Some of you may or may not have noticed this, but I removed a blog from my “Blogs I Like” in the lefthand column. Some of you came to my blog from that blog. Some of you already know why because I’ve seen that you commented on the last post of that blog. The thing is, this person had written a blog as three different people for years. Suddenly yesterday, he told the “truth” that he was a man more than twice the age of the people he pretended to be and that all of it had been a lie. He claimed there were grains of truth, but who the hell really knows at this point. A few weeks ago, the same thing had happened on another blog (not one I read, the one from yesterday I did usually read). The blog from a few weeks ago turned out to be a female author pretending to be a gay man.

Gay romance is filled with women who write under a male pen name. That doesn’t bother me, because mostly it’s an open secret to those who pay attention to the industry. Also, it’s nothing new, women have been using male pen names for centuries. When you’re trying to sell books, it really is about getting published and actually selling the book. That’s an entirely different debate and not the same thing.

If you’ve ever been on a gay dating site, you know that people on the internet lie. That’s one of the thing about the Internet, there have always been and there always will be people who lie and deceive. They will always make excuses for why they do so, but it is still lies and deception. Lies and deceit just hurt other people, and ultimately it will bite you in the ass. I think what hurt the most and angered me about this situation is the memory of my friend who recently died. He had the real issues that this guy described in his blog. He looked up to “these guys” and it gave him hope that things could be better for him. If he had lived, he would have been completely devastated by this. The thing is that I know my friend wasn’t the only person who did identify with that blog, and I’m sure they are now devastated as well.

I sure these blogs I’ve mentioned won’t be the only blogs who reveal they are all lies. I think of all the gay bloggers who are out there and are real. For everyone of these fakes that emerges more people will doubt the validity of others. That’s the saddest part. Because when I say, I’m real, I sure there are people who will doubt that. The truth is that I’m just not creative enough to make all of this up and I’m certainly not cruel enough to do so. When I pour out my emotions on this blog, I do so with my whole heart. Over the course of this blog, I have been devastated by three major losses in my life: my grandmama, my beloved cat Victoria, and my best friend. I’m not even going to count he loss of my job, because that turned out pretty damn well in the end, but the other losses devastated me. You’ve been there when I was happy and excited over other events in my life. There have been many ups and downs, and believe me when I say that I like happy ending and happy stories. If I was making this stuff up, I would never have included the downs. I know the many people who follow me feel my ups and downs. I couldn’t live with myself if I were making this stuff up because I’d know I was allowing people to be hurt over things that weren’t true.

Some of you know my last name (yes, my real first name is Joe, well actually Joseph, but most people just call me Joe). Some of you know where I live, or know my address. If you pay attention, it wouldn’t be terribly hard to figure out where I work. Others have talked to me on the phone, some have even met me in person. Some really long time readers are friends of mine on Facebook. My Facebook, my GoFundMe account, and even the Facebook for where I work, have real pictures of me.

This post wasn’t to convince you that I am real, but to talk about the deceptions of others. I am most certainly real.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

One response to “Blogging

  • jacki perrette

    I don’t think I (so far) have known any of the people who were misrepresenting themselves, but I’ve seen the results. One of my FB friends is taking a time out on FB because she had been a friend – and had been deceived by – one of these people. Now others have accused her of knowing the truth and being part of the deception. She is a tender-hearted person and I hesitate to think how this is effecting her. This is definitely not the first time such a thing has happened. These people who deceive others are charlatans who use fabrication to steal from others. With the easy access to authors they have ridden their coattails and taken advantage of their talents to boost their own careers. I’ve seen authors give editing advice, co-author books and even fall in love with these people. But I have seen it from a distance.

    It would hurt to be friends with someone who was nothing more than a lie. But I don’t think we’ll ever stop people from taking advantage of others. It is humanity at its least humane. 😦 Thankfully, your friend never had to know this.

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