I’d Grown Accustomed to His Face 

I’ve grown accustomed to his face
He almost makes the day begin
I’ve grown accustomed to the tune he whistles night and noon
His smiles, his frowns, his ups and downs
Are second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
I was serenely independent and content before we met
Surely I could always be that way again and yet
I’ve grown accustomed to his looks, accustomed to his voice
Accustomed to his face

He’s second nature to me now
Like breathing out and breathing in
I’m very grateful he’s a man and so easy to forget
Rather like a habit one can always break and yet
I’ve grown accustomed to the trace of something in the air
Accustomed to his face

Originally this song was “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face” from My Fair Lady. Diana Krall, however, changed the lyrics a bit. I’d change one thing. I would change I’ve to I’d as in I had. You see, a year ago, one of my dearest friends died. I woke up almost every morning to texts from him, and there would be his smiling face. We would always text as we were getting ready for work, or soon thereafter. We would text during the day, and each night before we went to bed, we’d text “Goodnight. I love you.” I never heard him whistle but I knew his ups and downs. I knew his mood from the type of texts I’d get, and I knew when something was wrong.

I was independent if not lonely before we met, but he encouraged me to get out there. He encouraged me to date and he encouraged me to get the job I have now. I’m trying to be what he encouraged me to be, but it’s hard. I feel as if I’ve let him down in some way. I fell into a deep depression when he died in a sudden and horrible car wreck a year ago today. I haven’t wanted to put myself out there, though I’ve tried a few times. New England just isn’t that friendly of a place, and Vermont has tons of lesbians but is a little low on sane gay men.

Texting him was like second nature to me. We were constantly in contact though we lived many hours apart. When I lost him my breath, not to mention my joy, left me. I’m doing better these days. It’s been a year, and I am coping much better. Antidepressants help with that. He’s not so easy to forget, however. He was one of the most loving and generous person I’ve ever known. He wanted to be able to give as much as people had given him when he’d been on hard times. Sadly, he didn’t live long enough to be as generous as he had wanted to be. He left a legacy though that can’t be forgotten. He will always have a place in my heart, and I’ll never forget his beautiful face. The face I’d grown accustomed to.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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