Author Archives: Joe

About Joe

Unknown's avatar
I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces.

A Day of Sadness

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

— Revelation 21:4

Today marks five years since I lost a very dear friend in an automobile accident. He died the night before my birthday, and I received the news of his death on the night of my birthday. I was utterly devastated, and it took me a long time to recover from that devastation. He such a beautiful young man and had so much to live for after a hard beginning to life. His boyfriend was planning to propose on Christmas morning, and he was about to go back to graduate school. So much hope and promise were lost when he died. So, I tend to always get a little down especially this time of year. Birthdays should be joyous times, but there hasn’t been much joy in them in the last five years. There have been two exceptions to that rule. For my fortieth birthday, one of my coworkers took me for a weekend trip to Montreal, and we had a great time. Last year, I spent Thanksgiving and my birthday with Susan in Manhattan. She took me to see Chicago on Broadway, and we went to see the Stonewall Inn and the Freedom Tower. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving meal at Il Mulino on 20th Street in Manhattan and ate at the Italian restaurant Coppola’s for my birthday. It was such a wonderful and memorable trip. It had been the first time that I had not been consumed by sadness on my birthday in the years since my friend’s death. Yet, even with those happier times in Montreal and Manhattan, the loss of my friend is still ever-present in my mind, especially this time of year. This year, I am alone and missing him, and his friendship weighs heavily on my mind.

The friendship I speak of was not an ordinary friendship for me. It wasn’t romantic, as he had a very loving boyfriend, but it was a strong bond, a brotherly bond. I could confide in him anything. I don’t think another person on this earth has known me more completely than he did. I have a few wonderful friends that are still around, one in Texas and one in New York, but I guess I hold back on telling them everything for fear of opening my heart that way again to someone I might lose. The only other person I ever loved so deeply and felt so overwhelmed by sadness by losing was my Grandmama. She loved me unconditionally, but I suspect, had she known I was gay, there would have been conditions to her love. There were no such conditions with my friend, and I could be completely open and honest with him. His understanding gave me a self-confidence in myself that I’d never before felt. In 1 Samuel 16:7, God told Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” God was referring to David replacing Saul as King of Israel, but in a similar way, my friend saw not what my family and those around me saw, but he saw me differently. He saw me as I was with all my flaws and faults, yet he still loved me. I never had someone who understood me the way he did, especially one who loved me without conditions. Luke 12:2 says, “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” That is what our friendship was like. I revealed myself completely to him, and that was the first time I had ever done that so completely. I had come out to people, and I occasionally told people my insecurities, but I had never allowed someone to see the real me because of the fear of rejection.

My friend had suffered a troubled life, especially with his family, who rejected him for being gay. They didn’t even want to claim his body when he died, yet they did so to keep his friends from having any real closure with his death. They were mean-spirited and cruel, and it is that kind of hatred that many of us fear. I fear it from my own family. The difference is that my family did not entirely reject me, and they did not nearly beat me to death as his family had done to him. We both had faced a similar rejection, and we held on to each other for comfort. When that was all taken from me because of an automobile accident on an icy road late one night, I did not know how I could continue to live. I wanted to die with him. I had recently moved to Vermont, where I knew no one. I had very few people I could turn to for comfort; Susan was one of the few, and our friendship has grown tremendously since then. But, I’ll be honest, I did not want to go on living. I fell into the deepest depression of my life, and it took years for me to emerge from that depression. If it had not been for Susan, I’d doubt I’d have made it through that period of depression alive, and I will always be thankful to Susan for being there for me when I needed someone the most. As you might be able to tell from this post, I have not fully emerged from that depression. It still haunts me on days like today. I get stronger every year, but it still hurts. I try to remember the good times that we had in our friendship and not dwell on the loss, but on days like today, that is very hard.

Life brings so much tribulation and trouble, but it also brings many blessings and comfort as well. Pain and sorrow are sadly inevitable in this life, and when they happen, it can be the only thing that dominates our thoughts. However, Christians can look beyond suffering and sorrow to the day we rise into Heaven, when “that mortality might be swallowed up of life.” (2 Corinthians 5:4). As the above verse from Revelation says, tears, death, mourning, crying, and pain will be noticeably absent from Heaven. Pain, sorrow, mourning, the passing of friends and loved ones, and dying are all harsh realities of this life, but they will be over once and for all when we reach Heaven. The song “When We All Get to Heaven” has the following refrain:

When we all get to heaven,
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus,
We’ll sing and shout the victory!

Revelation 20 tells us that all wrongs will be made right on the Day of Judgment, all sin will be separated, and suffering of all kinds will be gone. It will be the day when good is victorious over evil. We may not understand why we have to endure some of the things in life that cause such heartache and pain, but let us never forget that the promise of eternal life is greater than our limited view. While I don’t want to die anytime soon, I do look forward to the day when I can again see my loved ones who have passed away. I want to see my friend and my beloved Grandmama. While I may be sad this time of year, I just remember that Jesus is there to help us when we are troubled. Whether it is today or tomorrow, He will wipe away the tears from all of our eyes.

The reunion of loved ones who have passed away always reminds me of the following song and offers comfort: 

In the Morning of Joy
Words: Adalyn Evilsizer (1895)
Music: Anthony J. Showalter

When the trumpet shall sound,
And the dead shall arise,
And the splendors immortal
Shall envelop the skies;
When the Angel of Death
Shall no longer destroy,
And the dead shall awaken
In the morning of joy:

In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy;
In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy.

When the King shall appear
In His beauty on high,
And shall summon His children
To the courts of the sky;
Shall the cause of the Lord
Have been all your employ,
That your soul may be spotless
In the morning of joy?

In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy;
In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy.

O the bliss of that morn,
When our loved ones we meet!
With the songs of the ransomed
We each other shall greet,
Singing praise to the Lamb,
Thro’ eternity’s years,
With the past all forgotten
With its sorrows and tears.

In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy;
In the morning of joy,
In the morning of joy,
We’ll be gathered to glory,
In the morning of joy.


Pic of the Day


Moment of Zen: The Iron Bowl

ROLL TIDE ROLL!

🐘 vs.🐅

I do love a sexy football player.


Pic of the Day


Not Much to Say

I just don’t have much to say today. I was feeling a little down last night. Maybe it was being alone on Thanksgiving; perhaps it was something else. I am not sure what it was. I think we probably all have days when we just feel a little down. Hopefully, my mood will improve over the weekend. The Iron Bowl is tomorrow. If Alabama wins, that should lift my mood. For an Alabamian who loves football, this is the event of the year. The Iron Bowl is one of the biggest rivalries in college football between the Auburn University Tigers and the University of Alabama Crimson Tide. It’s more important than the National Championship or the Super Bowl. The rivalry dates back to 1893, though it hasn’t been played every year; in fact, it was not played at all between 1907 and 1948 but has been played every year since the rivalry restarted. Alabama leads the series with 46 to Auburn’s 37. The game ended in a tie only once in 1907. This year, Alabama’s head coach Nick Saban tested positive for COVID-19 Wednesday and will be unable to coach in tomorrow’s game.


Pic of the Day


Happy Thanksgiving!

Like many of you, I will be spending Thanksgiving alone. I plan to cook a full meal and have leftovers for several days. I don’t usually do this just for myself, though I have spent Thanksgiving by myself; however, I have made a small meal in the past. This year, I feel I have some things for which to be thankful. Thanks to the Botox injections, my migraines seem to be under control for the first time in decades. I have had a few migraines the past few weeks, but I believe that has more to do with my abscessed tooth than my usual migraines. I am also thankful that my friends and family have so far remained safe during the pandemic, and I am grateful for my continued good health during this time. I am thankful that my diabetes seems better controlled with my new medicines, and I have even lost weight (close to 30 pounds now). I am grateful that I still have a job when so many are looking for work due to the hardships placed on the economy because of the pandemic and the federal government’s inadequate response. I am thankful for all my readers who visit this blog daily and comment and encourage me to continue to write. Finally, I am thankful that I can make a Thanksgiving meal with all the trimmings during these challenging times. Feel free to comment below about what you are thankful for this year.

I am posting my menu and the recipes for what I am cooking today. I hope that all of my American readers will all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that those outside the United States will also enjoy a joyous holiday season. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

________________

Menu

Dutch Oven Braised Turkey

Cornbread Dressing

Candied Sweet Potatoes

Cheesy Potatoes au Gratin

Green Beans

Cranberry Sauce

Coconut Custard Pie

________________

Click below to see the recipes.


Pic of the Day


Thanksgiving in the Midst of a Pandemic

As we prepare for Thanksgiving tomorrow, let us look back on what it was like in the United States during the last Thanksgiving celebrated during a pandemic. The Spanish Flu was raging in November 1918. They were coming to the end of the worst of the second wave, and like this year, many government leaders and health officials encouraged people to have small Thanksgiving gatherings. Did they listen? What can the Spanish Flu pandemic teach us for Thanksgiving 2020?

Thanksgiving 1918 took place during a deadly pandemic. The pandemic began in February 1918 (possibly as early as December 1917, at Camp Greene, North Carolina) and lasted until April 1920. It infected 500 million people – about a third of the world’s population at the time – in four successive waves. The first wave lasted from March to July 1918 and was relatively mild. The second wave was much deadlier, beginning in August and receding in December. The third wave started in January 1919 and lasted through July. It was less severe than the second wave but still much more deadly than the initial first wave. The fourth wave hit in January 1920 and continued until April of that year. While it was called the Spanish Flu, it is believed that it mutated to become one of history’s most dangerous pandemics in the United States. Due to World War I, many countries engaged in wartime censorship and suppressed reporting of the pandemic; however, newspapers were allowed to report the epidemic’s effects in neutral Spain, such as the grave illness of King Alfonso XIII, and these stories created a false impression of Spain as especially hard hit.

On Thanksgiving 1918, a thankful nation celebrated with particular enthusiasm, though many Americans, like today, lived under various phases of quarantines and face mask orders. Millions mourned loved ones. And health officials in many cities issued the same holiday warning: Stay home and stay safe. As Thanksgiving rolled around, some cities celebrated the relaxation of flu-related restrictions—partly due to opposition campaigns by retailers, theater owners, unions, mass transportation companies, and other economically stressed stakeholders. Washington, Indianapolis, and Oakland, California, had lifted restrictions days before, and San Francisco was on the brink of lifting its mask mandate. In some cities, Thanksgiving rituals brought a welcome sense of normalcy. Many Americans returned to religious services, performed charity work, and went through with planned football games, parties, and performances.

However, not all was well. On November 27, the day before Thanksgiving, St. Louis reported its highest new daily case count since the epidemic began, and Buffalo, New York, reported its largest jump in daily cases since the lifting of its pandemic ban weeks earlier. Both cities subsequently cracked down on public gatherings, limited the number of passengers on streetcars, and ordered those cars to be ventilated and cleaned. The month before, the pandemic was blamed for killing 11,000 in Philadelphia. The epidemic ultimately claimed an estimated 675,000 American lives, probably a tremendous underestimate since it did not include countless deaths involving preexisting conditions. The pandemic was raging in the fall of 1918. Yet on November 28, 1918, the United States celebrated Thanksgiving. In his annual Thanksgiving proclamation, President Woodrow Wilson didn’t even mention the flu, which he later contracted himself while in France for the WWI Peace Conference.

COVID-19 is casting its long, persistent shadow over Thanksgiving 2020, but for various reasons, the Spanish flu didn’t have a similar effect in 1918 on Thanksgiving or the subsequent holidays. That likely had consequences later. The Great War had ended two and a half weeks earlier. It appeared to be a good reason for giving thanks. In the minds of many Americans, they had a lot for which to be thankful. The war was over, and they were still alive. This year, we have the defeat of Donald Trump for which to celebrate. A dark period in American history is coming to an end, but I digress. In November 1918, the flu continued to kill people worldwide, but it appeared to be in retreat. By Thanksgiving, people were anxious to forget a pandemic that they didn’t understand in the first place.

COVID-19 and the Spanish flu appear to have at least one thing in common: they both induced certain degrees of denial, but in so many other ways, they are as different as Thanksgiving 1918 and Thanksgiving 2020. The most significant contrast is in ferocity. In October 1918, the flu claimed as many lives as 4,500 in a week, and 13,500 in the September-through-December period in Philadelphia, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. So far, just under 2,000 deaths have been attributed to COVID-19 in the city. In Pennsylvania, nearly two-thirds of coronavirus deaths have occurred in nursing facilities. The Spanish flu’s favored targets were people 20 to 40 years old. In all, the virus infected 25 percent of Americans. 

Philadelphia’s infamous Liberty Bond Parade of September 28, 1918, was attended by 200,000 people and featured march king John Philip Sousa. It was a major superspreader event, and deaths spiked within 72 hours. On October 3, Pennsylvania ordered all theaters and saloons closed, and Philadelphia added schools and churches to the list. But it was too late: During the week that ended October 19, 4,500 were dead. By the first week in November, the flu virus seemed to be winding down, and even though massive crowds gathered to celebrate the war-ending Armistice on November 11, the aftereffects were not as dire, but the number of cases did rise. In the week that ended November 23, the city did report 103 deaths. That did not stop Thanksgiving.

Just as cases rose after Armistice Day celebrations, they rose again after Thanksgiving. Dallas, Minneapolis, San Antonio, San Francisco, and Seattle saw surges. Omaha relaunched a public health campaign. Parts of Cleveland and its suburbs closed schools and enacted influenza bans in early December. On December 6, the St. Paul Daily News announced that more than 40 Minneapolis schools were closed because of the flu, below the headline “SANTA CLAUS IS DOWN WITH THE FLU.” Health officials asked “moving picture show” managers to exclude children, closed Sunday schools, and ordered department stores to dispense with “Santa Claus programs.” On Christmas Eve, health officials in Nebraska made influenza a mandatory quarantine disease, and fines ranged from $15 to $100 for violations. Approximately 1,000 homes in Omaha were placarded, meaning their occupants could not leave for at least four days after the fever had subsided. By January, influenza fully engulfed the United States in the third wave of the pandemic. The virus spread throughout the winter and spring, killing thousands more. 

During the war, sustaining morale was seen as the most important goal of the government, and that “no bad news allowed” spirit lingered after the war. People had lived through rationing and had watched loved ones die in front of their eyes. Every day already was a hardship experience, and people were reeling on an everyday basis. In short, Americans were ready for a break and were thinking they could finally step back from the height of scarcities. The New York Sunwrote of families welcoming returning military personnel they didn’t know into their homes for dinner.

The flu, however, did not go away. It experienced a resurgence in December, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that in the first six months of 1919, “influenza” deaths were matching the annual totals for each of 1915, 1916, and 1917. Experts believe that it would not have lasted as long as it did or been as deadly if people had been keeping to themselves. It would be impossible to precisely know what effects mitigation efforts would have had on the flu’s spread. Still, we can see today that in areas where governments imposed greater mitigation efforts, COVID-19 was better contained, and infection rates were lower. Like today, in 1918, the nation had no organized response, leaving it to states and local governments. Some cities in the West did have mask ordinances, as did Atlanta. But when he shut down theaters and saloons, the Pennsylvania health commissioner did not address masks or physical distancing, mentioning only the importance of getting fresh air and exercise.

The response or lack thereof wasn’t surprising since people were apt to view what was happening as a “flu,” with which they were familiar, not some exotic plague. While some Americans don’t know anyone who has been affected by COVID-19, that is becoming a rarer occurrence. COVID has had such an inordinate impact on people of color, the marginalized, the elderly, and Americans do not want to acknowledge the vulnerable in our society. That’s part of the reason Donald Trump was so successful with his followers. Like him, they do not care about others and refuse to wear masks or social distance even though it has been proven effective in preventing the mask wearer from spreading the virus to someone else.

Given that so many fatalities are occurring among people with preexisting conditions, we need to look at what that means for the health of the United States. We would be wise now to turn our attention to fighting the likes of diabetes, hypertension, and obesity. The state of American healthcare has proven to be an issue during this pandemic. Rural areas with no hospitals and few doctors in the county are suffering greatly. Poverty and poor health conditions are a significant problem in this country. Rather than merely bracing for the next pandemic, we have numerous public health priorities that need to be addressed.

We do have things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Donald Trump and many of his cronies will be leaving office on January 20. We can still hold out hope that John Ossoff and Rev. Raphael Warnock will win the January 5 runoffs in Georgia and give Democrats control of the Senate. If that happens, we will see the death nail in the coffin of Trumpism, at least for two years. Also, if you are reading this, it means you are alive. We will get through this pandemic, but we need to remain vigilant. That means we need to avoid unnecessary travel and gathering. I know it is disappointing for many Americans, but we can get through this so that we can celebrate many, many more Thanksgivings. The better part of valor is to stay home and stay safe so that we can have more to be thankful for next Thanksgiving.


Pic of the Day