A Symphony of Words: A Review of Brad Boney’s The Return
The Return by Brad Boney
A friend of mine recently suggested that I read Brad Boney’s two books: The Nothingness of Ben and The Return. I will admit that I listened to them on audiobook. I drive back and forth to work each day forty minutes both ways, so audiobooks are an easy way for me to consume new books, without me staying up all night long reading as I often do with books. While The Nothingness of Ben is a wonderful book and a true joy to read (and by the way must be read before The Return), The Return is an absolute masterpiece of gay fiction. It is a symphony of words and one of the most masterful pieces of literature that I have read in years.
Here’s a quick description of The Return:
Music. Topher Manning rarely thinks about anything else, but his day job as a mechanic doesn’t exactly mesh with his rock star ambitions. Unless he can find a way to unlock all the songs in his head, his band will soon be on the fast track to obscurity.
Then the South by Southwest music festival and a broken-down car drop New York critic Stanton Porter into his life. Stanton offers Topher a ticket to the Bruce Springsteen concert, where a hesitant kiss and phantom vibrations from Topher’s cell phone kick off a love story that promises to transcend ordinary possibility.
There is a lot of music associated with The Return and it only seems fitting that I review it using symphonic allegory, at least that’s what I’m calling it. A classic symphony is in four parts: 1) an opening sonata or allegro, 2) a slow movement, such as adagio, 3) a minuet or scherzo with trio and 4) an allegro, rondo, or sonata. The book loosely follows this pattern. It begins with the opening sonata or allegro which is fast, quickly, and bright. There is a whirlwind of things happening in the beginning, but once you start you are hooked and can’t stop. Then there is a slow movement, adagio, which is slow and stately. I will admit it slows down and you think this book will be quite predictable. I thought I knew where it was going and what would happen, yet I couldn’t have been more wrong. The scherzo can frequently be referred to a fast-moving humorous composition which may or may not be part of a larger work. In the case of The Return, this come approximately in the middle of the book and holds the novel together. It’s fast. It grabs your attention and the tears begin to flow. It’s all about a tying together of events, and Brad Boney is a master of this. The third quarter of the book has a rising crescendo that grasps you emotionally. Every emotion is tugged at and your heart swells and sinks as the book progresses. Once the book reaches it’s climax and you know how things will end, or at least you think you know, you must continue even though you know the emotional roller coaster is no where near its end. The last couple of chapter, the last quarter of the book, is the second climax that brings things together that you would have never guessed. When you think the book becomes predictable, hold on to your seat. Many classical rondos feature music of a popular or folk character. In the fourth movement of The Return, the central character of most serious gay fiction since the 1980s is also a major character. If you don’t understand, I’m speaking of the AIDS epidemic. As I said though, this is an emotional roller coaster and one that you will not want to get off of.
In the literary history of gay fiction, you have books such as E.M. Forster’s Maurice in which the main character find tragedy and sadness as a punishment for his homosexuality. The same is the case with the heart wrenching Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin. Gay authors were not allowed to publish books with a happy ending. Then came the liberation of gay fiction in the 1970s and happiness could be seen in gay fiction for the first time. But once the AIDS epidemic begins, gay literature takes on a mourning period. There are no more happy endings, only lessons of loss. By the 2000s, there was a return of more cheerful books of gay fiction, romance and mystery. These books were whimsical and fun, but publishers have since largely closed their gay imprints and ebooks and independent publishers have replaced the gay imprints. And finally, those who love gay fiction can find a large supply of books to read. Some of the authors, such as Brad Boney, Amy Lane, Xavier Mayne, LB Greg, JB Sanders, and KC Burn are creating beautiful and emotional love stories, some are even still whimsical such as JB Sanders. Not all of this proliferation of gay literature is readable or even mildly entertaining, but just as with the authors I just mentioned, there are numerous gems to be found.
I mentioned at the beginning that I listened to this book. It was read by the actor Charlie David, who,read both The Nothingness of Ben and The Return. I will admit, that Charlie David is a good reader, but some of this southern pronunciations of names and especially places is off in The Nothingness of Ben. But with The Return, David had found his ability to capture the voices and settings. He adds the emotions and conveys them like no other narrator I have ever heard. There is one scene when Topher is on the plane coming back from NYC and he calls his band mate Peter and cries. Charlie David’s voice breaks, and I cried with Topher. I can’t imagine anyone reading a book with the emotions and savvy of Charlie David. He was perfection in his reading of The Return.
The Return does transcend ordinary possibility and borders on fantasy or science fiction, but it’s a beautiful story and the end will blow you away. You just read this book, and along the way, listen to some of the songs mentioned. It will truly bring the book alive, especially if you aren’t listening to Charlie David read it.
LGBT Youth and the Internet
In a recent study released by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, nearly three times the amount of LGBT youth respondents — and particularly those in rural areas — reported bullying and harassment online, as compared to their non-LGBT peers (42 percent of LGBT youth versus 15 percent of straight, cisgender youth). In addition, LGBT youth were twice as likely to report being harassed via text message.
Billed as the first study to deeply explore the Internet experiences of LGBT youth, Out Online: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Youth on the Internet drew on a national survey of 5,680 students in middle and high school.
Reported effects of bullying included lowered self-esteem, higher likelihood of depression, and lowered grade point averages. But while the Internet exposed respondents to more harassment, users also reported increased peer support, access to health information, and opportunities for civic engagement.
“The Internet does not serve to simply reinforce the negative dynamics found offline regarding bullying and harassment,” said Michelle Ybarra, the president and research director of the Center for Innovative Health Research, in a statement. “Rather, this technology also offers LGBT youth critical tools for coping with these negative experiences.”
The study found LGBT youth nearly twice as likely to research medical information online (81 percent of LGBT youth vs. 46 percent of non-LGBT youth), with transgender youth proving particularly proactive. Half reported having at least one close friend online, as compared to only 19 percent of their non-LGBT peers who said they had at least one close friend online.
This study begs the question? Are LGBT youth worse off because of cyber-bullying or better of more information and easier access to that information? I tend to think LGBT youth are better off because they have greater and easier access of information about sexuality and health. From my experience as a teacher, LGB youth are more accepted by their peers, even those only perceived to be LGB. (I exclude the “T” because, and not to sound insensitive, transsexual youth are not yet as easily understood by the current generation.) It is often socially unacceptable to bully your peers face-to-face; however, we all know that some people can use the internet to be jerks and bully those who they wouldn’t have the courage to bully in person.
Bullying is going to happen. We can try to prevent it in our schools, but we cannot be everywhere all the time. We have to also rely on students to report the problem. I do think most schools do a remarkable job of preventing bullying on campus, but cyber-bullying is something we had a harder time controlling. Kids can use anonymity to cyber-bully, and they can also prevent parents and faculty from monitoring social media by keeping their Twitter, Instagram, Kik and Facebook accounts private and/or secret.
It’s a new generation, a new world, and new technology that makes cyber-bullying possible. We must remain more vigilant in our protection of our youth. At the same time, we should encourage LGBT youth to use the internet in a positive way and to gain greater information about their sexuality. Let the positive aspects of the internet, networking and information, outweigh the negative impact of cyber-bullying.
Great Sadness
On Monday, the same day I posted about my own battles with depression, Robin Williams committed suicide. Williams had been seeking treatment for depression. The Oscar-winning actor for years dealt with bouts of substance abuse and depression and referenced his struggles in his comedy routines. Just last month, Williams announced he was returning to a 12-step treatment program.
The circumstances of the death do not help explain what motivated him, suicide experts said. Understanding that would require a detailed “psychological autopsy” that includes the review of medical and other records, and interviews with family and friends. These experts stressed that suicide rarely is triggered by a single factor, such as depression or substance abuse. Typically there are at least two such influences, often compounded by acute stress, such as from financial hardship or troubled personal relationships.
I think that if you looked at any of Williams’s performances you will see one of the most explosively, exhaustingly, prodigiously verbal comedians who ever lived, yet you would also see an undertone do sadness. Maybe that is 20/20 hindsight, but Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Morning, Vietnam, Patch Adams, and so many others show a troubled man who also used humor to hide what was underneath, a great sadness.
The first “gay” movie I think I ever saw was The Birdcage. It showed men who were gay and were proud to be gay. It showed something that I had never seen before, and it didn’t degrade gay men, just used them as part of the comedy as any other character in the film was used. It’s actually the heterosexuals in the film that become the most ridiculous.
Robin Williams will be greatly missed. I am sorry that depression took someone who made so many people happy.
If the loss of Robin Williams was not tragedy enough, Lauren Bacall, the smoky-voiced movie legend who taught Humphrey Bogart how to whistle in To Have and Have Not, died at the age of 89 yesterday.
Her death was confirmed by Robbert de Klerk, the co-managing partner of the Humphrey Bogart Estate with her son Stephen Bogart. “She passed away peacefully earlier today in New York,” according to family, De Klerk said. Some news sources state that she died of a stroke.
With an insinuating pose and a seductive, throaty voice — her simplest remark sounded like a jungle mating call, one critic said — Ms. Bacall shot to fame in 1944 with her first movie, Howard Hawks’s adaptation of the Ernest Hemingway novel To Have and Have Not, playing opposite Humphrey Bogart, who became her lover on the set and later her husband.
It was a smashing debut sealed with a handful of lines now engraved in Hollywood history.
“You know you don’t have to act with me, Steve,” her character says to Bogart’s in the movie’s most memorable scene. “You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow.”
The film was the first of more than 40 for Ms. Bacall, among them The Big Sleep and Key Largo with Bogart, How to Marry a Millionaire with Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable, the all-star Murder on the Orient Express (1974), each are some of my favorite films. Those that you can see a hundred times and never tire of them.
In 1996, Bacall appeared as the meddling mother to Barbra Streisand in The Mirror Has Two Faces, a role for which she received her only Academy Award nomination as supporting actress.
She was considered a shoo-in to take home the Oscar but lost out to Juliette Binoche for The English Patient.
The actress told The Times in 1998 that she wasn’t bitter.
“The part I had in Barbra’s movie was a terrific part just on its own,” she said. “The opportunity to work with her was great, but you know, the whole thing of awards is a nightmare, I think. It has gotten out of hand. There are too many awards.”
She said she was surprised when she received the prestigious Kennedy Center Honor in 1997, calling it “a very special honor.”
“Listen, I never went into this business thinking of winning anything,” she said. “I went into it because I loved it and I wanted to be good at it. It was a form of expression for me. I love to hide behind characters. So [any recognition] I get is a perk. It’s just an extra. Just the fact that all that happened to me last year, it is — well — fabulous.”
Lauren Bacall and Robin Williams were class acts and their legend will continue. Of you haven’t seen one of their movies in a while, I encourage you to do so. It might just inspire you.
American Boys, Hello!
American Boys, Hello!
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Oh! we love all the French, and we speak in French
As along through France we go.
But the moments to us that are keen and sweet
Are the ones when our khaki boys we meet,
Stalwart and handsome and trim and neat;
And we call to them—“Boys, hello!”
“Hello, American boys,
Luck to you, and life’s best joys!
American boys, hello!”
We couldn’t do that if we were at home—
It never would do, you know!
For there you must wait till you’re told who’s who,
And to meet in the way that nice folks do.
Though you knew his name, and your name he knew—
You never would say “Hello, hello, American boy!”
But here it’s just a joy,
As we pass along in the stranger throng,
To call out, “Boys, hello!”
For each is a brother away from home;
And this we are sure is so,
There’s a lonesome spot in his heart somewhere,
And we want him to feel there are friends
right there
In this foreign land, and so we dare
To call out “Boys, hello!”
“Hello, American boys,
Luck to you, and life’s best joys!
American boys, hello!”
About This Poem
Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote “American Boys, Hello!” while visiting France during the latter stages of World War I as entertainment for the American soldiers stationed there.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox was born in Johnstown, Wisconsin, in 1850. She wrote numerous collections of poetry, including Poems of Reflection (1905). She died in Connecticut in 1919.
In a Funk
As I was sitting in church yesterday, I was trying to follow my own advice and really listen to the lesson in the sermon. My preacher preached on the four levels of love, from lowest to highest: worldly love, selfish love, love of our fellow man, and the highest level of love, the love we have for God. It was a very good message, and I want to share part of it with you over the next several Sundays as I look at the Epistles of John. As I was listening to the sermon though I was thinking how much I love God and how I try to love all of my fellow mankind, but I was also thinking about how often I fail at loving mankind. There are just some people that I have a hard time showing the type of love God wants us to show. My preacher said that we should show kindness to everyone and to put behind us those things that make us not want to love that person. I still find that there are certain people who just make me angry to look at them. I’m gonna try and be better.
The two lowest levels of love, worldly and selfish, are two that I’m not having a hard time resisting right now. I’m kinda mad with the world and not much liking myself at the moment I’m in quite a funk, and this hit me hard during the middle of church, which is why I began by talking about the sermon.
School starts back today, at least for teachers. Students return on Wednesday. Every year, when it’s time for school to start back, whether it was as a student or teacher, I get depressed. When I was in middle and high school as a student, I went through this every Sunday. It wasn’t that I hated school, I loved learning, but I hated the people I had to learn beside. And now, I don’t much like the students I have to teach to, nor some of the people I work with. It’s really not as bad as I make it sound, but at the beginning of the summer, I had such high hopes that I would be moving on to better things. I had put in numerous job applications, only to receive one rejection after the other. For many of those jobs, the funding fell through, and no one was hired. So it was not really a rejection of me, but a major let down. At least I do have a job, I know far too many people who don’t have a job and are looking for one.
The thing is, this sadness and loss of hope that I have been feeling for weeks, just came crashing down on me right in the middle of church. I was thinking, I love God, why can’t I just go and be with him. I’m not afraid to die, and it could just make things simpler. I’m not fond of the world I live in, and I don’t much like myself, so let me be with my greatest love: God. Please don’t think I was contemplating suicide. I won’t allow myself to think that way again, but I was thinking, that maybe it would be best if God just ended this one life, my life.
Truthfully though, it was the sermon I heard today that made me reconsider those thoughts. Those thoughts were selfish, very selfish. The end of my love would only cause an end to my own misery, but what would it do to others. I have a friend that I talk to several times a day through text messages, and I thought he would wonder what happened to me if the messages just suddenly ended and he received no response. He doesn’t need that and I wouldn’t want him to go through that. How would he even know what happened to me? I felt the same way about another friend of mine. We email each other every week, sometimes several times a week. What if the emails just stopped. How would he know what happened? Then there are all those out there who read my blog. Would they wonder why I quit posting? The Closet Professor would have just stopped with no explanation. Then there is my family who would grieve for my loss.
Is it selfish to believe that my death would cause others sorrow? I’m pretty sure it would. I not so sure how great an impact it would have. People would go on with their lives. The thing is I would cause sorrow in at least some people, and I’d hate to know I did that.
This funk will end soon. I’m just feeling anxious and sorry for myself right now. If it doesn’t, and since it has been going on for a week or so now, I’m planning on seeing my doctor and asking him about my antidepressant. Maybe he will either increase the dosage or give me something that might work better. Hopefully, my new exercise and diet plan will also help lift my mood. I’m sure getting back into a regular routine will help.
True Blessedness
As he said these things, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, “Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts at which you nursed!” But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”
Luke 11:27-28
Have you ever heard a sermon that made you want to shout with inspiration? Or how about one that made you weep with conviction?
No doubt many of the people felt this way after hearing Jesus speak on the hillsides. He had a way of bringing in the crowds, and his words were sure to cause a reaction. Some things he said delighted them; other things he said made them scratch their heads in confusion; and still other things he said made them cringe with nervousness or boil with rage. Regardless of the response, it’s unlikely that many people walked away from one of Jesus’ sermons without being greatly impacted.
So it is with some preachers in modern churches. There are some who attract the crowds with passionate performances of tales of doom and devastation. Some soothe the crowds with soft-spoken cadence flowing from a heart full of love and mercy. Others use logic, analysis, charts and diagrams to reason with skeptical crowds. Regardless of the style, there is a reason that people flock to the churches they do. One way or another, people are moved and they keep coming back for more.
In one gathering on a hillside, one member of the congregation was so inspired that she could not contain herself. She stood on the spot and blessed Jesus and the mother that brought him into the world. Maybe if this happened in a modern church, the preacher being blessed would blush with humble thanks. But when Jesus was presented with such praise, he was careful to deflect the credit off himself and turn the compliment around, making it into a challenge — no doubt a challenge that the woman did not expect!
Jesus’ job was to get the message past the ears and into the heart. Its easy to tell the pastor how nice his sermon was or how funny her jokes were; it’s another thing altogether to go home and put into practice what was taught. Most people can’t remember what the sermon was about the week before, much less can they say that they did anything as a result of it. I have to admit, many times I hear a sermon and though I enjoyed listening to it, I can’t tell you what it was about, but I always leave with the message at the heart of the sermon, which to me is the most important part.
Jesus understood that if no one were to take heed to his teachings and obey his words, all his sermons would mean nothing. Regardless of the style with which a sermon is delivered, words are only words until someone decides to take action. That is why Jesus puts less importance on even his own sermon than on the actions of a single person who takes it seriously!
Next time a sermon moves you, remember the point Jesus is making here. Don’t just hear Jesus’ words. Live them! Know that God loves all of us, regardless of our sins and transgressions. God only asks that we love and obey him and to spread His word. I try to do that daily through my actions toward others, and I hope you will as well.
Moment of Zen: Cute Butts
There are few things in this world that can be a true moment of zen like seeing a guy with a cute butt walking in front of you. It doesn’t matter what his face looks like at that point, but when you see that perfect roundness in front of you. As he walks, you see the left cheek then the right bouncing up and down with eat step. I can’t help but me mesmerized at times like that. If you have your phone or camera you might be tempted to take a snapshot, but we all know that pictures rarely do an ass the justice it deserves. I hope you are able to take in a few of these moments of zen in this week.
Zero-to-5K Plan
So a younger cousin of mine has asked me to start a running program with him. God knows, I need to be in better shape. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting on the couch and not enough time being active. I feel a little lumpy. Other than walking all over Six Flags and around Dallas last week, the most exercise I’ve had is walking from the sofa to the fridge and clicking through television channels. I see hot guys at the top of their game on the sports and on gay websites, and it has inspired me to get in shape once again. I’ve let myself go too long. But let’s face it, I’m not in any shape to lace up my shoes and go for a run. If I did, I’d have pains in my side, wouldn’t be able to catch my breath and would barely be able to make it around the block.
I could quit and go back to life as a couch potato, but I don’t want to do that. I’ve also never been motivated enough to work out regularly on my own, so when my cousin suggested we follow the Zero-to-5K Running Plan, I thought it would be a good idea. The nine-week program is designed to enable me to transform my sedentary lifestyle into an active one where I can run for 30 minutes or 5 kilometers (3.1 miles). The plan’s structure is supposed to prevent new runners from giving up and at the same time challenges them to continue moving forward.
We are planning to start on Monday. I may not be able to lose a lot of the weight I want to, but I want to be in better shape. I want to be healthier, and if I get the physical part going then I know I can get the nutritional part of my life under control too.
Have any of my readers put there ever tried one of the Zero-(sometimes called Couch)-to-5K running plans? If you have, I’d love to know your experience. Is there anyone else trying to venture into a healthier lifestyle?
Hopefully, I will be off to the races before I know it.
Some Days…
Some days, I’m just left scratching my head wondering what to write. Today is one of those days. And considering when I sat down to write this post last night, I realized just how late it was. I had a few ideas, such as the running program I am about to start or that I missed the 100th anniversary of the First World War which I had meant to commemorate. I’d have loved to write either of those posts but I simply dint have enough time to do so. Also, I had to go ahead and get some sleep, since I will be running errands with my granny this morning. So, I will try again tomorrow for a better post. Have a great day everyone.
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