That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life— the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us— that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete. This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:1-10
I want to tell you a little about my faith and to explain to those who read my blog why I write my Sunday devotionals. First and foremost, I am a Christian. I am also a gay man. Furthermore, I am a teacher. Those are three things that I am, though I am many more things and much more, but fundamentally, I am a Christian gay man, who is a teacher. These descriptions are a core of my being, and I have no desire to change them.
Each Sunday, I write a religious post. I started those posts as an exploration of myself as a member of the churches of Christ and decided to continue writing one each Sunday as a personal devotional for myself, and for anyone who desired to read them. Many of my regular readers tell me how much they enjoy those posts. Others, however, have criticized me for them. Criticism, I can deal with, no problem. I do my research and I meditate and ponder my devotionals before posting them. I am firm in my faith, and I enjoy a good discussion/debate. However, what I am uncomfortable with is those who belittle my faith. Questioning the existence of God is one thing, even disagreeing with someone about what they believe is okay, but there is no reason to belittle someone for his or her faith.
I am not perfect, and neither is anyone else. As Romans 3:22-25 states “For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.“
I was raised in the Church of Christ. My congregation is a small country church where the number of attendees has been anywhere from 12-25 people. It is also a loving church and each member is like a member of my family. They, however, do not know that I am gay, except for my parents who do know. Homosexuality is not something that comes up in the sermons at my church. My minister tends to preach about loving kindness and how to be a better Christian through our daily lives. Because of this loving environment, I have a strong faith in Christianity.
Some people in the LGBT community may judge me for my belief in Christianity. Many have questioned me on my blog about this very issue. Some have even belittled me about my belief in God. It seems that many gay people feel abandoned by God because of the hatred that many people who call themselves Christians espouse. That kind of hatred was never part of the Christianity that I grew up around. I was taught to take God’s word as a whole and not to pick out individual verses to condemn someone. I was taught that the Bible should be studied closely and that various translations of the Bible can be flawed. Therefore, if a word or words trouble you, then you should look closer at the meaning and context of those words. Therefore, I studied the texts that people use to condemn homosexuality, and came to a different conclusion. Go back to my posts about the Church of Christ and you will see what I mean.
I try to live my life by treating others as I want to be treated. Am I always successful? No, but I do try. I have my flaws. If you looked at my life, would you think of me as a typical Christian? No, you wouldn’t. First of all, I am gay, which means that I’ve had sex with men (though, I do think you can be gay and celibate, if you chose). Personally, I been celibate for a while, but that is really not by choice. Do I think that God approves of me having sex with men? No, I don’t think he does, but it does not have to do with my sexual partner’s gender, but because it is premarital sex, fornication, if you prefer. However, I am weak of the flesh. I also don’t always take perfect care of my body. I drink alcohol, sometimes eat too much, and don’t exercise enough. I take pleasures when I can, but I also do so in moderation, which I think is the key. I’m not perfect, but God still loves me. So, I try my best to be a good person, so that I can feel worthy of God’s love.
If you do not agree with my Sunday devotionals or you don’t believe in God, then I ask one, two, and/or three things of you: (1) please do not use the comment section to belittle my faith it only makes me very sad and, honestly, hurts my feelings; (2) try to take the broader moral message from the post instead of the religious God-centered message; and (3) if you like my other posts but know you do not enjoy or want to read my devotionals, then please just skip reading my blog on Sundays and read it the other six days of the week. I am not trying to push my faith on to anyone. My Sunday devotionals are personal to me, and many others enjoy reading them.
All I ask is that you to do is to adhere to the Golden Rule or the ethic of reciprocity which is found in the scriptures of nearly every religion and is often regarded as the most concise and general principle of ethics. One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.
One final note, and this is a bit of an aside, I personally cannot fathom a strict adherence to atheism. I look around me each and every day and see the wonders of God’s creation. If you strictly adhere to evolution, then you admit, in my opinion at least, that we are all a cosmic accident. For me, there is too much perfection and love and beauty for all of this to be an accident. I wholeheartedly believe that God has guided the creation of the universe, and that he guides us each and everyday. He is with us always, and that thought brings me the greatest comfort of my life.
Joe
The Closet Professor 
March 2nd, 2014 at 8:44 pm
I have no problem with your Christian beliefs. They are yours and you are entitled to them. But tell me, are Christians utterly immune to irony? In your closing paragraph, you cite the “Golden Rule”, the “do unto others” basis of ethics, as you entreat your readers not to make any negative comment on your beliefs. OK, fair enough. But then…
You follow that with a paragraph, all in italics, explaining what you think is wrong about MY beliefs!! Seriously? That almost gave me whiplash. Nevermind that you only succeeded in demonstrating your lack of understanding of atheism…
Look, I take you as a sincere person. And I offer this observation to you sincerely: What you have done here is exactly what make so many people disgusted with some Christians. Not all Christians. Just the ones who are so insecure in their own faith that they must build themselves up by tearing down others.
I’m sure that was not your intent. But that is, in fact, what you have done here. And I doubt you’ll ever see the truth of this. Please know: I have not attacked you or your religious beliefs here. You worship one god of thousands, and there are many other philosophies – including atheism – which have no need of gods at all. If you cannot acknowledge that you are one among many, how can you possibly hope to practice the Golden Rule?
March 2nd, 2014 at 9:00 pm
I am very sorry, because that was not my intent at all. I was only trying to explain that I am ignorant of atheism. It is something that I do not understand. That last paragraph was specifically written for those atheist who have attacked me on my blog for believing in God. I honestly do respect all beliefs and I was trying to show why I disagree. The only real problem I have with any atheist is with those atheist who call me stupid or unintelligent because of my beliefs. It was never my intent to belittle someone else’s beliefs. I was merely trying to state that I have my beliefs and I hope you will respect them, just as I respect your right to have your beliefs. I am truly sorry, from the bottom of my heart, if I offended you. Please accept my apology.
March 3rd, 2014 at 12:14 am
I do accept your apology. But what I would prefer is your understanding, and a little more honesty. You were not “trying to explain that (you are) ignorant of atheism”. There was no attempt, and no explanation. And if it was directed at a specific group of atheists, well, that was also missing.
You were conflating atheism and evolution. Apples and earwax, my friend. Are you aware of the fact that many, likely most, Christians have no problem with evolution, as it is just the sort of insanely complex yet elegant solution to the infinite diversity of life that they believe their god created. If you are not one of those Christians, that’s your business. But you are simply wrong, rather stupendously wrong, to put Christianity and evolution at odds with each other. As for “cosmic accidents”… this is your theory, not mine. And you clearly don’t understand my viewpoint well enough to make up new labels for it.
HERE’S THE THING. I am going to reveal the secret that will allow you to embrace your own beliefs AND avoid offending those of us who do not share them. READY?
You cannot respect my beliefs and question them at the same time. Period. Not possible. No way. Can’t be done. Stop trying. Capice? If your version of Christianity requires you to question the different beliefs of others, then your version of Christianity requires you to disrespect the beliefs of others.
If you can believe as you do and leave the rest of us in peace with our own gods or tales or science, you will never again have to apologize for offending anyone.
I think that’s a fair deal, don’t you?
March 3rd, 2014 at 12:48 am
I honestly think you misunderstood me completely, and that is completely my fault. I am actually a firm believer in evolution. I believe it was guided by God. When I mention a cosmic accident, what I mean is the belief that evolution just happened and their was no Supreme Being of Creator guiding it.
No matter what you read into what I said, I was not questioning or making judgement on any atheist. I was stating that it is something that I do not understand. I really am sorry that it offended you.
I am secure and unwavering in my faith and I merely stated my belief. I am most certainly not a Christian who is insecure in his faith as you suggested in your earlier comment.
I am sorry that you were offended and did not believe my explanation. I am not questioning your belief. I just said that I don’t understand it. When a Muslim states, “There is only one God and that is Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet,” is he or she questioning your belief? They are simply giving a statement of faith, which was my attempt.
Yes, my last paragraph was targeted at evangelizing atheist who try to push their beliefs on others. Anyone who has to try and force their beliefs on others is insecure in what they believe.
I never meant to offend nor did I mean to question your beliefs. If you perceived my words that way, then again, I apologize. I honestly believe you misunderstood what I was saying and at this point you are putting words into my mouth.
Yes, I do equate atheist with believing in evolution. As you stated, you can believe in evolution and be a Christian as I do, but if you believe in some type of intelligent design, then you are by definition not an atheist. At best, you are agnostic or a deist. However, if you believe that evolution happened through purely scientific principles with no guiding force, then yes you’d be an atheist who believes in evolution.
I am not always the most eloquent of writers. I never proclaimed to be, but I’m not a dumb hick either. I am a historian with several degrees. I have studied the world’s religions and the lack of religious beliefs as part of my study. I do my best not to question others beliefs, because you may be shocked to know this but I believe all religions or non-religions are valid. Honestly, I may not understand them, but it doesn’t make them less valid and one person right and another wrong. I only requested in this post that my views be respected as I respect the views of others. I do not mind a disagreement or a debate on something I write. I simply do not appreciate it when people either put words in my mouth that are not my own or they belittle what I believe because it is not their belief.
By the way, I would like you to answer one question for me: How do you understand something if you do not question it? For me, it is the questions in life that create understanding. It is by questioning and seeking answers that I have learned.
March 3rd, 2014 at 5:17 am
The ethic of reciprocity is so important, Prof. I totally respect your beliefs, as I know you respect my doubting Episcopalianism. Sometimes I rather like the idea of being a cosmic accident. Sometimes I find myself unexpectedly repeating one of my favorite prayers and once … to my horror … singing (don’t ask why, because I’ve NO idea), “All Glory Laud and Honor, to Thee Redeemer King.” So … for most of us it’s a muddle … but we’re afraid to admit the muddle, we want to be a name to ourselves. Strange. I so respect your intellect, as you know … your loving, muddled Episocopalian!
March 3rd, 2014 at 6:26 am
Mark, thank you for your positive comment. It seems like other people want to pick apart this post, and it was never meant the way people are taking it. So that k you, my loving, muddled Episcopalian.
March 3rd, 2014 at 6:31 am
I ashamed of those people, who choose to pick apart someone’s heartfelt, well-written post. I’ve had my own fair share of negativity and worse, as you know … so I get it. Anyway, there are plenty of us out here applauding you, even if most don’t write.
March 3rd, 2014 at 6:32 am
Thank you so much, Mark.
March 3rd, 2014 at 5:39 am
First, I respect your right to be a Christian and believe in Christ. I enjoy reading your thoughtful posts. I am also a gay man raised in a conservative Christian home and all of my family are devout Christians. So I have some idea where you are coming from and have respect for people who struggle with the challenge of being a true Christian (“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” John 13:34. “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44. “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as they self.” Matthew 22:39.)
I think we can agree that this is at the core of what being a Christian means.
What caught my attention in your post was this:
“My congregation is a small country church where the number of attendees has been anywhere from 12-25 people. It is also a loving church and each member is like a member of my family. They, however, do not know that I am gay…”
The immediate question is why do they not know you are gay? It is a fundamental part of your being as evidenced by your thoughtful and well written blog. Why can you not be honest with this congregation about who you are? What is preventing that? I suspect it is the fact that if you did come out to them they would no longer consider you family and you would no longer be welcome in that congregation. And if that is the case, what good is their Christianity if they reject you for being the person God made you to be? Is that not an indictment on the state of so-called Christians in most of the U.S. today and does that not answer why so many gays want nothing to do with organized churches that pretend to be Christian?
And as a gay Christian who lives in the closet, who hides from this family-like congregation who you really are, are you not breaking the ninth commandment that says you shall not lie? Would you and everyone around you not be better off if you kept the ninth commandment, were honest about who you are and showed them how a gay man can also be a believing Christian? And if coming out would mean they would totally reject you and cut you off, why do you want to spend your life among such cold-hearted and un-Christian people?
I fully recognize the issues you face living as a gay man in a part of the country that is very conservative and often very intolerant towards gay people. I have been where you are. But the fact that you have to keep your true self hidden from your Church of Christ “family” speaks volumes about the failings of Christianity in supporting and loving its gay brothers and sisters. No wonder most gay people have serious issues with Christianity as practiced in the U.S. today and might sometimes react negatively to your blog.
As I said, I like to read your thoughtful blog, and will continue to do so. I am not sure where your life journey will take you, but it would be great if at some point you came out of the closet and lived your life honestly to all those around you. Isn’t a life lived honestly the best way to worship the God who made you?
March 3rd, 2014 at 6:23 am
First of all, the main reason I have not come out to my church is because my mother asked me not to, and as of now, I am honoring her wishes. As for how my church would react, well, that is complicated. Not a single person there is without sin, and before they could condemn me, they would have to condemn themselves. I do not feel the need, at this time, to come out to my church. If there was a man in my life and he would go to church with me, then that might be a different story. However, as I said, they would also have to condemn themselves as well. We have alcoholics and adulterers and a myriad of other sins in our church, and the Bible clearly says “Judge not lest ye be judge.” They would have to keep that in mind, and trust me, I would have no qualms in reminding them of that.
Also, I am not lying to my church. And yes, I am splitting hairs here. But the subject has never come up. No one ever asks me about my love life or my personal life for that matter. They are concerned with my health and the well being of my family. They’ve never shown an interest in my sexuality and I do not feel the need to share. I hope that answers your questions.
March 3rd, 2014 at 7:55 am
Thanks for the reply and the answers. Much appreciated. Just a few comments.
First, being gay is not a sin. Acting immorally is a sin. There is a difference between the two. The fact that most Christians in the U.S conflate the two is why many gay people choose not to keep going to the Christian churches they might have been raised in.
If gay Christians, just like straight Christians, could marry their partners in church and (just like straight Christians) fully express their married love with their partners in every sense of the word (emotionally and physically) and be blessed by their faith communities for that (just like straight Christians) then everyone is being treated equally and there might be more gay Christians.
But that is not the case for the vast majority of so-called Christian churches and no one can blame gay people for turning their backs on a Christianity that has turned its back on them.
Based on this you must have some sympathy with LGBT folks who might not react kindly to your Christian faith. If there were more Christians like you things might be different for gay people in Christian churches, but unfortunately there are few Christians like you. And as long as you stay in the closet around the people in your faith community they will not be confronted with their hypocrisy with regards to homosexuality and not have a chance to grow and possibly reconsider that there is a place for gay people in God’s creation.
I respect your desire to honor your mother’s wishes. I really do. But if you are fully aware of the alcoholics and adulterers in your your congregation, why are they allowed to come out and still be loved and nurtured by your faith community but you are not? What is it that puts homosexuality in such a special category for Christians (including your mother) that they are willing to accept all kinds of people in their congregations except gay people unless they pretend to be someone they are not?
It is my firm belief that most Christian churches have in the most un-Christian-like way possible utterly and completely failed their gay brothers and sisters. I might be wrong, but I believe you will do more good by coming out of the closet and letting your light shine to both gay and straight alike that it is possible to be a believing Christian and a gay man. Until more Christian believers like you come out of the closet, no one can blame LGBT people who have no time for the bigotry and hypocrisy of most Christian churches.
I hope you do not find this too harsh. You are obviously a good Christian trying to live your life the best you can. And I appreciate your posts about your thoughts and struggles. But I feel passionately about this because most Christian churches chase away gay people, they do not welcome them with open arms (like Jesus would have). I am sure it is something that troubles you as deeply as it does me.