Author Archives: Joe

About Joe

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I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces.

Moment of Zen: Pride


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Pride Weekend 🏳️‍🌈

If I had this body, I might try to pull off a similar “outfit.” 😂 

Vermont Pride is upon us this weekend. While technically Vermont Pride has been going on all week, tonight is the first even I will be going to. Tonight is the Pride Ball. I mentioned this a few weeks ago when I asked for advice about an outfit. I couldn’t find anything I really wanted to wear. That’s not exactly true, I did find a few shirts, but none of them were in my size, or if they were in my size, they were slim fit. Usually, slim fit shirts don’t exactly work well for me. So, instead of something flashy and bold, I will be a bit more low key.

The description says, “Bring your rainbow power and kick off Pride Weekend in Burlington!” I am going to let my rainbow power show in a subtle way. I have a white polo shirt that is trimmed with rainbow colors and a rainbow belt. I’ll wear light colored jeans with my polo and white sneakers with rainbow shoelaces. I’m not a big rainbow kind of guy, so I think this will suffice.

The Pride Center of Vermont will host the Pride Parade and Festival on Sunday; the parade takes place from 12:30-1:00 pm. The Festival will be from 1-4 pm, and then from 4-9 pm, the Burly Bears will end the weekend with the Burly Bear’s Pride Closing Party. However, I’m not sure they will be doing this as they have not posted anything about it on their Facebook page. We’ll see, I’m going with my neighbor who’s a drag show fanatic. (She is like a RuPaul’s Drag Race Encyclopedia.) If she wants to stay for the Burly Bears closing party, then we will. For now, we’ll play it by ear.


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A Morality Crackdown

Museums with a particular specialty, such as the one that I work for which has a mission to preserve our university’s history, use eBay on a regular basis for acquisitions. We have alumni who have searches set up to acquire items for the museum, and we also consistently search eBay for new acquisitions. Sometimes, it is the only way to get certain items. We also use various brick and mortar auction houses for acquiring art and objects related to the museum’s mission.

Recently, eBay has shifted company policy in ways that will make acquisitions of gay material, especially erotica difficult.  While this will not affect our collecting abilities, it does hinder other museums who are collecting items that may be considered on the fringes of society. About twenty years ago, the historian Vi Johnson won an eBay auction for a numbered first edition of “Sex Life in England Illustrated,” by Iwan Bloch, an early sexologist. Johnson recalled that, afterward, she was chatting to the buyer she had bid against thinking she’s made a new friend she could talk to about finding erotica. However, the other bidder thought she was collection for the same reason he was. The rival bidder was a buyer for right wing groups intent on buying and destroying erotica. Johnson was horrified as any true historian would be. So, Johnson dedicated herself to preserving the histories of sexuality and making them accessible. “I swore that if I could find it, grab it, steal it, buy it, borrow it, beg it, I was going to save it,” she said.

Johnson and her wife, Jill Carter, now count some forty thousand books and artifacts in their queer-focused Carter/Johnson Leather Library and Collection, located in Newburgh, a suburb of Evansville, Indiana. Early acquisitions came through friends and friends of friends within the BDSM scene, but, for years, Johnson has depended heavily on eBay to learn what’s available and for acquisitions. (We do the same thing with material about our university). The collection comprises thousands of books, magazines, posters, art, club and event pins, newspapers, event programs and ephemera showing leather, fetish, S/M erotic history. The collection has spilled over from Johnson and Carter’s single-level brick home into a second house. Johnson recently set up a “Scholar’s Room” in the new house to welcome researchers who desire to study the archive. 

 When in May, eBay banned the sale of “sexually oriented materials”—including magazines, movies, and video games—and closed its “Adults Only” category to new listings in the United States, they largely ended the collecting of material through eBay for museums like Johnson and Carter’s. There are a few explicit exemptions to the new eBay policy, including Playboy, Penthouse, the gay art zine Butt, and the satirical, women-run erotica magazine On Our Backs. “Nude art listings that do not contain sexually suggestive poses or sexual acts are allowed,” the policy states. Materials falling afoul of such distinctions—which could presumably include anything from reproductions of Michelangelo’s “The Expulsion from Paradise” to back copies of Black Inches—are, apparently, now outside the bounds of acceptable behavior on eBay.

The ban appears to be related to the House’s Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act and the Senate’s Stop Enabling Sex Trafficking Act, known together as fostasesta, an effort by victim’s-rights advocates and right-wing activists to crack down on sex work. One feature of the legislative package was to make Web sites liable for hosted content that might “promote or facilitate the prostitution of another person.” After the former twice impeached president signed fostasesta into law, in 2018, Craigslist shut down its personals listings, Tumblr banned sexual content, Facebook prohibited the formation of groups organized around sexual encounters, and Instagram ramped up its policing of user content, especially that which includes any hint of human nudity. Also of possible relevance: eBay recently began using the Dutch fintech company Adyen for electronic payment services, which refuses to participate in the sale of adult materials. Similar concerns by payout providers were reportedly at the center of the recent decision by OnlyFans to ban sexual content—a move they reversed after considerable outcry led by the sex workers who, in large part, helped the company build a valuation of some one billion dollars. 

In researching his book “Bound Together: Leather, Sex, Archives, and Contemporary Art,” Andy Campbell, an associate professor of critical studies at the Roski School of Art and Design, used both eBay and the Johnson/Carter Library, in addition to other archives around the country. “Bound Together” argues that queer archives are particularly precarious, as they often lack institutional support structures, and their content is at odds with community guidelines. Yet, by making queer culture accessible, they also increase the likelihood of that more positive erasure: assimilation. 

As marginalized communities become more assimilated into the mainstream, Johnson’s archive, the Leather Archive and Museum in Chicago, the Tom of Finland Foundation, the GLBT Historical Society, and those like them stand as “proof of who did it, what was done, and who was there.” But no one knows how much more of this history remains to be discovered and preserved. So much of the history of marginalized communities has been lost or destroyed. It is one of the reasons that I am a major proponent of oral histories, because we can talk to the people who were part of the LGBTQ+ community, the leather community, or the many other communities that are often deemed perverse. We can get their stories. Sadly, because of the AIDS pandemic, too many of those stories have been lost, and because of that, the material they left behind is even more crucial to collect and preserve.


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Feeling Off

We may all have days when we just feel off kilter. Especially if you have a true mental health day like I did yesterday, you can become overwhelmed by feelings of depression and anxiety, and your emotions can be all over the place. I know that some people take a “mental health day” as a way of saying, I just don’t want to be at work and then taking a sick day. I probably should have taken a real mental health day yesterday, but since I’d taken a sick day for a migraine on Monday, I felt like I should be at work yesterday. Anyway, yesterday was an off day. I didn’t feel like myself, and I found it hard to even fake. I mostly sat in my office all day and tried not to fall asleep. I made it through the day, though, and by last night, I was feeling some better. I’m not sure what caused my sudden attack of depression and anxiety, but it was hard to do anything, including eating. I rarely lose my appetite over anything. Hopefully, today will be a better day.


Pic of the Day


Invictus

A Cadet from Texas A&M University 
(Not from my university, but another Senior Military College)

Invictus
By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
  Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
  For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
  I have not winced nor cried aloud,
Under the bludgeonings of chance
  My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
  Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
  Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
  How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
  I am the captain of my soul.

About the Poem

Latin for “unconquered,” the poem “Invictus” is a deeply descriptive and motivational work filled with vivid imagery. William Ernest Henley wrote this poem about stoicism, courage and refusing to accept defeat while enduring a severely testing time in hospital. He had contracted tuberculosis of the bone in his youth, and the lower part of one of his legs was amputated in his twenties. At one point, it was feared he might lose his other leg. He instead chose to travel to Edinburgh in August 1873 to enlist the services of the distinguished English surgeon Joseph Lister, who was able to save Henley’s remaining leg after multiple surgical interventions on the foot. While recovering in the infirmary, he was moved to write the verses that became the poem “Invictus.” The poem is most known for its themes of willpower and strength in the face of adversity. It evokes Victorian stoicism—the “stiff upper lip” of self-discipline and fortitude in adversity—much of which is drawn from the horrible fate assigned to many amputees of the day i.e., gangrene and death.

Written in 1875, but not published until thirteen years later, ‘Invictus’ was an immediately popular poem. Its uplifting and inspirational qualities saw it frequently appear in poetry anthologies, and it was often memorized and recited in schools up until the 1960s. With four stanzas and sixteen lines, each containing eight syllables, the poem has a rather uncomplicated structure. Each stanza takes considerable note of Henley’s perseverance and fearlessness throughout his early life and over twenty months under Lister’s care. In the second stanza, Henley refers to the strength that helped him through a childhood defined by his struggles with tuberculosis when he says, “I have not winced nor cried aloud.” In the fourth stanza, Henley alludes to the fact that each individual’s destiny is under the jurisdiction of themselves, not at the mercy of the obstacles they face, nor other worldly powers.

Those who have taken time to analyze “Invictus” have also taken notice of religious themes, or the lack thereof, that exists in this piece. There is agreement that much of the dark descriptions in the opening lines refer to Hell. Later, the fourth stanza of the poem alludes to a phrase from the King James Bible, which says in Matthew 7:14, “Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” Notice how the first verse adopts a humanist position. Reference to a higher power amid suffering is vague—whatever gods may be—while the focus is on his ‘unconquerable soul.’ The famous line ‘My head is bloody, but unbowed’ suggests a noble bravery in the face of adversity, while the even more frequently quoted final two lines affirm the power of individuals to shape their own destiny, to accept responsibility and to choose how they will go forward in life. Despite Henley’s evocative telling of perseverance and determination, worry was on his mind; in a letter to a close companion, Henley later confided, “I am afeard my marching days are over” when asked about the condition of his leg.

I chose this poem because I was thinking of the freshmen cadets (technically they are not yet cadets as that comes later in the semester after they have “earned” the honor of being a cadet) at the military college where I work. You can hear them training in the early morning hours just after dawn. The orders being yelled, the loud responses, and such that goes along with their first week here. It is a brutal week meant to introduce them to life as a cadet and the military lifestyle. It is also done to test their fortitude. In years past, it was even more brutal than it is today. All too often we see the new cadets on crutches or hobbling along from some overexerted injury. Some of the new cadets are homesick and a little lost. Some knew what to expect, while others didn’t think it would be so difficult. The perseverance is supposed to be part of the process. One of the most amazing aspects of the cadet experience, is they often come in as scrawny teenagers (some are a bit more fit, but not all), and by the end of the semester or sometimes it takes both semesters, they are at their peak fitness of their lives. The transformation is truly awe-inspiring.

On a side note, I am enjoying the students being back and seeing them around campus and the town. Last year, we barely saw them. In the Fall, students were quarantined to campus, and we were still mostly working from home. Then in the Spring, they were largely quarantined to their dorms, apart from some training, but even that was severely limited. Now, life has come back to our little town and our campus. Being a military college, you don’t always see the typical shirtless college guys throwing a Frisbee or tossing a football on the quad. Mostly the cadets are in their uniforms and the civilian students are fewer in number (and often not as fit). For one of the first times the other day, I saw a group out running, many of them shirtless. It was a sight to behold, but as the semester is beginning, they will be back in their uniforms full-time and that won’t be a sight we will often see.

About the Poet

William Ernest Henley (1849 – 1903) was an English editor, poet, and playwright. Diagnosed as a child with tuberculosis of the bone, the disease plagued him throughout his life and caused the amputation of a leg when he was not yet twenty. A big, burly man with a gregarious disposition and a keen eye for literary talent, William was well liked and much admired for his own body of work. One of his closest friends was Robert Louis Stevenson, who used William as the inspiration for his Treasure Island character, Long John Silver. This poem, in turn, has inspired thousands around the world.


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