Sonnet: I Thank You

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Sonnet: I Thank You
BY Henry Timrod

I thank you, kind and best beloved friend,
With the same thanks one murmurs to a sister,
When, for some gentle favor, he hath kissed her,
Less for the gifts than for the love you send,
Less for the flowers, than what the flowers convey;
If I, indeed, divine their meaning truly,
And not unto myself ascribe, unduly,
Things which you neither meant nor wished to say,
Oh! tell me, is the hope then all misplaced?
And am I flattered by my own affection?
But in your beauteous gift, methought I traced
Something above a short-lived predilection,
And which, for that I know no dearer name,
I designate as love, without love’s flame.

These last two weeks have been some of the most heart wrenching of my life. I finally stopped crying constantly, but I’ve now moved on the random panic attacks. Someone will mention something that reminds me of my friends and my emotions come crashing down on me. While I can often hide my panics, I feel completely on the verge of tears. I don’t know what will trigger them, but someone will mention something that is innocuous, but it brings back strong memories of my friend. I know that this too will get better. I’ve never experienced such grief when I have been so alone.

However, with your comments and emails showing your love, support and friendship, I don’t feel as lonely. All of you have been a lifesaver these past two weeks. You’ve shown what beloved friends you really are. Your gestures have meant so much to me, because I know it’s the love you send and the meaning that it conveys. This poem conveys much of my thank for all you’ve done, but it can’t come close to how thankful I really am. While I’m not out of the deep dark hole of despair, you have helped me to begin pulling myself up again.

Thank you all for also being patient with me and offering your kind words. I answered some of your emails yesterday but I haven’t answered any of the comments many of you left on my posts these past two weeks. Some of them are written so beautifully that I don’t want to mare them with responses that would never fully be able to convey the gratitude that I feel. I hope that the above poem will at least begin to let you know how thankful I am.

About Joe

I began my life in the South and for five years lived as a closeted teacher, but am now making a new life for myself as an oral historian in New England. I think my life will work out the way it was always meant to be. That doesn't mean there won't be ups and downs; that's all part of life. It means I just have to be patient. I feel like October 7, 2015 is my new birthday. It's a beginning filled with great hope. It's a second chance to live my life…not anyone else's. My profile picture is "David and Me," 2001 painting by artist Steve Walker. It happens to be one of my favorite modern gay art pieces. View all posts by Joe

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