Last night, I was so sleepy all evening. I often write my posts just before I go to bed, which is what I was about to do when I wrote this; however, I was so sleepy that this is all I got written before my tiredness completely took me over. 

Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz said, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.” I guess I should have followed his advice and rested yesterday afternoon. Although, I have to agree with Ernest Hemingway when he said, “I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?” Homer, though, may have said exactly the right thing for this post, “There is a time for many words, and there is also a time for sleep.”

There are days when this picture is a perfect summary of how I feel. Some days, I just want to come home, lay on my couch, bury my head under some pillows, and just hide from the world. At various times in my life, there were more days like this than not. Over the last few years, there were fewer such days, but the pressure of finding a new apartment has really made me anxious and stressed. Depression and anxiety always want me to retreat from the world.

I went shopping in New Hampshire with a friend of mine yesterday. We had lunch and went to several stores. We took this shopping trip because we both needed to go to Target. I also showed her some of the sites down that way, and then we headed back home. When we got back to her apartment, she unloaded her purchases, and we decided it was dinner time, so we had dinner and sat and talked for a while. Time got away from us, and I didn’t drop her back off at her apartment until after 8 pm. While we had been in the restaurant, it had apparently snowed, so it was a slow drive back home. It was only lightly snowing when we went in the restaurant, and the forecast has said we were only expecting snow flurries. This turned out to be more than a few flurries, but it wasn’t so bad that I had to get my snow brush out. However, it was enough snow to slow down traffic, so it took a bit longer than usual to get back home. When I finally made it back home, I was pretty tired, so I wrote this short post and went to bed.

Every night, I plan out what I am going to wear the next day. I used to plan things out a week ahead, and while I still have a vague idea of what I’ll wear each day to work, I usually make the final decision the night before. However, when it comes to plans for events, whether at the museum or out with friends, I tend to plan those outfits well in advance. This week, I don’t have any events, and I’ll mostly be installing the new exhibit, so I will dress for comfort. I will also dress for the weather. Today is expected to be quite a snowy day, though the temperatures will be more mild. The rest of the week, the mornings will be significantly colder as I’ll wake up each day with subzero temperatures.

Some of you probably think I’m silly or shallow because I worry so much about what I’ll wear, but truthfully, I wish deciding my outfit for the day was the only decision I had to make. I’m still looking for an apartment. I’ve found a few that are available but getting someone to answer my inquiries has proved to be quite an issue. Also, I really have to decide what is actually affordable for me because rent has gone up here by quite a bit. I also need to decide how far away from work I want to live. I’m pretty certain I have no desire to live in the same town where I work, which I have done for the past six years or so. It always seemed because I’d lived the closest, then I get called on to deal with more stuff. Take today for instance, the snow is supposed to be terrible and I may be the only one who can make it into work. That can get annoying real quick.

When the time comes for me to make the final decision about a new apartment, I only hope that Ralph Waldo Emerson was right when he said, “Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

Last night was just one of those nights where I had no idea what to write for a post today. Plus, my brain was just tired and feeling uninspired. We’ll see what today brings.

Apartment hunting sucks! It always has. It’s worse when you have pets because it makes the choices fewer. I looked at an apartment last Friday, but it was very small and the upstairs bedroom and bathroom was was heated by passive heat, meaning there were no heaters upstairs just vents in the floor for the heat to rise from the first floor.

I was offered the apartment on Saturday, but when I asked to measure the apartment (or get measurements) to make sure my furniture would fit, I was told that an answer was needed by that evening. I had wanted to look at another apartment I’d come across a listing for, but he wouldn’t hold off until Monday or yesterday to give me time to go my and make some measurements. So, I passed on the apartment.

I decided I would concentrate on the other apartment I’d found. It is in a nearby town, but the apartment looks beautiful and has some great amenities. Also, all utilities except electricity, phone, cable and/or internet are included. The rent is also more reasonable than the apartment I was offered. Here’s the problem though, I have called and emailed multiple times, and I can’t get a response. It’s frustrating and infuriating. Why would you advertise an apartment and then not respond to people who inquire about the apartment. I’ll keep trying to get a response. This is Vermont after all. Vermonters work on their own schedule, which is not always what’s convenient for anybody else.

I’ll keep looking. Thankfully, I have time to look, but it makes me so nervous and anxious. It’s really affecting my health at the moment.

In some better news, I went to see an otolaryngologist on Monday for a consultation for the Inspire therapy device for my sleep apnea. She said that I fit all of the criteria and after examining my nasal passages and knowing my history with trigeminal neuralgia, the Inspire device is my best option. Dartmouth will call me in the next week to schedule a sleep induced endoscopy. They need to see what my throat does when I sleep. If it’s closing front to back, then they’ll start the process of scheduling me for the surgery to implant the Inspire device. If my throat closes side to side, then the Inspire won’t work, and we’ll talk then about what other options are available.

The process is going to take some time. I was told that the endoscopy probably can’t be scheduled until late February or early March. If all goes well, it will be a couple more months before they can do the surgery. At best, it will be late April or early May before I can get the surgery. At least it gives me hope for something to look forward to.

Last week, I referred to getting some distressing news. Some of you are probably wondering what happened to put me in such a depressed state. Last Friday (yes, on New Year’s Eve), my landlord sent me an email saying he wants me to move out by the end of May 2022. 

This came about due to a disagreement we have been having for approximately six months. He and his wife are absolute clean freaks. They came into my apartment this past July to change the batteries in my smoke detectors. They claimed they saw cat hair on the baseboards (Isabella barely sheds); they said they could smell the litter box (I have a self-cleaning litterbox that has no smell to it). So… they decided they would come back in two weeks and do their “annual inspection” (something they have never done with my neighbor below). I scrubbed down my apartment, yet they still found things to complain about: the drip pans on my stove needed replacing; my oven needed cleaning (which had only one spill the size of a quarter); there was a dirty place under the refrigerator (I had never noticed that when I spilled something it had gone under the refrigerator); etc. 

Each time they returned to do another inspection, they found one issue after another to nitpick and complain about. They were all minor issues—something I may have overlooked, but I had no way of knowing they were going to go over the place with a fine-tooth comb. 

In early December, my landlord came to replace the tiles under the refrigerator claiming the refrigerator was leaking although it had only been a small spill that was easily cleaned up and was not continuously happening. He came in while I was at work. Apparently, he did another close inspection of the entire apartment without me being there, and decided I was unable to keep up with the terms of the lease which states I should maintain a clean and healthy living space. He then waited three weeks to say anything. 

My apartment is clean and healthy, but I am not obsessively compulsive about cleaning. I keep the apartment at a level of cleanliness that the average person would not have an issue with. They, on the other hand, want things to look the same as when I moved in which was not sparkling then either. If I had not had a lot of health problems this past year, I might have met their excessive requirements, but I don’t think anything would have satisfied them. I’ve explained about my illnesses, but they don’t seem to care or want to understand. Their solution was, I should hire a maid. How was I ever going to afford that?

I have always paid my rent on time. I am quiet and do my best not to disturb anyone. I am always nice and polite to everyone that lives there including the landlords. I have had a few guests, i.e., hookups, over, but they claim to be LGBTQ+ friendly. However, I feel they are watching me all the time. I honestly don’t know what the issue is. I can’t understand why I am being treated this way. After each of their visits, they kept saying they wanted me to live there for a long time; they wanted me as a resident. Yet, that feels farthest from the truth. They want me gone. 

So, since receiving last Friday’s email, I’ve been looking for a new place to live. It is exceedingly difficult in Vermont to find a rental property that allows pets. Also, most require a reference from your last landlord. I have no idea what he is going to say when asked for one. I want to be out of my current apartment—soon. I want to wash my hands of my current landlords. I just hope they are not going to obstruct me getting a new apartment. 

I am absolutely horrified and embarrassed I have been treated this way; it has been wearing on me over these past six months. I had thought I would be able to satisfy them, but apparently, that was never going to happen. 

There is some good news, though. This Friday, I will be looking at an apartment, and I have another one I want to inquire about. I’m mostly happy in the small town where I live because my museum is here, but I also wouldn’t mind moving to one of the other towns around me. I just hope I can find somewhere that will accept Isabella and doesn’t cost a fortune. 🤞 *fingers crossed* 🤞

It turns out that there is not much to say today. I’m still in a bit of a funk and a bit depressed, but it’s getting better, I think/hope. Our new curator started. I really like her, so I hope it all works out for her here. Work has been busy getting her settled into her job, but she does seem to be fitting in just fine. Work though keeps my mind off of things that are bothering me, so that’s good. Anyway, like I said, there isn’t much to say today.

My year did not end on a particular high note this year. In fact, I got what felt like devastating news. However, I’m going to make the best I can of the situation. It’s not something I want to discuss just yet, but it put me in a funk all weekend. On New Year’s Day, I tried to take my mind off of my troubles.

I cooked a nice traditional (or as traditional as I can make it in Vermont) New Year’s meal: collard greens, black-eyed peas, ham, and turkey and dressing. The turkey and dressing is not exactly tradition nor is the ham in my family traditions, but it’s the best I could do. We usually have sliced fried hog jowls (think salty bacon with a hard rind) instead of ham and chicken and dumplings instead of turkey and dressing, but I made do with what I could get.

After lunch, I took a nice leisurely drive. I needed to get out of my apartment for a bit to get my mind off of some things. I didn’t drive anywhere in particular, but I just wanted to be out and about. I just felt restless, and I really needed to clear my mind.

Yesterday, we had rain, sleet, and snow all day. We got at least a couple of inches, which will make going back to work this morning a pain because I’ll have to clean the snow off my car. I love seeing it snow, but snow removal is something I truly hate. It’s also going to be 9 degrees this morning. Our high is only supposed to be 18 degrees. (Those degrees are in Fahrenheit, by the way.)

The good thing is that our new curator at the museum starts today. I can’t wait. I have been looking forward to her starting since we lost our last curator. I’ll still have more than my usual share of work to do until she gets fully comfortable in her new job, but at least the day has finally come. I also hope that having my mind on work will help me to feel better and finally get 2022 off to a good start.