To E

To E
by Sara Teasdale

The door was opened and I saw you there
And for the first time heard you speak my name.
Then like the sun your sweetness overcame
My shy and shadowy mood; I was aware
That joy was hidden in your happy hair,
And that for you love held no hint of shame;
My eyes caught light from yours, within whose flame
Humor and passion have an equal share.

How many times since then have I not seen
Your great eyes widen when you talk of love,
And darken slowly with a fair desire;
How many time since then your soul has been
Clear to my gaze as curving skies above,
Wearing like them a raiment made of fire.

I’m not sure who the “E” in Sara Teasdale’s life was, but I know who the five E’s that have been in my own life. Three are no longer of this earth. One I lost back in November, and I mourn the loss of my greatest confidant and friend each and every day. The antidepressants and anti-anxiety medicine that I take keeps away the darkest of thoughts that I still feel, but they only keep them at a distant shadow. The other two were my father’s parents. I lost Grandaddy first nearly fifteen years ago, and Grandmama nearly three years ago. I think of the three of them all the time. Grandmama and my friend E, I think of everyday.  The two of them loved me unconditionally. True unconditional love is a rare thing to every find.

Another E was a great companion and boyfriend who I gave up for a new life and new job. Luckily, we have remained friends, and I still keep in touch with him. The other E is my sweet little Edith, a bobtail calico kitten who I remember looked into my eyes when I went to rescue her from an animal shelter. She is a loyal and sweet friend who I wish was here in Vermont with me, but she is safely living the life of a queen with my aunt.

Five E’s that I love. Five E’s that I miss. Five E’s that I will see again. Three in heaven, two when I return to Alabama.