I was able to pull off to the side of the road and call 911. The local fire department arrived and neutralized the gas and my car was towed to a local garage. The tow truck was kind enough to take me to a hotel. So for at least tonight I’m stuck in Lenoir City, Tennessee, in a hotel. Hopefully, they can get a new fuel tank quickly and get it installed today, and I can be back on my way. If they have the part, I was told they’ll move quickly, assuming the only damage was the fuel tank. If not, my insurance company will send me a rental car to use until my car is fixed but it would still mean I’m stuck in Lenoir City, Tennessee. Maybe I can explore some of nearby Knoxville.

I had to cancel my hotel reservations in Virginia and Albany. Hopefully, the hotel in Albany will not charge me as I cancelled a day in advance. My Virginia hotel was not as kind. They are charging me regardless because I did not cancel 24 hours in advance. They didn’t care that I had an accident.

On the bright side, there were no sparks and my car did not blow up with or without me in it. This is just one of those things that happens and it could have been far worse. I did enough crying and freaking out yesterday, I am going to try and remain calm. I will get to Vermont, come Hell or high water.

UPDATE (10am EST): The needed part was found in Knoxville and unless there is more extensive damage than they initially thought, my car will be ready tomorrow. The insurance company is sending a rental car to let me use until the car is ready. It means I’m stuck at the hotel until 4pm when they will deliver the car.

3 Comments | posted in Travel

October 7, 2015

A New Day

By Joe

  
Today is the first day of my new life. I’m driving as far as Virginia today and have dinner with a friend at Virginia Tech, then I’ll drive from there to Albany, New York, on Thursday. I’ll arrive in my new town on Friday and take possession of my new apartment. The rest of this week is a transition but the new day has begun. 

Since this is a new beginning, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my blog title. And while I have mulled over a number of suggestions, I’ve decided that at least for now, it will stay The Closet Professor. As my friend of mine in marketing would say, it’s my brand. It is what people are familiar with and even though the web address wouldn’t change, there would still be some ripple effect in changing it. I chose The Closet Professor because I was a teacher and I was in the closet, but also because it gave the blog an LGBT qualifier in the name. The LGBT part of the title is something that has always been very important to me, and I don’t want to let that go. Even though I will no longer be teaching (though I’m still hoping I might be able to, at least some) and I will be out, The Closet Professor is a major part of who I am. It’s who I was and part of me will always be.  

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn’t mean there won’t be ups and downs; that’s all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like today, October 7, 2015, is my new birthday. It’s a beginning filled with great hope. It’s a second chance to live my life…not anyone else’s.

A new day has begun…

3 Comments | posted in Miscellaneous, Travel

October 6, 2015

Beginning

By Joe

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Beginning
by Warren Hanson

This is the Beginning…
This is where it all will start,
on the Wings of some new Spirit with the Beat of some new Heart.

Every morning brings a Promise,
Every day has Gifts to give,
But Today…right now…This Minute….
is when I begin to Live.
And the air that I am breathing is the breeze of what could be,
as I stand here looking out on all the things that could be Me.
And the road that goes before me, leading somewhere out of sight,
is a brand new Opportunity for me to get it Right.
This is the Beginning. This is
Once Upon a Time….
There are dragons to be vanquished! There are castle walls to climb!
But this story isn’t written yet.
I’m only at page One.
The Adventure that’s awaiting me has only just Begun.
There are Mysteries and Treasurers.
There are daring deeds to do!
And if I speak the secret word, then all my Wishes will come true.
That Magic Word has powers that can make the heavens spin.
But it really is not Secret that the password is……”Begin!”
Oh the possibilities is this Beginning I have made!
I am Ready!…. but reluctant.
I am Excited!…. but afraid.

Afraid that starting something New leaves something Old behind.
Afraid that what I seek is something I may Never find.
Or, if I Find it, that it won’t be what I want at all.
That what I’ve left Behind is what I needed after all.

Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.
It can mean that some sweet, precious part of life is at an End.
And the Heart can feel so Hollow when it has to say Good-bye
that the thought of starting Over is too Hard to even try.

But when I reach the End, when all my days are nearly through,
I will Not want to look back on all the things I Didn’t do.
Nor regret the Joys and Passions of the me that Might have been,
if only I had found the simple Courage to Begin.
So…….This is the Beginning….
My Beginning……..My Rebirth.
I Awaken to the Wonder of what I am Really worth.
It is a Springtime for the Spirit, and it’s Giving me a Choice.
So I choose to Use this season as a reason to Rejoice!

I lift my voice in Sweet thanksgiving, singing Loud….and not alone.
A host of Harmonies accompanies my song of the unknown.
Loving Friends and willing Strangers, with their voices joining in,
create a chorus of Encouragement that begs me to Begin.

And the end?…..
It’s out there, Somewhere, farther than the heart can see.
And the Power that will take me there is Here, inside of me.
Though there is no way I can know how many trials I’ll endure,
nor the Joys that I may find,
there is One thing I know for sure…..

This is the Beginning…….

Warren Hanson is a gifted writer of books for children and adults alike. It’s amazing how closely it aligns with what I am feeling today. I’m putting the final touches on packing, loading my car, and telling people goodbye. I’m heading north tomorrow morning. As the poem says, “I am Ready!…. but reluctant. I am Excited!…. but afraid.” It’s so true that “Beginning can be bittersweet, and hard to comprehend.” It can be a bit overwhelming at times. This is a new adventure and a new job far away from home. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I look forward to getting settled and getting to work. This is the Beginning…….

Leave a comment | posted in Poetry

October 5, 2015

Man’s Best Friend 

By Joe

  

I saw this on Wicked Gay Blog (one of my favorite blogs, so much interesting stuff) and had to share it. You can read it at the source at: http://www.wickedgayblog.com/2015/10/mans-best-friend-is-his-penis.html or you can read it below. I found it kind of interesting.

Man’s Best Friend

By Lawrence Pfeil, Jr.

Whoever called the dog, “man’s best friend” obviously never had a penis (aka dick, cock, pecker, wiener, joystick, schlong, man meat, tally whacker, John Thomas, and/or Schwanzstucker) because men embrace theirs from the get-go. Ultrasounds have shown male fetuses in the last trimester with in utero erections and tiny hands clutching on. By the time “the boys” drop around age 12 or 13 and the package is complete; and the once friendship has grown into a lifetime obsession filled with prowess and pride, comparisons, and above all pleasure. 

But what do we really know about every man’s penile pal? 

Let’s start at the beginning, which usually depends on your perspective i.e., if it’s your tool or someone else’s, but in this case the word itself. Penis, typically referring to the shaft, is Latin for “tail,” while testes (aka nads, balls, plumbs, rocks, and/or bollox) share the Latin root for “witness” which according to Dr. Steven Lamm, MD’s book. The Hardness Factor comes from the Roman law practice of a man holding his junk while “testifying” in court. (Or possibly it was just a way of distracting opposing counsel millennia before “Basic Instinct,” but the jury is still out.) 

Dr. Lamm also cites the men of Australia’s Walibri tribe who greet each other, by shaking Johnsons instead of hands. Apparently it’s not just gay men in America who enjoy this custom. Men the world over, whether ancient or modern, developed or primitive, all value taking matters into their own hands. 

As for the actual nuts and bolt, everyone “says” size isn’t important, unless of course you’re walking around naked in the locker room at the gym. FYI… gymnasium comes from the Greek word “gymnazo” meaning “to exercise naked” (yet another reason to go Greek). 

For most men, their left gonad hangs lower than the other. But in approximately 10% of men, the right one hangs lower, because they’re left-handed. Seriously, it’s a proven fact. But do the research, and if they’re wrong, it won’t be a waste of time finding out. 

It has been said, “God’s only design flaw in man is that He gave him two heads but only enough blood to use one or the other, but not both at the same time.” It’s hard to argue with that. Considering the average erection only requires about two to three tablespoons of blood, it doesn’t say much for the brain activity of most men when it’s channeled to the other head either. 

As for length, width, girth, circumference, cut/uncut, ethnic stereotypes, and grow-ers vs show-ers, no study, statistics, or evidence is going to change the perceptions and preferences of anyone. He’s your best friend who has been with you since the beginning and will be with you till the end. Who else can you say that about? So like anyone with you through thick and thin, you love him for his strengths as well as whatever his shortcomings may be because he is yours. 

Leave a comment | posted in Sexuality

October 4, 2015

Trust in the Lord

By Joe

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine, and we were discussing something that he has been wrestling with for years. He said that once he decided that it was inevitable at some point in the future that he didn’t wrestle with it in his mind anymore. I have often wrestled with the same issue. I am not here to discuss the issue at hand, that’s not what this is about. When he said he decided that it was inevitable and would one day happen, I told him that I knew he was wrong. I told him that I’d worried and contemplated on the same thing for many years. I came to a very different decision than my friend. I told him that once I put my faith in God, once I trusted God with all my heart, and once I quit relying on my own fears and worries, I think about that issue much less. It doesn’t mean that the voice in my head that tells me things contrary to God is completely silent now, but it does mean that my faith can shut that voice up.

The point is that if we acknowledge God as our guide, then he will not guide us wrong. We have to put our full faith and trust in God, and He will protect us and show us the way. If we rely on our own insights, then we will get lost. God is our compass, but if we don’t use Him and trust Him, then we will lose our way. We also must understand that each of us matters to God. I believe that we are important to God no matter how we see our relationship with Him. As 1 John 4:8 says, “God is love,” and in verse 12, we are told, “If we love one another, God lives in us, and His love is perfected in us.” If God lives in us, then we are significant to God. He not only will not forsake us, but He will love us, guide us, and protect us.

  

Leave a comment | posted in Religion

October 3, 2015

Moment of Zen: My Readers

By Joe

  
From the day I first told all of you about the loss of my job and every day since, all of you have shown such love and support. From your comments and your emails of comfort to your comments and emails of congratulations, each of you have been very special to me. Thank you for your compassion. You lifted me on my darkest days, and you have rejoiced with me in triumph. You have supplied much needed help and support as well as advice. Thank you!

Leave a comment | posted in Moment of Zen

October 2, 2015

The Girls

By Joe

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Then

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Now

I’ve had the “girls” nearly a year now. Tuesday will be a year since I adopted them. They’ve grown so much and Edith (black calico) is continuing to grow. Her particular breed (she’s a dessert lynx mix) usually doesn’t stop growing until they are two years old, while most domestic shorthair, like Lucy, usually stop after a year. I think that Lucy (gray calico) is as big as she will get. I’d originally planned to fly Edith back with me at Christmas. It would have been a shorter trip and easier on her. However, the apartment that I found does not allow pets. This apartment will do for at least six months, and then I can start looking for something that will allow pets. Regardless, Lucy will probably stay with my aunt who she likes more than me anyway. Lucy is a bit of a scaredy cat. She runs and hides from almost everyone. Edith on the other hand demands everyone’s attention, usually in hopes that they will give her food. She likes to sit on my shoulders (and sometimes my head) as I have my morning coffee.

If HRH was still alive, I wouldn’t have stopped until I found a place that allowed cats, but these girls have been around my aunt enough to be comfortable with her and quite honestly might just prefer her. I will miss them terribly, but for now, this is the choice I had to make. I know they have a good home and will be well taken care of. I will still miss them though, and they might miss me a little. Lucy is completely indifferent to me, and Edith only thinks about food and playing. So, it’s quite possible that they won’t miss me nearly as much as I will miss them.

2 Comments | posted in Miscellaneous

October 1, 2015

Moving Preparations

By Joe


I’ve been getting things packed this week and ready to move. I found an apartment and put down a security deposit. It’s a cute two story 1850s house split into four apartments. It has beautiful hardwood floors, and I was lucky to find one in which all utilities are included. It’s a one bedroom apartment but has a good sized living room and kitchen. I’ve only seen it in pictures, but I know it’s the one I want. It’s in an excellent neighborhood and the price is good. It’s within walking distance of the museum, and on the same road if I choose to drive. And when friends and family come to visit, there is a bed and breakfast located conveniently next door.

Now that I have found a place to live, it’s all about the packing. Since I don’t want to rent and drive a moving van and tow my car up there, I have decided to take as little as possible. My parents had originally planned on going with me, but the timeframe changed and they will come up in a few weeks. They will bring any nonessentials with them when they come. I will pack clothes, a few appliances/electronics (tv, microwave, a few lamps, etc. that I will need), dishes, pots, and pans, some linens, books, and DVDs. I have the furniture I want already picked out and ready to be delivered once I have possession of the apartment and an address. Also, this way, I can buy what I need now and get the pieces I want later to add to the furnishings. I do wish I could pack the guy sitting in the car in the above picture in my car. He’d make a nice decoration for my new apartment.

So next week, I will be packing my car and getting ready to leave Wednesday morning to make the drive to Vermont over a couple of days. I know I will stop and visit a friend of mine at Virginia Tech and spend the night there on Wednesday night. I plan to spend a night somewhere on Thursday night maybe somewhere close to the New York-Vermont border (any suggestions) and then drive the rest Friday morning and get the keys and move into my new home.

So right now, that’s the plan. God willing, I will be in my new home on October 9. So far, God has been pretty willing, I pray he continues to be and this is a smooth transition to a new home.

2 Comments | posted in Travel

September 30, 2015

Stepping Stone 

By Joe

  
Henry David Thoreau said, “All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.” It has been a while since I’ve written about my love of the transcendentalists, but I love the philosophy of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau. One of the things I will definitely do once I move to Vermont is to take a trip down to Concord, Massachusetts, to visit Walden Pond. The transcendentalists had a way of thinking that too many people in America forget, and I personally think “Self-Reliance” by Emerson is one of the most important essays ever written. If you’ve never studies it or read it, I urge you to go back and read this post I wrote several years ago.

With that being said, I want to go back to Thoreau’s quote, “All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune.” I think this is especially true in my life right now. I was completely devastated when I lost my job back in May, but like the Phoenix, I have risen from the ashes. I told one of my friends that I was going to dinner with some of the people I used to work with from the school. People I wanted to be able to say goodbye to and do miss. That friend told me yesterday: 

You have done everything you could possibly do to pull yourself out of the hole you were in last spring. I’m sure there will be some at the dinner who were envious of what you have achieved. Surely you weren’t the only one there who would like to be working somewhere else, but without the impetus of getting fired, it is so difficult to light a fire under one’s butt as you can testify to! You are the ultimate success story: a great new career, colleagues who already value working with you, a super cute place to live, a liberal state in which to now call home, and finally…able to be your true self. Remember early on when I told you looking for a job is one of the hardest things you will ever do? You are now living proof of that. But oh, the feeling of accomplishment when it is over. I hope you never go through it again. But I am so, so proud of you for having done it….You were judged, Joe, and not found wanting. That has to feel spectacular!!! 

It really does feel spectacular. I know I would have never changed careers, and I would have never even looked for this job, if I had not had the “misfortune” of being fired. While I was horrified that it happened, so embarrassed when it happened, and fell into a deep depression, I refused to give up, and I did turn something that I thought at the time was a great misfortune into something very fortunate. Most of my friends that I met last night for dinner are older than me. They have either retired or close to retirement. There were only two who were younger than me. Of those two, one is only a few years younger; the other was a student of mine (her mom is a good friend of mine).   

The student had been a very troubled teen. Her parents didn’t know what to do with her, but refused to give up, but they were at a loss of what to do. While most people treated her as an outcast, I treated her like the star student I knew she was. I encouraged her writing and poetry. Of all my students, from middle school to college, she was the most talented writer. In fact, she’s one of the most talented writers I’ve ever read. I wish she would do more with it, but after about a year of working with her, her mother came to me and said, “Thank you. My daughter thinks the world of you, and she has changed so much since you have been encouraging her.” It was moment like that, which had made me want to be a teacher. The problem was that most of my students weren’t like her. They were spoiled brats who had a sense of entitlement. While I wish here had been more like this student, and there were a few, I know that teaching was just slowly killing me because most students didn’t care about learning. Apathy is one of the greatest dangers to this country, which is why I admire the transcendentalists. 

So when I lost my teaching job, I reevaluated my priorities. Are their other more indirect ways to teach? The answer is yes. Working in a museum means that you are creating a teaching tool for those who want to learn. What a great feeling that is! People actually are interested in what you are doing. I also get a chance at a new life. Because of that, many of the people at dinner last night were envious. How many times do you actually get to start over? 

Basically, this move is a reboot of my life. It’s a fresh start. I am getting a new place to live in a new location. I am getting new furniture and taking with me as little as possible. (For now, my cats will stay here with my aunt, who will take great care of them.) I will still have the same clothes (though I’ll get some new winter clothing) and a few small appliances, but everything else I will be starting from scratch. For the first time, I feel like I have a real grown up job. Not to diminish school teachers, but it had always been meant to be a temporary job for me until I found a college teaching job. So with this new jobs, I’m not just in a temporary holding pattern. This is going to be my career, and I am happy. 

Not many of us get a second chance, and I will thank God for the rest of my life for this one. I took a misfortune in life and used it as a stepping stone to fortune. I’ve got a new start and I don’t want to screw this one up. I want to do my best, and I will do my best. This is a chance of a lifetime.

1 Comment | posted in Miscellaneous