I don’t know that someone can ever get over the loss of their best friend, especially when that person was so integral to your life. For me, it seems like each day gets a little better. I can talk about him now without bursting into tears, but then there are times when I want to tell him something and I realize that I can’t. When I have moments of happiness or moments when I’m not thinking of the loss, I feel guilty for thinking that way.
Last week when I couldn’t seem to stop having thoughts sadness filled with the loss of a willingness to go on, I knew I needed some counseling. I saw a counselor last week, and I will see him again today. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts, but I wished that it could have been me in that car accident and not my friend. I’m not sure when or if I will get over wishing that it had been me instead of him. He had so much life to live and so many wonderful things yet to do.
Anyway, it’s getting a little easier each day, the grief and sadness isn’t, but the ability to continue becomes a little easier. I’ve thought for a while that I needed to see a counselor, so I think these appointments will do me good on many levels. I have to remind myself to still find the joys in life because that’s what my friend would have encouraged me to do. He was the person I always turned to in times of need, and I need him now more than ever.
Thank you all for your words of sympathy and support. They mean a lot to me and have helped me through this last week and a half.