As long as I am feeling well and get up the courage to actually do it, I plan to go out tonight and have a little fun. Since 2007, there has been a get together of gay men once a month called Burly Bears in Burlington. It’s basically a dance party at one of the bars. Burlington has LGBTQ+ events in a regular basis, and they are becoming more common in Vermont outside of Burlington as well. Most of that is centered on drag, which I love, and geared towards the LGBTQ+ community, which is great in itself. However, as far as for events geared towards GBTQ+ men, Burly Bears is the only thing out there in Vermont. Don’t get me wrong, inclusivity is great, but I also think there is a time when GBTQ+ men want to be surrounded but other men and not also surrounded by lesbians, which outnumber the GBTQ+ men in Vermont, at least 2 to 1.
I haven’t been in a long while and I would love to go to the Burly Bears event tonight. I just get nervous and, you might even say, cowardly about going alone to an event like this. I can be a very shy, nervous, and awkward person. When I host guests at the museum, give tours, or teach classes, I am not particularly shy or nervous, though I am probably still a little awkward. I am always afraid when going to events like the Burly Bears that I won’t get up the courage to talk to anyone and no one will come up and talk to me. I know I probably sound stupid about this, and I should just get over myself. I am not the most confident person most of the time, and, let’s face it, gay men can be a little cliquish, especially gay men in Burlington, Vermont. The city of Burlington tends to separate itself from the rest of the state.
Anyway, tonight the theme for Burly Bears is the annual Black Party. As described on Facebook: “In the spirit of New York, Miami, and Montreal: It’s our Burly Bear Black Party! Pull out those black shirts, shorts, and Ts! Get those leather vests, jocks, pup masks, boots, and harnesses out.” Wearing all black is not an issue for me. I have a lot of black clothes in my wardrobe, so that’s easy peasy. Putting myself out there is the difficult part. I have to admit, I loved black leather and that whole part of the gay culture, though I have never ventured much into it myself. I just need to make myself go, because I know once I am there, I’ll be ok, and if I’m not, I can always leave. There’s only a $5 cover charge and all proceeds go to Outright VT, so if I just go and leave, it’ll only cost me $5 that will go to a good cause anyway. Once I’m there though, I’ll get a drink and, hopefully, have a good time. If nothing else, they always have hot bartenders working at these events, and who doesn’t love a sexy, flirty bartender?
If you will, send some encouraging energy my way, because I really would like to get out more, be more of a part of the LGBTQ+ community in Vermont, and meet some new people.
Joe
The Closet Professor 
November 22nd, 2024 at 9:33 am
Do it. Get yourself out there and have some fun!
November 22nd, 2024 at 10:39 am
Definitely go Dude!! I would give anything if Nashville had a Burly Bear party !
Go, be yourself and you will attract people.
November 22nd, 2024 at 11:36 am
Go, Enjoy! As far as leather is concerned, I can dress head to toe in black leather and I find when I’m all decked out in that kind of drag, my personality changes completely. I’m 6’6″ and when I’m in leather, I can be quite intimidating–which is not my normal personality. (And yes, I do consider leather just another form of drag.)
November 22nd, 2024 at 11:36 am
After I got divorced, I was used to being accepted in the straight professional world, I was so completely intimidated by the gay world. I was working on my second graduate degree (I got fired for coming out—couldn’t have a gay corporate attorney in 1990 Dallas. I could be a gay law librarian but that meant another degree and a huge cut in pay) and I mercifully met a undergrad who’d been cut off by his family. He had amazing looks but zero financial assets. (Everyone thought we were lovers, but we were both tops, so that was not the case but we were certainly comfortable being naked together, etc but yes, I absolutely supported him so he was my boy toy). And my gosh, was he brave! He could face down anyone. Or charm the heck out of most. So I made him my wing man. And I became fearless! He was hit on constantly and he very kindly told a number of the guys he rejected that they would enjoy my company. I mean it was like getting designer castoffs!
I will never forget one morning when I woke up in bed next to this gorgeous blond stud…goodness! I’d borrowed a beach condo from my aunt and uncle…what a trip! I was thinking of him last night—I’ve stumbled across a porn where there is a gay grandfather who enjoys doing his blonde grandson…and the grandson looks like my late friend!
Gosh was that ever empowering. I learned how to pick up guys, have bathroom sex and all sorts of fun things! I couldn’t really imagine being that sort of person, but wow did he open my eyes!
Please go to the party! Leave your comfort zone! Learn to make meaningless small talk while you feel up somebody on the dance floor or near the bar! Figure out who the regulars are at the party and ask them to help you by making introductions and for their encouragement! People do genuinely like to see everyone happy at a party!
Finally, give your self a boundary…”I’ll stay at this party for one hour” or whatever. And make yourself do it. And definitely flirt with the bartender!
November 22nd, 2024 at 5:14 pm
i hope you have more than just “a little fun.” I hope it is a memorable event for all kinds of BIG bearish reasons! 🙌🏼😏 Enjoy! Wish I was there.
November 22nd, 2024 at 9:35 pm
A little late but I hope you’ve gone tonight. It sounds like something really fun.
Let us know how it went.
November 22nd, 2024 at 10:56 pm
It’s definitely a little late now. I’m with Bruce and all these other fine commenters: go to the party and flirt. Like you, once I’m there and let my hair down I’m fine. Enjoy and let us know how it worked out.