Yesterday did provide some relief, but all of the dread I was feeling gave me a terrible migraine. I’m sure all of you have heard of functioning alcoholics; well, I’m a functioning migraine sufferer. Some people who have migraines have to go to bed in a dark place. It’s what I always want to do when I have a migraine, but I rarely have that luxury. I did not have at luxury yesterday. I had to keep going and do what I needed to do. Since I had the day off, I went ahead and ran some errands after my “ordeal.”
When I got home, I cooked supper. I had promised my aunt that I would fry some okra for her. She told me that since I had a migraine, I shouldn’t have tried to cook, but I did anyway. I braised a London broil that was on sale at the grocery store, cooked some collard greens and fried some cornbread. It was quite delicious, but I didn’t have much of an appetite because migraines tend to make me slightly nauseous. After supper, I went to bed. Luckily, I can always count on HRH to bring me some comfort. She curled up on top of me after I laid down, and we called it an early night.
By the way, with my triskaidekaphobia* I’m dreading today, just a little bit. However, since it’s my mothers birthday, I probably shouldn’t see it as bad luck.
*Triskaidekaphobia (from Greek tris meaning “3”, kai meaning “and”, deka meaning “10” and phobos meaning “fear” or “morbid fear”) is fear of the number 13 and avoidance to use it; it is a superstition and related to a specific fear of Friday the 13th, called paraskevidekatriaphobia (from Παρασκευή Paraskevi, Greek for Friday) or friggatriskaidekaphobia (after Frigg, the Norse goddess Friday is named after in English).
I tend to have a high tolerance for pain. Mainly, it’s because I’ve suffered with headaches my entire life. Rarely does a day go by when I don’t have a headache at some point. I’ve learned to deal with it and suffer through the pain. Most of the time a pain reliever helps; sometimes nothing does. I’ve have taken numerous medicines throughout my life to try and prevent having headaches, but nothing has ever been effective. Some have had bad aide effects, such as when a doctor prescribed Elavil (amitriptyline). It gave me night terrors. Another was Ativan (lorazepam) is supposed to be a short term drug; usually its recommended that someone should not for longer than 3-6 months. If used for long periods of time, it causes severe depression. I was a teenager when I took this drug and was on it for over a year. Some of the severe side effects include confusion, depressed mood, thoughts of suicide or hurting yourself;. Not only did it not help my headaches, but it also caused severe depression. Combine the side effects of Ativan and a teenager confused about his sexuality, and you have a dangerous mix. It was during this time that I attempted suicide. I was 16 at the time.
I’m writing this because I was thinking last night of my problems with headaches. Sinus headaches, tension headaches, cluster headaches, and migraines all have afflicted me through my life. What I take for my headaches depends on what type it is. Sometimes nothing helps. Medicine may lessen the pain, but not make it go away. Beginning Wednesday night before I went to bed, my head began to hurt. I took something and went to sleep. I woke with a headache the next morning, and I knew it would be a bad one. It was one of those that hurt all over, especially behind my eyes and the back of my head. This was also a headache that came with nausea, photophobia, phonophobia, and lightheadedness. Thankfully, these types of headaches, which is generally a mixture of migraine and tension headaches, only happen 2-3 days out of a year. However, when they do occur, they are quite incapacitating. I stayed in bed most of the day yesterday and took the strongest pain medicine I had. It barely fazed it.
HRH, my cat, gave me some comfort. She lay beside me and kept patting my head with her paw. After 15 years, she knows when I have a headache. I’m sure there is a mixture of genetic, physical, and psychological reasons for my headaches. I’ve had them for as long as I can remember. Maybe one day, they will either stop or they will find some kind of preventive measure that works. I hope each of you are some of the blessed people who never suffer from headaches, and if you do suffer from headaches, I hope that it is infrequently. I assume that most people who have some type of chronic condition learns to deal with it in the best way they can, as I have learned to deal with my headaches.