I’ll admit it, I don’t understand a lot of people. One minute they are friendly, and the next, they won’t even talk to you. It’s always a mystery to me when people seemingly get pissed off at me. I ask myself, “What did I do to make them act this way?” Most people consider me a nice guy who’s smart and kind. I’d do anything for my friends.
They are those who have a dislike of me from the start, usually either because I’m gay or Southern. You’d be amazed at the number of people up north who discriminate against Southerners. Of course, most people just want to hear my accent and have no problem with me being Southern, though sadly a lot of people hear a Southern accent and think you’re dumb. It’s a bad stereotype. Think of really dumb people in movies or television; they more often than not have a southern accent, though usually a really bad one.
Then, there are the people who you thought were your friend, but as Heidi Klum would say on Project Runway, “One day you’re in; the next day you’re out.” I think those are the ones that hurt you the most. There are few things as devastating as when someone you thought was a friend turns their back to you. As gay people, we often have to deal with this when we come out and you find out who your true friends are.
Of course, there are also the users. They use you for their benefit and take advantage of your kindness only to turn on you when you say no. I had a boyfriend like that once. He liked me for exactly two things: I had a car that could take him places and the sex. I mostly didn’t mind the sex part, but only liking me because I could drive him places was something I did mind.
Finally, there are the true friends. When you need them, they are always there for you. They are always there with an encouraging word or an ear to listen to your problems. They are there when you just need to gossip but want to make sure no one else will hear what you have to say. Friends, true friends, will laugh with you and cry with you. They’ll give you a hug when you most need it, and when you’re upset and think you just want to be left alone, they realize that you really need someone, even if you don’t think you do.
I’m not sure why this all popped in my mind, but it’s probably because of a few things going on in my life right now that have me perplexed.
Joe
The Closet Professor 
May 31st, 2023 at 12:08 pm
Hello,
I am a long time follower, but have not messaged you before, mainly because I think most people don’t need my input, and life is too busy for me to be butting in on their business, but your message about real, fake and those who just vanish from our lives with no reason….. It really struck a note with me… So I had to reply 🙂
I do really appreciate your messages and your taste in pictures of fine, sexy men :). Very fine taste.
Anyway. The purpose not my email…
I completely understand what you mean about the unfair stereotype of people with Southern accents….
I love Southern accents!!! .
I was born and raised in Minnesota, And now live in Oklahoma.
Anyways, in Our house, growing up, we had 6 kids, Mom, Dad and our Mom’s parents…it was a houseful!
Her parents grew up and raised 4 kids in South Carolina, and 15 years later, along came my mom.
So she grew up like an only child.
When mom was 5, they moved to Minnesota, never knew why, and I never really questioned it lol
Anyways, they had strong Southern accents and never lost their accents.
So when i hear someone with a southern accent, I can listen to them for hours/days 🙂 so you would have my full attention 🙂 until you didn’t want it any longer lol
But, I totally understand the stigma you must feel, but to me, it reminds me of home!! 🙂
I was told a long time ago, maybe I read it (I can’t remember for sure) but was told that friendships are like an ocean tide…. Sometimes, they come super close, even covering our feet, and then sometimes, they go out, to return later, and then sometimes, they go out and I guess they get lost at sea… Who knows…. Maybe a shark eats them…anyways, some friends are only meant to be in our lives for a short time… You never know when you meet someone, how long they will be part of your ‘circle of Friends,.’
Its just a short glimpse at, what I think is, ‘the big picture’ in the plan of our lives.
I believe in God, and I believe that we all have a plan for our lives, but we don’t get to see it until we have fulfilled that plan, and at that time, our lives are over and we transform to the next part of our spiritual life.
So don’t let those idiots that stereotype you get to you.
They aren’t worth your time!
And for those friends that vanish, we could lose our minds trying to figure out why they go so fast from our luves. Just blame it on the Ocean and put it behind you
God has a plan for you, and some people just aren’t in that plan for long.
I wish peace for you!
Take care,
John Anderson
May 31st, 2023 at 12:45 pm
Thank you for your message, John, and for being a longtime follower. You give very sage advice, and I had never thought about the ocean metaphor, but it’s a good one. I’ve always believed God has a plan for all of us, and maybe some people enter our lives as part of that plan and sometimes we enter their lives as part of those plans.
May 31st, 2023 at 2:08 pm
You said it exactly 🙂
I remember back in 2008, I had Been in such chaos.
My beloved ex had taken his life, and my world was in total chaos, having to decide to move from the home he and I had shared for 4 months, and having to re focus my life from we/us to me/my … I was in such a funk for months, but life life kept going….
Anyways, I had a recall about 6 months later and brought me back to a part of a movie I really liked called “Latter Days”
One of the main characters was talking and gave an incredible observation.
He said was talking about reading the Sunday comics in the news paper…
When he was little, he said he would get super close and looking at the comics….
He said when you are that close, all you see are a lot of little dots that make no sense at that distance, but as you move away form that angle, suddenly the dots change and make up the “bigger picture”
Alot of people didn’t like the movie, but I lived it 🙂
Besides the super cute eye candy, there were some great lines and a pretty hot love making scene in the airport hotel…
It was so sensual without being over run with just sex. 🙂
Anyways, I’m gonna shut up now.. I’m sure you have better things to do 🙂
Take care and stay safe!!
John
May 31st, 2023 at 2:09 pm
Egads, sorry about my typos
My fingers are too fat for typing on my tablet lol
May 31st, 2023 at 2:17 pm
LOL, no worries. I’m bad about typos all the time, and basically, so are 90 percent of the people who leave comments. They just don’t give you enough space to edit, especially on a tablet and definitely not on an iPhone.
May 31st, 2023 at 5:44 pm
“Latter Days” is one of my favorite movies. Everyone talks about how great “Brokeback Mountain” was, but in my opinion, “Latter Days” was much better.
May 31st, 2023 at 6:24 pm
Hi there,
Southern accents and fly-by-night friends, especially the gay ones: I‘m a Southerner and hear you completely, and sometimes just tire of it the Southern stereotypes, but oh well, it just makes us stronger.
We gay guys can be our own worse enemies at times despite „pride“ and „community“. Sadly, my dearest and most dedicated friends are straight. Just haven‘t been so lucky on the gay side of friendship, I guess. I‘ll take part of the blame just to be fair… can‘t be but so objective about myself. Still, people can be fickle creatures.
Whatever the case, I am enjoying your writings, musings and the photos are a nice touch as well.
Cheers from the orher side of the big pond.
May 31st, 2023 at 6:46 pm
I’ve had very few gay friends in my life. The ones I do/did have don’t or didn’t live near enough to actually get together. Gay people can be very cliquish, and if you’re not in their circle you don’t exist. I have found this especially true in Vermont where Burlington gays are very inclusive with each other. Most of my friends have all been straight. I just haven’t had good luck with having gay friends.
May 31st, 2023 at 8:45 pm
I completely understand and Oklahoma gays are pretty much the same, and they don’t seem to like ‘outsiders’.
So yeah, I’ve been here for 15 years now and I don’t even have any straight friends…. Thank goodness I have a considerable sized family lol
But even they don’t have much to do with the ‘gay’ one…
Lol
Thank goodness for the internet 🙂
Lol
Any I completely agree with you on latter days vs broke back mountain
I also like “The Falls” series of movies….
But I have had such a huge crush on Steve Sandvoss, but I have had a big crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt too 🙂
Anyways, have a great night!!
June 5th, 2023 at 10:23 pm
One of my thoughts is to focus on the ones I like, the ones with which I have a good rapport. Concerning myself with those who are bullies is a waste of my time.