This week, I chose sleep as my Moment of Zen—mostly because it’s been so elusive lately. Ever since the worst of my back pain began, restful sleep has been nearly impossible. The pain got so bad I ended up in the ER, and while the doctors provided medication to manage both the pain and my sleep, I’ve still only had two truly restful nights in the past two weeks. I’ve managed short naps during the day, but real sleep—deep, healing, uninterrupted sleep—remains rare. We often take it for granted until it’s out of reach, and only then do we realize just how essential a good night’s sleep really is to our happiness and well-being.
Normally, I’d be saying, “Thank goodness, it’s Friday!” But honestly, the days have been running together lately. Being stuck at home with limited mobility and not much to do, each day feels pretty much like the last. The only reason I knew yesterday was Thursday? A new episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds dropped.
It was one of those quirky episodes, and I tend to enjoy when SNW leans into its weirder side. Star Trek, across all its incarnations, has often done quirky well—though sometimes it goes completely off the rails. Still, I appreciate the risk when it works.
I’ve gotten off on a tangent, but to be honest, I’m not sure I had a point to begin with. That’s kind of the vibe lately. I’m not sure what today holds. I probably need to make a run to the pharmacy, but that can likely wait until tomorrow. I should also follow up with my doctor’s office about the physical therapy referral. Other than that, there’s really nothing urgent.
Maybe I’ll just sleep the day away. I haven’t been sleeping well in general, but last night was an exception. I’ve figured out that I fall asleep most comfortably on the couch. Once I wake up from that first stretch of sleep—usually still groggy—I’ll move to the bed and sleep the rest of the night. If I try to start out in bed, I toss and turn for hours before inevitably giving up and heading to the couch anyway. So last night I skipped the middleman: I started on the couch, drifted off, then transitioned to the bed when I woke up. It worked.
Another thing that helps? Not wearing clothes. I know that sounds like an overshare, but anything with a waistband—no matter how loose—puts pressure right where the pain originates. It’s amazing how much relief comes from just avoiding that added tension. So I’ve embraced comfort and ditched the waistband altogether whenever I can.
If I don’t nap the day away, maybe I’ll read a little or find something to watch on TV—maybe a series to binge or a good movie to pass the time. If anyone has recommendations, I’d love to hear them. I could use something new and distracting.
That’s probably enough rambling for one post. I hope you all have a great weekend. I doubt mine will be entirely pain-free, but here’s hoping it’s at least a little less painful—and a little more restful.
I spoke to my doctor last night as he was preparing the paperwork for my leave request. Unfortunately, things aren’t improving as quickly as I’d hoped. I still can’t sit or stand for more than a few minutes at a time, and walking more than a dozen steps makes the pain nearly unbearable. I told him I was aiming to return to work on Monday, thinking I might finally have the right combination of medications to function again. He told me that was overly optimistic. Realistically, he expects I’ll be out at least two more weeks.
Today has already started off rough. I had a hard time falling asleep last night, and Isabella, ever punctual, wanted to be fed at her usual 5:00 a.m. breakfast time. She was somewhat patient and let me sleep until 5:30.
After feeding her and brewing a cup of coffee, I settled in with an episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. That might sound like a decent way to start the day—except I’ve also got a migraine on top of everything else.
At least I can sleep the day away if I want to. And right now, that’s probably the best plan.
Isabella Pic of the Week:
She’s been curling up on a black blanket lately—so well camouflaged that I nearly jump out of my skin every time the blanket moves. It’s her own personal cloaking device. Somewhere, a Romulan engineer is taking notes. 🖖🐾
The news from the MRI wasn’t what I’d hoped—but it also wasn’t the worst-case scenario I’d braced myself for. The results showed that my liver is far from healthy, though, thankfully, not beyond hope. It seems I drew a losing ticket in the genetic lottery more than anything else; there’s no obvious cause rooted in lifestyle. In fact, the radiologist noted I show hidden signs of liver disease, but no outward ones. No jaundice. No swelling. No visible markers at all.
That’s not nothing. And considering I’d already made a lot of lifestyle changes before this diagnosis ever came into the picture, there’s reason to be cautiously optimistic that things may not progress—at least not quickly, and hopefully, not at all. I’m asymptomatic now. 🤞 And with any luck (and a continued commitment to healthy habits), I’ll stay that way.
As far as lifestyle changes go, the only major shift I really have to make is to completely give up alcohol. That won’t be hard. I’ve never been much of a drinker—an occasional margarita or glass of wine at most. And honestly, over the past ten years, even those moments have been rare.
Now, turning to my back—which has been the more urgent issue, pain-wise—the x-ray results haven’t come back yet, so I don’t have any answers on that front. My doctor and I are currently in the trial-and-error phase of finding a balance between pain management and actually being able to function like a human being. The higher dosage of medication yesterday knocked the pain out… and me along with it. I was barely able to stay awake, let alone do anything useful. We’re adjusting things again today and hoping for a better balance.
If we can get it right, I should be able to return to work. That is, assuming I can walk far enough and stand or sit long enough without the kind of pain that makes you question your entire spinal column’s existence.
In the meantime, my doctor has put in orders for physical therapy and an MRI of my lumbar spine and has referred me to a spinal specialist. I already have an appointment—but it’s not until October 14. I’m on their cancellation list, though, and I’m crossing all fingers and toes that something opens up sooner. No word yet on when PT or the lumbar MRI will happen, but I do hope I get to see my usual physical therapist. She knows my body and we get along very well. It’s nice to know that the staff at my doctor’s clinic—which includes the PT clinic—have remarked to my doctor how pleasant it is every time I come in. They genuinely look forward to seeing me, though I know they wish it was only for routine stuff and not more urgent medical needs.
That’s the state of things for now. If I don’t overdo it, I can function fairly well. But the moment I push too far—bend too much, stand too long, walk too far—it’s excruciating.
I know this blog hasn’t looked quite like itself lately. I miss writing poetry posts and art history features just as much as you might miss reading them. But for now, all I can manage are health updates—and I appreciate you bearing with me while I get through this stretch. I hope we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming soon.
Until then, be well—and take care of your backs, livers, and everything in between.
There won’t be a poem on the blog today. While I am feeling a bit better this morning, the change in my medication has left me far too drowsy to write a proper post. I’m also still waiting to hear back from my doctors about the latest tests.
Yesterday was an ordeal—just getting around involved far too much walking, and it took a toll on me. Hopefully, I’ll have more energy (and fewer side effects) soon.
My sciatica still hasn’t improved much. I’ve found that if I can get into just the right position, stay still, and do a little gentle stretching, I can be somewhat pain-free for a while. But for the most part, walking remains difficult. That said, today has been a little better—just enough to give me some hope.
Yesterday, I had to make a run to CVS, and I was dreading the outing. But surprisingly, sitting in the car turned out to be quite relaxing. I always step out of my car with my left leg, but when I get up from the couch or bed, the pressure usually falls on my right leg—which is where the worst of the pain is. Because I wasn’t putting as much weight on that side, I was able to stand and walk around the store with relatively little discomfort. It seems the key is avoiding any twisting of my torso. I only wish I could replicate the ergonomics of my car seat elsewhere, but my couch is too low and my bed too high to offer the same kind of relief.
Today is going to be a long one. I have to be at the hospital by 7:15 this morning (which means I’ll be walking out the door right as this post goes live) for an MRI of my liver. While I’m there, I’m also scheduled for a lumbar x-ray to take a closer look at what’s happening with my back.
Since I had to fast for the MRI, I’ll be very glad when I can finally drink some water—and even more so when I can get something to eat afterward. Depending on how I’m feeling, I may stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things before heading home.
One thing’s for sure: I’ll be happy to walk back through the door to my apartment when the day is done.
Here’s hoping the rest of the week is gentler, more comfortable, and maybe even a little brighter. Wishing you all a peaceful Monday and a good start to the week.
Joe
The Closet Professor 