Category Archives: Funny
10 Random and Interesting Facts That Will Cheer You Up
1. For a brief moment in time, you were a moment in someone’s life. A mere extra, passing through their thoughts in milliseconds, but milliseconds of their story nonetheless. For every person you’ve exchanged eye contact with, you have made a contribution to their existence, be it significant or not.
2. Every cow has their own best friend that they hang around every day.
3. If you took the whole solar system and shrunk it down so that the Sun was at your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet, Uranus would be just where you’d expect it to be.
4. During the space race, the Apollo astronauts were given sleeves in which to put their dicks and piss in a bag. The problem was that they kept slipping off, because none of them would take first two of the three size options: Small, Medium, Large.
Instead of redesigning the entire system, NASA came up with a simple solution. They relabeled them as Large, Gigantic, and Humongous. The problem was solved.
5. The man who does Winnie the Pooh’s voice spends some of his spare time ringing up children in the cancer wards of hospitals putting on Winnie’s voice and telling them how much he loves them and how brave they are.
6. The fact that you are here is amazing. When you think about your entire ancestry, how many close calls and amazing coincidences could have completely erased half your family? The fact that everything lined up JUST RIGHT in order for you to be here is absolutely amazing.
7. Wayne Allwine (the voice of Mickey Mouse) and Russi Taylor (the voice of Minnie Mouse) were married in real life.
8. Otters have a pocket in their skin to keep their favorite rock in. Otters have to use rocks to crack open the hard shells of mollusks they eat. Some otters keep the same rock their entire lives and store it in this skin flap.
9. Cats will headbutt you to show their affection. Just to remind you that they love you, cats will often gently headbutt your leg, or whatever body part they can reach. This behavior may even be a type of Territorial marking — your cat wants everyone else to know you’re taken.
10. A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
Sad, But True
Kids like this really get on my last nerve. I asked on a test the other day “Who wrote the Federalist Papers and how did they sign their name?” The answer is easy: John Jay, James Madison, and Alexander Hamilton wrote the Federalist Papers, each signing with the pseudonym “Publius.” Yet, the answer I received: “Men with ink.” I was furious. I hate smartass answers.
However, since the above is not one of my students, I do find the answers a tad bit humorous.
On a completely different note, HRH turns 15 years old today.
Piled Higher and Deeper
I know that some of you attended graduate school, and if so, and you haven’t discovered PHD Comics, then you’ve been missing out. The characters in the comics are all science majors, but the life of a graduate student is universal in many ways. The two most recent comics made me laugh out loud. I hope they have the same effect on you.
About Piled Higher and Deeper
The strip:
“Piled Higher and Deeper” (PhD) is the comic strip about life (or the lack thereof) in academia.
The author:
Jorge Cham, the author of PHD Comics, got his PhD in Mechanical Engineering at Stanford University, and was a full-time Instructor and researcher at the California Institute of Technology (Caltech) from 2003-2005.
Related articles
- Piled Higher and Deeper: A Graduate Student Comic Strip Collection read online (aqruqahi.wordpress.com)
Friday Funny: Walmart Cake
After I had read the caption, I couldn’t stop laughing. I try to avoid Walmart as much as possible, but where I live, it’s Walmart or Dollar General, unless you go to a bigger city.
TMI: THAT’S SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH!
On Sean’s blog, Just a Jeep Guy, he posted on Tuesday “TMI TUESDAY QUESTIONS: THAT’S SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH!.” And I decided that I would once again participate. So here we go:
1. Do you have a good laugh? Do you like it?
I tend to think I do. It’s a hearty laugh when I am really laughing, though most of the time I laugh silently.
2. Do you have a sense of humor? What kind?
I do have a sense of humor. It is usually fairly dry, though sometimes a bit dirty. My high school students never get my jokes, but my college students tend to find me pretty funny. It’s one of the reasons that they flock to my class.
3. How important is a sense of humor in a mate?
The people I surround myself with have to have a sense of humor; otherwise, life gets boring.
4. Are you attracted to one type of humor over another?
Though I like some British humor, Monty Python humor escapes me as does most stupid humor. I hate it when humor is just mean, or people get hurt for a laugh. I tend to like more intellectual humor. Nothing beats a good dirty joke though.
5. Can being really funny make an “unfortunate looking” person sexy and attractive to you?
Yes, it can. Someone with a great sense of humor shows that they have a great personality. Nothing is sexier than someone who is easy to get along with and has a great sense of humor.
6. Fart jokes are_______!
Hilarious. I can’t help it. Potty humor is just funny to me. I couldn’t help it last night when my cat farted (not very regal of HRH, but to damn funny). She was sitting there and all of a sudden her back end lifted up, and I heard a little “berrrrrroot.” I got the pure silly giggles. She didn’t appreciate me laughing at her.
7. Do you embarrass easily?
Yes. Yes, I do. Enough said.
8. Do you tend to wear silly t-shirts? Do you have a favorite?
I don’t usually wear silly t-shirts. The only one that I own is a Sheldon t-shirt with “Bazinga” on it.
9. Do you make faces or strike a pose when having your picture taken?
No, I don’t. I hate having my picture taken so I avoid it if at all possible. When I have tried to make faces or strike a pose, it just comes out looking either forced or just stupid.
10. Which is the funniest movie you’ve seen?
Few movies make me just laugh out loud, but if I had to choose it would either be “History of the World Part I” or “Spaceballs
.” Most movies that make me laugh have sad parts as well as humorous parts, such as “The Help
“:
Minny Jackson: Eat my shit.
Hilly Holbrook: Excuse me!
Minny Jackson: I said eat… my… shit.
Hilly Holbrook: Have you lost your mind?
Minny Jackson: No, ma’am but you is about to. ‘Cause you just did.
or “Fried Green Tomatoes“:
[Evelyn is cut off in a parking lot]
Evelyn Couch: Hey! I was waiting for that spot!
Girl #1: Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster!
[Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times]
Girl #1: What are you *doing*?
Girl #2: Are you *crazy*?
Evelyn Couch: Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.
(And my favorite quote from Fried Green Tomatoes)
Ninny Threadgoode: [to Evelyn] You git yourself some hormones!
or “The King’s Speech”
King George VI: All that work down the drain. My own brother, I couldn’t say a single word to him in reply.
Lionel Logue: Why do you stammer so much more with David than you ever do with me?
King George VI: ‘Cos you’re b… bloody well paid to listen.
Lionel Logue: Bertie, I’m not a geisha girl.
King George VI: St… stop trying to be so bloody clever.
Lionel Logue: What is it about David that stops you speaking?
King George VI: What is it about you that bloody well makes you want to go on about it the whole bloody time?
Lionel Logue: Vulgar, but fluent; you don’t stammer when you swear.
King George VI: Oh, bugger orf!
Lionel Logue: Is that the best you can do?
King George VI: Well… bloody bugger to you, you beastly bastard.
Lionel Logue: Oh, a public school prig could do better than that.
King George VI: Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
Lionel Logue: Yes!
King George VI: Shit!
Lionel Logue: Defecation flows trippingly from the tongue!
King George VI: Because I’m angry!
Lionel Logue: Do you know the f-word?
King George VI: F… f… fornication?
Lionel Logue: Oh, Bertie.
King George VI: Fuck. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck and fuck! Fuck, fuck and bugger! Bugger, bugger, buggerty buggerty buggerty, fuck, fuck, arse!
Lionel Logue: Yes…
King George VI: Balls, balls…
Lionel Logue: …you see, not a hesitation!
King George VI: …fuckity, shit, shit, fuck and willy. Willy, shit and fuck and… tits.
That being said there are some TV shows that always make me laugh out loud. I love “The Big Bang Theory” and “Mike & Molly
.” And though I hate to admit it, because I think it is the most foul show on TV, I can’t help but laugh at “2 Broke Girls
.”
11. Do clowns scare you or make you laugh?
There is nothing funny about clowns! They scare the crap out of me.
BONUS
What’s the funniest thing to happen to you while having sex?
I plead the fifth on this one. Honestly, I can’t think of anything at the moment.
Gay Activists and the IOC
Despite broad worldwide gains for gay rights, homosexuality remains criminalized in many countries — a sore point for activists who hope the global stage of the Olympics can be a springboard for change.
Specifically, activists are asking why the International Olympic Committee — with a credo of “sport for all” — welcomes in its ranks scores of nations that ban gay sex. For the IOC, which has taken actions in the past to combat racism and sexism, it’s a new civil rights challenge likely to linger long after the upcoming Summer Games in London.
“The IOC needs to come out of the closet,” said prominent British human rights lawyer Mark Stephens. “Sport for all means all — irrespective of color, gender or sexual orientation. It’s a matter of human dignity.”
Stephens, in a recent public lecture and an opinion piece in the Guardian newspaper, has called on the IOC to ban the roughly 75 countries — mostly from Africa, the Caribbean and the Islamic world — that outlaw homosexual activity. That demand has been embraced by Peter Tatchell, a leading British gay-rights campaigner, and has prompted several human rights organizations to say the IOC should at least speak out, even if a ban at this stage is unrealistic.
“The games would be badly depopulated if you exclude every government with a bad human rights record,” said Marianne Mollmann, a policy adviser with Amnesty International. “But we certainly feel the IOC should be more vocal about these issues and bring them up actively with governments where it’s clear there are serious violations.”
Along with proposing a ban, Stephens has urged still-in-the-closet gay and lesbian athletes to come out during the games, which start July 27. He says those who don’t feel safe in their home countries should apply for asylum while in Britain.
IOC spokeswoman Emmanuelle Moreau, asked about the appeals, noted that the Olympic Charter “clearly states that any form of discrimination with regard to a country or a person on grounds of race, religion, politics, gender or otherwise is incompatible with belonging to the Olympic Movement.”
Moreau gave no indication if the IOC would do anything to raise the particular issue of anti-gay laws and discrimination among its member nations.
“It’s absolute cowardice on the part of the IOC,” said John Amaechi, who came out as gay after ending a career in the National Basketball Association.
Amaechi, who is British and now runs a consulting firm there, has been serving on the diversity board of the London Organizing Committee for the Olympic Games. The committee, known as LOCOG, made diversity and inclusion a cornerstone of its bid to host the games.
Amaechi commends LOCOG for seeking to include gays, lesbians and transgender people on its staff, in its volunteer corps and among its small-business contractors. But he’s dismayed at the IOC’s hesitance to speak out on global gay-rights issues.
“They’re abdicating the responsibility that comes with the power they have,” he said, drawing a contrast with the IOC’s hardline stance in 1964 when it expelled South Africa over its racist apartheid policies.
“Where is that bold, progressive Olympic movement that sees great injustice in the world and says, ‘Whatever the risk, we won’t let people who violate our tenets join us,’ ” Amaechi said.
He depicted the IOC executive committee as “a bunch of older, straight men who still giggle when there’s mention of sexual orientation.”
The gay-rights issue is likely to entangle the IOC long past London.
Russia, host of the 2014 Winter Games in Sochi, has a checkered record on gay rights, and a regional court — citing a potential threat to Russian society — has upheld Sochi officials’ rejection of a proposed “Pride House” to welcome gays and lesbians at the games.
Advocates, meanwhile, are coalescing around the Olympics in their push for gay rights.
Boris Dittrich, director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Rights Program at Human Rights Watch, said the IOC should be trying to convince individual countries with anti-gay laws that they need to be more tolerant.
“The IOC has been willing to condemn states for their racism, for the exclusion of women athletes,” said Jessica Stern of the New York-based International Gay & Lesbian Human Rights Commission. “We have to call on them to take into account the safety and inclusion of LGBT athletes.”
Olympics aside, it’s an exciting time for gay-rights activists in both Britain and the United States as Prime Minister David Cameron and President Barack Obama each have thrown their support behind efforts to legalize same-sex marriage.
Yet even in those countries, and their Western partners, sports-related prejudice against gays persists. Australian diver Matthew Mitcham, a 2008 gold medalist in Beijing, is one of a tiny group of openly gay athletes expected to compete in London.
Sports leagues in Britain and elsewhere in Europe have been trying to combat anti-gay bias. In North America, there has never been an active player in the top four major league sports — baseball, football, basketball and hockey — who’s come out as gay.
Jim Buzinski of OutSports.com, which tracks the role of gays in sports, believes progress is being made as more straight athletes support the idea of gays competing openly and as anti-gay slurs become increasingly taboo.
As for the IOC, Buzinski described its current leadership as “a lost cause.”
“It’s an issue I don’t think these people feel comfortable talking about,” he said. “It’s a group that’s going to be one of the last to change.”
In London, spectators and athletes likely will glimpse some of the many rainbow-flag gay-pride pins that LOCOG has issued as part of its efforts to show solidarity with the gay community. LOCOG also has touted its efforts to recruit gay and transgender staff and volunteers, and include gay-run businesses among its contractors.
Nonetheless, some British activists are displeased.
Andy Wasley, media manager of the London-based gay rights group Stonewall, said there had been inadequate efforts to launch long-term initiatives aimed at increasing gay and transgender participation in amateur and pro sports.
“Given that the Olympics were won on a legacy of diversity and inclusion, it’s striking how little they have done,” he said.
He also expressed dismay that out of roughly 550 Britons slated to compete in the Olympics and Paralympics, only two — both Paralympians — are openly gay.
Tatchell said he had been meeting frequently with the London organizers to seek an extensive gay and transgender role in the games, and described the results thus far as “a huge disappointment.”
One step LOCOG did take was to train its volunteers on dealing with gays and lesbians. A workbook describes a complaint from a spectator made uncomfortable by two men holding hands next to him.
Among multiple-choice answers for volunteers are the options to tell him to “stop being a homophobic idiot” or “politely ask the couple to stop holding hands.”
The third answer is: “You explain that there is a huge diversity of people at the London 2012 Games, which includes gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals and couples.”
And now for a little bit of humor thrown in, just to lighten the mood.
I Love This…
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